annalise23

So how do you feel. Do you want to make it work and give it another go? Or are you happy to continue the break up and you are just feeling sad and missing him? i have been talking to a wonderdul girl on here who has really helped me. He wont change.

You are trying to make excuses and find reasons to go back. Its understandable. But just remember nothing will change. He is 46? I think i read? He is set in his ways. Soif you can handle more of the same, then give it a go. But be prepared for a rocky ride.

Hi Luv I miss him too. But I think I miss having someone there in my life. You have to do whats right for you. But be aware that your brain is making you doubt yourself, I keep doing it too. I blame myself, I think 'if only i hadnt said that' But its normal to have the 'one last chance' I constantly think that! But its becasue you are in pain.

Kiama You need to start getting tough. This guy KICKED YOU for goodness sake. Becasue he ended it, you are feeling rejected. That is perfectly normal. If you cant eat (I understand that) just try small things, like a banana etc just to give you a bit of energy. Plus if you dont eat/sleep everything feels worse becasue you are tired. You really have to start snapping out of it. You deserve better. Stop making excuses for his actions. Try and stay strong, keep busy. Keep posting on here to make you feel better. You will be ok. It will take time. Start worrying about you and not worrying about him

Just read what you wrote Badja, I too am enperiencing the madness! I keep getting messages, emails, flowers, all kinds of promises to make this work. Now we are over. Where was this before? He says its because he see now what has been ripped from him, that he now knows how much he loves me... It is hard. He has even said he would go to counseling. All this effort. I am worried that if i go back, it will be bliss but then ultimately go back to how it has been. As much as he says its changed. How do you feel about her now she is making that extra effort now?

Hey luv how you doing? Its understandable that you feel bad for him, but unfortunately it is not your fault he is that way. Why should you suffer as a consequence? You feel bad because you miss him, you care about him. But what about yourself? Because you are over the anger you feel towards him and missing him, you are forgetting all the bad things and making excuses for behavior. Stay strong! If you want to work it out with him, then you must make sure that you go in with eyes wide open. Expect that this will happen again, it will fall into the same routine over and over, as much as you tell yourself this time will be different! It will be a rollercoaster but it is ultimately your decision. I hope you make the right choice hun!! Kep me posted I am doing well had a nice evening. I think im tired of thinking which is why im

If you dont trust him then thats a big problem. I didnt trust mine after the lies and often it would tear me apart with worry. WHats the point?! He didnt even care he had made me feel that way. You can do better! everyone has nice sides and does nice things. but if the bad outweighs the good. Time to go.

NOOOOOO you are having a moment of weakness and it is to be expected. It happens and post on here so we can tell you to stay strong and remember all the stuff he has done. Sure he will have done nice things to show he loved you. You wouldnt have stuck around for as long. But what about the times he has shown you he doesnt!! Re read what you put, if your child came home and told you about this guy, what would you say? Sure keep dating him or run run run?! You are not the only one who feels the sappy way! I do. But you have to get up, keep telling yourself its for the best. It wont change, your relationship is so used to it now, the fighting, everything. It will be bliss for a week or so and mark my words it will slowly go back to the way it was. And it will just keep getting harder and harder.

Hey Luv OK you cleared the air but be careful that you dont go back to him becasue it is th easiest option than facing the pain of the break up. Remember all you posted. Re read it. I did and it helped. Go to link removed and the section on identifying losers in the relationship. Thankfully someone showed me this and wow! It does help! Keep strong. Im doing ok. I think im getting sick of feeling tired and upset and angry. Im starting to not think about it all now. Al i know is i am doing the right thing and i will come out the other side happier. No matter what his past is or whatever, I didnt deserve the way i was treated. I couldnt talk to him. He would get so defensive. This wouldnt change. He can try and promise, but he has done before. Its always twisted onto me and im made to feel guilty. Not any more. Stay strong!!

Thanks! Feeling better. Been out today and im out tonight, he did email to say his 'issues' were to do with his ex. Now im mad becasue i have felt so guilty thinking it was something terrible that had happened. Obviously not!!! So if anything im better off as he is not over her. Glad you had a nice night, we do miss them but we will move on. And other guys chatting you up is a bonus. See there are some out there who want us! All these games they play. Please. I hav cried so much it hurts. I felt guilty for not giving it another go. I thought he had some serious issues with his past. Nope just his ex! Its probably better now i dont have to feel guilty and I can laugh at myself for doing so

Thank you thank you!! I will pm you and let you know how im doing. I am going through with the break up, I just hope it isnt 100 times harder by his gestures. I have stopped crying and even feel a little better. The sick feeling is fading! Thanks to you

The NC thing is a must now, as i do ok until i hear off him and commuincate. I just want to be abe to get on with it, not have him tell me all these things about how hes sorrry and how he will change. It is nice to see someone who has been in this situation and come out the other side!

I have even bee considering that. I have just been reading that article the bit about the break up panic really hit home. I have never experienced a break up like this, it is so intense! I have told him no more contact, thanks for the gestures but it cant be anymore. He has said ok so fingers crossed he means it. Otherwise I will have to start getting tougher and start spelling it out to him a little stronger. I just want to stop feeling guilty, feeling like Im giving up on him, which is all he has experienced all his life. I have tried and tried. I am worn out! My mum is taking me out in a minute to a theme park to keep me occupied and at least help me smile! Thanks for your advice and for that site, it is really good!

Should i feel guilty for not helping him, listening to his issues?

Thanks I will reade that article! I think whats eating me up most is guilt. That I should be trying to help him and listen to what his issues are from the past. But I keep drumming it into my head 'it makes no difference, he wont change. Not for a long time anyway' He is 33. I think at that age change is going to take alot of work!!! He is set in his ways. He has even told me that. Last time i got promise note, which again said all these promises as to how he would treat me. That was about 6 weeks ago. And here i am again. Its funny because when write on here I say it exactly as it is. But when im talking in my head (not in an insane way, but my own thoughts) I make excuses and try to find away to work it out with him. Writing it down is much easier!!

THAT is a good point, why treat me bad then win me back with all these presents. He needs to work on himself. If i went back it would be out of guilt. And his issues will still be there, only i will know about them. And then if we argue it will be his defense when he says and does nasty things. If anything me knowing would make the situation worse? Because I would be mean if i fought with him knowing he is like he is. Make sense? If I know why he is so defensive and angry, then great. But what would change? Nothing. Except i would start making more excuses for his behavior. As i keep doing now. thanks for the advice it has helped me!!!

Thank you I feel sick and upset. He says he has soemthing he wished he would have told me that would make me understand why is he is like he is. But ven if he does tell me, it wont change the way is he towards me. I think it will take him a long time to sort himself out and he should probably do it single.

He has told me there is a reason he is like he is. He wants to work on it. I have heard it before. I want to just run to him and help him. But i cant. i have done so many times. Nothing changes. he always wants one more chance. Im hurting so much. i cant go back, its not the right thing for me, or him. He can do all these gestures now, but why not before. When in the relationship? I just need reassuring to follow my initial feeling instead of being weighed down with guilt becasue of the nice things he is doing now.

He has bought me a puppy too. For his house but he knows how much i want one. Even sent me a song 'its not over' THIS IS KILLING ME! Im doing the right thing, im doing the right thing. It would all go back to the way it has been. He has had chance after chance and only makes this effort when i am walking away. H cant change. Even his card told you that, he has issues that makes him the way he is. So it will happen over and over til he gets help. YOu cant help him. He has to help himself

Hi I feel so I broke it off with my boyf on wednesday. Its a long story, but mainly we argue a lot and he has some issues from his past which makes him very argumentative. I really believed (and kind of still do) that this is the best thing to do. However since yesterday, I have been bombarded with texts messages (all saying wonderful thoughtful things) and finally last night i came home to flowers and a card where he poured himself out more. He has also bought a puppy, as he knew I really wanted one. So, as a result it has sent my head and heart on a rollercoaster!! Its so hard. How do you push someone away when they are doing this? I have to though, as the relationship was not good. It is now we are broken up he is saying all the right things. This cycle of breaking up and getting back is all we have done and it kills me more and moe each time. He wants one more chance. There have been a few chances now in 6 months. Surely enough is enough. As much as he does these nice things, how on earth can they change this man. Next week will be the same, argue fight break up. Its all i have known with him. I guess I just need reassurance its the right thing, to give in to the pain is too easy now. Im so if he was not doing all this effort now, i would be ok.

Well here is an update! Its 1.30am. I came home at 11pm. I left his stuff out back like he asked. It was still there when i returned. About 10mins later i hear his truck so i hide in my room! (i just couldnt face seeing him) he leaves me a bunch of flowers and a card, which was incredibly sweet and he really opened up in it. Naturally it upset me. I know im doing the right thing, but have him do these things make its 100000000000 times harder. Why couldnt he do this in the relationship? Why when its pushed repeatedly to breaking point?!! I have just sent him an essay email. In it was just my thoughts on the relationship (I did not blame him for it all, I tried to be nice) and told him that i saw no future for us. All we do it argue adn break up and it is a cycle impossible to break. I asked him not to get in touch now, that it is breaking my heart. Because its killing me!! Oh i had such a nice evening, i was ok and happy and now im wide awak stressing that i am making a mistake. He is being so so nice. My dad (in the job he does) has much experience and tells me that he sees nothing but more of the same. He always comes out with these big gestures too late, when he is pushed into a corner. He says he would bet big $ if i got back with him that within 2 months i would be in the same situation. And i know its true. Its not as if this is a one off tiff. This is fight number 10000!!! And its not healthy and will only get worse. Ladies what do we think? I feel so harsh and cruel. He did all these gestures and im basically saying go away!! But i am calm now and can even feel part of me saying its the right thing. He should have made this effort in the relationship If we got back, he would think he can always do this, bring me some flowers and write me nice things. And ill cave. I am thinking of my future. I want to be happy ! and not arguing weekly! So how did your evenings go? Any contact from your exs?!

Doing much better now thanks!! Going out to take my mind off it. Im actually fed up of thinking about it. I love what you all wrote, it is so true. I just dont even think he means what he says. Its rejection talking. He doesnt like that i have told him where to go. How can he go from couldnt care less to love you to death?!!? Makes NO sense to me! It shouldnt take something like this for him to tell me his feelings and to respect mine. If i go back, it will all happen again. Please one more chance! That will be chance 4. How many do you give?! Imthat girl, have you replied? Luv - anymore calls? Keep strong we can do it! Just hope you dont get the soul destroying messages declaring themselves to you. Make you feel But off out i go. I have to! Going to a theme park tomorrow to keep busy. Thats the key now. I can do this. WE ALL CAN!! Have a nice evening ladies, your words have helped me so so much!!!!

Im back to square 1. My ex is texting me gestures that would make anyone crumble. Its so hard. I have to think with my head not my heart. Its incredibly tough. Why is he saying them now, not when it mattered!! I have heard these promises before, and it always ended the same way. Why would this time be any different?

Yes you are right he is not serious. How can he go from 'i couldnt care less' to all these gestures. Fair enough if it was the first time, but i have heard it before. Its just mind games. I really dont see how this time would be any different. It would just get worse. I keep thinking to how he was on tues night, cold and not bothered. Then wed he left me a voicemail still all angry saying he wanted a break. All becasue i told him i knew he had been ringing his ex (i knew in jan and didnt say anything til now) Fair enough, i should have said something in jan, but i didnt want another row. I mentioned it now as to show him why i didnt trust him. He accuses me of throwing the past in his face. I never even did. I let things go all the time. All i wanted was a little reassurance 'i know its hard for you to trust me but you can. Its you im with and you i love... blah blah' This is what he should have been doing then. Instead he waits til now!!!! I tell ya, its taking all my energy not to give in and go back.BUt i dont trust him. And he 'couldnt care less' or at least thats what he said. Now suddenly he does. Because i ended it. He feels rejected.

no not talking to him!! not had any more messages. phew just talking to my dad about it. he is getting angry as he says he is messing with my head. which he is! Why didnt he say all this tues? Why now. thats all i keep saying to myself. 3 days later. Too late. Its he is saying it, but is should have been on tues when it mattered. When i was insecure over his lying. he should have made me feel special then, not now.