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cinnamon_pods

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  1. cinnamon_pods
    [*]I've had a hurting break-up where i was rejected by my bf who was my best friend too [*]Someday I had a friend who I broke up with her [*]I'm one of those highly sensitive people who think & think & blame themselves on everything [*]I'm feeling terribly lonely now & need a friend bad [*]I need a hug & to feel welcomed [*]I'm totally exhausetd after the break-up & can't risk searching for friends [*]After school, I like to go to the neat shops, resturants or any place where you find those people who are trained to give you a fake wide smile & neat welcoming sentences [*]I know they do that for the menoy I pay & they wouldn't if I don't [*]I like to read the books in which the writer welcomes you & talks to you [*]I know he wouldn't if he actually meets you [*]I pay for the 'welcome' & that makes me survive [*]But I'm dying for a real hug & care [*]Anyone know the feeling of 'begging' care from people who won't listen & find you silly? [*]I wouldn't do that because it hurts me so much & I won't be able to afford that at the current time [*]
  2. cinnamon_pods
    I'm on NC for the third week or something..trying to accept & fighting the thoughts of contact that blow up now & then..( & he never tried to contact either) I tell myself I were fine before I meet him.. But..but..he does exist..he's breathing now..I wanna know how he's doing.. How I'm trying to ignore his existence? he's a fact..he's a person I know..I have affection to him...I can't just kill it! I'm not intending to contact, I know all the damage it will cause to me ( not ready to go back to the first worse days.. )& to others ( my family were satisfied when we broke up ) & may be to him, but I'm confused as always..Will that ever end...?
  3. cinnamon_pods
    It's ok breeze, hug yourself & forgive it. We need to love ourselves & be nice to them! I'm on NC & I get alot of thoughts to break it everyday. I even thought of inviting him to the forum lol. I miss being happy, I miss being excited, I wanna know his news & if he's fine. I feel guilty sometimes, confused other times, depressed most of time.. The true good moments we had..the real love I felt don't leave my mind & makes me wonder how it ended like this!!
  4. cinnamon_pods
    It's now over a week - don't count anymore - NCing. It's actually getting easier like a habit, unlike what I thought & I'm getting more certain it was the right decision. However, I'm not normal yet. There is 'unease' inside my heart & I feel like waiting for something. I'm waiting for an explanation for all this..waiting for a relief. And I can't do or enjoy anything until I get what I'm waiting for (not sure what). I also avoid anything have something to do with love (movies, etc). I go to my school & do what I'm supposed to be doing, but I'm not willing to do anything if it's up to me. Is it a normal stage? Will I pass it? I need hope.
  5. cinnamon_pods
    Thanks for the reply. I can't depend on seeing his negatives for healing, he just changed his feelings & I don' consider it a sin. I actually respect him & wish him a happy life. Anyway, I'm NCing & know its the right thing to do. Isn't that sad? I don't want to be hurt. I want a 'safe mode' of life.
  6. cinnamon_pods
    My 6th day break up. I'm now wondering, can you ever tell your relationship will last? guess not. But how we're supposed to ever love again & impose our hearts to such pain if we're not sure??! How i'm supposed to choose my 'suitable' guy? And is my 'suitable' guy that one who is in my same social & educational level & okayed by my family & is ready to marry me & live with me in a nice house soon? But what's the connection between love & all this.. I really loved my ex & believed that love is like a spirit, never dies.. I still love him & will always do, even if he doesn't. Noone can stop me. Is there a person you love & a person you can live with? I'm so confused & feel that life sucks. It's not like I imagined
  7. cinnamon_pods
    Hi there, just wanna make sure, what do NC,LC mean? sorry, I'm new to that. It's my fifth day breaking up. Yesterday, I just found myself rining him on his cell phone. That was crazy & I regreted it so much. It could hurt him if he was trying to heal too & would take us both to start like the first day. I was waiting him to ring me back tho..He didn't till now. I'm releived with that & not gonna spoil things again, hopefully. I'm also worrying about doing something on his birthday, which is next week. But I tell myself he used to say he doesn't like birthdays, so I think he won't mind not sending him a card
  8. cinnamon_pods
    Now, I miss him so much as a friend. I need to tell him about all the things in my daily life & how I feel about it, like I used to do. I need him because I'm tired & not ready now to search for a friend & tell them the detailed story of my life (which I really don't wanna remember) until they become able to understand me. He was my only real close friend & he knew everything. The other people I knew weren't that close. I tried to get closer to my sister but she's married & won't be there all the time for me to listen to my thoughts. Am I making excuses for myself to see him again? How do I overcome that?
  9. cinnamon_pods
    Thank you for replying. I always liked to appreciate my feelings & hated people who try to kill a feeling or say it's 'wrong'. But now I'm confused. How I should like my feeling & appreciate it & just keep it a 'feeling' without translating it to any fool & not wise act ? I wonder why things are not simple & why a good feeling doesn't mean it leads to a good act.
  10. cinnamon_pods
    First, I had problems with my family for knowing him. I felt so bad but stayed with him behind their back. Then, he changed his feelings towards me being not sure he loved me or that he had 'conflicting feelings'. There was no reason to stay then..It felt so hurting meeting him while everyone was mad at me & he wasn't even supporting me. I stopped seeing him, only 3 days ago. I know that was the right decision, but I can't stop having an impossible hope that he just comes holding roses saying sorry & that he loves me so much & gonna marry me & saves me from all I'm facing. I just can't give up this hope (knowing for sure it won't happen) & I fear It will lead me to meet him again or any fool thing. I check the phone & e-mail all the time like crazy & find nothing. I really don't want to go ask him to marry me while he doesn't even love me... I want to be fine & want him to be fine & happy because I really care about him & we really loved. But why he doesn't just comes & marries me & everything be fine? why there isn't this option why why.. Tell me how to forget this impossible option..
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