Allie.

oh okay. i'm sorry it made you feel that way. but there's always going to be certain things that remind you of her...but also remember that great advice gaiden gave us...about how to view it as "I'm gone"...cuz like when you saw the picture...she wasn't emotionally "gone" anymore...just a suggestion. but keep on doing what ur doing. always. Allie.

uhoh redmage..i just saw a post from you about how you ALMOST looked at her blog. Keep off the blogging site as a whole...whatever it is....like blogger or myspace..xanga...just stay off the site. Block it temporarily on your computer. It'll help bro. GOOD that you didn't go give in to the temptation but when your temptations become really strong...i would stay away from those sites as a whole or even stay away from the computer room as a whole. whatever floats your boat. Still proud of you! ~Allie.

redmage...if you keep thinking so positively, you will be over this very fast. You're on the right path bro. Just keep blazing through this =D its okay. we're all here for you. Same for you shelly7 Allie.

Hmm Annie, I wish so much that there were more ppl in this world that thought like you! =D my ex was my best-friend and i knew that he didn't date girls who weren't "white or christian" and so i hid my feelings but he initated a relationship and i entered but he ended it very soon saying he was getting a feeling that "God doesn't want us to be together" and he felt guilty..blah blah blah blah blah. Racism. is. horrible. Allie.

The struggle, my friend, is normal. You're only human =D. Good for you. I'm very proud of you. Keep hanging in there. exactly. you DO have this power and you CAN control it. Now to choose whether you're going to gain control of yourself or let some memories of a stupid woman who definitely didn't care for you as much as you cared for her take over you. Remember, in the end its your choice. Oh. we do surprise ourselves quite a lot. You're surprised [more shocked] that you cared about her that much. But...don't forget to look at it the other way. You are also surprising yourself with how strong you are. I mean...look at you...you haven't gone and commited suicide or reverted to drugs and nonsense like that [i hope not]. Believe it or not...you're more or less...okay. You're not great. But you're okay. And oh..we all want this feeling to go away. But we can't push time. I'm very HAPPY that you realize that you feel hurt because that's your heart's way of telling you that its healing. GOOD for you. Learn to learn from this pain. Oh haha, and if we wanna talk about not getting what we deserve...of course none of us deserve this...BUT...i sure know that i've made mistakes in the past and done things i shouldn't and yet i still have GREAT friends and family that care about me [just like your great friends and family care about you]. We've hurt them in the past at one point or another...and if we got what we deserve...we wouldn't have those wonderful ppl in our lives. Haha. When you think of these silly things...remember to spin the bottle around and view it positively. Sometimes we don't get what we deserve...but remember...we have A LOT of things that we DON'T deserve. =D Keep it up bro. I'm proud of you. Allie.

blemished- hmm...your way definitely makes a lot of sense. I think you're right. Thanks for the clear-up =D Allie.

Hahaha. thanks bro. i'm very flattered but more glad that it helps you =D Allie.

its very good. save it for someone who deserves it...in another words...don't let your ex get her hands on it! =D Allie.

redmage22- good job bro! You're exactly right! You're going to get thru this...just like the rest of us will too. =D You're gonna get over this whole hurdle cuz you CAN. You're gonna forget about her cuz you CAN. You're gonna move on..cuz you can. We're very proud of you. Keep up the NC!! Allie.

Thats completely right! You must be really strong. I wish most of us were at that strength level but we're not. le sigh. BUT, we do realize that with time it'll come to us and that we will start feeling that way. And besides we're all sorta in the first stages of NC. Which are the hardest. Haha. We're just trying to get better by gettin thru everyday of NC till we find that we don't have those "urges" to break it anymore. Either way, in relation to the quote above.. one of the people on this threads gave some wonderful advice....i'd like to share it with you =D Allie.

I simply adore southern and British accents =D yum!

Well, I'm very glad it helps brokenheart. Just keep up the healing and if you need to talk...post around. I'll find you. haha. take care of yourself. Allie.

Hmm. he would say something like this: "Well, because she is of a different religion...i just don't think it could every work out so why do it? I mean, its not like she can date anyway and there are so many other fish in the sea. I guess we're only in highschool but still...whats the point if there is no POINT to the whole relationship?" Haha. oh well. =D life is okay =D Allie.

Exactly Rachel!! Thx for the inspiration. Keep up the healing chica. Allie.

Redmage22- I see two possibilites coming out of reading the blog. a) you find out that she's single and she's living it up or maybe not living it up .....and doesn't need you back. b) you find out that she's happily taken and doesn't want you back. Either way, you're going to get hurt bro cuz if that blog was about "how much she regrets doing what she did"--she will go thru heck to find a way to talk to you. I would keep off if I were you. Let's not hurt yourself anymore than you need to. And okay, it seems to me as if you're afraid of urself. Afriad that you're going to break NC...[i had a major problem with that] till i realized...NO ONE can make me go read that blog or go look at that profile. NO ONE. IN THE END...it is up to me. Thats the wonderful power of self-will! You do what you want and no one is going to tie you to a chair, tape your eyes open and make you read that blog. Its up to YOU. Don't be afraid of yourself. you don't have to do anything. [i'm sure you've heard all of the things i mentioned above...actually, I'm POSITIVE...you know why? Because I know for a fact...that there is an inkling of a voice in your head thats trying to speak and trying to tell you all of those things and about how you SHOULDN'T go view the blog.if that voice wasn't there...you would've viewed the blog instead of posting here =p] Don't try to muffle that voice down. Our brains are GREAT at playing tricks on us. YOu have to try your best to try to get that voice to speak out louder. You can do it! Everytime you get urges. TELL yourself in your head..."Hey this is my mind, and I control its thoughts." YOU HAVE ALL THE CONTROL. Hope it helps. Allie.

didyoumissme- G'morning!! Yet another day of NC!! Hey, I want you to do me a favor...it'll be helpeful for you and me! List 5 Reasons WHY you shouldn't be with your ex. Redmage22- Good job BRO! you're just getting thru the hard days. I swear it becomes as easy as BREATHING with time. Just breathe and keep on moving. We're very proud of you =D...if you get any sudden "urges"...POST HERE!!! gaiden- WOW. great advice Gaiden. You have no idea how much that helped me especially. I'm at a month and a day of NC and I [was before I read your piece of advice]...I was at a point where I didn't really "hurt" but wasn't really "moving on" either. I was just kinda stuck. Because I was looking at it from HIS perspective. Thanks much gaiden =D keep up the healing. and I'm very glad that you feel much happier. =D

bstrong2day- wow. you seem really stuck. Of course, It seems like you're going to HAVE to contact her at one point or another and in some way or another. I mean, an engagement ring...that is a big deal. All I can say about your situation is that whether you get it back directly from her or indirecty from her sister or another relative...its going to be a very "challenging" [lack of better word] day for you. You can't avoid it but It's going to be a hurtful day. And take this as a command [though it is merely a request] the day you get the ring back...post on this website so we can help you out in any way possible because, you will need a lot of comforting and "needing-to-know-things-will-be-okay" that day. Yours is an unavoidable situation so just be strong through it n keep reminding urself that you stuck it through NC for so long =D iceman85 - yes. its very understandable why you are still in contact. All I can say about your situation is that wait for her to be the first one to initiate a relationship, if it does turn into that and of course, please make sure that you both talk things out and discuss what "went wrong" previously and UNDERSTAND it and then continue with a relationship. It seems to me as if your partner merely needed some "time". But make sure that "analyzing" the previous relationship takes place or you might get sucked into the same hole again bro. Gaiden- oh my. your situation was pulled to the extremes. Your ex must have been psychotically trying to make you feel bad about yourself. I am very happy for you and that you maintained NC especially because her text messages were bitter and nasty. She was obvoiusly trying to push you into the guilt trap and trying to get you to beg for her back. But PROPS to you! This experience should show YOU that you are MUCH stronger than you thought you were. I mean, WOW! I am so proud of you for that strength. You set a good example. I'm not sure I could do that. Through this experience, you definitely showed her that you are an independent man and not the same "i'm-going-to-do-anything-for-you" addicted person. Now just remember that you have to keep reminding YOURSELF that you ARE an independent man. Now its your turn to convince yourself of that. And of course it hurts...thats completely understandable but know that the pain shall pass. "The pain is just your brain's way of saying.."I'm healing". Good luck to you all and if you need any help, I'll be up and around =D Allie.

Conclusion about NC ~Hopefully you'll find some relief in reading this~ NC is a very essential activity to practice after having a break-up. NC applies to the periods of time it takes you to heal after the break-up. If there is a source [whether it be a person or thing] that gives us pleasure and is suddenly taken away...It is human nature...[well, i think its human habit] to chase after it and want it back. When we can't have what made us so happy, we are bound to be sad. So if you feel any of the following...you are merely human... hurt, confused, lonely..etc. Even research shows that right after a break-up...our brains stop [or slow down] producing endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in our body that produce "HAPPY" feelings. You have to understand that pain is your brain's way of saying, "I'm healing." Just like any physical wound...an emotional wound takes lots of TIME to heal. If ANYONE could speed up the process of healing..wouldn't time be out to charm them? So basically, if you feel depressed, sad, lonely, hurt...etc. YOU'RE MERELY A HUMAN and you're healing. Believe me...it just takes some time. The main key to healing is being patient with yourself. There will be times after the break-up where you feel like you're just not moving on. Well...those times will pass too. EVERYTHING about life can be summarized into three words: IT GOES ON! EVERYTHING passes. It's OK. you're not the only one. Just keep reminding yourself of these two quotes: "NO one ever died of a broken heart" and "Just becuase you don't want to return home doesn't mean you'll never arrive."..In the same sense.."Just because you don't want to move on doesn't mean you never WILL." NC is very important and can be very hard sometimes. But it is ESSENTIAL to practice this activity daily. With time...it comes to a point where its as easy as breathing. I know that seems like nonsense right now but TRUST yourself. Constantly remind yourself that you WILL get through this. Post notes around the house saying YOU MUST get through this. The reason NC is so important is because when the break-up is over, it is quite important for YOU to heal. EVERYTHING after the break-up has to be about you! Your partner left you. There is no "us"...its only "you". You stand alone. So the healing process has to be about you too. I mean, come on...it is YOUR heart that has to heal. Now, we all have been guilty of going and calling our ex's nonstop, im'ing, texting them nonstop and of course, the FAMOUS [looking-at-their-profile-ten-thousand-times-a-day]. That's normal but it CAN'T continue. The reason we do NC is to begin to heal. To discover that "being alone" is fine. Even though it might not be "the greatest thing ever." NC helps us realize that we will be fine on our own and realizing that we will be fine [maybe not great] on our own pushes us into the healing process. We do NC for US not for getting our "ex's back" and what not. We all have to realize that our ex's are not coming back. This is because before they broke up with you, they rationalized in their heads WHY they were breaking it off. As much as we hate to admit it, they aren't some stupid fools that just broke it off with us for "fun". For example: Bob breaks up with Cindy because he thinks she's too controlling. If Cindy practices the NC technique, Bob will eventually think of Cindy...and probably think, "Well Gee, I sort of miss Cindy. She did a bunch of nice things for me." BUT at that very moment, another thought will come up in Bob's head.."BUT Cindy was too controlling!!!" And it'll stop him from coming back. Believe it or not, even though the reasons they broke up with us may seem USELESS and POINTLESS...some where...deep, deeper...yes, much deeper....in their head, all those reasons make sense in a twisted way. That is why we have to practice NC. cuz they most probably aren't coming back anytime soon. After discussing the reasons why your ex is probably not coming back...Let's say that you still don't get it and still decide to break NC. Let's observe the choices. If you keep contact with your ex, two things can happen: 1) You can talk to them and you find that they are SINGLE but they still don't want you back... 2) You can talk to them and figure out they are in a RELATIONSHIP and STILL don't want you back. Well, to me, none of those two choices seem very pleasant. Notice that the end result is going to be you getting hurt because you're going to realize that they don't want you back either way...thats why NC is the way to go. and by NC, i mean, no direct OR indirect contact. As for becoming friends...that's the Second Deadliest sin right after a break-up. First being breaking NC. Of course, in the FUTURE you can be friends but RIGHT after a break-up is a horrible time to become just friends. You obviously have feelings for them [yea yea, deny it all you want but you DO have feelings for them] and they don't share the same feelings. That can result in a serious clash of motives. Give YOURSELF time. You have to stay away for this person. OF course, let's not decide on "Oh well, i'm not talking to them or thinking about being friends with them for the rest of my life!" Start with short, reachable goals. For example, "I'm not going to talk to them for a week." After a week passes, set another one, "If I can go on for a week without talking to them, let's see if i can go for two weeks"...and keep going. To all you dumpees out there, we are all in this together and we're in the same boat but believe it or not 99% of us will reach the same conclusion in the end...because time makes things change and things make time change. We WILL move on because we CAN. "Always remember that happiness and sorrow are like siamese twins. When one sits alone with you, just know that the other one is right around the corner." a.l.w.ay.s Allie.

Conclusion about NC ~Hopefully you'll find some relief in reading this~ NC is a very essential activity to practice after having a break-up. NC applies to the periods of time it takes you to heal after the break-up. If there is a source [whether it be a person or thing] that gives us pleasure and is suddenly taken away...It is human nature...[well, i think its human habit] to chase after it and want it back. When we can't have what made us so happy, we are bound to be sad. So if you feel any of the following...you are merely human... hurt, confused, lonely..etc. Even research shows that right after a break-up...our brains stop [or slow down] producing endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals in our body that produce "HAPPY" feelings. You have to understand that pain is your brain's way of saying, "I'm healing." Just like any physical wound...an emotional wound takes lots of TIME to heal. If ANYONE could speed up the process of healing..wouldn't time be out to charm them? So basically, if you feel depressed, sad, lonely, hurt...etc. YOU'RE MERELY A HUMAN and you're healing. Believe me...it just takes some time. The main key to healing is being patient with yourself. There will be times after the break-up where you feel like you're just not moving on. Well...those times will pass too. EVERYTHING about life can be summarized into three words: IT GOES ON! EVERYTHING passes. It's OK. you're not the only one. Just keep reminding yourself of these two quotes: "NO one ever died of a broken heart" and "Just becuase you don't want to return home doesn't mean you'll never arrive."..In the same sense.."Just because you don't want to move on doesn't mean you never WILL." NC is very important and can be very hard sometimes. But it is ESSENTIAL to practice this activity daily. With time...it comes to a point where its as easy as breathing. I know that seems like nonsense right now but TRUST yourself. Constantly remind yourself that you WILL get through this. Post notes around the house saying YOU MUST get through this. The reason NC is so important is because when the break-up is over, it is quite important for YOU to heal. EVERYTHING after the break-up has to be about you! Your partner left you. There is no "us"...its only "you". You stand alone. So the healing process has to be about you too. I mean, come on...it is YOUR heart that has to heal. Now, we all have been guilty of going and calling our ex's nonstop, im'ing, texting them nonstop and of course, the FAMOUS [looking-at-their-profile-ten-thousand-times-a-day]. That's normal but it CAN'T continue. The reason we do NC is to begin to heal. To discover that "being alone" is fine. Even though it might not be "the greatest thing ever." NC helps us realize that we will be fine on our own and realizing that we will be fine [maybe not great] on our own pushes us into the healing process. We do NC for US not for getting our "ex's back" and what not. We all have to realize that our ex's are not coming back. This is because before they broke up with you, they rationalized in their heads WHY they were breaking it off. As much as we hate to admit it, they aren't some stupid fools that just broke it off with us for "fun". For example: Bob breaks up with Cindy because he thinks she's too controlling. If Cindy practices the NC technique, Bob will eventually think of Cindy...and probably think, "Well Gee, I sort of miss Cindy. She did a bunch of nice things for me." BUT at that very moment, another thought will come up in Bob's head.."BUT Cindy was too controlling!!!" And it'll stop him from coming back. Believe it or not, even though the reasons they broke up with us may seem USELESS and POINTLESS...some where...deep, deeper...yes, much deeper....in their head, all those reasons make sense in a twisted way. That is why we have to practice NC. cuz they most probably aren't coming back anytime soon. After discussing the reasons why your ex is probably not coming back...Let's say that you still don't get it and still decide to break NC. Let's observe the choices. If you keep contact with your ex, two things can happen: 1) You can talk to them and you find that they are SINGLE but they still don't want you back... 2) You can talk to them and figure out they are in a RELATIONSHIP and STILL don't want you back. Well, to me, none of those two choices seem very pleasant. Notice that the end result is going to be you getting hurt because you're going to realize that they don't want you back either way...thats why NC is the way to go. and by NC, i mean, no direct OR indirect contact. As for becoming friends...that's the Second Deadliest sin right after a break-up. First being breaking NC. Of course, in the FUTURE you can be friends but RIGHT after a break-up is a horrible time to become just friends. You obviously have feelings for them [yea yea, deny it all you want but you DO have feelings for them] and they don't share the same feelings. That can result in a serious clash of motives. Give YOURSELF time. You have to stay away for this person. OF course, let's not decide on "Oh well, i'm not talking to them or thinking about being friends with them for the rest of my life!" Start with short, reachable goals. For example, "I'm not going to talk to them for a week." After a week passes, set another one, "If I can go on for a week without talking to them, let's see if i can go for two weeks"...and keep going. To all you dumpees out there, we are all in this together and we're in the same boat but believe it or not 99% of us will reach the same conclusion in the end...because time makes thing change. "Always remember that happiness and sorrow are like siamese twins. When one sits alone with you, just know that the other one is right around the corner." a.l.w.ay.s Allie.

Well, to both of you...I have reached a some-what of a conclusion[esque] for all of this NC stuff. [i'm gonna type that up in another post right now] haha. Jeff - Oh. Your situation seems awful. I'm very sorry about that. Your ex-wife seems very "extreme" [for a lack of better words] But hey, I'm glad that you have started your healing process. Props to you bro. Just keep up with the NC and stay in that zone. Didyoumissme- I have read quite a lot about what you're going through and I am so so sorry. I'm glad that you haven't broken NC since the "Happy BD". Just keep it up and if you get any urges, POST HERE!! haha.

Hahahaha. swift Clueless. thx bro.

btw..what do you guys think about being friends...like after a break-up..especially if you guys ended "nicely" [as nicely as a breakup can end] and your partner was your best-friend longer than he was your boyfriend...?

Hey, this forum is super helpful. I'm in a similar situation except my ex broke up with me and he was my best-friend and...we ended on a "fair" note. I was hurt. but we were both nice about it...hopefully we can still be friends. =D..some day. i hope...AHH! haha.

p.s: even though its completely raw and unhealthy...i'm very good at repressing my feelings. I liked him for 10 months before we got into a relationship...& didn't say a word to him and always supported him and his girlfriends that he had throughout the year. At a point, I convinced myself and my other best-friends that I didn't like him. weird.

Hey bstrong2day, your situation sounds very hurtful. Break-ups can be so hard. It is in human nature...well, I think its human habit to go after something that gives you so much pleasure and is suddenly taken away from you. It sounds to me as if you're suffering a bit from [love addiction]. Of course this woman made you very happy! But...the hard part is accepting that she's gone. And that she left you. Not the other way around. Even though, you want her to come back, she's probably not going to because she already rationalized in her head why she's breaking up with you before she did. As for healing. Listen bud, it takes sooo much time to heal. That's a situation in which nature's cruel rules come into action. In ANY situation, it takes a second to make a mistake...but to clean up the mess that mistake made...it takes 100x's longer. My parents and my sister are psychologists and trust me, being exposed to that type of a family, i'm constantly being analzyed and it really seems like your suffering from what they call...a post traumatic stress disorder. This disorder lasts for only a bit and EVERY human goes through it at least ONCE in a lifetime. It comes strongly with the feeling of loneliness because your brain stops producing endorphins which [produce feelings of happiness]. This usually happens when something really important to you is taken away. I strongly suggest seeing some close friends or a therapist or some person to release this emotions to...I think you should cut off a few days of work but don't take a permanent leave. Definitely talk these feelings out. It really helps. Keep up the healing bro. Allie.