dizzymeg

I was not referring to sex changes. And I did not say I think gender is a superficial quality, I said it IS. Furthermore, if you found out that a "man of yours" used to be a woman and left them on the spot, then your love for that person was not unconditional and you didn't deserve them anyway. Try to think outside of the box.

Do you think it's ok to break up with someone just because of "not feeling it" Not to mention I'm completely in love with somebody else... (but I have not cheated)

Yes to both. Gender is a superficial quality. Everybody has the god-given right to search for happiness. If someone of the same sex makes you happy, and somebody of the opposite does not, then I believe that speaks for itself, no need for further explanation. I believe love is what children need to be brought up around. If you have a stable relationship and are ready for children then go right ahead! Alot of straight couples can't pull that off. I have two friends whose parents are of the same sex and they are just fine. They are normal, well-adjusted young adults and they are both awesome. The only problem they have had has been other people being disrespectful, ignorant ***holes. And besides, how is it that we can vote to "give" rights to certain people, but others have that right automatically?? Thats backwards and hateful.

ummm, no. I'm gonna have to disagree. The female version of a boner would be an aroused clitoris. obviously. jeez. It is the clit that produces the wetness anyway, not the vagina... Girls can even get a girl form of "blue balls" too, betcha didn't know that!

I realize that whole flirting-leads-to-other-things thing. but see....we flirt anyway most times. Yes, I said WE. She usually starts it. It just...happens naturally. Nothing big or anything just a bit of flirty-ness. And while I can see your point, some_guy282, I disagree with your implication that flirting always leads to other things and is some kind of an evil disrespectful homewrecker activity. A LITTLE bit of flirting never hurt anyone. Anyone mature enough to handle it, anyway. I have always flirted and been flirted with for as long as I can remember, whether I've been with somebody or not. I thought it was sweet, not evil. Unless they were obviously trying to get in my pants or break up my relationship or something, but then I think thats different. And I was always fine with whomever I was with being flirted with as well, just as long as it didn't go beyond that, but then again that was up to him or her, not the flirting. I always thought it was kindof sexy to have people flirt with my somebody, because they are going home with me not them, plus I think it gives them confidence to know that they are a hot commodity Bally's: well. she's my age but she's been out since she was like 18, and dated strictly girls since like 14 or 15, so nope, she's not expiramenting... Anyway, I was afraid y'all might say there was nothing I could do. But hey, a girl can dream! and pray! and...hope. but I definitely don't want to be the reason for any breakup, or a rebound girl so... I guess all I can do is wait....

What can you do if the person that you love is with someone else? I don't want to disrespect her relationship or try to break them up, but I still feel the need to let her know how I feel...and I just love to be around her, just to talk to her! Even if it's just to ask some stupid question which is the first thing I can think of when I see her. a little bit of backstory? I work with her. Not closely but in the same building, almost on opposite sides, but we run into eachother every now and then. I've had a crush on her since the first day I saw her when I started working with her 2 years ago! I only just came out just under one year ago though and when I first told her how I felt, it was awkward for me and I was nervous because I was in new territory (accepting that I'm gay, flirting with girls openly, etc...). She used to talk to me on the phone and stuff, and she used to flirt with me but I was too nervous at the time to flirt back! I can't tell you how much I wish I had though because she is beyond cute. Anyway, when I finally got up the balls (so to speak) to ask her out, which was quite a while....I found out she, at some point, got a g/f! I quickly backed off at that point...because I didn't want to appear as if I was trying to make moves on her when she's taken, and because I didn't know what to do next... Well, it's been like...5 or 6 months maybe since that happened. I'm much more comfortable with myself in understanding my sexuality since then. She's still with the same girl and I keep telling myself to just get over her and move on but everytime I see her my heart jumps and my brain goes dead and the girl who is known for making everyone laugh and being the pinnacle of parties can only glance at her, blush, and ask exceedingly stupid and irrelevant questions. gah! I try to forget about her and date somebody else but I just can't keep from thinking about her...and what's worse? I know she liked me too...at least back then, but I took so long to ask her out or make any kind of real move that I was pre-empted!! ARRG! Whats wrong with me?? on an evil little side note: I've heard from one source that their relationship is not going so great lately.... on another side note: She's a taurus, if that helps any...and I'm a Scorpio What can I do?

Yeah you're right. I kind of thought about all that after i posted. I was just having a pre-interview freak out. It was fun. not. The customer I came out to, was a mistake. He just kept asking if I was dating anyone or seeing anyone and who and bla bla bla. I didn't want to talk to talk to him but i was tired and i said "well, her name...uh, i mean..." And it all went down hill from there. He didn't even need to be aking me that stuff, he needed to just buy his stuff and get out...and whats worse...he was this nasty old man. Like old enough to be my dad twice over probably. ewwww I don't know what to do about it now. He says he wants to come back and "talk me out of it". I want him to just go away. Either way it won't happen again. Oh, and the interview went very well, but I have to have another one with somebody different. I might become an assitant manager! From cashier, thats pretty good! It would about quadruple my current income! w00t.

I have a question I'm about to graduate from college and I have job interviews going on. Hopefully I will get one!! Anyway, my question is when should I come out in a new job? Or should I at all? What if the topic somehow comes up during an interview? What if I get the job and then they find out from another source or something and fire me? Can I get fired for being gay? I know this is a stupid question y'all but I'm nervous. My current job knows about me and they don't care at all. But what if a new job wouldn't be so accepting? I'm in Georgia in the deep south, kindof in the bible belt. I came out to a customer the other day almost accidentally and his reaction scared me. It was not appropriate or acceptable. Why do people have to be so stupid?

Hey y'all quick question I was dating this girl, well really we were friends with the possibility of more later, and on a recent hang-out session one night while we were drinking her and a friend of hers bought some cocaine off this lady she knew and did a line of coke when we got to her house. I am vehemently opposed to drugs and ppl who do them so I was rather upset. I was also drunk though and about an hour from home so I played it off like it was ok so I could have a place to stay (no, nothing happened) Well, the next day she said we'll have to hang out again on Friday. She also wants to have a threesome with me and her friend who is a guy. He's cool as a friend but I'm a lesbian so I don't want him as anything other than that... Anyway, the drugs were too much so I really don't want to see her again unless she quits the drugs or something. We've only been on 3 dates so we don't have anything serious going on but Should I call her and tell her I don't want to hang out again? Or should I just wait for her to call? I know either she'll call or her friend will on Friday, what should I do??

i agree! confidence is key! smiling alot (and I mean real smiling, not faking it) can show people you are happy with yourself and a strong person. Don't base it all on having a SO though. Be happy with yourself and other people will follow suit. Oh, and it helps to be a nice person as well, cuz if you're happy but not nice they'll just think you're stuck up.

Well, this is a weird one I guess but, like, ever since I can remember becoming a sexual being (if you will) and having sexual feelings I've had this fantasy of rape. It would always make it's way into my head whenever I was thinking, masturbating, or using a toy. It was impossible not to think about. Sometimes I would even pretend I was being raped with my vibrator or something and sometimes I would make myself bleed by accident. But I didn't like it. It never turned me on and I never climaxed from it. It would actually make me rather dry. It was horrible. It was like I felt like I needed to punish myself. And I have never been raped. Someone tried once when I was 9 but they didn't succeed. Anyway recently I came out of the closet as being gay. I have always been attracted to women more than men but I have never had sex with a woman (I'm looking for someone special for that). Well, since I came out I feel so much more free!!!! Free that I can look at women or flirt with them or kiss them (if they also want to kiss me of course) and I'm not a freak. Since I came out my rape fantasy has all but gone away. It comes back a little every now and then but it's easier to push out of my mind and it's definitely dying away. My question is why would I have the rape fantasy in the first place when I have never been raped? Why has it gone away now? Am I normal? What is the deal??

it sounds like she likes you and she might be gay or bi or just curious. She sounds like she needs to come to terms with herself and her desires. Homosexuality is not a choice so thereforeeee I don't see how it could be wrong in the eyes of God. If he made people that way, why would he turn around and say it's wrong. It's people who think it's wrong, humans. I think everybody is beautiful in their own way nomatter their race, sexuality, hairstyle, bank account, bla bla bla... But thats just my personal opinion. I'm not Christian. I was brought up Roman Catholic and frankly I got sick of people telling me I've got to believe what the church believes or else I'm not Christian (and this was on everything!! who to vote for, abortion, what to wear, how to act...) I thought it was wrong in the eyes of God to tell me I am not allowed to think for myself. So I believe in God, but I am not Christian. However, I know plenty of gay christians. There are organizations for gay christians... I guess what I'm trying to say is that she likes what she likes so why is that wrong?

I agree with everyone. I doubt you will face jail time for credit card debt. Especially since you guys are married. I'm very sorry for the abuse you are going through. You've got to understand that you are not useless, or any of the mean things he tells you. It's about power. You have got to file for divorce from him, file a police report along with a restraining order (if necessary), and move to a women's shelter. I really doubt it will be easy to do but you've got to get away from him. Even if you love him. Don't sacrifice yourself. He'll never be happy until he gets some help. Also when you told him you were having spaghetti for dinner, I don't think it would have mattered what you said, even if you told him we're having filet mignon, he just wanted to take a shot at you. Don't take it, get help!!

aw, you're only 13! Thats cute. I think you're both just shy and this is your first relationship so you don't know ho to talk to each other. Maybe you could get her phone number and call her. Ask eachother questions like what her favorite food or movies are. Maybe you could invite her to go to a movie or the mall or the park with you so that you two can hang out without pressure from eachother's friends. Good luck!

as far as your other questions go: when a guy fingers you, it is supposed to feel good. That is, if he's doing i right.. You are supposed to just sit back, relax, and enjoy. Or give him a handjob, or knit, watch TV, talk on the phone, whatever you want to do. If it feels uncomfortable, mentally (you don't feel ready) or physically (it hurts), simply ask him to stop. If he is a good guy he will. And then maybe you could try something else...or just stop and cuddle or go home or, you know, whatever. Some women do ejaculate upon orgasm, others don't. Most women get 'wet' or lubricated in preparation for sex with stimulation down there. Whatever happens, its natural, don't be embarrassed. And don't do anything you're not ready for. I can't tell you how many girls I've talked to that wish they waited longer, or for somebody better...

ok, listen to yourself. 1) he cheated on you A WEEK ago 2) he is now pressuring you into doing things you don't seem to want to do 3) you don't know how to act -when he does/ if he were to do- those things Well, personally, if it was me he'd be out the door faster than he could say he's 'soooo sorry'. I think cheating on someone is the ultimate in disresect. Also he did not respect your choice to wait by going somewhere else to get what he wanted. And he's still not respecting you by pressuring you repeatedly. If you wanted to do those things, you wouldn't be asking questions on Enotalone.com, right. Furthermore, if he cheated on you and you guys have done stuff...I'd get tested for STD's. So in conclusion I think you should really think about the benefits of your relationship. Do you love him? Does he love you?? You are very young still and thats not a bad thing. I think he sounds like a dud and you can do much better. You will know when you are ready for your first time. It should be with somebody really special because thats something thats going to stick with you for the rest of your life.

Telling people is the only way she can get away. Don't tell her "if he wants you, he'll get you" Oh, thats really comforting. DBL, I don't think there's any way she can simply ASK him how she can "squash" this. He's obviously dangerous and she shouldn't talk to him. He has already raped her and threatened her and her friends' lives. Are you saying she should simply ignore his very deliberate impedment upon her rights as a person and let him do this to her? The only way that he keeps finding her is through friends. So if she tells her friends, then they won't give out information anymore, and he won't know anything on her anymore. Africaschild, personally, I think you should seek help, whether that be through the police, your friends, a counselor, whatever, just don't give up! But thats just my opinion. If you want to take DBL's advice, then at least buy yourself a gun. please.

boy you get back here! Yeah, with that attitude I'd say it's pretty obvious you won't get the girl! Especially if you just give up like that! I think giving up is a bad idea. You like her, so there has got to be some reason for it right? She's special to you. You've got to believe that you are special enough to deserve her. And hey, you already said she flirts with you, so she must be at least a bit interested! You gaze at eachother, you playfully touch eathother. These are not things a girl does with someone she couldn't care less about! I think you have a chance! Don't give up, suck it up and admire how wonderful she is rather than making her beauty into an obstacle for you. Tell yourself you are worth it! After all girls love confidence! Everybody loves confidence! People are attracted to confident people like a fat kid to cake! lol Furthermore, if you keep believing that you are ugly and boring than you will act that way. So start believing you are worth it, and other people will believe it too!

Well, things are going a bit better. I was walking by her the other day and that nervous feeling was creeping up but then I just decided, oh he11, why don't I just cut the cr@p and go talk to her?? So I did, and it was very nice! I was on break and she was leaving so I walked with her out to her car but her friend was there so I didn't get a hug or kiss or anything There was a fair in town a few weeks ago and I asked her if she'd been. She said she had but her back hurt so she didn't go on any rides. I asked her if she was better now and she said a little bit and then we started talking about what the back pain could be... Then the other day I was at my register for three hours and I didn't even know she was there. When I went to lunch I walked through the area where she works (cuz it's a straight shot back to the break room) and there she was! I talked to her for about 5 minutes and was late back from lunch. Then after that she kept mysteriously appearing near my register without seeming to have any reson to be there... when she hadn't done that earlier. She would just stand around and talk to people then go back to her area, then come back up again later. And when she left for the night she said "bye Megan", not "bye everyone" but just me! So what does that mean? Is she interested and just being shy?

I think it's because they think in their heads that their might be a possibility that they could get in on the action. I have come to find that some guys like lesbians and think lesbian sex is hot but as soon as it's not a slideshow anymore then it's not ok. I think thats sad. True lesbians aren't trying to turn men on anyway. They want to turn WOMEN on. Uh, that would be why they're lesbians!!!! Am I wrong?? I mean, really So I guess if a guy gets to see lesbian action he thinks he needs to save the day! These women have let him see them and thereforeeee want to turn him on and thereforeeee they need him to sway them to the other side.

good for you!! I just gotta say, whether she said yes or no, I think it's great that you had the courage to do it!! So what happened?? Did she say yes?

Well, first off I just wanted to say that I thought facksfunny's comments were pretty funny. I don't understand why you jumped down his throat... I have a crush on somebody and sometimes, without thinking about it, I stare at her like this or when she's talking to me I can't stop smiling so I look like this and then I think maybe she thinks I'm a psycho, lol But anyway I think he had a good point with the statement of look at her, then look away. That is a key element in the flirtation process! She'll get it. hopefully. I told my crush, though, that I have a crush on her and she was flattered and surprised. She had no idea! But then again it was kindof different circumstances for me since I just came out of the closet, she didn't even know that I was attracted to women. So I guess my main tip, personally, is take it slow. Be patient. Don't freak out! It'll all come together for you in the end!

Ok i went to a club, kissed two girls, flirted like hell. I'm definitely gay. I love it though, i feel free! Like I don't have to hide my attraction to women anymore. And I got a new rainbow necklace. Thank you guys for your support!

I don't think you should check her email. Thats pretty wrong. I think you've got to get over her. She's married now. Let her be. Checking her email is kindof cutting corners on NC. It won't help you get over her, it will just make it worse for you. Get on with your life, she has!

wow, you know what, I have never been in a situation like that so i don't know if you should take my advice or not but here's my take on it: I've never been in an abusive relationship but I've been stalked before. It was VERY scary. Thankfully the guy never touched me, although he threatened, he never got the chance. I wouldn't let him. He threatened me not to tell anyone what was happening but I'm a fighter. I'm independent and I don't take any crap from anyone. What made him think I was his puppet and he could tell me what to do? I don't know but I cleared that up for him really fast. You need to fight. Stand up for yoursellf. Not physically, i mean mentally. Show him he can't jerk you around. He's obviously a coward who is just doing this for power over you, power over someone. Maybe he feels like he doesn't have any power in his life so he tries to take over yours. He has no right to do that. NO RIGHT! You are your own person and you must take the wheel now. Don't let him drive anymore!!! So here's what to do: You said he gets his info through your friends?? Well, spread the word honey! Don't just tell one person, tell ALL of them. Tell EVERYONE. Most importantly, make a police report on him. They might be able to get him too, depending on jurisdiction. So far you've said he's guilty of battery, simple battery, rape, and threats to yours and others lives. This guy is a ticking time bomb and you must protect yourself. On the good note: the reason for telling everyone will be so that you will have many protectors. Just the fact that they are there and know about him will scare him. Secondly, you tell all your friends (ALL of them) and they will pass it on down the line and sooner or later he won't be able to get anymore information on you. On a not-so-good note If he does come after you, all of your friends will know and the police will have a report, so he will NOT get away with it. Let him know this if you have to. Furthermore: Don't ever talk to him. Over the phone, in person, through letters, or on a computer, nothing! Don't let your friends talk to him either and don't send him any kind of messages through other people. Not even to tell him to leave you alone. He wants attention. He wants to know that he has power over you so you've got to cut off ALL communication. After awhile he will, hopefully, stop trying to contact you. And if he does and somehow succeeds and you are stuck talking to him: BE STRONG! Stick up for yourself. Let him know you are not interested in being his puppet anymore. There's this saying that goes has power over you unless you grant it to them" Remember that! Don't grant him any power! And four more points 1) you are not the only one in a hole here, you have ALOT on him, and he could go to jail for a VERY long time. He knows that already. 2) Seek Counseling!! I strongly advise this since he is dangerous and has threatened your life. They can tell you what to do better than me. 3) There is always shelters, he can't find you if you are there. 4) lastly, on a personal note, he has done some bad things and has some very bad karma now. This will all come back to him 3 fold. So maybe you can find some comfort in that... p.s. Watch the movie "whats love got to do with it"