B_Rock

by that I just meant if I were hurt a number of times it would be hard for me to gain enough trust to have sex with them. I would feel I might be doing something that I think is special but they would take forgranted. And, what I meant by "don't be too quick to forgive yourself" is that sometimes people are like "well I shouldn't have done it but it doesn't change who I am, I have nothing to be sorry about." When in my mind you would have left yourself and others down who otherwise thought more of you than that. Its something you should be complacent (sp?) about. I'm not saying you've delt with it the wrong way but I'm affraid the act of forgiving yourself would become simple and then you're eating away at your morals at that point. Your thought would end up beings something like "yeah I screwed him over, but thats ok, I still think I'm a good person."

I used to be the exact same way, and generally that just means that you not ready yet. So, don't be in a hurry. Honestly though, if you're with someone long enough after a while you'll find that you may still be self conscious but you'll become more comfortable with them and it won't really be as bad as you're imaging it would be.

Never thought I'd be offereing my opinion on a debate that is about something I said - crazyness. So, I read back over what I said to figure out what I meant, and I suppose there are actually two issues here. How I came accross to the customer, and what I wanted them to think. Generally I was trying to appear no more interested in the hot chick than I was in the 300 pound guy with the mullet and BO (although in that case I usually worked faster so they would leave.) Anyway, my point is, I would never try to make any sort of impression. I wouldn't think of useless topics of conversation just so that this person would engage me in conversation. If they would strike up conversation fine, but generally people just wanted their money - not to make new frinds. On the flip side I did find myself at times wanting them to realize that I was no more interested in them than I was with anyone else. But I think that was because if a very attractive woman would come to my window I would turn into a bumbling fool. And I hated myself fot that. I hope that clears things up for all yous guys and gals. Anyway, there is some great conversation going I find your various points of views interesting.

I edited my previous post if you want a more coherent version of my thoughts. Nite

euphoria - I'm glad other people pick up on those things. Its REALLY sad that it happens but unfortunately thats the way the world is. Funny what people place value on. Who needs your attention more, the old lady who can't reach an item or the hot chick who had no intention of actually buying anything? If you are a guy you'd most likely struggle with the decision. MocaJava (you seem nice, but I don't like coffee I can see your concern w/ your bf. I guess he will just have to learn to be a little more secure. I'm not sure how you would help him with that because I don't know what would make me feel better either. As far as whether or not it was a good idea to tell him - you didn't know how he was going to react. So, I'd think before you bother to tell him again. But, he'd be an idiot to think it would never happen. Anyway, nice chatting with you all, I'm off to bed. Can't wait to see where the conversation has lead you by tomorrow. Brandon

I certainly don't mean this with any malecious intent (I use big words that I can't spell, can you tell!?) but I'd cut your losses because there are MANY people that mave much bigger issues with their appearance. I my mind I'd rather people flocking to me then fleaing away!

You know, I hate it when I go back and read my hastily composed posts. I write some of the stupidest mistakes sometimes. I promise - I'm not as dumb as I make myself look. -dunce

This is going to sound REALLY dumb and in all honesty its not going to help you at all but I guess I feel the need to put in my 2 cents because thats what the internet allows us to do! While I was in college I was a bank teller over the summers and when I would have an attractive young woman come to my window I would make a special point to be as disinterested and non-chelant (sp?) as possible. I figure that super attractive people ALWAYS get attention and I guess I would try my best to ignore that fact. I suppose I was a little cold about it because I kind of though of it like "this person doesn't deserve my extra attention". I've continued to do this still. In all honesty I think it totally depends on the personality. You're humble enough to realize the extra attention isn't fair I would hope (it seems that way at least.) But there are people that are quite stuck up about themselves and thrive on the attention. And the thing about your bf, I would have to say I would probably feel the same way. Perhaps silly, but there is always a better guy and since guys are superficial and base everything on looks we assume that you can get whoever you want. So, if someone better comes along we assume you'd upgrade.

This is going to make me look like a total jerk so I apologize for this ahead of time. Anyway, your story is a little depressing for me because so many times I find myself being liking girls like you. Good, christian, level headed, and supposedly responsible about such endevors. Anyway, at one point I REALLY liked a girl just like you, she got a little bit older and basically became this sex freak and I never forgave her for it. I guess its because it turns out that my ideal image of her wasn't accurate at all. So, I guess I don't know if you should so easily forgive yourself because he didn't force himself on you and you thereforeeee willingly did what you did. ...thus you should think about it. And if I had been hurt a number of times like he was it would be REAL hard for me to get that far with someone. Sex in my mind is sacred and not handed out like fliers to the nearest person walking by. On the other hand maybe if something like what happened to you, happened to him, then this was his way of redemption. Really sorry I went crazy on that - its just one of those things that I kinda feel strongly about. I hope I made sense.

Did you by chance watch "American Inventor"? There was this inventor chick that had a giant bow that died around a woman, covered up all the right places and completely unwraveled (sp?) when pulled on one end. THATS what I would want If he doesn't like it for some reason let me know.

DigityDogg, I'm sorry but I would have to say that your response holds no water. Judging by the picture you've posted I'm going to guess that you never really had to experience very much rejection. As a matter of fact I highly doubt that you've had to bottle your affections for someone for 2-3 weeks. During which time you had to build up the courage to ask someone out. And you REALLY were hopeful that something would work out. For someone who is never forward or outgoing, its unchartered territory. Plus, you completely disregarded the fact that her response was that she has a boyfriend. She didn't play him, or lead him on. She gave him a straight and lagitimate answer. redmage22, the feeling that you're having, in this case, I think is normal. At least, I'm sure your initial reaction was. Building the courage, asking, and then waiting for her response was probably similar to a time were you were driving and you almost got into a wreck. ...the feeling just before you find out whether or not something bad is going to happen. In this case a rejection would be like an actual wreck had occurred. You're now left emotionally damaged, but its ok because time will always work out the dents. and Dude, I'm 23 as well and would have struggled to do the same. I once liked a girl for 4 years before she even found anything about it (because I finally told my brother - what a blab!), and guess what... when she found out, she chose to ignore it ... time passed, I got over her. And, I recently saw a picture of her (I haddn't seen her in maybe 5 or 6 years), and let me tell you that I've realized now, that I could do better anyway. Time will fix your embarrassment eventhough you shouldn't feel that way, you should be proud that you did it. I applaud you.

I think what you feel is disappointment. I don't know how old you are but if you're still in high school or something you'll have another chance for sure. It's not totally normal to be completely incompacitated by that so just try and keep your emotions in check. You ought to be able to get over it as time passes. For now I would recomend trying to schedule work so that you don't spend as much time with her because chances are its going to eat you up inside if you're working with her all the time. Sorry I can't magically cange it for you, but these things happen for a reason.

I'm only 23 so I don't have experience in this area but I would think it would be in this 'nice guy's' best interest for you to not go the fling route. I say that because it could ruin him and any chance you may have later on for sure. I also think it might be a good idea to restrain yourself a little bit. .. coming off of a second marriage and all. I don't know, watching people move quickly between relationships has always bothered me. I know a recent divorce would be a turn off for me. Plus if I'm going to have sex with someone I'd want a little more of a foundation there. But who knows! I don't know you or him! I've been tagged as a 'nice guy' before and got burned once so now I've been in a relationship for 4 years with someone that I've never really been head over heals for but am there because of a security thing. On a lighter note, I do enjoy sexy summer clothes. So if I were him, I'd want you.

Yeah actually I have trouble with the 5 minute thing. Probably because my EXTREAM lack of practice. I hope I can learn to go longer! (...any ladies wanna help me practice!? j/k). Anyway, I won't do the swril thing, but the thing about going shallow and then suddenly deep sounds like fun. I'll be sure to try if I get the chance. Thanks everyone!