madcar52

I'll share with you what someone shared with me...let it go. It hurts, it's frustrating..but if they don't want to discuss the real reason why he is avoiding you, you can't make him and I actually think by trying too hard to mend it, it makes it even weirder because it's those exact kind of confrontations that make them uncomfortable in the first place.

I see what you mean about coming accross as cocky...I like the advice of sticking to asking her to stop her behaviour. Hopefully she doesn't find your assertiveness attractive!

Is your main issue her number of partners or the fact she portrayed herself to you as innocent in some of the details she has shared with you before, leading you to believe she was one way one and now you are questioning whether or not she is really the girls you like so much? (holy run on) It's easy to read in to things too much Appreciate her honesty with you and keep communicating. It is only when we disclose what we are really like that people can be genuinely drawn to us or not so drawn to us..and that takes time. She may have said those things to impress you early on in your relationship...or maybe she is ashamed of some of the things she choose to do in the past, telling you she hates it when...who knows. Like I said, don't read in to it too much...keep getting to know eachother and enjoy your new relationship. Which should be based on the here and now and not anything from the past...unless of course she is a convicted felon...that may have relevance

i am hopelessly romantic and do believe in soulmates..and love at first sight and all that gushy stuff. I am lucky enough to be with mine. It's that feeling of connectedness, a bond that runs deep...when words are not needed. It's different for everyone how they play it out...sappy factor, ya know. But I like to think that they exist..an undeniable connection with that special someone that as you can see from my post...is not easily described!

The first time I laid eyes on my perfect man...I was 17 years old...I saw him and said to my girlfriend I was going to marry him...no I didn't stalk him:0) We were friends in HS and now have been together 10 years. I believe in love at first sight...I am such a romantic!

I would think saying how you feel firmly is showing that you have a great deal of confidence in yourself to let people know when they have overstepped your boundaries. How would that ruin your rep?

My first reaction would be to sell the car for the most money. Not because I am greedy:0) When you said some of his situation was self imposed...I couldn't help but feel resentful if I took a loss to someone who maybe doesn't really appreciate the kindess I am showing him or worse...is pitching me an idea becasue he figures it's an opportunity knowing he can make his money back and then some once it's repaired (he's in the car repair business, he knows what the car is worth)...at this point he should be thinking only of his daughter and baby on the way. Children especailly should not feel responsible for their parents well being. She made a commitment to her father...but why...was it out of guilt to help him out?? Just a thought..I've been there myself, that's why I am putting it out there...and no doubt thinking very negatively about her fathers motives.

Hi soni, I do the exact same thing...over anaylze everything trying to understand...recently it has really begun to bother me because it holds me back from what I really want to do or say. I spend so much time trying to get it just right in my head...which of course never comes! Here's some thoughts I have had...maybe you will find they hit a chord with you...I tend to have a need to control a situation..outcome. I can not consciously tell you it's because I am afraid of failing...but maybe. What I have figured out that all this thinking leaves me feelings drained...and frustrated with myself. After much thought I don't really think it's a confidence thing for me so much as need to know how things are going to work out....will I get hurt or not. And always questioning people's intentions..ya know. I read in to everything!!!! Just this past week, I have decided to really try and change my thought patterns. Everyday I actually say out load to myself STOP when my mind goes into hight gear...I focus more on other people then thinking about myself and my own thoughts. It's only been about a week...but I find it's helping. Being aware of what your feeling and writing it here is for sure a good first step to figuring it out and changing things up so you feel better about yourself. I've found that finding this site has helped, and I don't feel so silly...there is a lot of comfort in knowing that others out there feel/think the exact same way. Keep posting and reading...it's like free therapy in the comfort of your own home

I ditto the above points...focus on the things you love. Why not try posting that list...I made 3 lists recently...things I hate about you, things I wish for...and things I love....the things I love are the things I already have..and coincidentally it was the longest of the 3 when I was really being honest with what makes me smile...and I mean I wrote eveything...right down to I love the way way my hair smells when I use really good shampoo! It won't change the way you feel overnight...but it definitely gives you a boost and helps give you some focus on more positive things.

This board is amazing...I just found it yesterday and can't stop reading through all the posts. You are all an amazing bunch of insightful people! Great article BTW..loved it!

That really hits home for me...I am guilty of that exact thing. For whatever reason I found myself at my wits end and like out of nowhere this week has been an entire series of AHA moments...

Your advise is much needed...thank you. I think I spent more time on giving advise or telling them how I perceived them and there actions...probably coming accross as pointing the finger or telling them what to do. Oh and of course not accepting any responsibility for what I may have done to affect the relationship..beyond "i know I am not perfect"..which is quickly followed by..."but you..." The problem is that I can be a bit of a control freak..which I might add is something only this week I have actually been willing to look at seriously. Although I feel like I am being helpful...I can see how it can be taken as intrusive..no doubt adding to strains in a relationainship. I have a lot of trouble not controlling a situaiton...needing to guide it in a direction that will make me feel comfortable...I don't know where this comes from. My guess is the more I think about it they probably don't want to say what's on their mind as they know I'll just discount it (totally not intentionally..I do care about them). I get frustrated when things don't turn out the way I hoped them to. I have only come to this relaization this week...and it's a bit hard for me to swallow...to realize that all this time when I thought I had all the answers for someone else and was doing the right thing is in fact getting the exact opposite desired result. I was in fact being perceived as a yeah...whatever! This need to "control" obviously makes me feel dissappointed a lot of the times because people have not lived up to my expectations of what I think is the "right" way. I have a long way to go..changing habits and learnig about yourself is no easy task...I'd like to get away from being so dramatic with my loved ones until I can curb this and be a better communicator...that's why I signed up here..so I can learn to and have you guys help me with some advice...it's hard for my loved ones and friends to dish it up raw I am sure...but I got to hear it from somewhere to start having the relationships I want. For the record I am not some crazy control freak that tells my husband what to wear...it's more around situations that affect me..it's like I need ot protect myself from something..but I don't know what! Even here my 2 cents is more like a bag of coins...I gotta learn to say things in a much shorter way! thanks guys xo

I figure I'll throw something out there into cyber space to see if I can get some info I think might help at this point. I am frustrated with just about every person in my life right now...I know, it must be me. The problem is I kind of know what about me it is, but at another level I don't understand. People ask me for advise I give it and sometimes they get awkward and avoid calling or emailing, etc...I give what I feel is loving advise, I am polite, I don't attack, and by no means it is intended to be taken as I KNOW BEST, DO WHAT I SAY...it's just an opinion...take it or leave it. If something clicks with you great , if it doesn't whatever. Why are people so afraid of confronting feelings...and why do people have such a hard time dealing with peole who can talk about feelings? I analyze alot of things...maybe I am too sensitive. I don't know...what I do know is I am feeling very frustrated with relationships in my life and I don't know what to do about it. any advice???