kittysaysmeow

I think occupying your time is key here. I know it's hard to but maybe joining an activity, going to the gym, taking up a hobby...would help you get your mind off things. I also think talking to someone would help. Even if it's a close friend. I would also suggest limiting your contact with the other person. It's only making you think of them more. I know it's hard but a year is a long time to be suffering.

I'm not suggesting that he has to be a jerk or that he's a doormat. I'm merely suggesting that he become more outgoing and try new things. Obviously the online thing isn't working for him and the type of women he chooses are wrong for him. You can be yourself but explore out of your comfort zone in order to find someone compatible. That's not changing who you are.

I understand. This happened to me 5 months ago and I'm still grieving. If it's been a year then maybe you haven't really grieved and let it go. Everyone keeps telling me to do what you would do when you break up with someone. Cry it out, keep yourself busy, try new things....basically do anything and everything to occupy your time. So far it's been working for me. If that hasn't worked then maybe talking to someone might help. I've also been working with a counsellor and she's been awesome. She puts thing into perspective and helps me deal with feelings and thoughts about him.

My ex would do the same. His ex-gf looked like me, we studied the same thing in school, even had the same background. It was so bizarre. And he would always talk about her and how she broke up with him. I was unable to see that he was doing that because he never got over his previous relationship. He always compared me...physically, sexually, emotionally...it didn't matter, his ex was on his mind not me. Talk to her and tell her you don't appreciate it. I would also ask her if she's really over him. If she is then tell her that you don't like being compared. If it doesn't change then maybe you should move on. Who wants to be compared to an ex constantly?

I completely understand. When I decided which person I wanted to be with I still felt sad. It was like I was grieving the end of the other relationship. It was pretty rough for me for awhile, but it was the best thing in the end. I missed the other person so much. I still do. I think I'll always wonder if I made the right choice.

First of all, I met my boyfriend online and we've been together for over a year so you can find someone that way. That said, I met a lot of jerks before I found him. Secondly, why not join a club or sport to meet people? It's way better than a bar and you get to meet people that share similar interests as you! And, maybe you're "too" nice. It's sad to say but "nice guy" usually equates "doormat". Be yourself but don't let people walk all over you. Join a new activity and try to meet people there or get some of your friends to set you up. Hope this helps.

I have been in love with two people at the same time, but I would say that it was two different kinds of love. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but I loved them both equally but in different ways.

Time apart is not necessarily a bad thing. If both of you realize that you want to make it work then your relationship will be better for it. If she realizes that she needs to be without you...isn't that for the best in the long run? You don't want to be with someone that doesn't want you. If she wants to give it another try make sure you spice it up a bit. Go out. Have some fun. You're young! Try to keep busy until finals are over. I know it's hard but give her some space. I'm sure she appreciates it.

I think it depends on two things: 1) Was the person exposed to it as a child (i.e. did mom or dad cheat?); 2) Was the person NEVER exposed to it growing up. The first one is when I would say that he/she would cheat again. You do what you learn. If dad or mom cheated and the child knew about it then the person might cheat again. It's kind of like alcohol. If your mom or dad drank a lot, then you either a) will drink too or b) not drink at all or socially (or know how to watch yourself). The second one is less likely to cheat again because he or she wasn't exposed to it. That said, I really think it depends on the person. I've cheated before...more than once. I know in my mind that it's wrong and I don't want to hurt people but I did it anyway. Will I do it again? I don't know. I hope not. I'm trying to become a better person and learn from experience. And, just because the person you're dating hasn't cheated before doesn't mean they won't cheat in the future. When you're in a relationship you always take a risk.

Hi! I think that almost every woman I know says that she doesn't like something about herself. It could be weight, her nose, her stomach...and I'm one of them. It's all about feeling insecure and not good about yourself. I always say stuff like "i feel fat today" and "am I fat?" and it drives my boyfriend crazy. So, in order to stop this he has stopped commenting on it. If I ask him "do I look fat?" he ignores it. By doing this, I'm forced to stop asking. That's the first step. It doesn't matter how many times you tell her that she's beautiful, she won't believe you because she doesn't think that about herself. She needs to start replacing negative statements with positive ones. Instead of "i'm fat" it should be "i'm hot" or "i'm smart" or "i'm a great person". Even if she doesn't believe it...it's about faking until it's true! Hope this helps...

I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder with depression. I used to always have anxiety attacks. At first one a day, then gradually 5 or 6 a day. I became depressed and it really was a turning point in my life. Here's my advice: 1) Don't self-diagnose. I know it's easy with the internet but the reality is that you're not a professional. Let the professional diagnose. It takes more than a little research to know what's really going on; 2) Look into counseling services at your college or university. They usually have some available and generally low in price; 3) Once diagnosed, read up on it. Find online communities dealing specifically with the disorder (if you have one); 4) When you feel an anxiety attack coming on, breathe. Imagine a safe, happy place and concentrate on that. Keep taking long, deep breaths until you have calmed down. An anxiety attack is your body going into "fight/flight" mode. It thinks it's in danger when there's nothing to worry about. Remember that many psychologists invoice on a sliding scale. Ask some of them if they can lower their prices. I hope this helps a little bit. I know you said that you're a private person, but you need to talk to someone. That was the only thing that helped me.

I know what you're talking about. Sometimes I think about my ex obsessively, then I'm fine. Basically what's happening is that you're grieving the loss of a person that was in your life. It takes time to heal. I'm 4 months of NC and I still think about him. It'll fade soon...I'm sure.

ratherbesailing and DeDancingPsych: thanks! your advice has really helped!!

I don't think that by attacking me that you're showing much of what you preach. I already said I learned from my mistake and I refuse to be insulted for something I did years ago. My post was about my friendship not my past relationship. That said, I agree with you on defining myself by making better choices, etc. I've been trying to do just that. No one is perfect and forgiving yourself is very hard to do.

A few years ago I broke up with my boyfriend. We were together for a long time but I just didn't feel the same way he did. I ended up cheating on him. I told him the truth and broke up with him even though he wanted to work things out. I know cheating was the wrong thing to do and I've learned from my mistake. A few weeks after we broke up, he called, email, and chatted with a good friend of mine. I never knew that they spoke and went out to coffee to specifically talk about me. I found out last week that this happened. The way I found out was through this forum. It seems that he posts and answers posts often enough. He mentioned various things, true and untrue, but also mentioned things that I never told him. Things that he found out from a "friend" of mine. This makes me upset because my friend is suppose to be MY friend. I understand it was a way for him to be "close" to me and find closure, but I don't understand why she would tell him private things about me. Who I was dating, etc etc. It almost seems malicious. And this isn't the first time she told someone private things about me. She gossips constantly and I don't think I can trust her anymore. My question is this: if I can't trust her anymore, should I continue with the friendship?