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Thread: A guy who became distant

  1. #1
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    A guy who became distant

    I met a guy three years ago and we were attracted to each other since the beginning, but we lived in different towns. We were friends and met each other few times a year. I liked him more than anyone ever and thought we would make great couple. When I moved to his city(for other reasons than him) I hoped we would become even closer, but he suddenly became uninterested. He is nice to me whenever he sees me but never remembers to call and it seems like he doesn't want to keep contact with me anymore. We were very close and it really hurts me. Doesn't he want me anymore even as a friend? For past three years there were times when I stop thinking about him, but somehow he gets on my mind again. I am worrying that maybe I did something wrong and constantly getting trapped in whatifs. It's consuming so much of my time and energy and I want it to stop. I tried but I find it hard to fall in love with anyone else. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Had you met him before you moved to his city or was your friendship more electronic than anything else?

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    We met on a trip. We had mutual friends, so all of us went to trips together. I've spent many days with him in person and it seems we were quite close.

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    We met on a trip. We had mutual friends, so all of us went to trips together. I've spent many days with him in person and it seems we were quite close.

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  6. #5
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    Apparently he liked you better from a distance.

    As long as there was a sufficient amount of distance, he's cool.

    As soon as you closed that gap by moving closer, permanently, he lost interest.

    There are plenty of men (and women) who actually prefer distance in their dating experiences and relationships, for various reasons, seeing, spending time sporadically.

    Many intentionally seek out people who live long distance, via the Internet or while on vacay.

    I just posted about it on another thread.

    I am aware of what some of those issues are, but won't go into here, but it's not uncommon.

    My advice, lose his number and move on, I'm sorry.

    Given how he has cut you out of his life anyway, I don't see as you have much choice.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 04-29-2019 at 02:24 PM.

  7. #6
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    Thank you for your answer. You are probably right, I don't know how else to explain it. But it is still very hard to let it go. I was hoping that we have a chance. And I don't know how to act when I meet him because I will meet him for sure from time to time.
    I also feel like I will never find anyone for me.

  8. #7
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    If it were me I'd ignore, but don't be snarky or have attitude about it.

    Remain cool, and calm.

    Just hang with other people, if he approaches you and says hi, say hi back, then politely excuse yourself and go talk to other people.

    That's what I would do anyway; he essentially ghosted you which is pretty crappy.

    I wouldn't even bother asking what happened, you're not likely to get an honest reply back anyway, so why bother?

    I am really sorry, it sucks.

    But it's happened to most of us and you will move past it and meet a great guy, I promise!!

  9. #8
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    arani, I i have a question pls be honest, w yourself mostly.

    Did you move to his area to be closer to him? Close that gap to give you both a chance at developing a real relationship versus sporadic meetings a few times a year?

    You said it was for "other" reasons but I question that as immediately after you said it, you said "I was hoping to get closer to him."

    Honesty.

  10. #9
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    I'd let this one go.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by katrina1980
    arani, I i have a question pls be honest, w yourself mostly.

    Did you move to his area to be closer to him? Close that gap to give you both a chance at developing a real relationship versus sporadic meetings a few times a year?

    You said it was for "other" reasons but I question that as immediately after you said it, you said "I was hoping to get closer to him."

    Honesty.
    Good question.

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