maritalbliss86

3 nights went by way too fast, I'm going to miss our sweet friends and their kids! 😭 🥰💕 We had 7 kids in the house these past 3 days and while it's been crazy and a little chaotic, it felt like a house full of cousins and fay. Just such a peaceful wonderful feeling!!!! Ugh I'm going to miss them so bad! We'll see them again but not until the fall. Out oldest swallowed a chip wrong and it got stuck in his esophagus! He was able to breathe but was freaking out because it felt like it was cutting into his throat. Well my sweet friend the mom swept in and knew exactly what to do and made everything better within a matter of seconds!! He was so thankful to her and it dawned on me how yes it's sad my kids don't have an Aunt interested in them,but we have lots of people like this who are stepping in to fill these rolls of loving on our kids and doing life together. Very grateful .... I loved hosting them, loved having a house full of kids 🥰 and lived seeing all the friendships get stronger between all of us.

We're having friends stay with us for a couple of days... we're all excited, they're just friends but it feels like having family over ❤️. Grateful for friends and friendships 😍

Yikes! Hopefully they'll have good warnings and a place to evacuate to quickly for you.

I just looked up his letter to his wife... 😭 very powerful and mysterious how love can go beyond death. Thanks for mentioning that Jibralta, I've never read it before.

Wow 6 tornados! We had two close by as well last month, very rare for our area, my mom went crazy trying to warn us to take cover. 6 is a lot though 😮 Is that usual for that area?

Something else that popped in my mind just now.... My mentor went through this and much worse with her in-laws... somehow God brought her into my life, we don't even live close, but she's become such a great friend and helper in these things and more. Saw this quote and thought about putting it here, "God doesn’t want us to simply forget our suffering. Healing does not mean forgetting. He wants us to be fruitful in our suffering. Suffering can become seed in our hands. We can choose to slip those seeds in little packets and store them away, or we can choose to sprinkle those seeds as good news of how God brought us through in the well-tilled soil of a ready soul. That’s what it means to be fruitful. That’s when healing happens. That’s when we cross over from bitter to better once and for all—when our stories give hope to others that life can be different on the other side of pain. Your heartache can become someone else’s hope." ^So she did this, and I can already see how once we go through all of this, we will become better, stronger and more compassionate people to others who experience this kind of awkward family pain. Eventually God may bring someone younger going through it and confused, like what happened with my mentor friend and myself ❤️ so all our suffering isn't for nothing, it really is producing a glory in us and our family, as we teach our children honestly about how to actually love each other and extend that love toward others.

So I think I'll update this growth thing when certain situations come up, at least for now it really is focused on us trying to mitigate the damage our in-laws cause. Like yesterday, we received cards in the mail for the two who had birthdays this month, but our oldest (one of the two) made the connection that they didn't bother to get them anything. He's an amazing saver, and already has business ideas he's going to implement soon (kid business ideas that is!), so he regularly asks just for money, usually so he can save it. Then when he sees something he wants, he buys it from his own money... it's wonderful how he's becoming so self-sufficient. Anyway, so he's old enough now to realize none of them from his dad's side did anything for him or his sister for their birthdays. I know the cards are something, and I did point that out, but he's quick as a whip and asked me point blank why they didn't send a gift or money or a gift card... he doesn't understand why it felt like they jipped them. He knows they have a lot of money, so it's not like they're in need and trying to save or something. He understands the situation and even asked me if maybe they thought we'd take the money for ourselves - he knows we wouldn't do that, and I told him that they may think that, we just don't know what they're really thinking. We did tell him that we think they're still angry at us from way back at Christmas when his dad tried to set down boundaries.... and that they're still trying to, "punish," us (the parents) and I told him how I don't think they can, "see," how they're also punishing y'all when they act like this. I could see he felt really hurt, and then also a little angry that they are doing this... and it hit me how we're trying so hard now to keep them from hurting our kids, but look at how even things like this end up hurting them. They can't even send cards without sending a sinister message to our kids that they aren't worth sending anything more to... at least, that's how it feels when our kids are old enough to get that subliminal message. He wanted to call them and confront them himself... we told him they'd just deny that and turn it around on us probably, blaming us somehow. So we talked to him and asked him if he'd rather we separate the cards and not show them to him (even put them away in a folder if he wants for later), or throw them away, or if he can accept that this is all they feel they can give 🤷‍♀️ They live to do things for show, always loving to show off how, "generous," they are publicly... but in secret, and with our family, it's obvious their hearts are pretty dark. I mean at some level I do think they knew our oldest was old enough to understand he wasn't getting anything from them. Their desire to hurt us (parents) over-rode the desire to send anything to our two kids. Anyway... for the growth part/gratitude part... I think I'm grateful that they're nasty enough that our oldest has had enough bad experiences with them throughout the years that if any family members try to convince him how much his Grandparents really loved him, but that it was our fault they kept away, he's going to know full-well 1) how hard we tried (he witnessed it!) and 2) how cruel they are secretly... multiple times he's experienced it firsthand unfortunately. I never thought we'd have to do this with the cards though. The depth of their darkness to children really is surprising.

It occurred to me this morning that I'm very grateful we tried again with my husband's family. This was the second attempt, after a 1st estrangement of 4 ish years, and even though they never apologized or took responsibility for anything in the past, I'm grateful we did ❤️. And very grateful we gave them that second chance. I know that sounds so odd, but I think we needed to see what would happen again... both of us couldn't believe it (we're stupid LOL) when they started doing the same things, BUT we did need to see the cycle... the pattern... in order to get it through both of our heads what was happening. It's growth & gratitude combined. 🌻 We can move on without regrets and I'm starting to, "see," it.

I think unexpectedly crashing your vacation is pretty bad 🤔. One of things my mentor has really helped me with this is frankly telling me I needed to mourn the loss of what could have been. Not getting to know your nephew because your sister is a witch... your mom being closer to her and closing you out... all of that is so so painful at some level... allowing yourself to mourn it may take time, but I think you'll feel better (and maybe you've already mourned all this already).

Growth for my husband (LOL can I post that?!? Ugh I sound so pushy 😂).... So every year, his strange sister likes to pretend their parents are and were amazing, perfect people, and writes these incredibly fake posts about them on facebook. Normally we would just ignore this obviously... but she always tags my husband so that it looks as though he has these delusional views of his parents being "the best," and, "perfect," etc. When it's their anniversary, she makes this post about how they have the perfect marriage and taught their kids how to have great marriages. It's just all so fake. Her dad is very mean and cruel to her mom... makes horrible, abusive comments to her all the time. She knows all of this, but I guess wants to put up a fake front for social media, and forces my husband to agree publicly, too by tagging him. I know it sounds really minor, but it's become a nuisance to him over the years. He tries to do the exact opposite of what his parents did, especially his dad, so while he didn't use to mind being kind to them on Mother's Day/Father's Day, their anniversary etc... he would NEVER post a lie publicly like she does. So he told me about it yesterday, how she did it again, even though she must know by now that they're having problems (he and his parents), so he promptly UNtagged himself. He wants to reach out to her and set the record straight finally... but I'm not sure he's going to. She won't listen to him, or she'll make excuses, but maybe it will stop the unwanted forcing him to agree with her that they have the perfect marriage, or were the perfect parents. Either way... untagging himself is probably a growth thing.

What did you mean by a sneak attack though? I thought in your original post you said y'all always give in and drive the extra 4 hours, after already driving for 13 hours (!!!). Was there something else specific that was the, "sneaky," part that I missed? I think it would be a great idea to just start vacationing somewhere else even if it's just a different condo/hotel. That would solve the problem of the timeshare thing where your mom has control over your vacations because she knows when you've reserved it. All of that is beyond controlling, btw.... normal parents aren't like this. I say that to assure you that this is designed to give you, or whoever rebels against the control, a headache. If you went with the flow and did everything they want, it'd be fine. But I'm sure you have very good reasons to not want to stay at your sisters from bad past experiences, so asserting yourself is hard because you'll try to get out of their control ring and they hate that. I guess I'm confused though what you really need help with? The other family members should be able to stay out of it **unless** your mom is the type to gossip and whine/cry to them about you - will she do this you think?

The unfortunate thing is... this will keep on happening as long as you allow it to. See when my husband started being passive aggressive back last Christmas, I frankly told him how that kind of thing isn't good or healthy for him. We're extremely honest with each other, and watching his character slip into something I know he isn't, was not fun. It isn't good to stoop to their level... it hurts you more than it does them... you know....

I separated out these last few statements you made about the situation... if you reread them slowly, it just sounds so horrible the stress they obviously cause you (and your boyfriend). Spending 2 weeks with him trying to figure out how to handle these two people, strategizing etc... we used to do things like that, literally agonizing months in advance about a birth or whatever, to try to minimize the drama they'd cause and it hit me last time how while we were worried/stressed/agonizing over plans etc, they weren't worrying about it at all! Yet here we were, being miserable trying to nail down a militarized plan for how to handle his parents to make the birth easier. And our plans never worked, they still got their way, caused drama etc. All that stress on our part was literally for nothing. My point is that you're spending a lot of your time trying to walk on eggshells for your family, yet they are blissfully uncaring how they affect you and your boyfriend. And from the point of view of the partner, it isn't fair to your boyfriend that he's being dragged through this as well. It really wasn't fair to me that I had to feel so insanely stressed out during pregnancies, before a birth of a child, come up with elaborate plans and everything to try to minimize the drama his parents would cause, only to see them still be able to cause drama or hurt our kids. You have to think about your boyfriend's experience, too, in the weeks of stressing out before meeting them, he's being negatively impacted by them. If you had kids, you'd see it there, too.

Growth & Gratitude --- I just realized we celebrated Father's Day yesterday with so much love and happiness, my parents were over so it was my hubby and dad who had the spotlight, both are very humble and kind so this was SO well deserved. But it's a growth moment for me, I didn't push my husband to send anything to his dad... call him or anything... I didn't be sneaky and try to get him to at least send one from the kids (for their Grandpa since we acknowledge Grandpas on Father's Day usually). I failed at that with the Mother's Day thing and guilt tripped him into doing something for his mom, when she is not kind toward him and has hurt him repeatedly recently. So I'm grateful we had fun without feeling the guilt of anything. Grateful I didn't push him to acknowledge someone who doesn't acknowledge him. It must be growth! ❤️

Exactly this ^^. Jilbralta, I'm so sad to read all of your post... my husband is closed out and it was always like that for him growing up with his siblings preferring each other, leaving him out, ganging up on him, and then him being beaten by his dad to the point where he remembers his mom having to throw her body over him to get the dad to stop beating him.... And yet the dad is ALWAYS the victim. He never apologizes, we've apologized for things multiple times, but none of them have ever apologized about anything... especially not leaving our kids out of events and making them feel ostracized (that's where we finally drew the line and stopped going to their crappy events). But like Seraphim said... if you're always put in a bad light, you can't win, so you walk away. Even biblically... it says twice I think in the NT to, "shake the dust off your feet from a household where they won't listen to you." They aren't **listening** to you, they don't care about your side/feelings/emotions/ etc. so it actually is best to, "Shake the dust off your feet," and leave them be. Be happy with your partner ❤️ and find fulfillment in other things.

I hope so LOL, fingers crossed. I think gardening is a very difficult skill to master, and I go to experts **a lot** so I've had tons of help figuring things out along the way, plus my own mom is just fantastic at it, and she constantly helps me with advice or answers about strange things plants do. ❤️

^Yes... I saw a lot of articles that said fireflies/lightning bugs are disappearing and that it shows the decline of the health of the ecosystem in those areas. Everything said their appearance is what scientists use to judge if it's healthy or not. Our garden is really healthy I think... I don't use pesticides so the food is organic, and we're producing LOTS of veggies every week that we're able to use in our meals. We've eaten two spaghetti squashes also and have 4 more maturing... lots of cucumbers, peppers and tons of tomatoes.... It all just seems really healthy, and I keep it well watered so that I think it has a more humid atmosphere (a little) than behind our property. Anyway... last night I saw they were very low to the ground at times in our squash patches, underneath the arches we've created. I think they're laying eggs there, which is good because they feed of the bad bugs/snails/slugs that bother squash.

Huh that is so odd! I just read a few reports that claim they show ecosystem health. "Fireflies are beneficial insects that you want around! The larvae of most species are specialised predators that feed on soft-bodied invertebrates like snails, slugs, and mites. ... This makes the insect a good environmental indicator, which is how scientists can assess ecosystem health. "Fireflies are extremely sensitive to environmental conditions, and can only thrive in healthy habitats where water quality is good. This makes the insect a good environmental indicator, which is how scientists can assess ecosystem health. If fireflies are present in an area, this means that the water is free from toxic chemicals, the landscape is diverse enough to support different life stages of fireflies, and there is minimal light pollution to disrupt the faint light signals that the insects produce." from here

Just doing some research, it looks like it's illegal to buy fireflies 🤔 but at least our garden/backyard is already attracting some, so that's a good sign the overall health of our eco-environment is amazing... somehow something is going right with the correct moisture, shrubbery, light-level etc.

The baby birds hatched, ugh they're so cute!!! The momma dove is so calm with us, she lets us get so so close to her and her babies... most are a little more skittish. Grateful for sunrise watching on our back porch deck, and roasting marshmellows around the firepit at night. The kids saw a few fireflies and went crazy lol... hoping I can order some for release after their party.... 🤞

Those cartoon things are cute 😀

I think it can be taboo, but women are sometimes attracted to men out of their age range (usually it's older, very less often it's younger). It just is... I don't understand it either. But from a female point of view, y'all tend to age really really well, it's just not fair LOL Like my husband continually gets more and more attractive as he's aging (darn annoying but I love it!). And a few years ago, there was a dad who had a son in my oldest son's class, and I was VERY surprised to find out his age (I think he was 49 or very close to 50). And he was very very attractive.... So annoying LOL I pointed him out and told my husband that's going to be him someday, because he takes care of himself and is in general, already attractive. But over the years, it's just true that men tend to look better in their 30's and maybe even 40's up to 50 (not sure able over that?).

Growth... feeling a deep sense of peace about everything, it really is a gut-level feeling that surpasses understanding. Somehow I know with absolute certainty, all these things will work for our good (Rom 8:28). An old friend reached out recently and the topic of my husband's family came up (no she's not a, "flying monkey," narcissists use to check on the people), and she reaffirmed that she'd always thought we'd done the right thing in the past, and that she was certain this was going to make us stronger, more compassionate people, and told us that she was sure it would help us become even better parents having had to go through this negativity with his family. Such a sweet woman, wish she hadn't moved states away, but thankful for her encouragement. So thankful for the birds in our front and backyard 🐦. I know it's something small, but they give us so much pleasure and happiness 😍.

This last part is so sad, but the history is so interesting Seraphim. Very thankful for our modern healthcare.

Husband is going back to work today... I was sad last night, it's been so nice! He took over large parts of reading aloud to all of us, which was so much fun!!! I'm very grateful for the mom groups I'm in, otherwise staying at home with the kids would be very lonely... some of those ladies are like family now after years ❤️ being at their house feels like we're visiting relatives... they've created a great environment. We're planning to get together every Wed next year alternating a teaching co-op so we'll have that.