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Thread: A Chance to Mend Our Relationship?

  1. #1

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    Apr 2020
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    A Chance to Mend Our Relationship?

    Hi All,

    First off, I want to take the time to thank anyone who is willing to over me some advice.

    Okay, so to start my ex-boyfriend and I were in a strong and committed relationship for a bit over 4.5 years. We recently broke up on March 27th of this year due to something I did, an active of extreme impulses.

    We are both in our 20s, him 23 and me going on 21 in a few months.

    This particular incident began when I called him to see if heíd be able to send me a few dollars to order UberEats around noon. With the pandemic going on, I lost my job working at an elementary school and have been low on funds. I live with my grand currently and also attend college. Anyways, he sent me the money because our kitchen sink was broken at the time. My grandparents felt that if the sink was broken, the whole kitchen was too, lol. After that discussion and him sending the money, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I explained to him that it was closed due to the lockdown and perhaps we could grab food instead. He shared that heíd think about it and let me know later. I never bought food because around 3 pm, my grandma cooked after my grandpa temporarily fixed the sink. Anyway, he called around 5:30 pm to see if I was still interested in spending time with him, and I agreed. Around 6 pm, I was heading to his place to pick him up and on the way had informed him that I ate earlier, but wouldnít mind a bit of snacking. About 5-10 after saying that, he began to think about what I said and changed his mind after I arrived. He instead wanted to just go to the gas station and head home. I have been going to therapy twice a week for two months now, but still have a minor issue with my extreme reactions. So, I got more upset that necessary and called him out of his name and yelled. I apologized immediately, and headed to the gas station. I was still a bit upset at him and asked for him to remove the pump from my car since it was on the passenger side. He said no multiple times, and I kicked him out of my car. He only walked half a block before I gave him a ride, but he told me later that evening that it was too late, and he was done.

    I have been around way too many toxic relationships and traumatic experiences, and unfortunately, took things out on him. He is very strong, a wonderful man, and I so much want him in my life for good. Iíve made those kind of mistakes throughout our relationship, but just recently seemed therapy and psychiatry. I had trust issues that stemmed from unhealthy marriages throughout my family and an abusive mother. I wasnít always dependent upon him to make me happy, but I did a bit towards the end of our relationship. He has given me so many changes, and just recently I have been working positively and hard to better myself. We have broken up some times before, not nearly as long, but I would always beg and plead for his return. He would always love me just as much too.

    I believe that he is the right person that came at the wrong time. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused by my mother for years and he would always comfort me. I was there for him a lot too. He is an excellent compliment in my life. Currently I have been doing no contact for about 3-4 days, not much, but he doesnít have me blocked on anything. I jus want to know that as I continue to better myself and let go of the trauma and other peopleís experiences, is there a chance that we could get back together and make it work the right way? We have the same life end goals, support each other and have loved each other hard. We never cheated or anything to that extreme.

    I love him very much, and I do pray for his return. What should I continue to do?

    Thank you all.

  2. #2
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    Continue to do all that is necessary to improve yourself. Do it for yourself, not as a means of possibly reconciling with an ex. True, genuine change is absolutely possible, but it takes a great deal of time and an even greater deal of work. You will not experience any true, genuine change until you have put in a lot of effort over a long period of time. For most people, it takes years to make significant changes, not weeks.

    Fortunately, in your case, you are very young and it is far easier to begin making significant changes while young than it is to try to change as an older person who is more set in their ways. If you are determined and you continue in your weekly therapy, I foresee that you absolutely will improve and will heal from your earlier childhood trauma.

  3. #3
    Gold Member ChellyV's Avatar
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    Please stay home while sheltering in place is in effect. Your grandparents are high risk, please do not expose them.

    Just continue to be you to improve yourself. All of us have a reason why we do what we do, why we say what we say. You know your weakness, continue to work on it at the same time enjoy your youth. Invest on healthy relationships or one that will mutually support each other through weaknesses and strengths. I hope you find happiness in you someday, you seem to be positively going the right direction.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Perhaps an evaluation by a physician and more intensive treatment could help you. These are extreme and almost abusive reactions that you seem to have poor control over.
    Originally Posted by Arie2017
    I have been going to therapy twice a week for two months now, but still have a minor issue with my extreme reactions.

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Perhaps an evaluation by a physician and more intensive treatment could help you. These are extreme and almost abusive reactions that you seem to have poor control over.
    I recently began treatment with a psychiatrist as well. Although I do not feel depressed as I havenít for at least 2 years I thought, I learned that I have recurrent major depressive disorder, ADHD, and anxiety. My treatment so far has been going well. I have enjoyed it along with sitting in the sun, watching movies, and hanging out with friends. My extreme impulses havenít occurred for a while, and I donít find a ďneedĒ to name all others. Often times now, I ignore negative people, and donít feed into my own negative emotions, but rather, allow myself to feel them. With continued treatment, I will be the wonderful person that everyone sees in me and compliments me on. I thank those people.

    I still hope that one day my ex returns. He commented on my Twitter post today, but I know not to break no contact. I wrote, ďItís never too late to be a better person. Itís never too late to be a bigger person.Ē He commented, ďIt is sometimes.Ē I didnít respond. He still follows me on Twitter, Facebook, and an MORPG we play, but I donít give him attention. If he missed me, heíd text or call.

  7. #6

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    Originally Posted by ChellyV
    Please stay home while sheltering in place is in effect. Your grandparents are high risk, please do not expose them.

    Just continue to be you to improve yourself. All of us have a reason why we do what we do, why we say what we say. You know your weakness, continue to work on it at the same time enjoy your youth. Invest on healthy relationships or one that will mutually support each other through weaknesses and strengths. I hope you find happiness in you someday, you seem to be positively going the right direction.
    Because I am one of the essential caretakers, I do have to go outside often, most of the time itís store runs. I also have my own doctor appointments to attend since I see a therapist and psychiatrist.

    Thank you for your kind words! I absolutely want to be a wonderful person subconsciously, and my doctors said that Iím not far from that person at all. It makes me feel good.

    It just sucks that my ex gave me so many chances, but it was a little too late before I initiated bettering myself. I do miss him, and I hope one day he feels the same and returns. Overall, weíre good people, but itís the right person, wrong time.

  8. #7

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    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    Continue to do all that is necessary to improve yourself. Do it for yourself, not as a means of possibly reconciling with an ex. True, genuine change is absolutely possible, but it takes a great deal of time and an even greater deal of work. You will not experience any true, genuine change until you have put in a lot of effort over a long period of time. For most people, it takes years to make significant changes, not weeks.

    Fortunately, in your case, you are very young and it is far easier to begin making significant changes while young than it is to try to change as an older person who is more set in their ways. If you are determined and you continue in your weekly therapy, I foresee that you absolutely will improve and will heal from your earlier childhood trauma.
    My therapist, psychiatrist, and grandma are amazing help! They always compliment me and know how hard Iím working to get to my end goal of a better person subconsciously. I am changing primarily for myself, but Iím such an optimistic person and do hope that my ex returns in good favor. They have years of experience and believe so too, but by then, I will have matured and be set in my better ways.

    Thank you for believing in me also. Nothing can stop me from improving. Iíve forgiven my parents for neglecting and abusing me. Iíve forgiven my family for introducing and involving me in their toxic behaviors, relationships and marriages. And now, Iíve forgiven myself for entertaining it all and my mistakes. I love myself more for learning these lessons and realizing that none of that is love. I know what kind of love that I aspire to give and receive.

    Iím almost there!

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You are still young and this is a perfect time to do discovery, and self improve. Best of luck in your journey.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Excellent you are under a physician's care. You need to block him from posting nonsense like this:
    Originally Posted by Arie2017
    He commented, ďIt is sometimes.ĒHe still follows me on Twitter, Facebook, and an MORPG we play.

  11. #10

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Excellent you are under a physician's care. You need to block him from posting nonsense like this:
    I havenít gotten to that point yet. Iím taking it one day at a time. However, I gave myself a moment and realized that his comment means nothing to me because Iím not giving him the attention he seeks. He may be expecting a response, like I used to do, but me ignoring it and retweeting and tweeting around him comment shows me that I donít care.

    If he wants attention, heíll have to ask for it.

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