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Thread: Failed again

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I didn't go to his house, he came to mine (not that that makes it any bettwr) and we had met once before this encounter. I dont think all men are like that really, i know there are lots of decent ones out there. I just assumed because I agreed to it it would happen and was kind of shocked it didn't, but ultimately glad as i would feel alot worse about myself if it did. I did fail myself, it was out of character for me to do this but just been feeling quite down lately I felt like I had nothing to lose really
    Yes you do have a lot to lose -your health your life and you will continue this negativity about dating and men if you keep choosing these situations. Yes it's just as bad that he came to your house as far as safety. If you don't feel all men are like that perhaps stop making comments about how guys will take any sex that is offered as you wrote in your first post. I find it's a good habit to think before I speak or write because dialing it back is doable sometimes but not all the time. Instead of back pedaling try not to express the negativity and generalizations in the first place, IMHO.

    Edited to add -many years ago -early 90s -I worked with an unattractive looking woman in grad school -we were on the same committee and she was my supervisor- a couple of years older. She was objectively not attractive looking. Neither was her husband -he was truly geeky looking as far as physical features. They were madly in love. One day I saw she was wearing a crayola watch on her wrist and I just knew it meant she was pregnant LOL. When she told me and when she got much larger she said to me that her husband told her she was "the most beautiful pregnant woman he'd ever seen". I know he was being genuine. He loved her. Had I just focused on their physical features I might have had all sorts of surprised thoughts - wow, how did she get a man to be attracted to her and how is she attracted to him? But that's not what I am about. And yes I was in my 20s and a bit more shallow than later on in my life and still I recognized what great people they were, how much in love they were. They've been married almost 30 years -oh and they're highly successful in really meaningful and rewarding careers and have lovely grown children.

    Do you want that? Someday? Then please stop reacting to your "I feel down what have I got to lose" by choosing situations that exacerbate your negativity and put you in harm. And maybe choose not to drink if you're serious about selecting an appropriate person to date and get to know.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You're selling yourself cheap, Boo1986 not to mention you're setting yourself up for disaster regarding men whom you don't know well entering your home. I agree with others regarding date rape. It happens.

    You need to take a break from seeking men to date. Work on yourself such as your career, health and be secure within your own skin. Then you will attract alike men. Hold yourself to a higher standard.

    Don't listen to your friends since they don't have your best interests at heart. Never have lower standards otherwise you're stuck with the crumbs of society.

    Not all guys are cut from the same cloth. There are honorable men out there who don't simply sleep with anyone who walks. There are men out there who actually respect women and treat them as ladies, not tramps.

    If you want men out of your league, you need to be out of your current woman's league. If you desire a classy man, become a classy lady and difficult to attain. This is coming from my wise mother's advice long ago. I listened to her and got my great husband this way. Be more "expensive."

  3. #23
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Did you think having a casual sex hookup with a stranger would make you feel better?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    That's what I was going to say too...how will a bunch of men banging you and using you make you feel "special" or "wanted"?

    Come on, Boo...you know better than that and should ask for better from yourself and from life.

    Find a man who is respectful towards you, who genuinely wants to get to know you and genuinely likes you. Getting to know someone takes a long time, as does creating a genuine relationship and to truly connect with someone. You really need to stop selling yourself short.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What you find beautiful, not everyone else will and visa versa. It really is subjective.
    You don't need men to use you or to jump on you right away to prove that you are of any worth!! You have always had worth, you always mattered.
    You only need one decent man who will love you properly.

    Please give yourself that chance.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Yes you do have a lot to lose -your health your life and you will continue this negativity about dating and men if you keep choosing these situations. Yes it's just as bad that he came to your house as far as safety. If you don't feel all men are like that perhaps stop making comments about how guys will take any sex that is offered as you wrote in your first post. I find it's a good habit to think before I speak or write because dialing it back is doable sometimes but not all the time. Instead of back pedaling try not to express the negativity and generalizations in the first place, IMHO.

    Edited to add -many years ago -early 90s -I worked with an unattractive looking woman in grad school -we were on the same committee and she was my supervisor- a couple of years older. She was objectively not attractive looking. Neither was her husband -he was truly geeky looking as far as physical features. They were madly in love. One day I saw she was wearing a crayola watch on her wrist and I just knew it meant she was pregnant LOL. When she told me and when she got much larger she said to me that her husband told her she was "the most beautiful pregnant woman he'd ever seen". I know he was being genuine. He loved her. Had I just focused on their physical features I might have had all sorts of surprised thoughts - wow, how did she get a man to be attracted to her and how is she attracted to him? But that's not what I am about. And yes I was in my 20s and a bit more shallow than later on in my life and still I recognized what great people they were, how much in love they were. They've been married almost 30 years -oh and they're highly successful in really meaningful and rewarding careers and have lovely grown children.

    Do you want that? Someday? Then please stop reacting to your "I feel down what have I got to lose" by choosing situations that exacerbate your negativity and put you in harm. And maybe choose not to drink if you're serious about selecting an appropriate person to date and get to know.
    Yes of course I want that. More than anything really. I just feel like i have a major flaw where i repel the opposite sex. I know on here im quite negative but i dont talk like that when i first meet someone, im quiet upbeat and fun then once we meet or sometomes before it all goes downhill. Im also confused, do I go for ppl i find unattractive because i think i am or go for ppl i find attractice and most likely out of my league? If rejection didn't make me feel sooooo bad id put myself out there alot more, but the more rejected i get the weaker i feel and also less confident. All i want is a guy to see past the exterior and like me for my personality.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Did you think having a casual sex hookup with a stranger would make you feel better?
    Ive never done it but probably not, i guess i just wanted to feel alive, it wasnt the right way to go about it though.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok get to a doctor and get evaluated for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Google it. But in the meantime stop using guys on dating sites to feed into this. What do you have to offer personality wise if you grill them about your looks and your obsession with your looks and nothing else?
    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I just feel like i have a major flaw where i repel the opposite sex. then once we meet or sometomes before it all goes downhill. All i want is a guy to see past the exterior and like me for my personality.

  9. #28
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok get to a doctor and get evaluated for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Google it. But in the meantime stop using guys on dating sites to feed into this. What do you have to offer personality wise if you grill them about your looks and your obsession with your looks and nothing else?
    I have heard of that before, I'm not sure i have it though... i don't ask the guys i meet about my looks or mention it at all, i just assume if they dont like me it is because of my looks or lack of. The latest guy as i mentioned we got along well but assume when we met he wasnt attracted enough. On the other hand i sat at a coffee shop today observing couples and noticied all sorts of people together, some attractive, some not, it was good to see and did give me some hope. I really am going to work on being the best version of myself and hopefully attract someone by just being a positive and nice person.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok get to a doctor and get evaluated for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Google it.
    Originally Posted by Boo1986
    I have heard of that before, I'm not sure i have it though

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Ok get to a doctor and get evaluated for Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Google it.
    Ok i did just Google, i can relate. I will do that

  12. 01-03-2020, 07:35 AM

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