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Thread: Long distance and intimacy

  1. #31
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Vzhx
    That explains a lot!!! Thank you very much for that...
    Iíd like to know how much porn is too much?🙊
    Do you have a personal limit on alcohol comsumption? If your guy drank everynight and was dismissive of you, would that be too much? Is a couple drinks on a Friday any different?

    Gauging porn use is a personal value. Some people have zero tolerance for it in their relationship. I can't personally tell you what is too much. My value is different than yours.

    But anything that feels that is done in excess and becomes a detriment to other areas in ones life, such as their relationship could be considered too much.

    You need to look within and be a little more interspective about your own values, what's important to you and what your deal breakers are. It's learning to trust your self and that internal voice at times just like this that don't feel right. That should guide you. Not us.

    You wrote earlier that weren't sure if you were just overreacting or your gut was trying to tell you something.
    You need to learn the difference. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    Do you have a personal limit on alcohol comsumption? If your guy drank everynight and was dismissive of you, would that be too much? Is a couple drinks on a Friday any different?

    Gauging porn use is a personal value. Some people have zero tolerance for it in their relationship. I can't personally tell you what is too much. My value is different than yours.

    But anything that feels that is done in excess and becomes a detriment to other areas in ones life, such as their relationship could be considered too much.

    You need to look within and be a little more interspective about your own values, what's important to you and what your deal breakers are. It's learning to trust your self and that internal voice at times just like this that don't feel right. That should guide you. Not us.

    You wrote earlier that weren't sure if you were just overreacting or your gut was trying to tell you something.
    You need to learn the difference.
    THANKS A TON FOR THIS, very very helpful :í)
    Thank you so much for all the efforts! It means a lot

  3. #33
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    OP, it's not just about his porn use, though.

    It's also about the fact that when cam-sex isn't on the table, he doesn't video-call with you. That is downright insulting, but it does tell you where his interest is: sex. Not you as a person. That isn't stress talking; it's a plain lack of interest.

    You need to learn to stop making excuses for poor behaviour in a relationship.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Learn to think more of yourself than an alternative to porn and something to masturbate to.
    Originally Posted by Vzhx
    Can you please suggest things that I can do to improve this condition? 🙈

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend has an addiction to porn. That going to wreck your sex life (even online and nudes)...why? Because it wont' stimulate him enough. He has gotten so used to videos and seeing pictures of hundreds of women that it's like a drug, he will need more and more of the videos of not just you but of other women and pics too.

    It will also cause him to lose his ability to perform properly as it will take A LOT to get him excited enough to finish.

    Even if you try to please him, he will run back to the porn and pics of other women. It will feel harsh and will start to make you feel terrible.

    There's lots of other problems too But the bottom line is, don't expect sex to be normal with this guy and realize that you will start to feel less than and not enough because he will find your pics and videos bland and will still need other videos and pics from other women before he is excited enough.

    Your relationship already sounds like it's losing the air out of it. I would consider just calling it a day. The guy watches too much porn and is far too addicted.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    How much is too much? If he is watching porn a few times a day, that's just messed up. Does he not have a job? Can he not be productive in some way?

    I'm not a porn fan. I can see how it has it's place but at the same time, there is a time and place and yes, there is a limit. It can become a sickness and your boyfriend has crossed that line.

    A few times a week is more about what normal is, a few times a day and he is addicted. Does he not have anything better to do than to play with himself?

    I'm just being honest with you, your boyfriend is taking it too far.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    His masterbation and porn habits should not be taking center stage. It doesn't matter if you think he is a pornography addict or not.

    Your job is to stop sexting and performing sexual entertainment for men. If you feel the need to do this to desperately hang onto a man or get attention, that is your issue to deal with. Stop diagnosing him with this that or the other. Start addressing YOUR actions.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Learn to think more of yourself than an alternative to porn and something to masturbate to.
    This is an eye opener 😳
    Thank you so muchhhh for this❤️

  10. #39
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Yes, Vzhx. He should be treating you as someone special and happy to hear from you and have you in his life.

    You should be romanced by him, as in love letters, sweet messages, small gifts that made him think of you, long chats that make you feel connected to him and none of it should be about sex at all.
    He should also have enough self control that he is spending his time doing other things other than porn and masturbating.

    If he's not making you feel special or important and you're forcing yourself to do things you're not comfortable with, in order to prove to him that you matter or are attractive, then you are in the very wrong relationship.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    If you feel the need to do this to desperately hang onto a man or get attention, that is your issue to deal with. Stop diagnosing him with this that or the other. Start addressing YOUR actions.
    This.

    Someone here can tell you he's a porn addict, while another tells you this is normal. Doesn't really matter. What matters is that you're acting in ways that don't feel right to you.

    The more you get to know yourself, and the more comfortable you get inside your own borders, that right there will come to be seen as you being in a dynamic that isn't working out for you. Then you behave differently, and see if the dynamic shifts, or not. Both are wins, because while one is sad (i.e. ending something) it still means you're on the right path as opposed to drifting off it solely to please another person and find momentary identity in their pleasure, whatever the nature of that exchange.

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