Andromeda1994

I've been on therapy for some time but I am still struggling to move on from this and I'm confused about many things. My therapist told me yesterday that he is a schizoid. My problem is low-self esteem, co-dependency and seeking validation from others, that's why i stayed here. It is not easy to tell myself that I deserve more and to move on, I'm stuck in trying to understand what has been going on, why did he stay here so many years (8). Understanding that he has a personality disorder maybe would help me move on and heal. We are countries apart. We met on a language learning site 8 years ago, and we have been on and off. He was a very educated man, very charming and had a broad vision of the world. We made plans of meeting many times but it never happened ultimately because he didn't come up with a real plan, although i always wanted. Our intense and long interaction along these years made me feel like he was so close to me, like a part of my family. I can't be certain whether he had someone else but i never felt he would. I only know he was a blunt guy, very frank and somehow emotionally plain. I never felt that he was lying to me regarding anything, along all these years. I knew his schedule all the time, we would often talk by phone, by videocam at any time of day and night, even while he was working. He was quite a loner, his time was highly structured. He was successful at job and very smart. He had a strong s*xual attraction to my body and had a lot of fantasies about me. He was very much engaged in many of our disagreements/quarrels and was spending a big amount of time explaining me things and arguing with me. BUT many times I had the feeling that I distrub him with my presence, that he wants to be alone, to not talk to me. He would have days in which he simply went silent, completely ignoring me and not message. If I suggested talking to him on the phone, he would barely talk and would want to end the call after just 5 minutes. And if I proposed using video chat, he would refuse, saying he didn't feel like it. It was maddening how he would oscillate between being kind and lovely to me for days, and then switch to being silent and uncommunicative, responding with short, dismissive answers, as if I were bothering him. So I was always generating fights. As I said I am still confused about his attitude. He drove me crazy many times with his actions. One thing I know- he never admitted to his mistakes and never apologised to me for anything. And he was lacking empathy almost completely. That's why i thought he was a narcissist. Whenever i wanted to stop the relationship he tried to make me stay, to explain me thousand things and bring excuses for his busy work. Yes, it was just a waste of time and I was stuck in that situation always trying to get out of it but ending up again with him. I am emotionally damaged and confused because I invested a lot of energy in this BS and I truly cared about him.

CONTEXT: LDR for many years (we never met in real because he never did a real plan about it although I really wanted it). Me- always wanting to have more contact with him and always prioritizing him. Him- workaholic and always busy, he was this unimpressed, unaffected guy; many times I felt I disturbed him although he never admitted it. He had narcissistic traits- he wouldn’t admit to be wrong in anything, he would just ignore the issue or he would turn the blame on me. Whenever I tried to stop the relationship because I was feeling unwanted, he was trying to pull me back and to convince me to stay. In our last discussion I got upset because, during Easter (which he spent with his family) he didn’t call me for one minute, along 4 days, although I tried many times to ask him to talk by phone. I tried to discuss in a calm manner about this but he ignored me so I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to end the relationship. In that moment he started sending me very long messages with a lot of accusations and insults and blames. I blocked him on social media and the next weeks he tried to reach out through iMessages or this kind: “I miss you :(“ , “Don’t you miss me?”, “Do you feel better now? I miss you and our contact”, “Do you have someone else? I think it would be fair to tell me”. I never replied. So today I got his last message: “Ok dear I will not longer disturb you. I also worry to loose my self-respect if I go on writing to you without getting any answer. So if you ever regret your decision please jump over your shadow and write me. What ever happens in the past, it doesn't count on me as long as we didn't meet in real. I still would like to meet you and I still can imagine life together with you. Hugs and kisses and all the best. I will always love you!” Somehow I see the guilt-tripping and the manipulation hidded in his last words but I am not sure so I wanted to ask for your opinion. I am confused and I can’t judge the things right. Thank you in advance for your responses!