maritalbliss86

I'm wondering where their caterpillars are coming from and what plants they're eating... ? As a gardener, I don't know what to make of it!

Side note... when I watched that video a few days ago on her insecurities, I couldn't believe she felt that way! She's so beautiful and sweet, you just want to hug her!

Oh wow, ok. At least you know your limits 🙂. We've been loving the Cottage Fairy! My daughter and I watch it and we both appreciate the music and beauty and her soft, lovely voice! Thank you for posting that.

Will it be a nice visit?

I really don't understand where all these butterflies are coming from!!!! It's insane, and it's not even a migration I think. The migrations start in the fall usually... Hmm.... 🤔 The kids are loving it, and I'm starting to get suspicious! It was well over 10 this morning... maybe closer to 20 butterflies all around our garden, coming up to our faces on the deck LOL... If I don't post again, it may be because we've been taken over or something. It's beautiful, but very strange... I think they're these kinds after searching around online, called Border Patch Butterflies:

On your FWB situation, yikes! Reminds me of why I was so happy to find someone compatible and marry ASAP and settle into a wonderful, calm yet insanely passionate love life with my husband so young! I hated dating and all the games people play... and I would never have been good at just FWB probably. I hope you find the relationship you desire. What happened with that girl you were interested in?

If you can find a way to mentally be so relaxed and also busy with important, good tasks, you'll find yourself not caring as much - if you do decide to stay. Their petty nonsense will register in your brain for what it is - pointless and non-deserving of your attention. Get out in nature as much as you can. Take a lot of mental breaks if possible. Make sure you're fit and healthy and eating good foods... you probably already are since you sound like you take life very seriously, but I'm just pointing out different things that affect anxiety in general. A lot of it just comes down to being so at peace and also occupied that you just don't care what they're saying/doing/etc. and you press on with what you have to get done.

I'm so happy you're starting a journal! I love reading your outlined posts LOL, and I've found it nice to have your own little place to ponder things, with or without interruption of others' thoughts 🙂 . But for the above quote... that is actually a common thing with college groups unfortunately, I'm surprised you haven't encountered it before (consider yourself lucky!). It's normal for things to escalate quickly and then become toxic in my opinion because 1) some personalities more prone to high-emotion/low-reasoning ability are more drawn to that kind of environment, 2) people at this age don't usually have the scope of lived experience, and are sometimes less likely to want to see the other side's point of view. You don't have to take my advice, but after seeing many people go through something similar to what you've described, I think those student groups can cause more trouble than they should for the students so mentally caught up in them. If anything, you may just want to step back a little if you ever can (now that you're in another office, possibly not implementable right now). But of course things like that would cause high anxiety... and more importantly, it's purely a distraction to the goals of your life. I know it may look like it can help, but I've seen it harm more than help in many cases with friends and family who all had at least one very bad experience in this way.

I just saw your comment Seraphim, and I agree with what you've said. Her daughter is in therapy right now, but you know how crazy some therapists are, I hope it ends up helping. But thank you for bringing that up, it makes sense.

That's awesome! We had a great run with the spaghetti squash and zucchinis and yellow squash until a raging battle with squash borers ensued LOL. When we had our friends stay, the husband, who is a much much better gardener than me, pointed out I had an infestation. But by then it was basically too late to save some of the vines so he suggested I pull them down. Not all got infested, but at least 4 did. So now I'm literally injecting a solution into the vines with a giant meat injector and that seems to be working! Scary though, the needle is huge and it looks like a medical grade injection tool! No luck on the pumpkins yet... they are the mini kind so I'm not really sure they'll work here. We've had lots of flowers, but I just learned I can pollinate them myself with a paint brush... so I'm going to try that. Also I've started new squash vines that are supposed to be resistant to those borers.... Cocozelle Zucchini (an Italian kind!) and Tatum Squash (Mexican Calabacitas). Hoping those turn out better Edited to add... I'm injecting them with Monterey Bt solution....

Grateful for the solitude of our garden... it's exploded with tiny butterflies over the past few days... we count at least 10 at any one time 😮 and it's not a migration thing... hopefully it's that they're making this their home ❤️ .

Yes, I don't know that for sure, but it would make sense when she picked someone abusive.

If the daughter ever reaches out to me (which she could, we do know her and have a relationship with her), I think I'm going to try to convince her that yes, it's ok to feel anger at her mom (or dad) for the way she was raised and the things they did wrong, but holding this grudge and then destroying one's own life in effort to get back isn't the proper way to work through it. I'd probably encourage her to go to therapy with her mom where she could bring all that stuff up... I'm pretty sure our friend would apologize for all the wrong choices she made that negatively affected her daughter. Most people don't take responsibility for that kind of thing, but I do believe our friend would. And it could help her daughter see that harming her own life, and refusing to grow up and be an adult, is only going to further hurt *her* down the line. At least we can suggest it to our friend for if/when her daughter ever gets back into contact with her. Edited to add just as a mental note on growth: I do see this from the daughter's perspective. All those circumstances leading to her being raised in a very dysfunctional environment would of course, create a lot of rage inside a person. And then that rage comes out in mentally unhealthy ways. It's like natural consequences 😞 of something that should be common sense. I, "get it," that daughters or sons like this want to hurt their parents, or believe their parents, "owe," them crazy amounts of support due to what they know the parents put them through - things that should have never happened to them. They're still angry about it. I get it! It's so much easier if you just avoid all of that. Treat your kids with respect and most times they'll learn that's how you treat people.

Growth.... Boy I feel like an idiot... yesterday we went to a party for one of my husband's female coworkers he's worked with for years, celebrating a big achievement for her. We love her so much, she just has this amazing life attitude and joy about her... no matter what she's been through, and she's been through a lot. Anyway... I was talking with her and it came up that her daughter is acting like a selfish, entitled brat and demanding our friend help her out with more money... after she's already helped her before and is now setting down strong boundaries! No more financial help when she knows she only demands more and won't pay it back. Well the daughter didn't like that, and decided she'd never speak to her again, and she hasn't... for a year and a half 😞. Made me think of the poor lady on here with her daughter who was acting in a similar patter, and made me feel like an idiot for not being kinder about it. I forget sometimes how hard something is to live through, even if you did cause a lot of it. And seriously... our friend DID fail her daughter, she picked a man who was abusive, ignored the signs and allowed him to abuse her and her kids... to me even picking an abuser is failing your kids. I know that sounds so judgey, but to your kids, it matters! It caused mental problems that she never got her kids help for, then she brought in a string of bad boyfriends further complicating mental problems for her daughter, and her daughter's attitude problems I know for a fact because I witnessed it, are a direct reaction to all those years of these things. I mean we witnessed a lot of this happen, and then we were there for her when her daughter started acting out because of all of it, leading her to make very bad decisions early on (before age 19!) and just spiral downhill from there. But I love our friend so much, I could see the pain it caused her to have her daughter still behave this way... I do believe she did the best she could, with what she had. I just wish it could have been avoided altogether. Ironic I was forced to see it in real life again, right after reading something like that here.

Great listen! Be a strong mother. Raise strong, capable women. Call of the Day Podcast: I'm a Weak Mom (drlaura.com) https://www.drlaura.com/call-of-the-day-podcast-im-a-weak-mom?utm_campaign=Call of the Day Podcast&utm_content=173309615&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&hss_channel=fbp-112829642096923

Something I thought of reading Jilbralta's mouse and jar story... I'm grateful my parents did the things they did when I was a teen. I wasn't a snarky, bad-attitude kind of teenager, but I remember my mom saying said something like, "I want you to see how hard some people work, full-time even, and on such a low wage they barely make it financially." So I worked at a fast food restaurant in our town for a few months before college, and it really was eye-opening first to how spoiled I was without realizing it, and 2) how she was right, that many of the adults there worked very hard and still lived very difficult lives. So many of them were so so kind to me, I ended up loving that job and learning so many valuable life lessons from there ❤️ One of my managers was from Israel and took so much pride in being the man who taught me how to mop ... I'd never really cleaned like that before, it was such a good life lesson before growing up and living in the real world. I'd listen to his stories about the bombs that would go off around his grandma's house when he lived there, and how he served in their army and learned so much. They all had fascinating life stories... it was such a rich experience in so many strange ways. They missed me when I went to college and I really missed them ❤️ , and I would come back to visit them for years afterward. One of my managers was this older gentleman named Joe, and he was so kind and helpful when I basically knew nothing about chores or cleaning or customer service or anything. He taught me many things, along with the other patient managers, but Joe in particular really appreciated me in a unique way... he seemed to really understand me (probably from being almost 80... he'd seen so much by that time I guess). He would remark how good of an attitude I had, and was amazed I was ok with working there. One time I remember he made a comment about how most girls would have a bad attitude working there, mopping floors and cleaning and cooking/serving etc. (most girls in that affluent area would rather have died than worked fast food... it was considered a degrading thing in our area). The girls that did work with me were very down to earth, but they weren't the affluent ones our area was known for. I don't know how we're going to impart those kinds of lessons to our children - or exactly what that will look like, but I know our oldest is already showing characteristics of humility, self-discipline, self-lessness, and gratitude for the gifts he's been given.

Oh wow be careful Seraphim! Praying for your family 🙏

We're still drowning over here, tons of flooding and thunderstorms.... We're up high on a hill though, so our house is ok, but happy you have the sun, Dias!

Grateful for all the rain we've been getting, grateful for the sunshine afterward, and for being able to watch the most spectacular sunsets recently, due to the clouds and dust in the air I guess. Growth... my husband's cousin contacted him I think a week ago now? She wanted to make sure he was getting information about his Grandma, who they've moved into hospice. Nope... his dad hasn't been telling him anything, so he replied back to her about that and thanked her for the info. Then the day after their exchange, we both receive texts from his dad letting us know about his Grandma.... I forgot that with getting a new phone, that means I'll receive their texts (I did get a new phone in early May). My husband thanked his dad for the info, but his dad didn't reply back 🤷‍♀️. We both get the feeling he's still very angry... I think he was trying to not let my husband know, because he's still punishing us ... he only texted us the info because his other family probably made him, I don't think it's a coincidence but you never know. As my husband was telling me this stuff, I was relaxing during our quiet time (kids' naptime/reading time) and it all felt so peaceful... like the storm clouds that were passing through overhead, blowing over and moving on to another destination by that point. They really aren't my problem anymore now that he's set down stronger boundaries. It was so nice to feel that peace and contentment.

What a weird and mysterious experience Jilbralta.... I'm glad you were able to say goodbye again.

Raised a country, Southern girl... I miss playing guitar

Going to put this on the wall for our kids ❤️ If.... If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too: If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise; If you can dream — and not make dreams your master; If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim, If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same:. If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools; If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings, And never breathe a word about your loss: If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much: If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And which is more: you'll be a Man, my son!

This guys advice was so great, trying to teach our kids these hard, but necessary lessons. https://www.marketwatch.com/story/my-mother-in-law-bought-shoes-for-my-nieces-to-wear-to-a-wedding-but-not-for-my-daughter-even-though-they-all-wore-same-dresses-11625194378?itm_source=parsely-api&mod=mw_pushly&send_date=20210703

And just found a card my friend left for us thanking us for hosting them!!! She feels like a sister somehow 😍. So glad their in our lives.

Just said goodbye ugh!!!! All the kids hugged so hard, I will miss these friends but so happy for their coming adventures ♥️💕.