Carnatic

lol... glad that was qualified with 'if you live in the US'... of course in different countries different things are fashionable but basic colour coordination is outside of fashion and will look god anywhere

can I butt in? OK so I'm not a girl but have been in a similar situation to you in that I have taken girl's advice on how best to dress. I would say the most important thing is that it suits you, and that means different things to different people. Stick with earthy tones such as browns and khakis for the backbone of your clothings and then add splashes of colour such as a scarf... not too many different colours though, a belt or a t-shirt beneath your shirt or jacket... layered clothes look good, like if you have a light fitting long sleeved top with a jacket over and a plain coloured t-shirt under and if it's windy, then a light scarf that will blow in the wind looks quite good... but it's really all about who you are and what you want your clothes to say about yourself.

Maybe it's just me then Batya... but I couldn't really comprehend the idea of dating someone who I neither knew nor felt a spark of attraction for. Miss M, I can understand the fear of dating. If you have been in a previously successful and long relationship which bore fruit but was then lost, the the thought of going back to square one and having to date in order to begin a new relationship must seem daunting... ultimately though you will have to put yourself through it in order to find love. As many of us feel though, and maybe you felt this when you were first starting out... dating ain't so bad. Perhaps the problem is your extra emotional baggage... where you felt that having gotten to the stage of starting a family and then having to return to square one amidst some difficult times, that you may wonder why love is worth it and whether all the effort it will take you will be rewarded. Perhaps you have to start with a fresh slate and not have the shadow that you are going through all this not for he first time... this could be one for your therapist. As for me... I do hear it a lot, that if I give girls the signal that I don't think they are interested in me then I am also giving them the signal that I'm not interested in them. It was one of the first and most common pieces of advice friends give me when I start to look down at my chances. I can't put a finger on why I get so self destructive though. Ruining my own chances in this why by convincig myself that I have nothing to offer. I almost feel like I want to be ugly, even if you or any girls I know say otherwise. Perhaps so I can have something to whinge about... so that I can be some kind of class warrior... battling the forces of superficiality or simply because I never see girls being attracted to me, but if I say I am good looking then that must mean it is my personality that is at fault. Difficult to answer that question to myself 'why do I insist on being useless with girls when I don't think it's an unavoidable part of me?'... it keeps me awake at night.

Thanks Miss M... yeah Lilly it wasn't the best of analogies, but I didn't mean the numbers 1-6 to be a scale of guys getting gradually more attractive, rather number 6 standing for the one nice guy who is right for Miss M out of 6 guys who she is instantly attracted to... I was trying to say that just because she keepes being attracted to guys who aren't right for her, she shouldn't discount the chance that one guy she will be attracted to in the future will be a 'six' And Batya... I agree that instant attraction shouldn't be seen as the only way to find someone who is right for you, I think that depending on what situations you get into, it might be far and away the most common way of finding someone. For example... if you get into a lot of social situations where most of the people there you are meeting for the first time (such as a bar) then it is initial attraction that rules the day. You would be taking a risk entering into a relationship in the hope of it being a slow-burner when you didn't know the person beforehand because the chances of it turning out right would be even lower than with initial attraction. But if you get in situations where you are really getting to know people quite well (such as at work) then you can keep an eye out for this slow-burning attraction developing with one of your friends without the risk of entering a relationship with them first. being umemployed and living in a town with an almost non-existent societies scene, most of my situations are of the former type. So Miss M, your radar will get better, even for each time you pick out a guy who is wrong for you... you'll then know for the next time. (and yeah that is me in my avatar - see how bored I look, I have small-town blues)

Well many women will still be shorter than you, maybe you just don't realise because they are wearing heels... and many women also couldn't give a stuff about a guy's height. So it is a common thing for a girl to look for height in a guy, doesn't mean every girl is the same. What kind of guys are these? I have as little experience with women as you do but it has never seemed like the fact I don't attract women has been an obstacle to me having lots of friends... both male and female. These guys are a minority who you don't really want anything to do with. well... you say you're confident anyway... there's nothing stopping you from being as confident as you like, even if you feel you are short you can still be good looking and feel confident that way, or you can be confident because you have lots of friends, or you can simply be confident because you are.

I would only date a girl I thought was drop dead gorgeous... but then again I would only date a girl who I thought had a fantastic personality and the key word in both these phrases is that what I think is all that matters, and my views on what is gorgeous and what is fantastic are uniquely my own. It's certainly nice when a girl looks good, and as a guy it's nice that I get a modicum of attention from girls when I try to look as good as I can myself. But looks can be changed, really, what the great thing is is that most of us can make ourselves look attractive, you don't have to be born hot, it's really only about style... what really matters is the person beneath the style.

Hey there... good to see you taking time out from helping others to ask for help yourself. I don't see any reason not to trust your radar... it may have let you down in the past but it's still your radar, and it's the only thing you have for letting you find the right guy. It's like you said in an earlier post, that the alternative would be to go after guys you didn't find appealing... and we can all see how perverse that is. You say you don't like jerks, but it could simply be that one of the positive qualities you seek is sometimes part of the jerk persona (I see you mentioned a certain arrogance in your original post). You can't just stop going with your own gut feelings on who you find appealing though. It's like rolling a dice, and you need to get a six, and you aren't getting any, just ones and twos. So it's starts to seem you'll never get that six; do you stop rolling and set in stone that fact that you'll never get that six or do you keep going hoping that one day you'll get a six. Bad relationships do hurt but the alternative of not trying is even worse.

Yeah I do it... not quite as obviously though, as I know all along I don't have the bottle to speak to the girl... I just move closer to her and hope she notices me, or a situation arises like finding myself next to her at the bar where it wouldn't take so much bottle to talk to her, usually I just decide it's not going to happen and move away again. But of course, looking at it from the girl's point of view a bar is full of people moving this way and that way, you can't really assume that someone heading in your direction is doing so because they are interested in you. It really would be nice though if girls did assume this and approached guys who they had an inkling about

you too, you're very pretty

hehe good advice. Obvious though, or at least it should be... if a girl smiles at you, then you should smile back

well to be fair, getting rejected a lot doesn't mean you aren't doing very well... any guy who approaches girls regularly will get rejected a lot of the time.

of course if you have the confidence to strike up a conversation, then her smiling at you is the perfect cue for you to do so. If she's smiled at you then at least it means she's unlikely to react badly if you speak to her. I don't mean trying to stop her to engage in conversation. Just say 'hi', that way she knows you're approachable and free to talk and it's up to her whether to start a conversation. If she can spare the time, does like you, and has the confidence then she will start talking to you and you can take it from there.

I'm actually amazed how picky most of the guys on here are, I don't think I could list more than 5 or 6 turn offs, even if I tried. Actually makes me feel better about my own standards... in the past I worried that even expecting a girl I was attracted too was too picky for my own good. But compared to a lot of guys who answered here I'm pretty easy. I agree with jurupa... while I have physical standards I'm not expecting a stunner.

well if you smile at a girl, or just look happy and approachable and make eye contact then she will probably smile at you... but this doesn't mean she is attracted to you... man I wish it did though, then I'd have no trouble finding girls attracted to me lol.

Promiscious Girls... 'hoochies' if you will, attract guys of a similar type 'hoochie guys'. People who go with each other for the convenience of sex. I knew guys in my first year at uni who went with easy girls just for sex, even if they weren't attracted to them (saying afterwards how they shagged a minger last night). I see this a sex for it's own sake, totally removed from ideas of love or even physical attraction. Unless this is all you want then becoming a hooch isn't really going to be for you... most guys won't want a relationship with such a girl, and even the hoochie guys, when they finish being promiscuous and decide they want a relationship, won't want one with a girl who is known as the 'village bike' to put it mildly.

At least you're being honest, the majority of guys have physical standards but some guys don't want to admit it. We're not proud of the fact that we might not be attracted to a girl with a brilliant personality because of some physical characteristic, but we shouldn't have to apologise for it.

as I guy I prefer medium length hair. I wouldn't want it to grow past my face but I don't want it short... for quite a few reasons: 1) It actually takes more effort to look after when it's short as it's quite frizzy so it's easier if it has the weight to just hang down and not become a white man's afro. 2) I have a funny shaped head, I shaved my hair once... my god I looked awful. I looked like Shrek 3) I've noticed when my hair was short it looked quite ginger... somehow. 4) It's more interesting to toy with when it's longer. I know some girls though who are of the opinion that all guys should have 'nice neat' short hair regardless of whether or not it suits them. So mainly I just want to have my own look, not trying to imitate some accepted style.

Well putting weight aside, I'm not attracted to overweight girls but I would call that 'something I'm not attracted to rather than a turn-off'... I see a turn-off as being something which would put me off an otherwise attractive girl. I would have to say smoking or really bad breath, which are in a way related.

I know what you meant... those kinds of guys aren't always just after a trophy wife... no more or less than any other guy (well maybe a little bit more as the reverse is true, guys who want trophy wives tend also to want success to be better than everyone else). But the guys who are successful and are good guys probably wont advertise their success as much as the jerks, so it may seem that successful guys are always jerks.

I wouldn't say that... I mean I would say I was fairly ambitious, but only for my own purposes, I want to have a good life that's all, and that takes ambition. I'm not driven to be richer, smarter, better looking than anyone else, I just want to be better in future than I am now, and so on and so forth.

Actually I think I'm quite similar to you ty99... I'm sociable and outgoing, especially with friends but I also have no problems flirting with girls... but underneath I am insecure and have low self esteem... I think this does come through, becuase I'm unsucessful with girls, I always chicken out of actually making a move, girl do seem to behave towards me as though i'm just being friendly or something, as opposed to seeing me as a serious option. I would say that yes, if you can be outwardly confident, or fake it, then you do feel more confident in yourself you start to improve your self esteem.

a curve is a line defined by a formula which includes a variable whose exponent is greater than 1 a classic example is the parabola (f(x)=x^2), but there are a multitide of variants such as the hyperbola and the cissoid. This site might help you out with your problem link removed

I think you're a little pessimistic/cynical about men, not all men care only about how a girl looks and hardly any actually want an anorexic girl (that is just a myth propogated by the media, not the opinion of any man whose opinion matters which is almost any man). And a lot of men would love it if you were sweet and romantic. You just have to have some confidence in yourself.

Seems a little overly pessimistic, don't be going tarring us all with the same brush.

Curoious as to what the original post was, but this post here I would say is a good example that a guy who is successful isn't necessarily a good guy, some want a trophy wife, some assume they can pick and choose any girl just for sex and some are elitist... but I must point out that some are just nice guys who just happen to be successful, although they won't make a big show of it.