Dee Dee

As a teacher and assistant principal for many years, I have learned that you are not alone. Most pre-teens or teenagers feel just like you do. In my lifetime, I can could the real friends I ever had on fewer than 5 fingers. People are more into themselves and focus on their needs. Most of the time they don't mean to hurt you. Maybe you are just a really sensitive person. It is natural, but is is also sad. There are few wonderful friends like yourself who are giving. In time, those with whom you maintain contact over the years will make you realize that you do have some friends. There is nothing wrong with you. I felt the same way in school. I think you have to accept people for who they are instead of having such high expectations from friends. Don't depend on others for your happiness. Be giving when it is accepted, but focus on finding happiness within yourself by doing things that make you happy. Accept yourself as you are, and try to realize that at this point in life friends are not capable of giving you what you expect perhaps. Try talking to your counselor at school. It might help you gain a clearer perspective.

Break off this relationship, or accept it just for what it is. You main attractions seems to focus of passion and sex. Once she has been with two men at the same time, she is apt to do it again. You will always wonder. It will never work out, particularly since you are turned off by her vulgar language during the act.

I believe you should forget him. He was interested, but you probably killed it when you asked just what the relationship was between you. It made him realize that he was thinking too much of one person. Men don't like to realize that they are in love or spending too much time with someone. His asking you to his parent's home was very positive, but you blew it by trying to get too close. You've heard the expression, "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Well, it AIN'T true, honey. It was fine for him to fill your ears with sweet nothings, but your doing it was another thing. He said a lot of things because he was intoxicated. Heck, I say a lot I don't mean when I am. In addition, you are half way through college, and pursuing this relationship might destroy your future. Fish for another, bigger fish! 53 and divorced after 30 years of realization that I made a mistake! Find another man. That's the only chance that he might come running.

Ok, this is not your traditional advice. Give her reason to be jealous. That doesn't mean you have to be disloyal. Stay late at work. Start wearing new clothes, losing weight, new cologne, staying out a little later than you need to before going home, or whatever. Join an athletic club, and focus more on yourself rather than on what you think she is up to. People who cannot be trusted don't trust others. However, in all this, make sure if she checks up on you that your story checks out to the "tea." This would possibly rekindle the relationship and trigger those old feelings in her. Quit accusing her and asking her something you already know the answer to. Don't follow her or any of the things you proposed. She would hate you for it. But make sure she doesn't get away to meet him. Tell her anything--you have to work--or whatever it takes to keep her from that initial meeting. When she comes to you for attention, however, always give it to her and act like nothing is wrong. IE, put yourself in a position of being challenged and pursue it the same way you would have before you married her. Throughout it all, don't be angry or passive. Tell her how beautiful she is, bring her an occasional gift that is special, and take her out to spend quality time together--but don't try to come on to her. Make her come on to you. If you insist on using the e-mail, use it to your advantage. Go somewhere and contact the man as if you are another woman, trying to lure him in another direction. How do I know? I was that disloyal one married for 30 years and dated him for 7 and half years. If he had done this for me, I would still be there. I did not feel that he gave a "flip" and was very passive. Are you that same man? P. S. I quickly grew weary of the one with whom I thought I was in love. Hey, you might even try a little flirting in front of her.

Overall, I think he is interested but does not yet know it himself. I have to ask if he is relying on you to help/assist him with understanding his subjects? If that is the case, of course, he is going to occasionally go out with you to protect his interests. If this is the case, he could be using you. If not, he looks at you as at least someone special at this point. Don't push it, or you will end up the loser. The best relationships begin with friendship. Don't ask him to movies. Wait for him to ask you. Don't tell him how you feel or that you are looking for more in a relationship. How long has he been divorced? Statistically, it takes one year to get over every five years in a marriage.

No, it is not a good sign. A long-distance relationship is next to impossible. He is trying to be polite, but the more you hound him by calling, etc., the more he will back off. I know it is difficult, but let go. He probably has another girlfriend by now. YOU CAN LET GO. Keep telling yourself that, and you can do it. The quickest way to forget him is to find another boyfriend. But keep in mind that you will never forget him because you are apparently so young. If only I had been that wise at 13, the year I fell madly in love for the first time. Yes, at 13! At 53, after 30 years of marriage and just recently divorced, I reconnected with this "lame brain" and discovered one who hurt me so badly is now a druggie, alcoholic, and on welfare. God was watching over me, yet all these years I carried someone unworthy of me in my heart. I suspect you will find someone who will be more considerate of your feelings and who offers so much more. Don't blame him though because it is hard to nourish a relationship when you cannot touch and be w/ someone often.[/b]