annalise23

luv I hope your heater worked!! Well im off to try and sleep. I really hope i manage to get a good nights sleep. Ill talk to you all in the morning! Lets stay strong!!!

My ex used to do the same thing!! One night I went outside aand found my pajama bottoms attached to my wingmirror!! Made me laugh and feel anger. Another time it was some chocolate i bought him as i gift just sitting there on the drive way. Pathetic!! I luckily went out this evening to avoid sitting in and feel low. Feel better but at stages id feel upset but still adamant im doing the right thing. Im starting to slowly not think about the good times (few and far between and always at the beggining of the relationship!!) and remembering the bad. The lies, the way i was made to feel if i even so much as breathed a word of how he made e feel. How dare I!! Its going to take time i guess to stop feeling like an emotional rollercoaster. Just keep telling myself what will happen if i go back for a quick fix to take away the pain now. It will all start again in 1 month, 1 week... They cant change.

I have gone through the angry stage, crying stage, i soooo cant wait for the 'i dont give a crap' stage!!! Stay strong ladies, lets keep posting. I know it helps me so much!

Its so funny because he was married for 9 months and has had so many relationships, all lasting around 6-9months. He has done the same thing to each one. I thought i could cope and even 'change' him! ha I think we do need to start a club!! I'm that girl, I so often tried to picture my future and every time I saw the same thing. Nightmare If I go back with him, ultimately I will become a mose who does not speak when upset or hurt. I will allow him to treat me how he wants through fear of yet another argument or him leaving. Anytime I spoke my mind it resulted in heated out of control argument. And most of the time I would approach it calm and say 'hunny, please dont talk about your ex girlfriend all the time. I know you have a past but i would prefer not to hear it. Not wanting to cause a fight here, but please respect my feelings' Then he lost it. Had a huge row. I really cant see what else i could have done to prevent this argument!??!? This is one of thousands of arguments. I have to keep writing them down to remind myself how bad it was.

Its making me laugh how similar our situations are. Last time this happened and we split, I got a 'promise note'. he promised all these things and oops! 2 months later he breaks them. Ask yourself this, if you fall back into the relationship, will things change?? I know when we are arguing, at the time my head is saying 'walk away, run' but right now im upset and running back to him is the easier option. For now. Until next week when something else happens and we have a big row! Honestly it is hard I get all the charming and all that. But its too late!! Where is all this when we are together/? Why wait til he thinks he has lost me? Tell yourself the same. Try keep busy. It is hard and time is a healer. You know all the cliches! But just picture your life in 10yrs time from now. If you are with him, what do you see? Happiness? Or the same old stuff, different day and no doubt worse as time has gone on? Or a new life one with someone who truly deserves you and treat you right all the time, in the relationship, not when you have sent them packing? I hope I take my own advice adn stay strong!!

Wow luvmykids, I feel like our situations are almost identical- we even share the same birthday! I ended it yesterday (probably our millionth break up) however this time, I mean it. For the past few weeks I just got so fed up and tired of it all. Its when he starts texting, emailing and showing up at my door that makes it 10 times harder. I really hope he doesnt contact me. And if he does I have to be so so strong as I cannot go back. Its so hard but I keep focusing ont he light at the end of the tunnel and have to remind myself it will be worth it in the long run. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in this situation? NO!!

Oh for some reason I didnt think you had broken up yet, you were just fed up! Ahhhh. I think it can be worse when you break up and they come back with all these nice words and promises. I had it all in january and i gave it another go. And here I am again, back to square one with the same problems. So yes it is definitely time to get out of the relationship for good. I have to now. I cant keep going over the same stuff and issues, have him promise to not do it again, then bam! It starts over again. Its hard when i get the nice 'im so sorry i love you' speech. Luckily i have not had one since yesterday afternoon, and if i get one I really dont know how to respond. Sounds like a good plan taking some time out to think about what you want without regretting anything by being hasty. Try and keep the contact minimal as it will defeat the point of trying to clear your head and work out what you want. Keep me posted on how its going!

I was actually only with him for 6 months, and we broke up on average once a month. Bet you cant understand why I would be so upset! I certainly cant! It sounds to me like a similar situation, the trust in your relationship is clearly strained, most of what you say about recent actions is 'you think' and wouldnt be surprised if she went behind your back. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Even a year or two? Once the trust has gone its hard to get it back and it takes effort. Are you truly happy with this girl and do you want it to work out? Its funny about her not trusting you, you are spot on with the guilt thing!!! Have you tried to talk to her about your feelings? Thanks for the chats Badja, helps a lot to be able to rant on here! I hope the emotions settle soon, and i guess they will. Fed up of going from angry to upset to numb. Nightmare!!

Thanks for the caveat post ill go have a look!! I am 24 and he is 33. He talked about marriage, kids the full family unit. Yet at the same time, would be calling his ex, telling other girls how sexy they were, giving his address to them! Please, hardly the right attitude for someone who wants to get married! It is bizarre how people can say all these nice things, yet do things that show the opposite. I too love this guy, but im at the end of my tether, and to top off all this rubbish i put up with, he wont even respect my feelings and offer a little reassurance. Getting into the angry stage..! How long have you been with this girl? Have you spoke with her about what her actions have done to you.?

It is tough. When my boyfriend was lying to me and chatting up these girls, i forgave him and listened to him when he said he wouldnt do it again. But when i had suspicions he may have been doing yet another similar thing, and i confronted him, he did not like me even mentioning my feelings and that his actions in the past, although forgiven, had made me query what he was upto now. I did it in a calm way, wanted to talk about how it made me feel. But that was not acceptable and the next thing I knew we were having our millionth argument! I think as a couple you should be able to talk openly about feelings. I believe I wasnt expecting too much , and that i was not throwing it in has face, but wanting reassurance. If it wasnt on his terms then he didnt want to know. Im writing this i guess to remind myself i did the right thing, as sometimes I doubt myself and think i overreacted. But along with all the arguments, something had to give. If you cant even communicate with the one you love when they are wanting reassurance over something you did, then there is something wrong! Badja I like your attitude about how she never realized what a good thing she had, keep it up! I forgave him and well I couldnt just forget. There was always lingering doubts in the back of mind. And when i tried to talk about it, I was 'throwing it in his face' I hope you work out what you want, whether a clean break or work out your relationship.

Being nasty like that is a degree of passion - even if it is in the form of anger. It shows he is still emotionally connected to you. My ex used to be nasty to me, and he once told me it was because he was so upset inside, he wanted to make me as upset as him. If he wants to be a jerk, thats his problem. Count yourself lucky you no longer have to put up with it as his girlfriend.

Wow thanks for the advice pearlylove and blender. I just had a big cry for the past hour and feel a bit better because of it. I am definitely not getting in touch with him, its too painful right now and think some time apart will ease the pain. Staying in touch will just make this pain worse, and ultimately I would see myself going back, and being in the same situation a few weeks/months down the line. As hard as it is I have to do this, we have tried so many times to make it work and it clearly isnt. I don't trust him like i should and he is unable to understand that. He thinks the past is the past, and whilst i agree, sometimes I am going to want a little reassurance. Fair enough if i threw the past in his face all the time. But i did it once. And because he didnt like it, we were not even able to discuss it in a civil manner. You are so not alone pearlylove. I am constantly changing from strong and ok to crying and feeling like the world is ending. But like Blender says, its because of the fear of change. Ill keep posting on here please, it really helps. My dad has been a rock too, thank goodness for family. And ENA!

Day 2 well its been so hard since we split yesterday. I feel like I have lost an arm. I am in constant pain. One min I think its the right thing, the next I just want to see him and cuddle and forget it all. Its so hard

Well its been alomst 24hrs since we split. And i feel sick, barely slept. Im tired and i miss him so much. one minute im ok and think its the right thing, then im all upset missing him and just want him to come and give me a cuddle. Im sick of crying. Im taking this really hard and yet it was my decision. I dont have many friends as i moved and think it isnt helping to feel alone and have no plans to keep busy.

Hey Well its nearly 12.30am and I feel awful. The urge to just say lets work it out is getting stronger and strongeR. I hate feeling like this. Wish i could fast forward a week or two. argh!

DITTO!!!!!!

Thanks Eva Its funny because you know deep down its right, but I just need the reassurance!

Pearlylove Throwing yourself in the gutter because of a guy is not the way to go! Guys come and go, and just becasue this guy didnt appreciate all your good qualitites, thats his lost. Some guy out there will think the world of you, love you for all your qualties. It just takes time. Heatbreak hurts like hell, but it makes you stronger and you will be ok!! Keep busy! Do things you enjoy and keep your mind occupied. Talk on here too, everyone is here to help.

Thanks for the hug Eva: Gina!

Gosh is it normal to keep breaking down? One min im fine, the next Im in tears thinking i have made a huge mistake!! Deep down i know the fighting was getting too much and wasnt going to change. But i feel so HDD Thanks for your input. He did recently sit me down and declare his feelings , said all these nice things and we were making a go of it. But then i suspected him lying again, and well he didnt like me even suggesting it. I told him it was a result of the past, but he thought i was out of line. These lies only came out recently, and although i forgave them, I didnt forget. I guess its going to be a tough few weeks. He sends me messages all the time saying nice things and its hard not to go back.

Day one here goes...

Hi everyone guess im just typing to clear my chest or something. I ended things with my boyfriend this morning, and have had a horribe day. We fight all the time (all the time!!) and it just started wearing me down. I have trust issues with him, as recently i have found him lying to me. I caught him talking to other girls on myspace (flirting mainly, although he gave his address out to one girl) its a long story how i found out, but i didnt break into his account or anything! then he lied to me about his ex, he had been phoning her and lying about it. anyway we worked through these issues, but it left a bad taste in my mouth. I suspected he lied to me about going out and wel over reacted by thinking he was lying. i apologized and explained that this is the first time since finding ot all the lies that i didnt trust him. He was not happy. said i was out of order for throwing the past in his face. This was the first time i had ever doubted him since the lies and i did apologize but also sasid that i wasnt some crazy person, it was a result of his actions. We had a huge row and he basicaly said he couldnt care less that i dont trust him as that is my problem. I feel this is not fair at all. If i had done something to make him not trust me, i would be ressuring. He said he wasnt going to kiss my * * *. I never asked him too. I believe you earn trust! All i wanted was for him to be kind and caring and understanding. Instead he went cold, and ended up leaving in the middle of the night. When i woke up he had left me a voicemail saying we needed a long break as he was so mad at me throwing the past in his face. At this point, i had had enough. i was so upset. I had 'thrown it in his face once' and i apologized. So i told him a break is no good and that a break up is now needed. It has been a long time coming, and although a little relieved i feel bad. He text me apologizing saying how stupid he had been. How he has had a tough life and he gets ver defensive really easily. Well i guess i just wanted some opinions. I spoke with my dad and he gave me some very good advice. This guy wont change. he is very argumentitive and i have never argued with someone so much in all my life!!! feel better already for writing this down!

thanks for your words, im glad im not the only one up so late! and to think i wanted an early night..! Its been a long week but after tonight im sure it will just help me to move on. I wish i could post all the emails i just received!! Quite a shock i must say!

Shaker: I hope so. I had gone almost a week NC and annoyed at myself for answering his call. He had been texting me as well and I hadnt replied. So i felt a little mean just ignoring him. I have seen his true colors, I am still amazed at the language and the things he said. WOW!! If anything I will be able to move on a lot quicker than expected!! Thank you, so glad someone else is up at this hour!!

Thanks Ive gone from anger to upset now. Ill remember that 3 f's!! can you believe he is 10years older than me? Very mature...!