rndy

Bcuz, thanks for the input its great! I have done no contact for prob a month! i always do! I dont want to but if she says that she wants no contact ill give it to her. It doesnt stop my heart for wondering how could she do this.....why.....and i dont shed tears like i used to but...im sick of hearing itll be ok, .....time will heal...of course that will happen!! What im concerned about is right now instead of the genaric answers. (aka work out , concentrate on yourself...) I am very confident , good looking, and earn great money...doesnt stop the hurt from what someone the day before says "I love you sooo much" and then dont contact me ever again the next day! I have no alternative and right..i guess to ask for answers. By the way i take great care of myself...my heart is just killing me like ive never expeirienced. Thanks for comments.....need more advice Randall

My ex came back after no contact for about 11 months (we are married and currently separated). About 4 months ago she began to contact me and we started talking...then she was visiting me in he new city i live in and we started talking about the future and salvaging our marriage and began sleeping together. She was telling me how much she missed me and how she loves me "so much". Things were going fabulous and then right out of the blue she sends me an email and says she doesnt want to do this anymore. A week after this she starts online chatting and now i believe she is seeing a new person. Why would she do this when i asked her not to unless she was 100% sure? She has set me back big time when I was doing completely fine for the previous 11 months. Any opinions would be greatly appriciated. Shes 28 and im 33 by the way. its just very confusing how someone could do that to another person. I am vey hurt by her actions and sometimes it feels like i am going through the seperation all over again. I feel used and like a backup plan but i find it hard to hate her because i am still so much in love with her. Its just not fair. Thanks all.

You did the most amazing thing by driving away!!! It truly shows your charector! Your poor moms. Good for you * * * * all that noise. Thats nothing more than bored cynical people taking * * * * about life experiences that they have no idea about!!! You took care of moms! And how could you not? They are weak people and guess what, it always comes around!! I know its easy for me to write but you know what ....you are destined for greatness!!! Keep being kind and never let * * * * like that screw with your mind. Our parents did the best they can with us!! Period. Different time ...different values! I only wish sometimes we had the values parents had!! We'd be on this board less........for better or worse...... * * * * happens!! Take care and all the best to you and mom!!! Sincerely!!

Thanks Lady Bugg, Yeah thats what Ive told her about her friends and family's influence. It is her decision in the end and she is weak! True love is black and white! Im just pissed that she used me because she needed to justify her curiosity after 11 months af absolutely no contact. Now after I got a taste of her again the thoughts of her with someone else are starting to bother me again. Understand that I know its a setback, just one I didnt deserve after almost 2 years and trying to keep and work out our mariage. I believe she will carry this baggage around with her forever at the same time its really not for me to worry about anymore. I consider myself a very level headed guy lately I just wish logic would overcome heartache. I dont hate her by any means. Its not worth it, but I am very sad. I know it is done for good. There are no third chances and I couldn't trust her as far as I could trow her, which is ironic considering our past and almost feel guilty for making that statement. I don't think about other women and wont for a while even though im very lonely.....but it feels good and normal that I dont want another person in my life right now. I guess this is onee of those properly processed feeling things. I appriciate the comments from every angle. Anyone have simmilar situations? Let me know. I think I have experienced every topic on this board!

Yeah, i'm sick of hearing the old, "there's somebody else out there for you", "get over it " as well. See the thing is, I was over it. For the most part accepted it and was finally after a lot of work on my self to move on. I'm sick of these people who say to other posters on this board "people dont change". Wanna bet? I'm living proof!! It's very hard I agree and you have to believe you need to change yourself not to impress anyone, that is just a byproduct from changing into something better. Plain and simple, I felt i had hit rock bottom and if I didn't change I was in for a misserable life. Period. Now regarding her. She has not done one thing to deal what has happened to us in almost two years. She did this "I wanna get back together, I dont wanna get back together" thing 3 times to me. Whats weird is that it is the same scenario of events every time. Well start talking......than we start talking about the future, kids, sleeping together.....we go shopping.....buy * * * *.....then she drinks tea with her friends ond day and BOOM out of the blue.....bye bye...dont contact me ever again. The kicker is that she lives in a tiny small east coast Canadian town, I live in a big city now. I am very good looking and thin, she is 190lbs (gained a lot of weight, not that i care im just stating the differences, in fact i still and always have found her very sexy and ive always told her this from day 1) She constantly was telling me how unhappy she was with her life and I asked her to make sure when she ended this that it was me that was making her unhappy not her own life. I mean I live 150 kms away. I dont think I was interfering in her personal space. Anytime something betwwen us happens she simply lets her friends pick up the pieces for her. Don't get me wrong I wont go back but I want answers for closure. And I dont think I'll be getting them from her ever. Any help is appriciated. Sorry for the ramble!

well Ive posted here before but heres the skinny of the situation: Me and my wife were together for 10 years (married for 2) and separated almost 2 years ago due to a one night stand that i had. Now our mariage at that time had gotten to the point that we never talked that much, i was very involved in school she would say mean retalitory things to me and i began drinking too much. I ended up sleeping with a girl that at the time gave me alot more respect than my wife which i hear is an all to common theme. She found out probably due to the guilt i was feeling and I told her everything. We separated and I moved out. I tried to get her back for about 5 months and it worked for about 5 days. We were making plans for the future, I spent alot of time on myself (about 5 months of therapy, quit drinking and really inested the time to figure out what the prolems were in our mariage) and then after the 5 day reconcilliation, after a conversation with her friend said i dont want to continue this anymore. I left and never spoke to her other than when I foud out that he was online dating ( which I think is creepy, weird) and we never spoke again. She drug me into court trying to put a peace bond on me because me and my sister were shopping at a mall where she and her friend were. The judge threw it out of court obviously and it cost me 700.00 to do so. I never seen or spoke to her in about 11 months after that. So I move 150 kms away get a killer job with a killer salary and want to get the divorce done and move on. I send an email asking for her new address ( which i have tried to do many times with no response from her) and the same nothing. I spoke to my lawyer one morning before work about a month after my last attempt and out of the blue there was an email from her with her address saying she wasnt trying to hold up the divorce but that she didnt know how to get a hold of me. I left her my email address and phone numbers with every attempt. This was in October, I replied back saying thanks I just wanted to get rid of it hanging over our heads. Then we started emailing more, then talking on messenger, then the phone. She began saying she was sorry for many things as did I and she could see (so i thought) that I really changed my life around and that I made a mistake one night in our mariage. She started coming up to the city i live in to visit me and we slept together every time. She told me how much she loved me and started making plans for the future where we would live, kids the whole 9 yards. I told her when we first started talking again not to lead me on or do this unless she was 100% sure because it would cause a relapse. She said she was sure. We spent he holidays together and right after the new year she sends me an e mail and says I dont wanna do this any more. I called her and asked why she couldnt tell me over the phone at least and she changes her mind and says she does want to do this. I tell her I would like to see a mariage counciller and she agreed that it was a good idea. I called the next morning to make sure and she said "yes make the appointment". I do, the next day she calls me at 1 am and says i dont wanna do this no more and dont want any more contact unless its regarding the divorce.???? And she wanted to get it done ASAP. I mean i tried to get divorced against my wishes, for almost a year and now just because she wanted to satisfy her curiosity, she's done and demands I get on the divorce ASAP? Anyway im wrecked once again. I asked her not to lead me on...and she did. I would not have had the conversations with her that i did, seen her , or slept with her again if i knew she was gonna flake. I havent spoke since to her about 1 week. I know she is unhappy with her life, work, her parents live with her and do not care for me that much obviously, and she is very easily led by her father and friends. Why would someone say I love you so much slep with me and then the next day say never contact me again? Whats that all about! I have no family in this city and not many friends so im looking for some answers to help me deal with this mess all over again. Sorry this is so long but i wanted to ba as thorough as i could. Any advice, what she,s thinking why she would do this would be sooo appriciated. Thanks a million.

the thing is.....dont put age....its all real feelings!!! I do * * * * !! to be honest but i dont now! Shes 190lbs ( idont care honestly) im very good lookin and doing movies in Canada! I would not trade her for * * * *! Im not dealing with it easier....you never will with the one you truly love! Im actually taking it quite hard... but what can i do ??? I live in a new city ....not so many true friends,,,,,thats for sure but, something great when someting forces you to connect with yourself!!

Dude you could be married for 20 or dating for a year!!!! Love is love!! The situation and my heart feels exacltly the same! Shes done it before to me ! All i want is to continue with her but she is making me numb ! Dont kid bud, Im in the same boat as you all over again but i have advice!! email removed email me kid we'll figure it out!! Randy

We split due to an infedelity of mine. It only happened one night but it did happen. We were in a very tough spot in our marriage (she was easily controlled by her father and friends and I felt I had no say anymore) to be honest even if there was no cheating I dont know how long it would have lasted. I spent many months trying to fix the problems and finally she asked me to come back home. Everything was great for about 10 days and then she asked me to leave. She refused to speak with me or see me for 1 year. When this happened I moved 150kms away to a bigger city with more oppertunity and to remove myself from the situation as I was taking it very hard. I did a ton of therapy figured out a lot and changed myself for the better. I got a great job with a great salary and all the perks and felt very good about how my life was turning out for the better. I decided to file for the divorce to clean up that whole lingering matter because I felt I was ready to carry on a new relationship with someone and I f I found the right person, didnt want to carry that into it. Boom! Thats when the emails start and thus the last 3 months together until last week when she dropped her latest bomb. I understand what happened in our marriage and sought help to change the things that were negative and distructive. I fully understood her reasoons for the seperation and took full responsibilty. Its just I have done so much work to myself and am in a great place in my life now. She has sppent our time apart by living on MSN (something new she never used to use it) talking to strangers, and has gained alot of weight. (I could care a less about that really). What I dont get is that I can understand her being curious about what has happened since our split, but she didnt have to promise me this and that, assure me to the point that we startsleeping together again and the leave without contact again? It hurts yes. Not as much as last time. Must be building up immunity. It will not happen a third tim I can garuntee that. My logical thinking says that if shes doing it still we could be together for months and months down the road and she could just decide to leave again. I think she's insecure and treats the marriage like its a high school relationship. She simply hasnt changed at all. She just pushed all the issues aside or away for a while and made believe that she was ok. Anyway I am giving her 10 days, as she never really said what she wants to yet and because this is the 5th day without any contact she is convincing me of her answer. Yes she is very cowardly. Then I am filing for the divorce. I dont even know if I will tell her I am, i might just have her served. I am still angry with her for setting my life back once again. I dont hate her but wish no further contact EVER with her after I file. Are you still in any kinda contact with your ex?

7out WOW!!! I had the exact same thing just happened to me 4 days ago. Here's the stats: Were together for 10 years married for 2 separated 1 1/2 years ago no contact or havent spoke the last 10 months send her email looking for her new address (had to serve divorce papers) emails me back starts messenging me, phone calls start, comes to the new city i live in numerous times kissing sleeping together tells me she wants to stay married is very happy makes all sorts of plans for the future we had a very good xmas calls me past tuesday after telling me the day before how much she loves me and says she doesnt know whst she wants because she'll disappoint her friends and familly if she stays married to me after being away from me for so long. Never heard from her in the last 4 days!!

I kinda get the feeling that she misses me, gets together with me for alittle while, and then when it gets too close to making decisions to stay married for good she goes away again. I told her on the phone last earlier in the week (thats when she dropped the bomb again) that the ball was in her court that I said all I could say and that she knows my thoughts and intentions. I told her I would not call her and that if she wanted contact she could contact me. The thing is that she never said she didnt want to continue with me but didnt say she did either. I am going to wait prob another week and If I dont hear from her I am filing the divorce and not telling her. She will get served and that will be that. I have cleaned up my life immensly and am ready to move on. I even spent $500.00 an a digital camera for her for xmas with a card that said "For a lifetime of memmories together" and she quits me 1 week after. I feel like a sucker 4 sure!! The last time I spoke with her I did not yell or use any kind of tone at all and she was trying to get reaction out of me but its better to kill em with kindness i think. She is a coward and although I dont hate her I am angry and wish no further contact ever with her after I file.

Yeah Im incined to agree. It's really hard now because I did accept the split after a long time trying to hang on to our marriage and was doing quite well with the whole thing, ready to move on. And then wammo!! She's back. I have been trying to look at it from every angle and not jump in to quickly and even questioned weather or not it was a good idea to even consider going back. I felt i would always wonder what if... if I didnt try and knew that I could wind upp getting hurt all over again. Well thats exactly what happened, mind you to a lesser degree of course. What bothers me is that I asked her not to lead me on and say thing like "I cant wait to have kids", "I love you so much", and just in general plan our future out before we delt with the issues at hand. She is very very very influenced by her friends and father and she pretty much does whatever they say. I told her I would not compete with that and she had to be sure she wanted the marriage to continue before making any decisions (where to live, job, etc.). It was litterally like this...Spent entire holidays together, was awesome! She told me the day before "I love you so much" and then bang next night she said " im gonna disappoint my friends and fammily If I get back together with you". She could have told me that before we started seeing each other again. I was very upfront and honest with her from the start and let her know my intentions and love for her. I dont know why she did this. This is the second time also she has done this since our seperation. I cant figure her out! I mean I believe that she cares and loves me so she must know by doing this that she is causing me much pain all over again. Any hoo, thanks for listening. Any opinions? Would love to hear them.

i have a same situation kinda. Me and my wife have been separated for about 1 1/2 years due to an infedelity of mine. It happened once and our marriage was in a non-communicado situation due to grievences with her inlaws and both of us going through financial strains. Since then I have been to councilling ( a ton!!!) and have really changed my life for me firstly but to hopefully reconcile with my wife. I have not spoken or seen my wife in almost a year but she would not reply after i wanted to move on and file the divorce. In Oct i sent her an email for the last time stating that I was filing the divorce that day. Boom!! She responds very nicely! (Long story short) more emails, MSN conversations, phone calls and the last month she has been coming up to see me ( i moved from our home town to help me get over it and have a kick ***** job as well she does now also), and we have been disscussing the future together and deciding who will move where to continue our marriage. It has been amazing until 3 days ago she calls me and says that she doesnt know waht she want because she would be disappoint her father and her friends who really love her. I told her the ball was in her court and I would leave it up to her for further contact because I didnt want her to feel pressured. I havent heard from her in 2 days. The point: This is the second time since we've been separated that she has done this! I know I have caused her a great deal of pain (myself also), but she has been telling me how much she loves me, wants to have kids with me and really convinced me about our future together. I asked her to be suare of this when we first began speaking again as it was important to me and i have really matured a lot (im 33 she's 28 by the way). Why does she say all this, knowing i've asked her not to lead me on (saying these things, sleeping with me, etc) until she was sure, and then the very next day says i dont want ya? What is she thinking? IS it just a comfort thing until the novelty wares off? I would like some opinions. I can understand happening once but happening again after 1 1/2 year of not speaking. I mean im ok, i was really hoping for a reconcilliation but i been through it before so I have to wonder if i am beating a dead horse! Thanks for listening.

i have a same situation kinda. Me and my wife have been separated for about 1 1/2 years due to an infedelity of mine. It happened once and our marriage was in a non-communicado situation due to grievences with her inlaws and both of us going through financial strains. Since then I have been to councilling ( a ton!!!) and have really changed my life for me firstly but to hopefully reconcile with my wife. I have not spoken or seen my wife in almost a year but she would not reply after i wanted to move on and file the divorce. In Oct i sent her an email for the last time stating that I was filing the divorce that day. Boom!! She responds very nicely! (Long story short) more emails, MSN conversations, phone calls and the last month she has been coming up to see me ( i moved from our home town to help me get over it and have a kick * * * * * job as well she does now also), and we have been disscussing the future together and deciding who will move where to continue our marriage. It has been amazing until 3 days ago she calls me and says that she doesnt know waht she want because she would be disappoint her father and her friends who really love her. I told her the ball was in her court and I would leave it up to her for further contact because I didnt want her to feel pressured. I havent heard from her in 2 days. The point: This is the second time since we've been separated that she has done this! I know I have caused her a great deal of pain (myself also), but she has been telling me how much she loves me, wants to have kids with me and really convinced me about our future together. I asked her to be suare of this when we first began speaking again as it was important to me and i have really matured a lot (im 33 she's 28 by the way). Why does she say all this, knowing i've asked her not to lead me on (saying these things, sleeping with me, etc) until she was sure, and then the very next day says i dont want ya? What is she thinking? IS it just a comfort thing until the novelty wares off? I would like some opinions. I can understand happening once but happening again after 1 1/2 year of not speaking. I mean im ok, i was really hoping for a reconcilliation but i been through it before so I have to wonder if i am beating a dead horse! Thanks for listening.