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Thread: I miss her and I hate it

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2019

    I miss her and I hate it

    So I posted here the other week.

    I dated a really close friend for a while. We broke up at the start of the year but soon after decided to start seeing each other again as friends with benefits which has lasted all year until the last month when she very quickly distanced herself and dropped me for someone else.

    I've been moving on from the situation and been feeling good about things since. I've thrown myself into work and socialising but it's still a constant reminder in the back of my head.
    I get it but it really sucks.

    It's the fact that we were so close for so long. Even before we started dating, we've been close for 10 years. I just feel so hollow not being able to talk to her.

    The last time we spoke was last week. We'd argued a lot but no matter what she kept messaging me back to talk as friends and see if I was okay and to apologise about how crap the situation is and I hoped we could go back to being close friends which she insisted she wanted more than anything.

    And then she told me her new guy isn't happy about us talking. She gave a short apology and stopped messaging. I missed her but understood but what really hurt was her messaging again a few days later. She told me in a very cold way that maybe in the future we can get along (she didn't say friends) but right now she needs space. She then reiterated that she needed space even after I said I understood. Then she said if I need emotional support (?) then let her know which felt demeaning. She ended it with hopefully I can meet her new guy some day...
    Since then I've left her to it.

    I feel like I've lost a massive part of my life. For 10 years we've talked regularly and the last year and a half she's been the person I turn to about everything. But it's gone now and I've lost my best friend. And it's the fact that she just doesn't care about me.

    What's worse is I know I'll have to see her soon through mutual friends. That or distance myself from them which I dont want to do.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    well, this is the risk you take dating a long time friend. There's gonna be a day you will have to part ways in order to move on. Like if you were seeing someone new, your GF wouldn't be on board you talking to an ex lover right? Your friend does care a lot about you BUT she knows she has to cut things off. It's the appropriate thing to do and it's out of respect for her BF. If she didn't care she would have never messaged you and it would be like she fell off the face of the earth somewhere. You two definitely need some time between you to get over it. And I know that there will be times when you out grow your friendships, things go a different direction in your life and can put this behind you, filling up the void with someone new. it's part of life and a process of healing, moving on.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    British Columbia, Canada
    Just take one day at a time and go through the motions. Stop treating her as if she's a friend. She's not a friend. She's an ex. This is a person that shouldn't (as much as you want to) be a part of your life anymore. She'll always be a part of your memories but she shouldn't be playing an active role in your present day. Every moment you lie to yourself and tell yourself she's a friend, you're borrowing from your own healing time and your own future self. It's called self-sabotaging. Move on with your life and stop hanging on to what ifs. It's over, truly.

    All the best and keep moving forwards.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Skeptic76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Itís SO hard at first; getting adjusted to not having that person that you share certain things (or everything) with...somebody who enjoys hearing your day to day stuff and cares about you, and then theyíre just GONE. itís difficult for sure.

    I hope youíre able to walk through this hardest part with dignity even though there is pain. Who knows what you can learn and how you will grow from this - but I wish you the best as life continues to unfold!


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    It's going to take time to get used to not having her as a significant part of your life.

    As smackie pointed out above, this is the risk we run if we choose to date close friends. Break-ups can mean that the friendship is over too, or at least never quite what it once was. It is not likely that you two will go back to the way things were before you dated.

    It is imperative that you cut contact for a good, long while. You haven't really begun to heal yet because you two have been in touch until very recently. Whether that was because of you or her isn't important anymore. It just needs to cease so you can move on.

    You will get through this. Now is the time to find and foster alternate support systems and learn to stand on your own without her. A few months from now, it won't feel so alien to not have her as part of your daily landscape.

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