Outcast-Angel

i think i like my writting better when it *is* abstract, because i can read it in different situations, and it still applies, without reminding me overpoweringly of the circumstances which led me to write it.. plus, i was always worried that someone would find them, and find out some stuff i don't tell anyone if i was blatently clear as to the subject matter.^_^;;

^_^ thank you.. i don't think i want to write any new poems on the same subject though. it's twisted, but i miss him, especially when i start writting poems like that. i guess cause i have to dredge up all the emotions. re-live them all. maybe i'll edit an older one.

These Dreams by outcast-angel why can't you feel these dreams the way i do? why can't you feel the despair the pain and cruelty as sharp and poignantly as i do? feel the love and loss, the seething hatred and numbing shock when i do? why can't you taste these bitter thoughts when i see you there beside me? why can't you taste the salt of our skin, in my tears, in my blood the bitterness of betrayal, of your love, in our words and curses why can't you see these sick parodies we put ourselves through? why can't you see the tenderness, the violence in our acts of love and of hate the spinning, dizzy confusion dance we spin into our world why can't you hear our voices ringing throughout my memory? why can't you hear the softness in my words, the possessiveness in yours the sound of flesh hitting flesh, over and over the sound of pain, the hollowness in your eyes

thanks.. this one wasn't about a guy though..

i hope you really said those things to whoever likes to verbally lash out at you so much.. well written!

i'd say definitely pick up some blistex or chapstick, they both work wonderfully. but also, try drinking more water/less coffee and pop. part of the problem could be that your body is dehydrated.

Mists by outcast-angel faces loom in front, to the sides sneering, leering, pitying and loving they walk right through me, cold chills can you tell me which of us is real? i'm the one who feels your pain, kept your secrets beyond betrayal whilst you wrapped yourself, safe, secure in a blanket of our old ties, severed from me can you tell me which of us is real? my mind is burning, freezing in still-pictures killing me from the inside, warping my thoughts your thoughts continue to flower, abomination your eyes still revel in daylight as well as night are you trapt by the looming faces? penned in on all sides, alone gaze through the mists of insanity can you tell which of us is real?

sweetheart, it doesn't matter if you are bi, i mean, you said yourself that you love your girlfriend/fiance (congrats, by the way) very much. if you love her, and want to spend the rest of your life with her, that's what counts. you're bound to find another woman attractive at some point, but that doesn't mean you're going to act on it, right? why should it matter if a few guys turn your head or not? doesn't mean you suddenly have to pursue it.

^_^ thank you both, very much!

^_^ thanks.. it actually depends on the poem.. this one i only edited once.. just to make sure the spelling was good, and that the wording was how i wanted it. i don't think i even really changed anything. some of the others i've edited as many as 4 or 5 times though, scrapping or re-writing lines i don't like, finishing others that otherwise seem unfinished.. and definitely checking the spelling, and trying to get it all to flow the way i want it to. ~OA

Sweet Suicide of the Heart by outcast-angel The blood flows. My blood, raining down feeding the earth, feeding your hunger My essense, tipped down your throat, drained my heart mangled and discarded But i still run to catch up, still can't let you go it's just another case of sweet suicide of reason. It's like tearing myself in two, at odds with myself; worse, at odds with you Forgive me, i never meant to hurt so much, I'm sorry, i didn't mean to bleed I never meant to fall back to the sweet suicide of the soul When i can't find myself and you're the only one left in the light How can i but reach for you, cry out to you beg you to lift me close, clutch me tight How can i but plead to feel you on me again let your hands cover old scars with new When i see those scars, your signature how can i not Remember How can i not embrace a sweet suicide of the heart?

thanks, everyone, it's nice to hear feedback.. neva, thank you, i think i will scrap those last two lines. it's a more powerful without them. i like to read your stuff though. just by being less abstract, i think it's easier to relate to. and, it leaves my mind in less of a whirlwind, which i appreciate. and blueangel, i'm glad you found it to be at least somewhat original^_^ thanks again, to everyone who read it and/or responded.. ~OA

Dolls by outcast-angel i'm a faceless doll, you can make me what you will take up the paints, mark upon me your design dress me up, or dress me down i can be your angel, your slave, your star i'm your marionette, i'll walk to your tune move my limbs, see me dance, smile throw me against the wall, hear my neck snap you can always replace it, start again mould me to your desires, i'm your plaything make me your wh***, your muse, temptation chain me up and i'll writhe beneath you imagine my voice and hear me scream sultry eyes, delicate limbs. carve your name in mark me for all eternity so everyone can see just don't forget to give that extra spark so when we fight it won't just be a dramatization we'll rant and scream, tear each other to shreds i'll lick clean the wounds that I cause, swallow little bits of you now the madness is inside of me and when next something breaks, it'll be my leash un-hollowed heart, feel it beat, my memory's here anger rises do you feel the heat? the world's on fire i plan to watch you burn, erotic dance, move your feet, on the ground you'll burst i'll lap you up; warmed milk your doll's a monster hungry for love hunting for something i've never known. i've got your mark, everyone knows what that portends now i'm the painter, and i've got a little doll she holds my leash, reins me in; i carve her mark into my skin (disguising your last trace) an ice sculpture come summer, only your memory lives and someday honey, i'll find a way to burn it down. i'm not sure that those last two lines really fit.. like, at all. maybe i should scrap them?

that does makes sense, but a lot of people who write poems like that don't ever show them to anyone. i mean, i've been writing them for years, but this is really the first place that i've ever shown them to anyone. poetry can be a very strong way of expressing emotion though, and it is a good way of working through the moment.. because you have to think of the wording and such, instead of how much emotion you're feeling.

i've always loved how some people judge the level of difficulty in a task by how easily they themselves could accomplish it.. for example.. i can pop my shoulders and hips in and out of place with little pain, and hardly any effort. but lots of people have to go to hospitals to have others pop their dislocations back in properly. or maybe it's more appropriate to compare strength. my dad can bench way more than i, with ease. but if i, or anyone else with less strength than he has, tried to do the same number of bench presses with the same weight, we'd hurt ourselves. happiness isn't as attainable as you think is is, for some people. it's easy to say that things will look better, if only a person stops looking for the bad in every situation. but when it comes up and bites you in the butt, it's a little bit hard to ignore. i'd suggest that you do some reading up on depression before you start judging people here. there's a lot more to it than just needing to decide to be more positive about things. also.. i'm not in school. i graduated HS 2 years ago. but for those who are still in HS, i'd suggest using your knowledge to help you classmates rather than showing them up. sure, don't hold back on tests or projects, or in group discussions. to do so would be denying the others in your class a chance to see things from a unique perspective. but don't rub it in their faces that you're better at something than they are.. because they will be better than you are at something, even if they don't know it.

i think i'd like to take a few moments to savor feeling of elation, write it down so i could read it later, when i'm feeling down, so i could at least remember what it was like.. and that i am capable of those emotions. but maybe i'm just weird.

critique is always welcome and appreciated.. thank you. i agree, i have trouble with the flow sometimes... any other pointer would be muchly appreciated^_^

it's not just right now though. i wrote Screams when i was 17.. and none of the emotions have changed. i tried to write something when i was happy. it just didn't jive. it sounded so choppy, and there didn't seem to be any point to it. i do notice that the majority of poetry is devoted to those sentiments of loneliness, sadness or love/romance. and a little bit of anger. i guess we could just say that poetry is on the darker side of the literary arts.. and i don't think that i'd want it to be otherwise.

sometimes i just wish i could impart some other emotion into my writing.. but it's hard to write about something you don't feel. so i guess this'll do, right?

i'm so sorry to hear that.. a breakup can be traumatic enough on its own.. but when they replace you so quickly, it brings to mind doubt that they cared for you at all.. just remember that in the end, it's her loss! and you are deserving of someone who'll actually appreciate you.

you guys are making my head swell..^_^

Screams by Outcast-Angel I screamed. I cried. Where were you the night I died? Bereaved of hope, of heart Of life, of you I stood on my own I stumbled, I bled Didn't you hear My gut wrenching terror Didn't you feel Our connection destroyed? I screamed. I cried. Torn from safety, from warmth From reason I fell, so alone Landed in our nightmare Didn't you see? Death was upon me. Didn't you care? I screamed. I cried. I bled. I died.

aws! that's really sweet, and i agree with you.. she probably is aware of it at least subconsciously.. it's uber-cool that you support her so much.

In the Dark by Outcast-Angel It's Bedtime darling, time for me to let you go Just close your eyes, drift in the dark Forget the monsters, they'll disappear. You'll never know, 'cause i won't say it You won't dream it, 'cause i'll never think it No more memories of pretty pain, Of heart-break You'll never take me for granted again i'll never stand in your way Just close your eyes and drift away To a time you'll never know, never dream. It's Bedtime, darling, time for me to let you go Just close your eyes, drift in the dark Forget what we said, what we were You'll never know it, 'cause i won't say it And you won't dream it, 'cause i'll never think it No more memories of hazey pain Of backstabbing lies You'll never not say what you feel again i'll never beg to be used Just close your eyes and drift away To a time you'll never know, never dream

i'll see what i can come up with.. maybe i'll fix up some of my older work.. thank you though. ~O.A.