maritalbliss86

I first started reading here and posting some way back in 2008 or 2009, and I don't know what led me to this site. But I know I found it fascinating to read so many different opinions. Then I got distracted with life and kids and work and everything, that I didn't get back on apparently until 2017 (!) and had to make a new account. I was 21 or 22 when I first started reading here. ❤️

I wish I could navigate ena better on my phone. It takes me forever to find my own journal 🤦🙄 ugh!!! Feel like an idiot. Bleh

As for what's in her head... I've read it's called, "fear of missing out," and it is what you previously guessed, she missed out on the young years or having lots of sex with random men (a lot more women place value on this than you'd think unfortunately). Not everyone goes through that, but it looks like this is her "mid life crisis" moment and trying to have both kinds of men (the young irresponsible immature but sexy one and the long-term, mature responsible one to use financially or as a backup in case irresponsible sexy boy goes sideways). Not everyone experiences this when they marry young. We've never experienced this and still have an excellent sex life and are madly in love, so don't blame it on her not getting to experience other guys or freedom or whatever. That could be some of it,. It ultimately she should have worked this out with you. Made **your** sex life together better... Those kinds of things ❤️ The grass is greener where you water it

This is a great attitude! Love it!

Haven't read any comments yet, but apparently this happens a lot. I'm sorry she did this and is using you. At least you aren't out there alone, lots of other men are in your position....

If this is too personal then of course don't feel you need to answer 🙂, but in what ways were you, "deficient," in your marriage? I'm truly interested in what you can, "see," now that you couldn't then. It is beyond annoying to me that we often can't, "see," what things we're doing horribly wrong into years after the fact. So this will probably help people (myself for sure!) ❤️ Thank you!

I know this sounds awful, but please, don't quit or resign or get yourself fired. Try to stay under the radar... just do what you have to do, and try to get out of there, or make it to the 3 months.

I'm in love ❤️

Hugs!!! There are plants for everyone, I believe it ! Seriously though, there are extreme drought resistant plants that you can virtually forget to water. Or... you could always get a cactus

I also couldn't resist 2 hanging baskets that look a lot like the top one in this picture.

We just a few freezes, and now that the weather is getting slightly better, I just can't wait to get more plants in the ground. I already went out and bought a bunch yesterday - gorgeous orange peel jessamines - UGH!! I bought 5 They grow to be up to 8 ft tall, and spread out nicely. I think they'll go great with the light blues and incredible Majestic Sage dark blues surrounding them. Ugh my heart! ❤️

Wow, can't wait to watch how they built that thing... and wondering what kind of insulation they used. A Yurt ?!? ... LOL 😂 It's awesome though.

You're right, I remembered wrong. I think the overall point though is that you're picking really emotionally/mentally messed up people, if that makes sense. People who *other people* can look at from a distance, maybe with more objectivity, and say, "Wow, that person is an a$$hole." So you're doing it subconsciously if that makes sense... I'm sure you don't want to pick someone with issues, but you're drawn to them at the same time. This can be totally normal though. A lot of people can feel strong sexual attractions to people they know seem like they have mental health issues, but the difference is that when they get confirmation this, "Hottie," lol is off mentally, they run. There's no amount of hottness that will make a person that takes care of themselves put up with it, in other words. Hugs to you, at least you can see it and aren't staying stuck in the cycle.

Statistically, they have a harder time dealing with emotions and tend to have higher rates of Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar disorder. Feel like I have to add the caveat that obviously this isn't always true. And there are women who have what is biologically a more masculine-oriented amygdala... literally their brain structure looks different, therefore they may behave different according to that. And that makes sense when you think about critical decision making and trying to take your emotions out of it. There are tons of women that can do that well, but I do believe they have to train themselves to be more like that. For some, it may come very naturally and it makes me wonder if their structures look more male-like under a microscope. Edited to add - it all comes down to the hormones the brain is exposed to in utero, we know it, "masculinizes the brain," and of course other structures in the reproductive system. I'm wondering if consistent and deliberate training also works like that though. When I was working, I heard it was common for the higher up female management to take testosterone, because they swore it helped with them being able to compete better in the workplace (in every regard).

I thought I remembered you saying that there were a lot of other people who warned you about his behavior... other artists in his work environment I thought? Maybe I'm remembering wrong....

Yes... that's like my mom sometimes (she's gotten a lot better with age). It's also exactly what my husband's dad does. He doesn't actually ever apologize though, that statement above is just sarcasm imo.

On the whole trans people having worse mental health (in general), it makes sense when you think about it 😞 I remember in my university studies, we studied and literally saw the differences in a transgendered person's brain after death, sliced apart so that we could see into it the differences. And it was remarkable that a male trans person identifying as female, really did have a more feminine brain where the amygdala did look a lot more like a regular woman's amygdala, than a typical man's. But each one is different, so some have a, "middle," kind of structural description of both male/female, and not necessarily more male. It's so complicated because it's individual people we're talking about. So biologically, they're brains operate differently... and even then, it can be differently than each other (some more male-oritented thinking and some actually more feminine-oriented). Then if you look at studies showing how emotions are all tied up in the amygdala... rage responses even... it makes sense that they would have more emotional responses to things, and show their emotions more like women tend to (possibly). Here's what Google had to say about what the amygdala regulates... then try to imagine someone doing those things with a more feminine-structured amygdala and it kind of makes sense how hard it'd be.

No, you don't sound like an awful person. I can tell you're trying to be kind, while stating the truth. 😞 It's fine 👍

Do you think something happened in that encounter (or afterward)? Teens that are molested and never reveal it sometimes commit suicide a few years before or around 18, when they really start to, "get," what happened to them. Oftentimes no one else knew, which is why suicide is more probable when they're so isolated.

I'm definitely like this... it's awful, but at least it keeps one motivated to stay in shape and strong (LOL optimistic spin 😂). That was funny!!!

There's a lot going on there mentally. At some level, "she," doesn't want to see those changes, but again, I'm sure you already know that. 😉

You probably already know this, but this quoted excerpt is a great example of narcissism.

I really like her!

Never thought I'd agree more with Naomi Wolf, always thought she was gorgeous, but we were at opposite poles on many issues. Great article by her - https://naomiwolf.substack.com/p/is-it-time-for-intellectuals-to-talk

My, "heart," response was to this above, not to all the awful things in the entire comment. Glad you are doing better and just wondering about all these things.