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Hi. I hope I can shed some light on your situation. My ex and I were together for 4 yrs. He dumped me two mths ago. We have only spoke once since he left, and it was not a "good" conversation. We lived together. He left the house and moved to another state. I have many friends, neighbors and family members who are soooooo glad he is gone. They all hated him. I have dated since he left, and it was terrible--due to me. All I can do is compare everyone to him. Now, he was what most people would consider a "loser"---a starving artist. And many of the guys that have pursued me since he left have been very successful. That means nothing to me. Success, accomplishments, possessions----they do not match the chemistry, the love. It is very hard to explain, but, if I shut my eyes, I can just barely remember, his skin, his scent.....the love I felt for him will probably never be matched again. So when you say that you two had a wonderful connection, etc, etc, believe me I can understand that. I have always been a person who could talk for hours to anyone. Guys always love this---not b/c I am a chatterbox--b/c that is quite annoying---but b/c of the depth of conversation on many topics. Many guys have felt that connection with me and I have never wanted anything more than a friendship with them. I can't get involved with anyone else at this point b/c it would not be fair to that person. But, all of my girlfriends have moved on this way. They find another that they can connect with, and hope for the best. Most times it works. They have a better relationship with the new guy. However, I can tell you, if I would have had the balls to let another guy in at this point, and then be with him for a yr or so, and suddenly my ex would come back for whatever reason---oh, I'd be a wreck. I would have to be with him, b/c he is the love of my life. And I think that you may have to face this about your ex g/f. Her ex may treat her terribly and dump her again, mine would probably do the same b/c he was stubborn, tempermental and arrogant. So, one could say that we should be glad that men like this are gone and find someone better. Sometimes, even if a person is not great for us, we still love them---faults and all. I hope that I shed some light on your situation. I feel for you, I know it must be hard, but, realize that if he dumps her and you take her back, she really will never view you as the first choice. I would never want to do this to someone, and that's why I will probably be alone for a very long time. And if I ever stop loving my ex with the passion that I do, I will surely post that here to let everyone know that you really can get over the true love of your life.

I am so sorry you are going through this. One thing, from an objective party, I must say, you can and will do sooooooooo much better. By looking just at the picture, you seem way too cute for her. Sorry if that hurt your feelings, but sometimes we have to be honest with each other and you need to hear the truth.

Hi capricorn I know how you feel about your friends telling you to get over him. My friends and family HATE him. They can't even understand how I could still love him and why I can't just let it go. At least I don't call him.. Unfortunately, he only called me that one time a week ago, and I didn't pick up. I am mad at myself about that. I really wish that I would have picked it up now.

Hi Capricorn. I totally feel for you. My ex dumped me almost two months ago. He hurt me so bad by walking out and never contacted me. I didnt contact him either, just to keep my dignity. We had lived together and now he is living with his mom, and she is thrilled that we are not together. Anyway, last week, my cell rang, and it was him. I was so excited, but nervous, etc. I didn't pick up. He left me a message---basically saying we had some things to talk about and NO he didn't want to get back together. I never called him back and he never called me back. I regret not picking it up, b/c he is stubborn and he may have tried to get back with me if we would have been talking. However, because he didn't say he loved me, missed me, wanted to get back together on the message, I just figured it was a way to mess with my head.. I don't know. I keep waiting for him to call back, b/c if he does, this time I will pick up. It may not be what I want to hear, but, at least then I will know for sure, and then I will never pick up again.

Hi Renn, I have been following many of your posts. I feel sad for you. I know that you are hurting. You deserve so much more. I know how it is to be with someone that you love, that basically is beneath you financially, educationally, etc. However, no matter how much family and friends try and disregard that person, you still love them.. You cannot help who you love. It is chemistry. I wish it wasn't . I wish I could fall in love with any of the number of guys who approach me and have great jobs, educations like my own, possessions i.e. homes, cars, pensions..... these are all things that I have. It's no big deal. I am not a millionaire. However, when I fell in love with my ex, 4 yrs ago, he was an aspiring musician working in a grocery store. I fell so hard for him. It was wonderful for two yrs. However, he fell into the pattern of me supporting him. I had no problem with that, until he became indifferent to me. I think hate would have been better. But, we lived together and he acted like I didn't exist for at least a year. I begged and pleaded with him for attention. He said I was crazy. So, one day, while I was on a business trip, he up and left. Haven't heard from him since. It's been almost two mths. It hurts. I really did love him. So, please understand, you are not alone. And I feel for you. take care4\

Hi y'all. I am in the same boat as you. We have been broken up for two months. He left me and there has been no contact on either end. Believe me, I would love for him to call me right now and say, he was wrong, he messed up, he loves me and misses me. I would take him back in a heartbeat. However, I have to face up to the fact that he left, he hasn't called and guess what? I suppose he doesn't want me anymore. I can't change that. I keep reflecting on all of the wonderful things he said 3 yrs ago, but, it's not 3 yrs ago, and we had our problems this past yr. I wanted to work them out everytime, but he was always angry and indifferent. He probably had his foot out the door long before he left. Yeah, that's hard to accept, but it's just a fact. I can't accept it yet, but, everyday that the phone doesn't ring has to make me come closer to realizing he's gone for good.

I feel for you, I really do. I know that we love people that don't treat us the way we want. But here's the point: If he hasn't contacted you, believe me, no matter how stubborn he is, he doesn't want you. If you contact him, you will establish the standard that he can treat you however he wants and you will not only forgive but come after him and take him back. Please don't. Have more love for yourself

I totally agree. These are people that you just begin dating. If they don't contact you, why not just back off and leave it be? If they contact you great, if not, nothing lost. I never viewed what she said as being a game to hurt someone. Basically these guys haven't called her and she wanted to she if she doesn't call THEM back will they call her? I know that alot of people here are hurt. I know that I am. I was dumped. And I certainly don't want to chase after anyone, especially after one or two dates. If someone stops calling, why should we call them back? Not calling someone back is not a game. Waiting for someone to call you back is not a game. It's just keeping dignity about yourself.

Hey! How are you? I don't think there is anything wrong with your 'experiment' it may very well give a lot of insight into the human mind when it comes to dating. My ex dumped me over a month ago. Oddly enough, the day that he walked out, I was walking thru a convention center for business, and a very attractive man approached me to chat. It turns out we live in the same city. He said that we should get together and I gave him my number. Of course, he called right away and we set up a date. I forced myself to go b/c I love my ex---but he obviously doesn't love me----we had a nice time. We went out the following week and had another good time. He started asking me to call him, but, like he was into me chasing him. I would have to go into more detail, put it's pointless. So, I thought, you know what, I love my ex, I know he dumped me and probably will never contact me again, but, I am going to back off of this guy and just get my head together. So this guy called Sunday. We talked briefly. I am very busy with my job and travel, so, I didn't want to commit to a date on my few days off that I needed to get everything done. Anyway, he called on Tues. I let it go to voice mail b/c I thought I am going to let this die down---there has been NO intimacy with this guy. Yesterday, he called again. I answered. He said, "Why haven't you called?" And I said, "Well, we just talked on Sun, and you know how busy I am--I'm flying to Phoenix in a few days and need to get everything together" And he was like, "You know that I'm into you right?" And I said "Yea" So he asked me to call him while I am away. I just think, you will be surprised what will happen if you don't call someone. I didn't do it to be a game player. I just wanted to back off b/c I want to take any relationship slow and casual. I have a big issue with trust now, and I do still love my ex even though I know that he was not deserving of it.

As many of you know, I was dumped by my longtime boyfriend a month ago. No contact or either end. Let's say three months or so goes by and he finally does contact me and want me back? How can I do that? I will always think, if he really wanted me back, he would have contacted me and tried sooner. At that point, I will have thought that he tried others, and they just didn't pay for everything, like I did, or didn't put up with the criticism, like I did, or whatever..... What do you think? If they take a long time to contact us, don't you think we would just be the fallback sucker?

Heh Nice Smile---you said something that everyone says to me also, my friends say he never really cared for me either, b/c if he did, he would have at least contacted me. Now remember, he dumped me. So that gets me thinking. I always think he just has to call me, but, then after what others tell me, and another day and night passes, I guess they are right. I sometimes wonder if three months pass or something like that, and he finally does contact me, even if I still love him and want him at that point, how could I ever take him back? In my mind, I will think that he got out there and fooled around, was either unsuccessful, dumped, or just got tired of it. So I will be the fall back girl. I know that I am worth soooo much more than that. I have a great deal going for me. I deserve to be someone's number one. He was always my number one priority. I also wonder about all of the people surrounding him now. Family, friends, that may tell him move on, forget about her, she's not worth it. I know that a strong person can think for themselves, so maybe he is just weak, and no I do not want a weak man.

This is the third time in 3 yrs. The first time, it was only for a week. The second time was for a month, and now this time, well it's been over a month and there has been not one ounce of contact on either end. I truly love him---we were very passionate. I always believed that he truly loved me, but, now I wonder. I will just wait and hope. Not much more for me to do. I don't want anyone else. I tried dating---it was just pointless. I hang out with friends, but, I just don't feel like myself yet. Of course, I go to work. But other than that, I am hoping for a miracle. I believe somehow people can get back together if they truly love each other. I know that if he never comes back, I will be sad for a while, but, eventually I will come to accept it. I will have no choice, and I will never, ever chase him. He left and he swore he never would again

Heh Zoe, Thanks for your input. Yes, my ex dumped me, but, he has not called and it's been over a month. I have not contacted him either, and yes, it is hard. I feel so sad b/c he hasn't even tried to call me or email me. Oh well, I will keep posting with updates and would love to hear about others who have gone through something similar. I am not doing no contact to get him back. I know that this is not the purpose of no contact. I am doing no contact b/c he dumped me and if he wants me back he will call me. I just hope that he does. Unfortunately, many people surrounding him right now never thought we should be together in the first place, and I suppose he values them more than me.

Hi everyone. I know that many of us are in the same situation. I was dumped over a month ago. My ex b/f and I lived together for a few yrs and were exclusive for a few yrs before that. We did break up a few times, but always got back together. I really love him. I want him back, but I will not contact him. He will have to come back to me. I think I will keep posting here to let you all know if he ever does contact me. I am not doing no contact to move on, I am doing it b/c I was dumped and no he has not tried to contact me in anyway. So, if anyway else wants to get back together with the ex and is waiting for them to re establish contact, I would love to hear from you. We did have a deep connection, so if he never contacts me I will be very sad. Who knows, miracles do happen.

Heh Newts! Please explain how you would go about doing this? I mean the positive affirmations and then looking for a sign. Please go into detail about this b/c I am willing to do anything--except contact him---to get him back. It sounds like it is a "mind" thing and I will try it if you could tell me exactly how to do it Thanks

All I want for Xmas is to have my ex back. He left me and I haven't had any contact with him. It is almost five weeks. I am doing the NC thing and obviously so is he. I am not better. I think that I am worse. I really wish that he would call me and tell me that he made a huge mistake and that he is sorry. I know that this is wishful thinking but hey what are wishes for anyway if you can't have them?

Thanks for all of your responses everyone. The thing is, we have broken up before-he left one other time. And I was sooooooooo hurt. I wouldn't call him, but I had friends call him about certain things having to do with the house. We got back together after one month. But, this time, I will not call him---he left me again!!!!! I just keep hoping he will call.....I know this is foolish and counterproductive, but, I can't deny the way that I feel. And I feel sad, lonely, and yearn for him to call---to say he misses me, to say he was wrong--and then I can make him grovel and we can fix this. Sorry I laid my fantasy out for you all, but that's the way I feel... Any input?

My ex dumped me after living together for two yrs. He hasn't contacted me and I have not contacted him. I just keep waiting for him to call--write, email, anything, but he hasn't Does anyone know how long it takes for the dumper to usually contact us? I know some dumpers never do, but, we really went through a lot together. I would just love to hear of when your ex contacted you or similar stories

Heh Zoe--Yea I guess we are in the same boat. But contacting my ex has never crossed my mine. He left ME and he hasn't tried to contact me once in a month!!! Why would he deserve me to ever call him???? I, on the other hand keep waiting to hear from him, but, somehow, I don't know that he will. He was a very arrogant, indifferent man (at least for the last year of our relationship) and I felt very "used" by him. He didn't give me much attention, even though we lived together, and I did everything I could for him. So now I am angry and hurt. Angry that he doesn't contact me b/c he obviously didn't care, and hurt b/c it feels bad when someone mistreats you and then never addresses that fact. At least I would love to hear from him and hear him say he was sorry that he treated me the way that he did. But, what I'd really love to hear is how much he loves me and misses me and what a mistake he has made. Then I would make him grovel!! What a purely outlandish fantasy. The man made a total fool out of me, and he's probably living off of some other girl as we speak! He was full of himself, and as time went on, ended up not working and I supported him. Now Mommy is doing that for him.

Heh Regretfulman, I love your posts. They make me feel stronger than any of the others that I have read. My ex left me a month ago, and I have not contacted him, nor has he contacted me. I actually went to the mailbox today in hopes that he would have sent me a card to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving, but no such luck. Since I was the one dumped, I can promise on my life that I will never contact him, but I sure keep hoping that he will contact me. Isn't that crazy? Even if it's just to ignore the call. I actually got caller id back on my home phone yesterday so that I can see if he ever calls.

Heh Regretful man- I really think your logic makes sense.. This is not coming from a teenager, but someone who had two long term relationships that ended. I have many friends that have gone thru the same thing. My question to you is--how long do you think NC takes to work for them to call and catch up with you? My ex dumped me after living together a few yrs, and he hasn't called or tried to contact me in anyway in a month. I haven't contacted him either. But, if he is going to contact me, and I know it's a big IF---what's the usual time frame? This guy is extremely arrogant and stubborn and thinks he is the best looking guy on the earth. I have never known a man to look in a mirror sooooooo much!!

Hi everyone. Thanks for all of your words of wisdom. It's just hard to think that someone would "use" me like this. It's very obvious though, b/c if I mattered at all, I would at least hear from the ex. I read all of these posts on here from people who were dumped--like me--but the ex has contacted them. I just wish I would have at least the same consideration from my ex. If he would just call--I don't even care if it's to call me a b****. At least then I could put more emphasis on the end. All of have now is total silence. And, oh yeah, the phone does ring, from friends and new guys that are interested, but, it's still always a let down that it's not him. I hate him for having such indifference towards me. The funny thing is that in the last year when things were so bad, I used to question him about his indifference--we lived together--and he would just say I was crazy or whatever.....That just irks me even more now that I think back on it

Thanks for your responses. I know that a person that would treat me terrible is not worth it. However, I do want closure. I would have loved to have heard, "look, I stopped feeling anything for you, I used you, etc, etc" But, I had nothing--no closure. Somehow I would love to have this. I am trying to move on. I went out on a date with a very nice man. He even bought me roses! I am not used to that. He complimented me profusely and really calls quite a bit. But, in some way, I think knowing why the ex stopped feeling for me may help with relationships in the future. I really want something to bring this thing to an end. All I do is wonder....

Hi everyone. My b/f and I were together for four yrs. He and I had a very bad year. He basically ignored me and treated me like total crap. I couldn't make sense of it. Whenever we would be out in public, I would notice other couples and how the guys would rub the girl's back or put their arms around them, and I would get all teared up. It would bring tears to my eyes. He would see this and still be indifferent to me. Well, he ended things three wks ago, and I have not heard from him since. I have not contacted him either. I wonder if he will ever contact me? I would love some closure. What does everyone think? How can you tell if someone will contact you and how long does it usually take?

Thanks everyone. I guess it is hard to realize that they loved us one minute and then all of a sudden it changed--for whatever reason. I know that we can't get inside their heads! But, does anyone else walk around with their phones at all times? I can't believe that I do that! I go everywhere-even the bathroom with my home phone and cell. Now I'm really quite a normal person, but, the fact that I think about him calling me constantly is crazy. I just wonder when I will be able to only think about him here and there. What makes them change their minds about us so fast? Thanks