thoyneeka

do you still have contact?

the more i think about it, i really don't care. if it was that big of a deal about her not liking my friend, i wouldn't have said ok and gone out with her the very next nite. we just had this conversation last nite about why she didn't want to go/why she doesn't like my other friend... not on my bday. when she said she didn't want to go i just said okay, i was happy, but i said okay. i'm not so silly as to say, well u should like all of my friends, that's not realisitic. i think really what more upset me was that she was so quick to call me inconsiderate but she was also being inconsiderate. i just felt like that was hypocritical.

no, we did go out already, the day after my birthday. my thing is how can i be selfish for something and she's doing the same thing... not considering my feelings. the thing is this, she says my other friend is fake because she doesn't hang out with her when i'm not in town. i think that's childish.

My birthday was a few weeks ago. I have friends who are not friends with each other (that's very normal and fine and dandy). But one of my friends didn't want to come to dinner on my birthday cause another friend was going to be there. Mind you, they've never had fights or anything outrageous, they just don't talk outside of me being the connection factor. So, she attempted to compensate by taking me out alone the next night. I told her I thought that was selfish of her not to come out on my birthday when she was very well able. Because like I said, they don't HATE each other or anything. I asked what was the big deal in just sitting for an hour and half to eat. Afterall, it was my birthday and bottom line: isn't it my day to celebrate the way I want?? For instance, if I have 15 different friends and we all don't hang out together all the time on a regular basis, why should I celebrate my birthday 15 different days? My birthday was the 25th not any other day. Her exact words were "I'm not going to be put in a situation I don't want to be in and you're selfish for not considering my feelings".

If he were to propose, I don't know what I'd say. I feel like we have issues that need to be addressed before that can happen. The idealistic part of me says just say "let me think about it". But my heart says, girl get real, if he got done on one knee you'd say "yes" and hope to iron out the problems while picking out your flowers. Part of me knows I should prepare for the worst, but I'm still hopeful I guess. When I told him I hope he gets what he wants someday, he did say "me too since you can't be patient for 2 more weeks". So I kinda feel like he wants to air things out in person, but not break up... he's just being inconsiderate about the way he's manipulating the relationship. Overall, I'm just afraid. I know I don't want to break up.

haha, its so much going on with the both of us individually. honestly, i didn't feel like he was gonna break up until he said "we need to talk". but because we haven't had real conversations since he had his little melt down, maybe he just wants to talk about why he wigged out, and how we can fix it. if he was to propose, i wouldn't say yes. but i don't want to break up either.

i just don't get the "we need to talk" but not now, we'll talk in two weeks. if i wanted to let go of someone that i don't see on a regular basis, i wouldn't wait 'til we see each other to give bad news. one of my friends thinks that he has a ring too. that's funny. he did want to propose last year on my b-day, but that got sidetracked.

NOTE: ignore the clown smiley, don't know how that got there.

Ok, my b/f and I have been long distance for 6 years. of course over 6 yrs ld, we've had problems, but we've worked through them all. we've known each other for about 11 yrs... so we've been friends not just b/f & g/f. anyway, this year has been difficult for us both. i've been more successful with school and getting my career started than he has. so from what we've tlaked about in the past, i know he's stressed about finances and not being "where he wants to be in his life". we can't see each other as much as we'd like, and that bothers him because he knows thats what we both want. i have more money and time (cause my job is flexible and pays me okay) so i do most of the traveling. the current situation is that back in oct., i was going through an emotional wringer. i had just visited him the week b4 and it was great. he had one day off from work the 3 days i was there. he took me out which is rare because eventhough i visit, he doesn't necessarily have time off to go out and do things. we usually just stay in and spend time together when he comes from work. so, a week after this great visit, i called him and left a voice message asking him if we can plan a visit when he can come see me. i really wanted him to come so we could spen time in my space (without his room mates). i didn't say "you need to come see me within 2 weeks or anything. i simply said, "can we plan a visist, i really need you to come see me sometime". the next day, he calls me and says that he's too pressured and he can't deal with me anymore. he said that he can't make anyone happy. he said he was tired of trying to make everyone happy while he was stressed. so then he says i'll talk to you later when i'm ready, but until then i'm not talking to you. so since then, there was thanksgiving and my b-day. he called both times. he's replied to a few texts i sent (mostly i was saying "i hope you're feeling okay" or "i miss you") and he said "i'm okay" or "i miss you too". and then i had a major thing happen and of course i called him to let him know. and he checked on me a few days during that. but since thanksgiving 11-24 & my birthday 11-25 and said i was just gonna stop contact completely because he said i hadn't really given him time to get over his anger. Nine days into my nc, he calls me and says "we need to talk when we go home for christmas". i said okay, and that was the whole conversation, we hung up. i didn't like those words and i started thinking he wanted to break up. so a day or two later i texted him to ask if he still wanted to be together. his reply was "we'll talk when we get home". and i replied "if you want to break up, why wait, just let me know what i'm waiting for" and he said nothing. so then i sent another saying "i hope you get what you're looking for. i wish things could've been different". he replies to that message and says, "me too since you can't listen and be patient for 2 more weeks". okay, i see how he MAY feel like i was being impatient. but what gives him the right to manipulate the relationship. why do i have to be understanding but he doesn't? guys, if you wanted to break up would you wait 2 weeks to do it in person? i guess he could just want to talk, but why go out of your way to call and say those dreaded words "we need to talk"???? its not fair, i'm sitting here twirling my thumbs wondering what the crap he's thinking and he gets to call the shots? GUYS: comments or suggestions on how he my be feeling!!

i really don't know. i feel neglected very often actually. but i always accept his reasons/excuses and sometimes i even make them for him. we've been together for so long. i always think that if we were in the same city i would be okay with him working or being busy, because then we'd probably spend so much time at each other places. i'm always shaky on this subject. i go back and forth between complaining to him or ignoring the way i feel about it all.

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a LONG TIME- 6 years. We've had issues about how often we speak to each other on the phone, text message, or what have you. He's so busy that he's okay with not talking eveyday. ON the other hand, I'm only at work 3 days a week, so i have tons more time alone. He's recently taken a 2nd job and now he's ALWAYS tired. So now there's not much time for visits OR phone time. I understand this, but it doesn't make it easier for me. He thinks that because he's working and earning his income, that I should not only understand, but that I should fully accept it by not being upset that we don't get to talk much. Am I overreacting or something? I do feel neglected. But he thinks I don't have the right to feel neglected because he's working and this how he pays his bills. How should I handle this? I think there should be more compromise on his part. For instance I asked him to send me a text when he gets home and feels like he needs to head right to bed to say "i'm home, i'm really tired, gonna head to bed". But there's been times when 2-3 nights in a row where I don't get a phone call (not even when i've left him a voice mail first) or a text message. So how do I let him know that he still needs to make an effort, without sounding like i'm selfish, or without sounding like i don't care that he's struggling financially?

well, i'm in the us. and i went through a similar situation, not as bad though. but here're my advice. i think you should shoot to bring your GPA up and plan on medical school, but definitely have a plan B and plan C. GPAs do not recover very easily at all, and med schools will consider both your overall GPA as well as your cumulitive science GPA when you apply. you can always pursue a graduate degree after you finish your first. if you do well the entire time while working on your grad. degree, you will fair a bit better when applying to medical school. medical schools everywhere are extremely competitive. i was a biology major with a chemistry minor in undergrad. i graduated with a 3.2 GPA & i took the MCAT 2x, but didn't fair very well. i never really studied for the entrance exam, so that was my fault. i never actually completed the application process for med school because i knew it was unlikely i'd get in. also because i was teaching a university level anatomy lab while working on a master's degree and fell in love with becoming a professor (did u know that a professor at a medical school or allied health school can potentially make the same salary as a physician, with far less stress!) but i think medical school just wasn't for me. i saw somehing else that i was really good at & i had to come to grips that medical school wasn't it. so i've decided to pursue a PHD instead of an MD, instead of being a doctor, i'll make doctors when things like what you're going through happen, it may be just part of someone or something trying to tell you that you may need to consider other career options. schools over seas, like st. george's in grenada and such, used to be guarenteed placement for students who had less competetive scores, but these days those schools are becoming harder to get into as well. they've recently started requiring the MCAT when in the past they didn't. i know a friend who interviewed for a school in Dominica, but was rejected (she had finished her Bachelor's degree with a GPA of about 2.8 if i remember correctly and her Master's degree with about 3.1-3.2). Don't be discouraged. Do everything you can to bring your GPA up, but just know every quarter/semester on your transcript counts when you're applying to medical schools. just be sure to work harder and get the "extras" in order: make sure you're volunteering with physicians, make sure you knock out ALL of your science classes with strong As no less than Bs especially organic chemistry, start preparing for the entrance exam as soon as you can, and start becoing familiar with the overall application process now, don't wait until its time to apply to do so. Good Luck!

the ex factor, (when it)hurts so bad- lauryn hill (miseducation of lauryn hill) used to love you-john legend (get lifted) better off apart-brandy (full moon cd) who i am-brandy (afrodisiac) i hate u so much right now, get along with you-kelis (kaleidoscope)

the problem is that if i say anything to him, he's going to just ignore it or get more mad. he feels like its his time to be mad. he thinks that him doing this is just part of the consequences that i have to suffer. oh yeah, i got a call yesterday morning from a university, they want me to interview for a position. this job will bring me closer to him (about 30 mins away). i sent him a text message about it as soon as i confirmed my interview time because i knew he was at work. i figured he would respond later. so later that evening when i still hadn't heard anything, i called him. he was getting ready to go to a party and seemed bothered that i called. so i let him go. but then i remembered that he hadn't said anything about my interview, so i texted him again. he said he didn't get the earlier message. so i explained that i the school called and i scheduled an interview... his response, "ok. that's good". i am really pissed right now. i'm so tired and frustrated with the entire situation.

so do you don't get jealous? why do you you want him to be jealous? so explain to me, what's so good about an open relationship? is it just to give each other built excuses, you know to avoid being hurt by another's mistakes or indiscretions?

and yes, if you fear that you have true attraction to these 2 guys that you could one day build a relationship from, you need to cut ALL contact with them... that is if you want to stay with your bf. believe me i know!

hi sugar, i think that deep down, maybe you really want an entirely exclusive relationship with your bf. you want him to a bit jealous, but if the relationship is open, then you shouldn't have any problems with the fact that he doesn't get very jealous. maybe an open relationship was okay in the beginning, but maybe since you two are still together it would be better to have more defined boundaries. likewise, if you find yourself really attracted to 2 other guys (more than just sexual attraction) then you have a big problem. if you're attracted to other guys and you have an open relationship, then you really don't have any TRUE committment to your bf. i think you need to really think about what you really want out of a relationships first, then you should discuss it with your bf. good luck.

hi all, my bf and i are going through a heap of mess right now. i have a recent post in the LDR forum that gives my story. my bf is upset right now because he found out that i spoke to an old fling (not flame, i never had a relationship with this other guy). it was innocent and since then i have gone through extreme measures to make sure that this other guy no longer has contact with me. at this point, i'm really frustrated because i do understand how my bf feels, however, he feels like its his right to be mad and stay mad. he doesn't have to actively forgive me. so this incident occurred on 06/26. he hasn't been calling me. i didn't call him at all the first 3 days afterwards to give him time to calm down. i went to talk to him in person (over the 4th of july holiday) and he was cordial for the most part, but we might as well been in 2 different rooms the whole time. my problem is that he doesn't understand that by him dictating when we will or won't talk, he often makes me feel like i can't depend on him. mind you, this is not only the case when something has truly upset him. he usually is so bogged down with stress and his on emotional issues that i feel like he feels obligated to call me, but that he doesn't really want to. half the time i have to push, prod, and poke him into a conversation. how can i tell him that when he acts like this that it makes the situation worse? i do believe he has the right to be upset, but why hold onto it; i mean if he decides that this is nothing worth leaving the relationship over, then why be mad? we already don't get to see each other.

hopefully everything will work out. speaking to C 2 weeks ago was not worth all this trouble. now that i've taken some extra precautions to make sure we have no contact (because C can't understand why we can't "just be friends"), i want have to go throught his again and as time passes my bf will grow through the trust issues that he has with me.

LostinTranslation, Thanks for the encouraging words. I changed my information not just for my bf, but for the relationship as whole. I didn't do it because my bf insisted or anything like that, but I felt it was necessary that he saw real effort. Besides, not letting the other guy have instant contact with me is better in the long run. Its good to know that stuff like that will help with the healing process.

i just wanted to clear something up... C emailed me today. I didn't open the emails, I didn't reply, I didn't contact C in any manner. I did tell my bf about it via a text message to let him know that I'm making an extremely large effort not to contact this guy, although C is obviously not doing the same. I can't block C from emailing me at this address because we both subscribe to hotmail/msn & its against their policy to block members. so i'm stopping use of that email address next week (i'm still checking to forward messages to my new email & to make sure no one is still trying to contact me there).

i wanted to let my bf know about those emails because it shows that i'm making an effort to break contact with C. how else is he going to know that i'm doing what i said?? don't actions speak louder than words? so i let him know that C emailed me, but i didn't acknowledge them, that's why i told him. i don't need to have any friendship with C at all. that's my point, i can't keep people from contacting me. i told him that my bf doesn't like us talking, but C says we can be friends. i told him no, not true. thus the reason why i have now changed the cellular number that i've had for about 4 years and why after next week i'll no longer use the email address that C has for me. i think you misunderstood, i'm not at all trying to maintain contact with C.

my bf is not necessarily unwilling for me to move to the same town. i asked him last night if he'd help me find a place to live if i got the job, to that he said we'll see. that's better than no. its just very bad timing. i am aware that my bf & i will have to work on rebuilding the trust, which is why i'm doing everything to reassure him. we've been talking a bit, but he just needs time to let go of some of his anger. we are both well aware that if he doesn't trust me, the relationship will not work. i've been trying to figure out why i couldn't just ignore C before this. my bf also made a valid point to emphasis that i need to trust myself too. this is why i'm doing everything i can to thwart any unecessary contact. the recent incident with C was contact via email. i sent him a text about the emails i have in my inbox today. i thought it was important for him to know that i'm doing what i said. i let him know that i didn't even open them. i thought it was the right thing to do, but i'm a bit afraid that it'll just make my bf even more mad.

When we were in a high school program, I met this other guy ©. As a upcoming high school junior, I ended up breaking up with my current bf. Shortly after I went to a few movies with C we hung out and fooled around. We were not a couple and I knew he was "hanging out" with other girls. Then C was off to college because he was older than us. At the time my bf thought I broke up with him to be with C (and to this day i know he still thinks that-although I have told him otherwise). I was only a high school junior and he was going to be a college freshman. I was not dumb, I didn't want a relationship with C. I just thought my bf as a high school junior was a bit immature & besides, we were in highschool... my standard high school relationship was 3 months max. We've (C and i) had contact on and off through out college. Back in Nov. when I told my bf I wanted to see other people, it was after I had come back in contact with C. Mind you, C was not the first guy that i'd given my number to or went to dinner with. At that point I felt like I didn't have a bf anymore so I didn't have to act like it. That's when I told my bf that I wanted to see other people. My bf thought that it was simply because other guys were trying to steal me away. But it was simply that I was not happy with the relationship anymore. Back in undergrad when a guy approached me, I would immediately say, no I have a bf. By my 2nd year in a Atlanta, I didn't see the point anymore. I was not interested in starting a relationship with C, but we both expressed mutual feelings for each other. He knew that and he knew that if my bf came around I would give him a second chance. So longer story short. So that's as far as it went. My bf just feels like C is the ultimate threat. Now, I've checked my email TODAY and have 2 messages from C. Although he agreed not to contact me anymore because of the recent events (I told him I won't be speaking to him either). I don't know if they're real messages, one is a forward. I didn't even open them. I can't block his address because I have an hotmail account and so does he... msn/hotmail won't allow memebers to block other members. I plan to stop using that email address in about another week after all my important contacts make use of a new address that I have.

Hi all, I'm new to the forum. I have been dating my bf since the summer before my sophmore year in college. We've known each other since 9th grade. We've been long distance the entire time, only seeing each other every couple of months, and some whole summers when we still traveled home for summer breaks. Now that we're 25, we don't travel home for long periods of time anymore and only see each other every other month or so. With the popularity of cell phones, of course we've come a long way in the telephone dept. We talk just about every night and we text whenever we need to. The problem is I'm tired of this whole long distance thing. This past Nov. I told him that I wanted to see other people (at the same time he was planning to propose- of course i didn't know that). He's been in Alabama (Tuskegee Univ.) and I've been in Florida & Georgia. Back in undergrad we were about 4.5 hours away and he only came to see me 2 times. Since I moved to Atlanta for grad school in fall 2002, he's only been here about 2 times... and now we're only 1.5 hrs away from each other. I can't count the number of times I've gone to see him. I've rode the bus, rented cars, and put tons of miles on my car. When I told him that I wanted to see other people, he showed up (one of the two times) at the drop of the dime. We both did some re-evaluate, individually and as a couple. We have huge communication issues because of the way we both were raised, but i guess since i'm a female i tend to be a bit more open. And the long distance is no help. He promised that he'd come see me at least 1-2 times a month... he hasn't been to Atlanta since my graduation in Dec. So, here's the most recent problem. I don't want to be in different cities anymore, but he keeps saying I'm not ready (Iguess because when he thought he wanted to propose, I wanted to see other people). We don't have to live together, but I don't see the point of being apart. I find myself wondering if this is worth it. Most recently, he found out that i had spoken to someone from a past fling. Of course he got mad. But in my defense it was innocent, wrong still, but innocent. so I apologized and we're trying to make ammends. I just don't get how he feels it right to dictate/control when I'm ready for anything "bigger". When I feel like, the longer it takes for our relationship to progress, the more likely I am to want to say again... I think we should see other people. I have a job interview at Tuskegee Univ., but I'm not sure if he's completely supportive of it (because of the fact that he's mad- because I talked to the other guy he immediately said "see that's why I'm not moving down there"). I'd be right there with him, I'd be able to continue working on my career goals. Now that he's mad about me talking to this guy and don't know if I should. I already have a job offer here in Atlanta at a community college. We do love each other. I think he's afraid. I know myself, I get lonely and need lotsa attention, which he doesn't give because he's always working or has something else to do. So outside of phone calls and an occasional visit that I make to him, he hasn't kept up his end of the deal that we made back in Nov. When I ask him about it he says "what do you expect me to do, you know I have to work" But we're only 1.5 hrs away. Even when he only has one day off he can come the evening before, stay with me that day and be back the next day for work. Any comments, suggestions?