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Wiseman2

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Everything posted by Wiseman2

  1. Sorry this is happening. You seem to have some valid reasons not to trust him. You already know he lies about clubbing, cheating and his whereabouts.so why call it "gaslighting"? Unfortunately trust is broken and your relationship is devolving into a cat and mouse game of detective and naughty boy. Please reflect if you find this behavior disrespect and want to look over your shoulder and contact others to suft through his lies. Ask your if you're better off cutting your losses and freeing yourself from these lies and games. Is this the same man?:.
  2. Bakers Like A Clean Kitchen πŸ§‘β€πŸ³ FLAWS πŸ’Ž
  3. Sorry this is happening. Please stop enabling him. Please discontinue focusing on his "childhood trauma". The past can't be changed and it's no excuse for unemployment and drinking. Please stop entertaining this, it does more harm than good. Please try to suggest appropriate solutions such as detox, rehab and AA. Please also try to suggest he see a physician for an evaluation of his physical and mental health and get some tests done and ask for a referral to a licensed qualified therapist for ongoing support and sobriety help and especially suicidal ideation. Mental health is not a do-it-yourself project. Please step way back. It's not your job to "find his purpose", please get help and support for yourself. Therapy for yourself could help you get out of enabling and fixing mode and help you stay in your own lane and heal yourself instead. https://al-anon.org/newcomers/self-quiz/adult-quiz/
  4. He's is not proposing, so it's unclear why you're anxious about it. Try not to put the cart before the horse based on assumptions that an engagement ring was purchased for you. May it's not his receipt or he put it on his card for someone else. You have no concrete proposal happening. Try to focus on getting to know each other and adjusting to living together.
  5. Sorry this is happening. How long have you lived together? Is it his house? Why did you move in together! Your life and timeline is your responsibility so please take better care of it. Nagging and ultimatums are definitely driving him away more than endearing him to you. It seems obvious after 5 years that he's contented with just playing house and the status quo. What, besides appeasing you would be his incentive to get married? Please step back and reflect what's best for you. Moving out seems like a good idea.
  6. There are people who actually do exit interviews after dates. It's a ridiculous trend because all anyone learns is someone's particular idiosyncracies.Even people who have gone out on only a date or a few. People also engage in postmortem breakup analysis which may have more merit. However In this case if you want to tell him off or have the last word, there's nothing to lose (or gain), because he doesn't seem to care what you think.
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  8. Unfortunately it's a catch-22. You keep going on first dates with no chemistry because you're so preoccupied with this man. You' seem to spend a lot of time scrolling through, scouring and analyzing tezt conversations with him searching for alternative explanations. Trying to mentally undo the fact that he doesn't want a relationship with you and that it's all a mistake because he changed jobs and moved or whatever. Once you open your mind and heart to new people, you may be able to free yourself not only from obsessing about this unavailable man, but the sensation that no one you're attracted to exists.
  9. Please try to focus on the incompatibly aspects, anger and other deal breakers and red flags. It seems you are so incompatible that there is no respect for each other. He is rude to you and you believe he's stupid or superficial. Try not to focus on taste on media. Violence sells including tasteless stuff like "jack@ss". This is just a symptom of overall lack of shared values sensibilities and most of all mutual lack of respect. Violence is everywhere, but the issue is you don't respect each other and the incompatibilities are surfacing as the rosy glow wears off.
  10. Sorry this happened. You definitely made the right decision cutting your losses. This seemed like a no- win situation from the get go,so it was only a matter of time before it imploded. Be glad you're free of these people.
  11. Leaving the country is rarely a rash decision as far as jobs finances visas, where to live etc. Is she fleeeing from something? Or in a whirlwind romance? Where is your father and the rest of your family? She isn't doing this to abandon you, something is up with her you don't know about ot mention here.
  12. It seems like you have a very troubled home life and therapy could help sort that out. Are they reading what you wrote to your BF on your devices? Perhaps they think he's s bad influence because of your dark depressive thoughts and feelings?
  13. Sorry this is happening. Trust your instincts. 10 months dating is the observation and getting to know you period where you assess compatibility and note any red flags. Hopefully you don't live together. Why hang out and watch stuff you dislike or find offensive? Don't complain, just get up and leave. People watch all sorts of violent stuff. Go home and relax and do something with friends and family and when you make time for each other find mutually agreeable things to do. Right now it's seems your tastes and sense of humor do not mesh well. There's nothing to pretend happened. You hated the movie so he knows this. It's your responsibility to monitor what you entertain yourself with and avoid getting "triggered". Why is he angry so often?
  14. Please try to adjust to the relationship and living together. Try not to fast forward things this much. Is it his place you moved into. All you have is a receipt. Not a ring. You don't want to admit you're going through his things, right? Also you don't know if it's for you. If it is you're ruining the surprise. . So Yes you're getting way ahead of yourself after less than a year dating and just moving in together.
  15. Do you know why she is leaving the country? It's not about right or wrong. Do you have other family and friends where you are? Are you interested in living in this place with her?
  16. Therapy is a great idea. This way you can confide in a professional privately and confidentiality without trashing your family to friends. Please make the best of it. If you continue to sneak around with your BF you're facing more trouble.
  17. Please have faith in your decision to end things. Diagnosing him with all sorts of personality disorders is just obsessing and rationalizing. Please focus on your own physical and mental health and well-being being. Your therapist is there to help you understand yourself, not make armchair diagnoses. Please focus on why you went down this dark path for so many years.
  18. Unfortunately it's not a good match and you're not going to fix, change or teach him anything. He's not asking you out so there's no reason to communicate. Delete and block him. He told you upfront he's not interested, so now is the time to walk away.
  19. If you are seeing each other this long, it's fine to have the exclusive conversation. By "wants to keep you around", do you mean as FWB or casual sex. What you want from a relationship is important so speak your mind. It's better than finding out months later that he's sleeping with others.
  20. It's good you don't live together. You can still walk away intact . There's no reason to throw your life away on this. He's been doing this for years and your entire relationship has been contaminated with his sex addiction from the beginning, so he won't be. "blindsided". You don't have to "out" him to leave. His actions are already outing him. He's responsible for his behavior and especially risk taking behavior. Likewise you're responsible for your life and health so please get to an STD clinic.
  21. Who has family in the other one's state? When you see each other, where will you or she stay? Are you traveling to her or asking her to travel to you? Who will pay for expenses? You seem more caught up in the fantasy of "finding the one" than the logistics of even meeting or getting to know each other. Having difficulty locally is not a good reason to pursue difficult relationships.
  22. Dogs Really Are Getting Silly 🐩 MIGHT πŸ™„
  23. Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Please see a physician for STD testing. At this point you don't know if what you're coming across is the tip of the iceberg or he's acting on these things. This future talk sounds like empty promises. And an unhealthy attachment to someone who lives a lie and a double life. There's no reason to wrap your head around cheating or his pansexual proclivities. You're incompatible at best. Please reconsider the relationship and set your free.
  24. Why did she move away? Work? School? And why would she move back? Please focus on getting to know her and what her goals are.
  25. It's unfortunate you still have hope for this because it's inhibiting finding someone else. If you want to read books on dating, please read "He's Just Not That Into You'. While his reasons are honest, it still doesn't mean he wants to date. If he felt the same as you do, you would know and stop rehashing communication to look for hope.
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