knicksfan

Outta curiosity, how many of u guys had your dumper tell you that they wanted to remain friends, only to never hear from them again?

outta curiosity, at would age do most ppl, girls in particular, start looking for more serious and committed relationships? i'm 23 and every long-term relationship i know of from college has ended except for one (couple got engaged). i'm not sure if it's a coincidence or not, but in 90% of the cases it was the girl doing the dumping too. anyway, i ask bc i prefer relationships with the potential to go somewhere rather than the random hookup or casual date. i also live in a big city where it seems like ppl don't want to settle down until they're a lot older.

to be fair, i've been going out a fair amt too, but i was always much more outgoing than my ex. i'm just totally shocked by the 180 and was wondering if she'd stay that away forever or eventually revert back to her oldself? i don't want her back, but i do want her to feel regret. i've vowed to be the ex that got away and not the ex that she thanks god got away.

in a way, i'm glad that this happened. it helped me realize that the girl i fell in love with no longer exists and may never exist again. she's lost the innocence that attracted me to her and even if she wanted to get back together right now, i wouldn't be able to look at her the same.

how many of u guys have seen your ex turn into a complete party animal? i've been broken up with my ex and in complete NC for a bit over 2 months now. being an idiot, i decided to look at her friend's website and saw tons of crazy pics of her partying it up. it's weird bc when we were together, she never wanted to go out and was actually proud of her innocence and the fact that she never went out. of course she made some friends during the end of jr yr in college who liked to go out a lot and i eventually got pushed out a yr later. oh well. it's just interesting to see her turn into a completely different person. i wonder if this is going to be a temporary or permanent thing. i guess that's why she hasn't contacted me at all...been too busy partying it up. yes, i know i need to stop looking at her friend's blog. i am kicking myself now for doing it!

regretfulman, i'm in the same boat as you. i took my gf for granted and lost her. the thing is, you may get your 2nd chance later on, but i don't think it will be now. our exes need time to forget and forgive and to see that there's nothing else better. if she finds someone more compatible with her, she'll never be back and you should be happy for her. if you truly love her, you'll want what's best for her, even if it's not you. that's something i've accepted the hard way.

quick update: i ended going to the dinner party. the ex-gf did show up, much to everyone's surprise. she did not let anyone know she was coming until 10 mins before dinner started. it was extremely awkward. we did not talk to each other. besides a quick nod and hi when we crossed paths, we pretty much were out of each other's way. we all went to a club later on, which she was supposed to go to as well, but she never showed. it's probably a good thing because i had a great time with a girl i met that day, who i'd like to get to know better. i wonder why she decided to go, but i think that'd just be over-analyzing. i'm happy that these forums gave me the knowledge to not go up to her and speak because many of our mutual friends were encouraging me to talk to her and chase her. she is slowly, but surely coming off that pedestal i put her on. at this point, i think i can confidently say that i can continue doing NC either until she contacts me for reconcilliation or i am fully healed and okay with friendship. that being said, i don't see the point of being friends. i really do think NC helps. it gets the ex off the pedestal and allows you to the person for who they really were.

My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me about a month ago. She had tried breaking up with me several times over the summer, but each time I was able to talk her out of it, until it got to the point where I just didn't feel like talking her out of it anymore. When we broke up, she was very emotional and crying. We basically broke up because I was too controlling and because of my insecurities. She said that we probably shouldn't speak for awhile and that she'd like to be friends, but that it probably wouldn't happen right away. I have not contacted her at all since the breakup, nor has she contacted me. However, we were both invited via evite to a mutual friend's upcoming birthday party. I responded to the evite first saying that I would attend and she responded with a maybe later on (so she knew that I had already responded with a yes). If that maybe turns into a definite yes, do you guys think that I should skip out on this birthday party? Would I be violating the NC policy? While I have managed to not contact her so far, I am not totally over the breakup yet and part of me is still hoping for a reconcilliation at a later date. Thanks in advance for any advice.