dizzymeg

Hello! I've posted before about coming out, and now basically, I'm out! But ok, here's my question: I have a crush on a girl from my work and I've had it for, like, over a year now. I told her probably about 3 months ago and she seemed interested. I didn't go after her too heavily though at that time because I was still trying to accept myself and dealing with coming out to my friends and family. Lots of pressure and stress. So maybe she was interested but lost that interest over time since I was hesitant to make a real move. But now she sends me mixed messages. Whenever I see her (which isn't too often cuz we seem to work opposite schedules) she talks to me. Sometimes she even calls me over or comes over to me. So I know she does want to talk to me. Sometimes when we talk she does this little blinking thing like she's nervous (it's so cute) and she's pretty flirty. I'm having a party this month for my bday and when I invited her, she accepted before I even finished my sentence! One time we went out to lunch from work and she insisted on paying which I really wasn't expecting. So thats all good and everything.. the mixed part of the messages is that whenever I call her she never calls back..but she mentions that she knows I called -insert day here- and that she got my message but didn't call back because -insert excuse here- (ie: i was sleeping, i was out, my phone didn't get a signal...) So i know they could be legit excuses...but what if they're not and she's just avoiding me? But then why would she bother talking to me and telling me she got the message (when I didn't ask) if she was just ignoring the calls. I know I don't do that for people I ignore when they call. Oh and she just got a girlfriend...but I heard it's not going so well for them. I know thats horrible to say, lol. People keep telling me I should just get some balls (so to speak) and ask her out or something. I would love to, that would definitely answer the question of whether she's interested or not but: 1) What about the girlfriend? and 2) How can I do it? Suggestions please!!! Lets say hypothetically she didn't have a girlfriend or they broke up, how could I make sure to secure the position for myself?? Advice please!!!

Yes that is most definitly rape. She said no. He did it anyway. She even started crying and he still kept going... what the hell kind of a guy is he anyway? What a creep. Stay far away from Jack. Btw. Rape is not about sex. He had to have known that she didn't like it and he should stop when she FIRST said no. It is a control thing. He liked the control he had of the situation and he liked that she was helpless. He is a coward. She should call the police and report him and seek some help.

talk about anything! talk about what you did last night or your fav shows on tv or fav books and why you like them, or talk about what your interested in and ask what she's interested in and why and ask her what she knows about the subject. Like say it was astrology, ask her what her sign is and what your sign is (even if you already know) and then ask her what characteristics about your sign are and what hers are, etc, etc.... ask her what she did last night or if she's going out tonight or if she has any animals, etc just talk about anything at all, don't hold back good luck girl!

I agree with the last post, I think you should slow down with her. It will show her that you really like and respect her. As far as Sexually, this is probably something new for her. I'm no professional, but I know many rape victims experience flashbacks or dissociate when faced with sexual feelings or touch, it could take a long time for her to really trust you with her body. She may have shut herself off to sexual feelings since the rape because she may feel guilty or ashamed by them. Has she ever gone to counseling or any kind of therapy to help her with the aftermath of the rape? If you're the only one she's told or if she hasn't gotten some kind of help she may be still storing the pain inside. And it may resurface during sex or intimate occasions. I think you should go slow with her regardless. Be patient with her. I think it's great that you see her for the person she is rather than just a rape victim. I don't think you should feel like you have the entire responsibility of showing her that your entire gender is not inherently evil. She should seek help to relieve negative feelings towards men in general. I think, however, that you could probably provide a good example for her.

Well, Personally, I think you should just look for another friend. You have clearly let her know that you care about her and now the ball is in her court, if she wants to hit it back (respond) then great, but if not, it's not good to dwell on it. I guess it's kinda harsh to say but you gotta cut your losses. Who knows whats going on in her head? Maybe she feels awkward because you guys dated and now shes with someone else so she doesn't think a friendship will work, or maybe she has alot going on. Anyway, I know it hurts, I'm going through the same thing and this person lives in my same town!! So anyway, you would probably be best off finding a friend who cares to value your friendship. You seem like a very nice guy!

he sounds like a coward. She needs to get some courage and get herself out, tell her he is not her responsibility, she needs to worry about herself first. Also: to the person who said: "Girls are often attracted to the wrong kind of persons who takes advantage of it... " Well, maybe some girls are, but not girls (or women) in general, and certainly not me, for one, thank you very much. Women who let guys treat them like crap usually have low confidence and low self esteem.

Break up with him and never look back! You've got to undertsand that this is a red flag for an abusive relationship and you've got all the ingrediants. It is a viscious cycle. They do it. You are hurt. They say they're sorry, it'll never happen again. For a time things are good. but then... they do it again. you are hurt. sorry. never happen again. etc etc etc... He will not change until he seeks help himself. That is not your responsibility however. Just get yourself out. You deserve better!! I know this sounds cheesy but sometimes it helps to say it in the mirror to yourself 4 or 5 times. PLEASE get yourself out. It's only a matter of time before it becomes worse or even physical.

Ok, this may be a long one so bear with me please. Btw, I'm Megan, I'm 23 years old, and I really, love, commas,,, Anyway Hmm, where to start... well, i guess I will start off by saying i was recently engaged...for about 2 weeks. I broke it off about a month ago. I told him I was questioning my sexuality and I needed to step back for a while. I'll try to shorten the story for you. I had been dating my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years before he asked me to marry him. He was my first real, serious relationship. I had had some relationships in high school and middle school but they were all kind of a joke. They would end as soon as they got physical, in the least bit. I was single about 70% of the time though. I knew there were guys who had crushes on me and they were cute and all, but I just wasn't interested. I had one halfway serious relationship over the phone (stupid, I know), he lived 2 states away...so he couldn't touch me, brilliant! But it didn't last. Furthermore, I had crushes on girls. I thought nobody knew. I was actually kind of disgusted with myself and thereforeeee tried to hide it and ignore it. I couldn't stop looking though. I found if I went to football games I watched the cheerleaders more than the game. I loved gym class! All those short shorts... When I got to college: same thing. I would date like crazy but drop them like dead frogs even though they were cute, smart, wonderful guys (I've been told I have great taste). I find guys attractive I just can't keep the sexual interest most times, I end up becoming a "great friend", as in they still like me but I don't like them "like that". Then I met "Tom". Over the internet actually...link removed, when the dating part used to be free. We talked over the summer between sophomore and junior year so we had a good 3 months behind us before we actually met in person. We fell in love almost instantly. But then...same thing. I didn't drop him though. I love him! But he said more than once "You're just like my best friend, a best friend who I can have sex with.". He was trying to be funny and sweet, I know, but it was very ironic at the same time. Well, I hate to admit it but after awhile it's gotten weird. I mean, I love him, I know it, but cuddling with him, and whenever he touches me flirtily, part of me protests. I knew which part it was and I told that part to stuff it. This was my soulmate. I was going to marry him and get the girls out of my head. We were the picture of a cute couple. We were madly in love. Our parents heartily approved. They knew when he was gonna ask. (he even asked my parents for permission). Thats why I said yes. We went to Tybee Island for the weekend and everybody knew that was THE weekend! When we got back, we would either be planning a wedding or broken up and teary eyed. He was so excited, I could tell. I think he thought I didn't know he had already bought the ring and had it on him, in his right cargo pants pocket. It was the body language that told me. I didn't want to break his heart. I didn't want to disappoint everyone, so I said yes, ok?? About 4 months prior to this I had confessed to him that I was attracted to women. I had a crush on a girl at work actually, we'll call her Jane. And Jane was a lesbian. And she might like me too. I thought he would be angry but he wasn't. He said I should expirament. So I told her about my crush. But she wasn't too keen on me having a boyfriend. Still we talked on the phone and at work when we saw eachother. I don't think I've ever been so nervous as I am around her. She's so flirty and I love it!! I was daydreaming about her 24/7. Fantasizing at night, and I've never been so wet. I told Tom I was questioning more and more and becoming more and more curious. I had never been with a woman but the attraction was always there. I wanted to expirament but I didn't feel like I could cheat on him like that, I didn't want it to be a "couple's" thing, and I didn't want to use Jane like that. It was unfair. I was in such a fog. I loved him so much but yet I wanted Jane too and I think I started to fall in love with her at some point down the line. He knew about all this and still asked me to marry him. And I still said yes. But at that point when you are supposed to be jumping around and crying, I was cringing, actually cringing. I knew I wasn't ready, I knew it wasn't right...at least not now. So two weeks later I told him I need to step back. I need to give the ring back because at this point it's more of a burden than a joy. And thats not right, for either of us. We went back to boyfriend/girlfriend, and then to semi-gf/bf, and now we are off as lovers. We still talk on the phone everyday (he graduated and live 1 1/2 hrs away) and he comes to see me at least once a month. I love to see him. I love hanging out with him. Last weekend we actually had sex but I couldn't climax...until I thought of Jane then it was like BOOM! I guess it's kindof wrong but I used it as a test. The straight test. And i failed. Or maybe I just wasn't in the mood? But then in the past, it's been the same thing. Jane however has since stopped talking to me since I dropped the ring and the boyfriend. She sounded dissappointed when I told her I had gotten engaged. Maybe she just didn't want to be mixed up in all of the confusion. My point is I talk to Tom everyday and I can't imagine my life without him. But then sexually I want something else...I think. Am I making a mistake? What if I try it and hate it, and lose Tom anyway. He says he'll be waiting for me until I tell him I'm sure I'm gay. (See, at first I was calling myself bisexual, but now I'm even questioning that). But if I'm gay, how come it's just now coming up? Oh, btw, I told my parents I was questioning my sexuality and that is why I broke off the engagement. I told them I 'might' be bisexual. Well, now my mother refuses to talk to me. At all. My dad writes me emails, but never refers to the issue at hand and he won't call either. So what if I'm wrong and my parents are gone too. I feel very lonely. People keep asking why I broke off my engagement and I just don't want to tell them the whole friggin story so I say I wasn't ready (which is true, just missing some key components). What should I do? Go back to Tom and be safe, or try and expirament with women? I can't stop thinking about Jane... Thoughts? comments? Insight? Please, all would be appreciated.