lizzy22

thank you blender. you're SO right. It's not love, how can it be? Thanks for pointing that out

Thanks so much. =) You're response helped me a lot

I just came here to get a little support and help from all of you. You've been so kind and understanding, even though I've done everything to deserve this. I went back to an ex I should have known wouldn't have changed. I fell for his kindness, when in all reality, it wasn't even that great. He didn't apologize either, just put on a nice act. Well, to make a long story short, the past month i've been blamed for everything that's happened. i say something wrong he snaps at me, i do something wrong i'm blamed for days. it's been awful. I'm not saying I'm an angel, but I never yell, cuss, or put him down ever, I just react to his unkindness sometimes. He views my reactions as being childish, and hangs up on me and ignores me. Then, last night he was interrogating me after i got out of a movie with my girlfriend he HEARD in the background, and still gave me the third degree. To make a long story short, he said he was sick of me, and now he's ignoring me. It's over for sure, but i just need some uplifting words to get me smiling again like i know I will be soon. I was so foolish to fall for him, but I did and now I'm trying to be strong and move ahead. Thanks everyone.

You're very right. I know what you mean about the gut feeling and I know I need to go with that. I think deep down he may be telling me the honest truth, and what he did in the past messed me up in the sense I may never be able to trust him, even when he's 100% honest. My gut feeling says he will probably get more and more short tempered with me now that we're settled in, and he may not ever cheat again, but I know what he's doing already has taken a toll on me. When I was with him before, it felt like I was always depressed- He would hang up on me, ignore me for days, throw me out of his place, and call me horrible names. I stayed out of weakness, and remembrance of the "good side" he had. I went back to him because he promised he'd changed, and realized he didn't want to lose me again. I'll give it a little more time, and if things don't change on both ends, I'll have to walk away. Thank you so much for the replies.

I'm worried about that very issue Crazyaboutdogs. I keep thinking I'm being too paranoid (which I probably am) but he isn't the kind of man that says, "everything will be ok." We've been together for 3 years and he's scared of marriage/kids, and last night he even said, "you're mean and bi**y like all other women!" If I knew he was having a hard time, or had issues with something I did to him in the past, I'd be busting me butt to try and win him back. That's just me, but I believe that when you truly love someone, you don't hang up on them, say mean things, then act like everything is ok and I'm crazy for acting the way I do. for now, I guess I'll just back off a bit, and if it doesn't get anywhere, or gets worse, I will have to go. I did it for a month without him and did just fine, so I know I can do it again. It was great for a month, now it seems he could care less if I come over or not.

Pacopaco- He's 35, so maybe the age difference (im 10 years younger) is what's preventing me from being able to believe the friends thing. Thanks for your comment. I know I should believe him regarding that issue, and not look at his past actions. He said he's truly sorry, he isn't like that anymore.... It's just he never gets together with this particular friend on Friday nights, let alone really goes out at all. We live in LA, and it's just so hard to go out anymore. Am I reading into things way too much? If he told me to come up to his place (even when he's out with his friend Friday) should I just trust him regardless. when we first got back together, he'd want me at his place all weekend. Now he's like, "whatever, come up when you want." His hang ups and name calling aren't right, but I may just be aggravating him. Should I just trust him, and stop being so paranoid? Someone posted on here that one occurrence out of the norm doesnt mean he's doing anything wrong, it's when he develops a strange PATTERN. Maybe I'll just lay off A LOT, let him call me when he wants, and stop asking so many questions, regardless of what he did in the past.

Well, we kinda mutually broke up because he had a horrid temper, and I was "annoying" him and not being mature about things. That's what he said. I didnt call him back because I knew I couldn't be with a man with such a temper, and in the past, yes, he did cheat on me. He told me he'd never do that again, he loves me and truly wants it to work, but I'm having a huge issue believing him. I may be freaking out, but can men have a good friendship with an old friend from junior high and it be strictly a friendship. I have a feeling he may see her again, and maybe even this friday when he said he's seeing his friend. Maybe I'm just SUPER paranoid and need to back off and give him space. I feel so bad if it really is all innocent, and he isn't doing anything behind my back.

I got back together with my ex of 3 years about 2 months ago. For those who followed my story in the past, he wasn't the nicest man in the world, and really treated me with a lot of disrespect when conflicts arose. Well, we broke up for a month. In my mind, it was over. he told me to go be with someone else, and he would be too so we could forget each other. we were having too many issues, and he couldn't take me "attitude" anymore. So, we broke up, and I didn't call him or anything. He would contact me a few times with texts, but I didn't respond.. Ok, jumping to the present and skipping details, we're back together. He told me in that month how much he missed me and realized how well I treated him. I'm very sensitive, and I have my issues, but I never once yelled at him, cussed at him, or put him down. When he had issues, I was there for him. I guess he realized that's tough to find in a woman. So, he's been really trying hard, and I can honestly say he's different. But, things are starting to get a little worse. I'm having a HUGE issue trusting him, even though he's trying to prove to me he is faithful. He met up with a female friend he's had for 18 years (no sex ever, just junior high friends) but I couldn't take it. I got so angry and hurt they were meeting for dinner. He said it's totally innocent, but given his past, I couldn't believe him. He's also starting to get short with me, hanging up on me when I annoy him, and getting short tempered. I'm going through a hard time, first with old issues with him, and my own personal issues, so i'm sensitive. He's been hanging up, and acting as if he doesn't really care. He told me he's going going out with his buddy Chris friday night when we ALWAYS spend the weekend together. He said I could stay at his house while he's gone, yet I still don't believe him. Do you all think there's a chance we can make it if I just stop "smothering" him and just trust him. It's so hard, and he's showing signs of his old self, but I love him so much. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thank you

I may need to, because I thought this guy was awesome. NEVER has he done this to me. He has been patient, kind, and all of a sudden. BAM. Thats why I'm totally shocked. He said he was having an awful day, his grandma is sick, but it does not give him a right to do this to me. I thought maybe I was overreacting because of my past, but I guess not.

This is a new guy. Why do I pick these guys? Ive been with this guy for only 5 months or so. Already a red flags

I was in a situation like this before, and never thought I would be again already. I don't want to be where I once was, and I just wanted to seek all of your advice, and make sure this man is not normal before I take the drastic step of leaving him. He has been a great guy otherwise, but has shown tendancies of anger, and this is huge. I asked my girlfriend, and she said in the 5 years she has been with her boyfriend, he has never even called her a name. I was utterly shocked, hurt, and put aback by his reaction.

I won't go into details, but my boyfriend has done something that really hurt me. I will spare all the details, and they don't even matter I guess, I just want to know if anyone under ANY circumstance has the right to call their girlfriend this: I get an email from him this morning saying, "good morning you wh___re, you are a liar, an f____ing loser wh___re, f you b___ch." I'm sorry if it was offensive to read that, but I had to blank the shocking part out. I balled my eyes out when I saw it. You all probably know the the words I was trying to use. Wouldn't a normal, loving person who was angry or hurt handle it without all those expletives??? The other day, he told me to shut up over and over, and I know its not right. Is this something to leave him over? Is this rage and explosive temper justified even in anger. I did NOT cheat on him, he misunderstood a situation, and he still is yelling at me.

Thats a good idea to set times that we do things. He is pretty good at doing something if I want to do it, maybe I just need to bring more things to his home that will occupy my attention. Thank you both for the post!

No response tells me I am.... its probably a stupid thing to dwell on, but it bothered me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. Things are overall pretty good between us. He doesn't really have a "real" job. He can make up to $200 a day if he is called into work, but sometimes he only works 3 times a week. to my knowledge, both him and his parents have income properties that give him money each month as well. Anyways, I worl 5 days a week, and the weekend is the time we see each other. the problem i face is he is OBSESSED WITH THE ECONOMY and is always on his computer, always watching CNN, and he is constantly checking stock prices and live ticker! He is always talking about economic affairs when his mom calls, when his friends call, and its all i hear. He tells me that one day we will be rich and be able to go on trips, but for now, this is what he has to do to make money and he needs to do this.... I would rather he had a 9-5 because at least he would have the weekend free! he has a 7 day a week job, and he doesnt take a break. We go to eat, we get coffee during the day, but thats it. Im either sitting around his place (i live kinda far so i can't just go home) while he is on the computer, or we are watching CNN or market watch when he isn't. We only have sex now once a week, and its getting old! Ive tried to talk to him about it, but he gets mad and says I need too much of his attention. Am I overreacting? I just feel that what he is doing is becoming an obsession

I have a feeling from the lack of response, I have posted a little too much. Sorry... Thanks to all those that responded to me in the past. You were all a great help! Goodbye

Wel It's been three weeks now, NC with my ex. ive posted my situation before, but to sum it up, he was pretty verbally abusive, and had a horrible temper. I had trust issues with him that took time to heal, but he couldn't understand that when I questioned him, etc... He would just get SO upset and blame ME for being so insecure and driving the relationship in the ground. He admitted to screwing up, but he IMMEDIATLEY wanted me to accept his apology and move on. Anyways, after 3 weeks NC he texts me today. He said this, "You are to blame for this (the breakup) and the excuses are no more." ok.... I didn't respond. Then he texts me again, "you ***** another guy didn't help either." I never cheated on him, he was the one that did it to me, but always assumed that I was cheating on him. I didn't respond to that text either. Then, he texts me an hour later saying that "You are no longer in my life, and you will never hear from me again." I didn't let him bother me, and went on with my work... . An hour later, he calls me, and I don't answer. I finally call him back, (STUPID I KNOW) but I was kinda getting scared because he was really bugging me. We talk, and of course its ALL MY FAULT.. He doesn't even let me explain, and he just kept telling me that since I am so much younger, I will never be in the place he is, and he won't waste his life dealing with my little kid tricks! OK.... like his little child temper???? But, I was mature and did not play the blame game, nor rub the hurtful things he did to me in his face like he did to me. So, he then started to tell me how with the next guy to never do this or that like i did to him. I said, "you know what, I am capable of being in a perfectly normal relationship, and you don't have to tell me how to act with my boyfriend now." He was like, "WHAT is THAT supposed to mean. What do you mean with your boyfriend NOW!?" He got all weird, and I didnt tell him I was dating a new, very nice guy. All I said was that Id call him back later after work. Should I even give him the time of day again. After 3 weeks NC, why did he text me now? He said this is what he wanted as closure, but this is the weirdest form of closure I have seen..

A journal would be a great idea. I haven't kept a personal one, but everytime I get sad or get the urge to call him, I post here. Its been great, but I may start keeping a personal one. I feel I will be ok very soon, and hopefully soon the good times wont even matter, and my head will be so clear that I will know that good times or not, his behavior to me when times weren't going HIS way, is flat out unacceptable.

You both are so right. Sometimes I just need to vent and get my head back in the right place when I have these moments of sadness. Im doing SO much better though, and I will continue to stay strong. Thank you again for your helpful responses..

I just wanted to vent more than anything... Ive been SO much better and stronger than last week. Its been 2 weeks now and my ex has not contacted me, and I have not contacted him. Some people on here have told me that he hasn't called by now because he may have moved on long ago, and just strung me along. That could be very true, and that hurts so much to hear it. What confuses me though is that he would always want me around, and I would stay with him the whole weekend, plus some, because HE WANTED me to. I think his guy friends have a lot to do with his decision not to call me, because he was with one of them when we last talked and had that fight, when I sent him that email that the way he treated me that night was not something I was not willing to put up with anymore. In fact, one of his friends was talking to him on the phone while I was with him, and he had said to my ex that this girl he was with pissed him off real bad, and he just dumped her on the side of the road. I don't know that circumstances, but what guy would do that!!!??? I was sickened when I heard my ex's friend telling him that. So, you know what my ex did???? The next time I did something that made him mad, he said that he would dump ME ON THE side of the road if I did anything to piss him off!!! I was sickened and very sad, because he even said it with a grin on his face. I asked if he was serious, and was like, "I don't know", "No, i was just kidding babe." The way he said it scared me, because he said it so easily, and I knew he was serious in some way. He has also told me that if I ever talked to another man in his house he would punch me in the face!! Wow, I have to believe he would have eventually done it. My ex's problems go way deeper than the things I did to bother him. I was insecure because he cheated on me and went on dirty websites like adultfriendinder and link removed to pull in girls while we were fighting. He apologized, and said he only did it because we were going through tough times. NICE!! Hes lied to me about so much, his ex, etc, and we finally decided to try harder together and put all that behind us, but he never gave me time to BUILD MY TRUST. He expected me to let all those hurtful things go RIGHT NOW, and since I couldn't RIGHT AWAY, he would yell at me. maybe its just because he is too stubborn and set in his ways, (he is 34 years old, I am 23) to pick up that phone and show someone he "cares about" that he misses her and cares about her too. I shouldn't even care anymore, but I still do somewhat, and just wanted to vent one last time. The last conversation before our fight and breakup was a picture he saw of something I sent him that meant a lot to ME, and he saw it and called me, and said, " I just wanted to tell you I love you." I keep thinking of that, and not the bad times, but I guess that shall pass too. I hope... =(

Hello: My recent ex is an actor, and I will turn on the tv and see him in shows like CSI or Bones, and it hurts now, but like everyone says, soon you will look at that person, or their ex in your case, and be like, "what was I getting all worked up for??" Most of the time actors who date other actors end up breaking up eventually anyways. Sounds grim, but its kinda true. Im thinking thats why my ex had SO MUCH ANGER and took it out on me, because he was a struggling actor in LA, and half the time their one moment of fame is on one of those lame MTV shows or something. Dont worry, soon you won't even care. =)

You all helped me pull through it, and I made it through the night without contacting him, and I feel much better. Yes! Well, when I said annoying, I meant Im human, and I am ultimatley a different person than my ex, thereforeeee presenting conflict sometimes that instead of being handled like a loving human, my ex would yell and scream. He was so different from me in many ways, and I could make a list of things he did to annoy me, but I didn't let them bother me, and if they were serious, I would calmly talk to him. The things he found to be so annoying were things like leaving paper towels around, sometimes leaving my stuff out, etc. I was NEVER mean, cruel or angry, but he was annoyed at EVERYTHING. Anyways, you guys are awesome, and I can tell you that it is getting easier with NC. You kinda see how much the other person is not worth getting worked up over. I guess I just was having a sad moment because I wasn't busy for an hour. =)

Hey Everyone. I never thought that my once strong self would be in such a pathetic mess. I miss my ex a lot today, and Im regretting my break up email i sent last tues. I dont know why Im feeling this way, as he was verbally abusive, and treated me like a child sometimes. Maybe Im just thinking of all the good times, but I just want to email him so bad today for some reason and tell him that I didn't want things to end the way they did, and that I was just angry at him when I sent him that email. I have posted many times before about this situation, but basically my ex misunderstood me having attitude last tues, hung up on me before I was even able to explain myself, and wouldn't take my calls for over 2 hours when I apologized pathetically for my "attitude." My attitude was because my car was broken into, and when he finally called back, he felt a little bad, but he still wanted to know what the cops said, if I had a police report, etc, like he didn't believe me. he thought it was all an excuse. He brushed me off, said sorry about my car, and said he would call me later that night to talk. I was so mad at him i sent him an email saying that I had had enough of his insensitive attitude and the way he NEVER would accept my apology or let anything go. It gets old, but I did NOT want our 2 year relationship to end by an email. I sent him that email last tues, but I also said in it how much i loved him, but the way he was treating me was unbearable. I haven't heard back from him, and I feel so bad now because I care about him... I know if he really wanted to he could fight to win me back, but he hasn't, and im just feeling bummed like breaking up with him that way was a mistake. Please everyone help me from emailing him or contacting him.

What you've said has helped tremendously. Its hard, but I know I will be ok soon if I just let it be, and move on, not caring where he is, what he is doing, or why he hasn't called. Yes, getting back with an abusive man, no matter what I did or didn't do for him, is not an option. There are men out there who will love me even though I am not perfect. Thank you again.

Thanks Everyone. Im kinda having a hard day, realizing that it is done for good. I at least wanted to talk to him one more time, but I made my decision, and I would look stupid trying to text or call him again, which I WILL NOT. Its tough to think about him moving on already when I am thinking about him so much. I just have to remember that his verbal abuse was not what I needed or deserved, and soon I won't care that he hasn't called. Its just weird, maybe he didn't even care in the first place, so if he doesn't miss me or care to call, why should I??