sucker4ya
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Everything posted by sucker4ya
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Mine ended because 2 years of long distance took it's toll on us. I transferred schools, we were finally in the same place, and I was positive that was going to be enough. But I was wrong. We were both so frustrated with the distance that we kept fighting about every little thing, even after we were finally together again. He says we have irreconcilable differences, but the funny thing is...all of our "differences" are so stupid and small that a couple children could work through them. I think he just decided he wanted to play the field...I was his first everything, and he says..."how will I know if there is something better out there if I don't look?" Ouch.
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I'm in the same boat as you. 3.5 year relationship ended...4.5 months ago. I'm still incredibly torn up about it...and like you, my ex and I are not on speaking terms. Well...I keep reaching out every now and then and he keeps shutting me down...but hey, I guess having a new girlfriend a few weeks after our relationship will keep him from responding. It's hard, I know what you are going through. Sometimes I think I am never going to find someone else, sometimes I don't want to find someone else...I feel, it's either him or no one. But I know that isn't the case. One day it will get better for you and for me...and we will find happiness again. Maybe with our exes (probably not)...maybe with someone else. All I know is, it HAS to get better.
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They broke-up.... now WHAT do I do?!?
sucker4ya replied to loveisallyouneed's topic in Getting Back Together
That is exactly how I feel about my ex. I promised him I would always love him and always be there for him...and while he may have not meant it, I did...and I don't know how to let it go. It isn't bad to feel that way...but I guess you can only restrict yourself for so long. It has been 4 months for me, and I am nowhere near ready to let him go...he's happy with another girl and we don't even speak anymore, but I still love him and pray every night that we will get back together. But I know there will come a point where I will have to tuck that promise away in a part of my heart that will always belong to him...and see if I can find someone else to share the rest of my heart with. I just keep hoping he comes back before that happens... Good luck to you! I would kill to be in your position. -
Yea that's what I heard from my boyfriend too...4 months ago when we broke up. And now what is he saying? We are over, we have no future...never gonna happen. Oh yea he has a new girlfriend. Don't take those words to heart...there is a good chance she doesn't mean them.
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Ugh yea...facebook is the devil! My ex talked to me one sunday...called me and we talked for like an hour, had a great conversation...then at the end of the convo he says, well I guess I should tell you i'm seeing her (K...his new gf)...he said it was casual, nothing serious...and then the next day they both update facebook...IN A RELATIONSHIP! I was so mad!! And I can't stop myself from looking at all of their cutesy pictures together...not so healthy, but whatever. He even took John Mayer off his list of favorite artists...He was the soundtrack to our relationship basically. It hurt...it still hurts. But I still check his profile EVERYDAY. I did unfriend him though I don't know if they do it to hurt us, or if they are just trying to move forward and don't feel like they should have to tip toe around in their new relationship just because of us. But still...grrr.
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You know what happens when you break NC?
sucker4ya replied to octopus's topic in Getting Back Together
I'm sorry I know what it feels like to get nothing but rejection from the person you love. It definitely makes you think twice before picking up the phone, doesn't it? Although somehow I always manage to convince myself that this time I call will be different then the rest. The sad truth is...unless THEY are making an effort to call US...it won't be different. I asked my ex if he missed me at all when we broke up...or if he had thought about me at all the last 4 months...he said "yes...but not enough to pick up the phone and call you"...ouch. He also told me, when I asked him why he started dating his new gf so quickly after we broke up..."when you find something good, you don't let it go" Slap in the face much? I think so. Although I don't think he realized what he was saying...and how that made me feel until after the words came out of his mouth. Oh well. Apparently I wasn't something good, because he let me go without any problems. One day...that is all I have to say. One day. -
Why is it so difficult to LET GO?!? I sent him an email last week...this is what I said. I am writing you this email to say goodbye. I was hoping that you and I would really be able to be friends one day, but you do not seem to want my friendship. I do not really understand why, but I accept it. I want you to know that I am hurt by your actions last week, or inactions for that matter. You knew that I was looking forward to finally being able to talk to you face to face - you built me up Jeff, and then you blew me off. I am surprised that you could treat me so callously - do you even remember how much we used to mean to each other? Anyway, I want you to know that you still mean a lot to me Jeff, regardless of what I mean to you. And unlike you, I will always be here if you need me. I am truly sorry that this is where we had to end, and that you chose to handle it in this way. You know how to get in touch with me if you ever decide you want me in your life. If not, I hope you find happiness and success. Good luck with the semester and have fun with your internship this summer. He has not responded, but I didn't really expect him to...not for a long time I guess. I don't think I will hear from him until things with him and the new girl fall apart...if that happens. I'm still hoping they will break up, he'll realize what he threw away and come running back. Haha...so naive, I know. Oh well... I just miss him so much. I get along fine in my every day life, I don't need him, but I miss having him in my life. I think about him alot, things always remind me of him...but I have finally given up trying to contact him. For some reason, he doesn't want me in his life right now, which is the worst feeling in the world as I'm sure you all know But I don't know, I don't think that he will never speak to me again. I just wish I was strong enough to let go of my love for him...then I could move on and not want him back. But no, I love him, and even though I'm moving forward, I'm still hanging onto that hope that we will reconcile one day. ](*,) Sorry for blabbing...it's just one of those days.
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well it is a huge class...about 500 people. So I don't know how the hell she ended up in my row, right next to me...but oh well. We had this awkward looking at each other moment...and then one of his friends was sitting 2 rows ahead of us and he turns around like a second later and yells out...Hey Erin!! and then like the 5 other people who happened to be sitting there...all in his freaking business frat...they all looked at me. I was like...oh **Censored by Moderator** me.
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So I go to class today...first day of the semester. And guess who sits right next to me? His new girlfriend. I spent the entire hour and a half wanting to puke. I couldn't get up though...I didn't want her telling him I saw her and freaked out and ran away. Aaah...why do they have to be happy together? Why can't I just be with the person I love?
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Ooh...I hear stuff like that and I just pray that this is what happens to me. I guess it is nice to know it does actually happen!
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That quote makes a lot of sense to me. My dad has been telling me since I broke up with Jeff...that I will never be with him where we are now...that if we are ever going to be together again...it will be later in life, down the road, after we have both learned things, matured, and moved on. When we broke up, Jeff continued on his path, and I just broke down completely. My dad always said...Erin...you will never meet up with him at this same place again, you have to MOVE ON with your life if you EVER hope to reconcile with him...you have to cross paths again at some point, and that will never happen if you are standing still waiting for him to come back. My dad basically told me that I had to move forward, I had to catch up with him...I guess we will see if it works one day. I miss him...it's so hard moving on without him, but I know I have to. Things will happen the way they are supposed to...regardless of whether or not you move on...so I supopse you might as well move on right?
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I wish I could accept the fact that it is over...I mean I have, but at the same time it doesn't change the fact that I want it. It's like, I've made up my mind I want him back and I just can't accept that it might not ever happen. He called last night, we talked for a while...I cried alot...I have a problem being strong around him. Anyway when we were talking about the new girlfriend...he said..."when you find something good, you don't let it go"...what a slap in the face. He let me go...the girl he wanted to marry for 3 years. What, did he realize that I'm not good enough? I don't think he meant it as anything against me...but god, aaargh. I know bad mouthing the new girl is no way to win him over lol...but I just want to yell how much I hate her and how he could do so much better...she's so not cute. I haven't said anything and I won't, but it's hard to bite my tongue lol. Unfortunately I have no other option but to move on, find someone else, and see where life takes me. I know if we are supposed to be together things will work out on their own one day...but that's easier said than done. I miss him and seeing them together is taking a huge toll on me. I really don't want to go back to school because I know I'm going to see them everywhere...I'm not ready for that.
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Well I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think there is anything to do, really. He's very happy in his new relationship and as much as it kills me to see them together, it's what he wants. He told me today that when he broke up with me, getting back together was never an option. Which I don't really understand because for the first 2 weeks he said we would definitely work things out he just needed time to figure things out for himself...and then for the next month he kept telling me "we are just taking space...we just need to do our own thing for a little while"...he never said it was over and that we were never going to work it out. ARGH. I'm trying to tell myself, if it is meant to be it will be...that we won't get back together unless we have these other experiences. He also said today that we had irreconcilable differences. I felt like I was listening to an E! news daily report on the latest celebrity divorce. So frustrating. We both know our differences were nothing huge, they were not things we couldn't overcome...but no, he just threw in the towel. It has been 3.5 months almost, and it still hurts like h*ll. I know anyone in their right mind would just give up and move on, they would realize there is nothing left and that it will never happen...but not me. I still think he's going to realize what he gave up one day, that we are going to have a chance to do this again. ](*,) but at the same time...it feels so impossible. Like, how can someone who feels this way EVER possibly change their mind?
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Thank you for your post Xymox, it helps so much to hear that things DO in fact work out in some cases that are similar to mine...I know that doesn't guarantee anything, but it's nice to see!
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We talked tonight for a little over an hour. I told him how he had been making me feel with his actions over the past few months and he apologized...he sounded very understanding. More so than in any of our past conversations. I cried, I don't know...I'm so strong until I actually hear his voice and then I inevitably start crying. He said he believes we gave it all we could give, that we've been through the cycle before, and we just don't have anymore. I know he is wrong, but I can't tell him that...he'll have to realize that on his own, if he ever does. It's going to take time, lots of time. I just hope my heart can take it...it's so broken right now...sometimes I don't think I'll ever really feel ok about things. It is so difficult to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel when he is so positive right now that we don't have a future...but in my heart I know he is the one for me, I know we have more than this to give each other...I am putting my faith in the love we shared and reminding myself that what is meant to be will be. Time is the answer to everything.
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I've been doing soooo well this week. Happy and busy and meeting new people. But today I cried...just for a minute. It was 3 months ago today we broke up. I'm ok with things, way more ok with them than I was a month ago, even a few weeks ago, but I still want us back. It doesn't need to be now, but I love him and I don't know how to make that stop. We are supposed to get together over xmas break and talk about things, catch up, get closure and what not...he has yet to call me. I'm not holding my breath. But I did make the decision that if he doesn't call me by the time xmas break is over, than he has made the decision that he doesn't want me in his life on any level...and I won't be his friend. I know he wants that, he practically breaks down and cries everytime we talk about being friends. He just knows we can't be friends right now...we need time to let everything die down between us. Well, I understand that...but that doesn't mean that he needs to ignore me, or lie to me, or go back on his word. If he thinks he can shove me out of his life and treat me like crap for the next 6 months until he's ready to have a friendship, then he is in for a rude awakening. I will not let anyone push me around like that. If he values our friendship and having me in his life...he damn well better step up to the plate and make an effort NOW to show me that my friendship is important to him in the future. Argh. Sorry I'm just frustrated and need to vent. I'm also trying real hard to avoid the urge to call him...which I know I can't do. ](*,)
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Yea my ex boyfriend did the same thing. I had a bunch of his friends come up to me and say things like...wow, I've never seen Jeff drunk the entire 2 years we've been at school, and now everytime he goes out he's nothing less then trashed...yea it made me feel good Oh well, they obviously feel a need to break free...he told me he's done a lot of things this semester he never would have been able to do if he were with me. It stung, because it's not true, but I guess that's how he feels. But hey...if they are out having fun, we should be too!! Just keep it classy
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A little bit, yea...he's distancing himself from me right now because of the new relationship and because he says he wants us to be friends...but we need a 'cooling off' period. We are supposed to get together sometime next week to talk, to put closure on things or whatever. I have a lot of questions I want answered...and I'm looking forward to spending the time with him. Even if it is just for a couple hours. This new relationship of his is crazy. He's pres of his business frat, he's dating one of the girls in the fraternity. She's a year younger, they are both sooo much alike...they even look alike. The first thing people say when they see them is wow, they look like brother and sister. He's throwing himself into this relationship, and it hurts so bad. I miss being in his arms, and I miss being the person he would call at the end of the day. Now it's her. And all I'm left with is my hopes that they won't work out.
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He broke up with me...it was kinda one of those "If you don't want this anymore, than just leave"...and he did. I never wanted it to end with us. And the reason I wasn't spending time with him was because I thought it was better to put a little distance between us. He left, he said he wanted to do his own thing, so I was trying to respect that. I was trying to be strong and show him that I was ok without him...and it was working...until I lost control and freaked out and started begging and crying and acting insane!! Then he pulled away, decided we were over and now he's in a new relationship. It wasn't even 2 months before he was in a new relationship I know he is the man I want to spend my life with...I want to work it out, and I'm just praaaaying that he will come back around one day. I miss him so much.
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Aaah...so I was reading through old im's between the two of us in the months leading to our break-up and right after it. I messed up so bad. If I would have just backed off, we would be in a much better place. One night I even asked him, does it bother you that I've been going out and having a great time without you? And he said yes, but there isn't anything I can do about it. God, he was still calling, he was still telling me he loved me and wanted to work things out....why did I have to keep PUSHING HIM?!?! I pushed him so far he's with someone else now. And I probably won't get him back...and if by some chance I do...it won't be for a long time. I just miss him so much. I really hope with space from us he will realize he cares about me still. That the grass isn't greener on the other side and that we belong together. I see so clearly everything I did to push him away, I just want him back.
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I'm in the same boat as you...it hurts, it sucks, I know..I'm so sorry If you ever want to talk, vent, whatever...I'll listen! I know it helps.