lifeistough

Sorry I havent replied, I read and have been reflecting on what you wrote. I appreciate the advice very much. Friso you talk a lot of sense, thank you. I'm sure I'll be posting on here again as things progress.

Right, things are going wrong between me and my girlfriend. We are seeing less and less of each other, even tho she lives round the corner. I still speak to her on the phone but she says she is sorry for not seeing me, she is depressed and needs to sort herself out. She owes me a lot of money , and she says thats her excuse. She could be cheating on me, but I doubt it. But there's always that thought at the back of my mind. At the moment I am being real soft about it, trying to be nice and supportive, but she gets angry constantly at me, like when she cant hear me on the phone she'll start saying WHAT. Maybe she has a legitimate reason for behaving like this.. I am currently giving her the benefit of the doubt. Should I carry on sucking up to her and hope that she comes around, or should I be tough and put her in her place? She is treaing me badly, but she is very volatile at the moment and is genuinely depressed over something. Part of me wants to tell her to get stuffed, but I feel like I am treading on ice and I know it would hurt like hell if I lost her because when we are good we are very good. I know I havent written the full story but I really dont want to bore you too much if anyone is reading. Any advice appreciated!

Thank you guys. You have confirmed my fears, I have told you most of the situation and I trust your senses. I am going to try my best to move on. I feel like texting her right now, or phoning her, letting her know all my feelings and, to be honest, even if I did I don't think I could get any more hurt than I am now. But from the sounds of things total NC is the way to go? Or should I send her a final letter or something announcing my inability to continue with this nonsense?

Solo, thanks for the reply. Thing is, I am sure she will never be with me. As soon as we start to get close she backs off. The new job seems like just another excuse. Maybe I am being selfish but when she is putting me through this amount of pain I tend to care more about myself than her. I do not think she would ever want me back. She sees me as a backup plan, a comfort blanket when she falls out with her friends. Actually, I saw her tonight just now in the bar ( again!!). She came up and I said hi then I basically turned away.... I don't know what to say to her. She was tarted up to the max. I seriously cannot go through pretending to be ok with her again and living in hope that she'll come back. I cannot handle waiting for her to make a decision. Whenever she decides to get back with me, as soon as I return the feelings she * * * *s me off. How can I live like this? This has been going on about 5 months now. I run a business and have employees and * * * *. I can't face going to work for the next year filled with grief and emotion while she decides if she wants me back or not. It's like I am waiting for death.

Actually she has really wound me up now. This was supposed to be my decision whether I wanted her back, not hers. She always manages to turn this around. This is the second time this exact situation has happened. Time flows like a river and history repeats

well, I decided to stop playing games and be completely up front. She basically reiterated what icemoto said with : (ex-gf) says: listen i got ur txt but hav no cred to reply jus got in a nd hav to go straight bak out again to work... i dont know why im so messed up and for that as usual im sorry i go thru stages of missing u so muc hand wishing we were still together...i know i dont want to not be talking to u as i hated it. i do think about u all the time and the last thing i want to do is hurt u which is why i dont want (ex-gf) says: to jump into anything and just end up messing everything up (ex-gf) says: things are only just startin to look up by getting a job and i want to9 concentrate on that part of my life for sure at the moment and not relationships at all. i dont want to not talk to you and i enjoy seeing u out etc but im too scared to do anything at the moment until i know whats right and best and what happens happens...if this you cant understand im osrry but dnt think i lie when i say (ex-gf) says: i think about you or miss u as it still stands i just dont want to ruin everything in my life again, i want to be normal (ex-gf) says: if i dont talk to you one day it doesnt mean im ignoring you etc (ex-gf) says: im not saying i dont want you (ex-gf) says: i must go im osrry to not be able to wait 4 reply but very late Right now I can conclusively state that I do not want her back. However the last thing I wanted was another 2 months of heart ache, butterflies and not being able to eat!

I honestly think that her recent change of mind has been because I didn't act sooner. She said "one day you might take me out". She wanted me to take her out then and there, but how could I be expected to put all this * * * * under the carpet and take her out then and there? So if she has had a sudden change of heart then maybe she has found yet someone else!! (she says she hasn't, and refuses any "heavy talk" at the moment). This isn't the girl I used to love. She was so in love with me. She said it would take years to find someone else if we ever broke up with me. She has told lie after lie to get me to still be in love with her while she does her own thing. She is right, I deserve better Unfortunately she has set my standards very high (physically). It's just a matter of finding better....

guys, I am sorry for not replying sooner. Don't think the advise didn't go unappreciated. I read every reply, I just hadn't got round to replying yet. After the past few days it appears things are not as black and white as they did when I started this thread. She is really screwing me about. She is being unintentionally malicious. She is unsure whether she wants me back. This is just too much for me to handle right now. I don't think it's fair of her, given my current state of emotion, to imply she wants me back when she is not committed to getting me back, and I have just told her so. It seems as if she is using me as a backup plan. She contacts me only when she feels lonely. She is not worth this amount of pain. If only I had the strength to tell her where to go...

After recent occurrences, I didn't expect to be posting in the "getting back together" forum again. Once again I would appreciate any thoughts or advice. But she has now made it very clear she wants to get back together with me. For those that have followed my story, she initially dumped me, we got back together, I found out she had been with someone else and sort of dumped her, then I wanted her back but she said she thinks it is best that she moves on. It has been a couple of months since then. I saw her in a bar and she started texting me things like "you looked gorgeous tonight". She is now saying she never stopped really loving me, and she has 'made mistakes'. She says no one compares to me. It sounds as if she has been with OTHER guy(s) in the past two months (I have not been with others girls). But I have not asked. Should I ask her about this? Should it matter? After all we were broken up? If she has been with other people that quick then it has lowered my opinion of her, but I don't know by how much. This is her summary of why she wanted to move on (over msn): ".i went away again the 2nd tiome thinking you wont want me and talked myself into believing its best i move on". She also said she thought I would never want her again after what she did. I do not know for certain if this is the truth, maybe she just wanted to try other guys, but I feel that she is being truthful. Now, for the past 2 months I have been telling myself I would not take her back after all this. But now she wants me back I am falling for her again. Is this bad? I am not sure if I want her back. I am playing along with it, but now it is coming to a decision time, what do I do? This seems to be at a very volatile point, and my every action and spoken word seems to have consequences. She just said "one day soon you might take me out." I said, you dumped me, I feel its your move to ask me out. She says she is very scared that I will not want her after 'all that she has done'. And the thing is, i'm not sure if I want her. Would you want her after all this? As well as my opinion of her being lowered, there is the matter of pride. She has been with other guys, and I have not been with other girls. I am sure that some people know about this. Her brother knows everything, he thinks I should get back with her and that she is being genuine about everything. But what if she dumped me again? then i'd look a right * * * *. Anyone got any thoughts or advice please ?

Thanks bkj. I appreciate it. She actually texted me last night saying "do you hate me?", I only noticed it this avo and replied basically saying no i don't, and i don't understand why she suddenly updated her faceparty like that. She responded immediately with : I'm just so messed up i have messed my whole life up. I wish i was different. I'm so sorry for everything you should hate me for what i have been like to you.x I want to reply but don't know what to say. Maybe I should just leave it. She is being so ambiguous. It could either be a way of breaking the ice and starting conversation, or it could just be her trying to relieve herself of the burden of guilt -- but which one, i have NO idea. I just want to say "what do you want from me?"

bjk, thanks. What do you advise me to do? I do not know if I want her back, but for some reason I want her to want me back. She is a pretty girl and goes out a lot. While we were together she was infinitely loyal to me. But she gets chatted up by multiple guys whenever she goes out. My friends tell me that if I am going to act, I should act fast. Do you think I should just ignore this and wait to see if she contacts me? There is a massive barrier between us now, I think only I can break it. .

Perfect Partner : always has been and always will be Why does she write that? I am finding this frustrating. She rejected me absolutely. Then she writes that. There must have been something that ocurred for her to suddenly change her mind and decide that I am the one for her. She must have tried it with a few other guys, they treater her like dirt, and then she decides she is better off with me after all!! No good, man.

renaissancewoman101, thanks for the response. I hate to think that she feels empowered by the fact I want her back, but I guess it could be true. I saw her tonight, in town, in a bar.. she looked at me in the same odd way from accross the room. She left shorly after. I got home tonight, and her msn name is "...link removed name> - updated" I read it and she has updated her profile saying the same thing but with captal letters all over the place and addressing it to me directly. I have no idea what is going through her head. If she wanted me back she should just pick up the phone or text me, or just like talk to me in the freakin bar?. But instead she types all that * * * * on faceparty and indirectly directs me to it. I think she is going through a big guilt trip for sleeping around. Or she got dumped by one of her new lover boys. I just hope I can keep thinking straight and not get eveloped again by her web of doom.

Something has happened. She has been signing on MSN over the past 2 days with the name "if i could turn back time - made so many mistakes". I had a feeling this was to do with me, I was right. She changed her faceparty, with her perfect partner being "my perfect partner will always be (me)". And wrote a long spiel about missing me, making mistakes after dumping me, and how she wants me to know how much she thinks of me. * * * is she doing? She doesn't contact me. My first guess was she wants me back. But, more reasonably, it could just be her feeling guilty and her way of saying sorry, or it could just be she got lonely over valentines day. Either way, I can't want her back after all this.. .. right?

My last post was a couple of weeks ago about seeing my ex with a new guy. Well, the past few days I have felt almost indifferent about the situation. I have hardly thought about her at all. Maybe I'll hit another low, but I doubt it? This seems so odd, 2 weeks ago I thought I'd never get over her, but now if I think about her I just feel anger rather than sorrow. In fact I smile about it to myself sometimes. I've been going out a lot recently, girls have approached but I turned them down. She is using guy(s) physically and emotionally to get over me, I have decided not to do the same. This has been a huge blow, and I'm doing so well, I don't want to ruin my quest to regain my independance.