jimpster2005

Regardless of the fact that a woman cannot have or does not want kids, I believe that women are at some level 'pre-programmed' to look for these qualities in a man. Unfortunately, not everything goes to plan due to our 'free choice' and outside influences (media etc), so when two people get together who are not ready or right for each other, then their 'problems' will be passed onto the kids and the problem continues through generations... It's just a theory, but I believe it makes sense. Human beings are still very underdeveloped as a species and are thus imperfect. There's far more to this than I have have time to type - I suggest reading 'The Celestine Prophecy' for an outline view of how I believe life works - a view which is backed up and enforced by scientific findings...

There are plenty of nice guys out there - I'm one of them! The problem I've had is that I've been too nice in the past - and still have some work to do on this... I couldn't fully appreciate that I would be a turn off if I was all nice and sweet and giving to a woman, but now I've worked out why... The way I see it is that there are two extremes, bad boy and nice guy, neither of which will on the whole lead to a totally successful relationship. There needs to be a middle ground - a decent, honest guy who stand up for his beliefs and looks after himself and those around him. I believe that nature engineers it this way so that women have successful relationships with men who will be good providers, romantic lovers and good protectors for the new life that women bring into the world - kids. This is what 'life' is about at it's basic level - successful evolution. When a woman is attracted to a 'bad boy' this is because she's not ready for a relationship herself - she has her own drama to sort out first - neediness, lack of excitement in her own life etc When she's finally worked out her drama and is content, she will more than likely bump into a nice guy, who by then has worked through the phase of being too nice. Result - successful relationship!

Dunno. I might just leave it and see what happens. If she calls then great, but if she doesn't then I'll find someone who's more interested in me without all of this 'up and down' nonsense. Maybe I'll change my mind if she hasn't contacted me by Christmas Day...

Hi, Here's the story: Seeing each other a couple of weeks. We went out one evening (no alcohol) - both had fun, she stayed over - cuddled up, comfortable, slept together (not for the first time). Next morning - barely spoke to me, seemed vacant, we parted awkwardly (mainly because of how she was acting). Messaged her wondering what was wrong later that day - no reply. Next day, messaged her again - light-hearted just to say hi - no reply. What should I do? Do I call her tomorrow and see if she's OK or is this what's called giving me the cold shoulder - should I take the hint? Seems so odd that things can be so different from one day to the next.

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OK, so I won't change my plans. Pretty much decided on this one. This feels like a test that the universe has sent me. Sort of like I failed last time (making the 'wrong' decision by quitting my travels for someone else) and it's giving me a second chance but with a similar incentive to quit again! It's the only thing that would make me reconsider such a big decsion and ti's now happened twice!!! The past year or so has been a massive period of personal growth for me from an unhappy state of pleasing other people and not being true to myself to doing things I want to make me happy. I can't stop thinking there's more to this new situation in the bigger picture. Anyone care to comment?

Hi, I've recently quit my job with plans to travel for three months from January. Sod's Law then decides that I get it together with a really fun, attractive young lady I've had my eye on for a while. Obviously it's really early days, so I'm trying not to think too far ahead, but clearly I'm questioning my motives to travel now! Life is probably the best it's ever been right now which is all culminating towards this trip. Met loads of great friends over the last year and my life has almost completely changed for the better, although travelling is not an escape from anything (I think!). Thing is, almost this same thing happened 18 months ago. I met someone mid-travel and decided to come back home to see how things went. Didn't work out that time after 7 months (first relationship) but no regrets. What is the universe/God trying to tell me with the whole relationship/travel thing!?! Is it a test? Thanks for any advice.

Hi, I've been working for the same company for the last four years. It's my first job in my chosen career. The company is small - just five people, and after two managers, I'm the most senior person there, and am highly respected. I've reached a situation where I think it's time to move on as the company isn't really going anywhere and I'm just doing the same thing on a day to day basis - not really learning any more, but I just don't know what to do. The problem is, that the management (who I don't have a great deal of respect for to be honest considering the lack of speed in growth of the company) appear to finally be getting their act together and more work might be coming in soon. They have big plans. If I leave, I might miss out on a good opportunity to do some interesting work. The job is comfortable and pretty well paid, in a nice part of town with quite a few perks and mostly nice people, but it's not stretching me and I feel as if I don't leave at some point then I'll regret not seeing what lse is out there. I don't want to be there for the rest of my life, so I guess that means I'll have to leave at some stage! If I left, I'd hand my notice in and leave by Christmas, go travelling for a few months to pursue another interest of mine - photography - and then return home and freelance for a bit before probably trying to find a job at a big company. Basically, I feel like I'm in a rut and would like to see what else is out there, although I'm concerned that the rut could potentially get better and I'd miss out having built myself a nice little niche. My heart says leave and do something different - take a risk for once - but it's so difficult to decide - can someone who's been in a similar situation offer some advice? Thanks.

I don't. ;-)

'Why do some people act really confidently and others are extremely shy?' The answer could be in your question! Some people ACT really confidently. Pretend to be confident, and after a while you won't need to pretend any more

I believe it more and more every day... What you think defines who you are. Check this out - truly fascinating stuff: link removed

Hi, I'm a bit mixed up and have been for a few years now. I've been seeing a counsellor for the past 6 months to get to the root of my problems and it certainly has helped. I have issues with trying to please people, trying to fit in, self criticism, anxiety and depression, self-loathing and low self esteem - so quite a lot! I will certainly say that I feel better about things in general and having my thoughts analysed does mean I can tackle my negative thinking. But from time to time - yesterday being a prime example - it just all goes to pot and I end up spending the whole day lounging the house around feeling sorry for myself, sleeping and weeping desparately in the mirror saying bad things about myself. Always manage to give myself a smile and some encouraging words afterwards, but it's just so hard. Today, I feel much better, but I know that it will probably happen again. I've got to a point where I'm stuck and where forward movement will require changes - which just seems so difficult right now. Here's some of the things I feel about myself and how I can disprove some of them: 1) I don't have many friends I do have friends, but they're spread all around. I moved to London a year ago and I'm finding it hard work. I don't really know many people here and have no family in London. Sure I have some friends and know some people, but I still spend most weekends bored and alone because a) I feel unable to initate things with some friends because I feel that they're doing their own thing and b) it's just not something I've ever done before - arranging to do things that its... 2) No-one would want to know me or love me Untrue for the most part. I am a decent, good and fun person, but I feel that that's not enough. I've only ever had one relationship (I'm 27) which crumbled when she found out some of my negative thoughts. I've only ever asked one girl out in my life, although I have been asked out as well. I just don't feel that I'm worthy of a relationship as I am or rather that it's below me to acknowledge these thoughts. Relationships are for other people and not me I want someone to love me for who I am, even though I feel unable to do that myself. 3) Everyone else is doing more than me Obviously not true, but it sure feels that way. Weekends are the worst. I often have nothing to do, other than watch TV, do work on my computer or wash clothes and get though the day. I rarely go out, but would like to do so. I love getting back to work, because I have a role and can have a laugh with my workmates. My social life is work, but I'm leaving soon, because I want to see more of life in another bigger company that challenges me more. It's difficult in a sense because I'm worried that it'll be a mistake and the only part of my life that I feel reasonably comfortable in will be no more. I have terrible difficulty actually doing anything about how I feel - it's so ingrained. What's stopping me going to the gym? What's stopping me joining more groups and making friends? I have joined one group and have made some friends there but have yet to take it to being friends outside of the group as yet - it just seems so hard. I have difficulty leaving my house at the weekend becasue I always manage to find ways to 'get by'. Even going for a walk takes effort. How can I make that leap and start taking action and beat this laziness and begin to tackle these negative thoughts. Can I really be happy? It's so hard to get moving, and yet everytime I do positive stuff I tell myself it's not that hard after all. Why don't I remember this and act on this to put myself out there? I know what to do, but doing it is so so hard. The difficult part is that people really like and love me. I am well respected at work, everyone thinks I'm confident, funny and intelligent. My family love me and the impression I give of myself to other people is comfortable, optimistic and as though I know what I'm doing. Why can't I see these positive things about me instead of focussing on the negatives? Can anyone relate to how I feel? Is self-acceptance the key?

Whose life are you leading here? Yours or other peoples? You create your own reality by doing the things you do. There is no such thing as normal behaviour - everyone's definition is different. Just because the majority choose a certain path with their lives does not mean that's the right path for you. Always put yourself first (without being horrid to others of course!) and you can't go wrong. Well you can, but you know what I mean!

So you have difficulty fully relaxing in new situations and with new people? Sounds like you're normal to me! Look at it logically - everything takes practise. From learning to walk, to picking up a new skill or indeed learning about new people enough to interact with them on level you're both comfortable with. That helps me get through difficult situations like that - and it always, always gets easier. Just remember that you can't expect to get along in every situation - no-one's perfect!

I understand your point about living in the NOW, and have done some reading on this subject myself. However, I still think that it's important to live with an eye on the future and an eye on the past. Only with this outlook can you decide whether what you do NOW will help you reach where you want to be in the future, or whether it will lead to repetition of mistakes that you've made in the past. Also, I thing you need to start thinking less and doing more! Easier said than done though I can tell you