itsallgrand

Hope you get it back soon! Everything is an ice slick here. Some people losing power too. Rain then froze and snow.

That cost for private school makes my eyes water! Erm yeah I get why that's not really an option! I do feel for parents trying to navigate everything the way things are now. I do not envy the task. The quality of education kids are getting here as well has degraded. I feel so bad for the kids, and the teachers who are really trying to make sure they receive a quality education. I'm honestly not sure what I'd do in your situation, and of course it's so specific to the individual child and their circumstances. Somewhat related, I was bemoaning the way our local library is being run. I believe I mentioned it in my journal even. And then I saw an opening on the board. There wasn't even competition, no one was stepping up. I'm a firm believer that local is where you can most easily have a large impact. So now I'm part of the decision making. It's not as easy as snap my fingers and big change overnight, but now other voices like mine have a place there. So I wish you the best of luck in your decision. And yay, keep those kids off TikTok lol.

Private school an option?

She can understand it's a choice with consent and feel you are being used at the same time. Remember she doesn't have to agree to understand. She doesn't even need to respect your choice to understand. I'm unclear what you are upset about as you said part of what you like about it is that many don't approve. Should she be an exception?

I agree with Batya. I don't think financial values change with higher income. People can change but that's when they really want to and put in the concerted effort. In this case, you have no reason to think she even has a desire to. What you see is what you get. You are at a point where it makes sense to start thinking if this is something that's compatible with your values. You know the old saying about follow the money and you'll see what is truly important to someone? This goes for anyone regardless of income level. It's your choice and maybe for you it's ok that she prioritizes as she does. Just be careful to not pull the wool over your own eyes because you like her.

Oh I agree completely. I find that a lot of them with obvious work end up looking older than they are. And lose their uniqueness, looking generic plastic surgery and lip filler look. I see it becoming more and more normalized with regular people and I hate that. My grandma on my dad's side was a beauty. I thought she looked pretty even in old age. Same with my grandpa. They took care of themselves, had immaculate hygiene, dressed smart. I'm going to try and go that route. They were chic! There's an elegance that can come with maturity when you lean into it, I think.

The financial attitude is the biggest red flag to me. That would be a deal breaker for me. I think bare minimum when looking for a partner is that they have their house in order on the way towards those things they say are important to them. She wants marriage and children, yet chooses not to prepare for that financially in any way even though she has a high income currently. So who will be paying? And she has a marriage behind her where she went in totally fine with expecting her partner to support her. Not good, especially when combined with the attitude of blowing what money is there on extravagance.

I did not even think of that!

The long pointy nails some people wear give me the willies, I'm sorry! It makes me uncomfortable seeing them claw around with those things. It's your body and you do what you want of course. But no I don't want you near my face with them. Neurotic or reasonable? Lol. I asked for another technician to give me the facial treatment.

I'm so sorry for your loss Kwothe. That's quite a lot on your plate and changes and grief to manage as well, you deserve some grace! It actually sounds like you are doing quite a good job with all that considered. I do find lists help me, part of that is the "brain dump" aspect where I can get it all from swirling in my mind to something solid on a paper. Then prioritize them - sometimes I just do stars beside the ones that come first, or number them. Others may be "nice to do today if I can, but not as important". Takes some stress off. Routine is good but can be difficult with swinging shifts. See what you can do to anchor the day regardless of the work on the table. Cheering you on over here. Congrats on your job.

I'm really sorry you are in this situation. Unfortunately it's so common with young people growing up under extremely controlling religious environments to become more vulnerable to those who seek to take advantage. Andrina is right about situations where you have to be or are being told to keep it a secret or not tell anybody about what is going on - it's a bad sign, it is when you should most bring that out into the light and tell someone. Sadly because of the situation with your parents, you are scared to tell them, where they might be see things you don't and at least could support you no matter what. I'm not saying your parents are perfect at all but I bet they do love you. And no girl or woman should ever ever ask to keep seeing them a secret or things you do if they care about you.

Catfeeder is amazing and her responses are so insightful. Wow. My feeling towards how and what he's been communicating with you right now is honestly "yeah, he doesn't get it yet. Not ready to be fully honest." And I don't know him. That's just my gut reaction to this. He dancing around taking full accountability. If he has had mental health episodes where he is not in full control, does he have periods of lucidity and self awareness of his mental health status to be factual about that? To be able to gage where his mental health is at and take appropriate measures? I have to be honest. I think you are playing with fire currently. He just hasn't shown you any reason to trust him again. And this is someone who was involved in some very serious situation.

Group texts are the WORST! I turn off my notification sounds so I'm not stressing lol. And kinda cute coincidence, been with my SO the same amount and were long distance for many months in the beginning too.

I'm not even dating and haven't for 8 years now, and I'm stressed by the constant deluge of texts. Some people do freak out if you aren't in constant communication, even over a gif. I feel like it has to be actively managed, which is labour I'd really rather not do bit is inevitable now.

A lawyer, a job, a plan for housing, therapy, and reliable birth control. A bunch of these resources may be available at no or low cost - something you need to look into. It's a lot but you can do it. It's for your kids , let that be the motivation.

Wow you got a lot of great responses and I think everyone had something to add and it is probably a combination of these things. I'd add that it's very common nowadays for media to pull content straight from forums and use it for everything from articles to rage bait to anything else you can think of. People are less trusting out of necessity in what they share and to who. They have no idea who you actually are. If you are verified, you might get more responses to what you seek, but I wouldn't necessarily know if that's worth it in this situation. I think you'd be better off researching the old fashioned way if getting those details right to a time and place are important. Old fashioned way meaning finding and reading relevant sources, and feet on the ground talking to people in real life ..but again, foot on the ground, people may want verification of what you doing and who you are.

Sweet!! Little places with home style sized portions for the win!

Totally fair as long as you tip well , I think.

No. And just say No. And enjoy your coffee at home in the morning knowing you didn't make things worse for yourself.

I'm definitely guilty of it too. Wasted so much time and energy worrying about all the things I couldn't do anything about anyways! So I hope Alex will get something from our sharing.

It happens a lot that people aren't 100% in communicating what they REALLY want and flip flopping around. That's something you need to learn to navigate too. The biggest thing I'm seeing is that you have trouble simply acknowledging a mistake and changing course. Instead you double and triple down. Maybe try only focusing on your area you control. What could you have done differently? What can you do differently now? Have you ever read any of Stephen Coveys books? I got a lot from it and you might like it as it is business orientated but relates to life as well. He talks a lot about circle of influence - what you control, what you don't, working as efficiently as possible. You are wasting so much energy focusing outside what you control and it will wear you down!

Lol too funny.

Oh God, this reminds me of my former work place where they kept cutting in all kinds of ways with the on the floor employees. And people grumbled but took it, until they went to 1 ply scratchy toilet paper. Then there was hell lol. People literally tore dispensers off the walls, and maliciously complied at every turn until decent toilet paper came back. I remember the one responsible literally sent our maintence guy to the grocery store to get tp, it was that bad. Good times!

I agree with catfeeder that you'd be better off with a side job that is well defined, clock in and clock out, and with better pay. It's out there . It might be humbling too, which may help wake you up to the danger you are in with that debt. You can't afford to be looking down your nose at others.

Right off the bat, all that for minimum wage? Hell no. Take the lesson and move on.