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Thread: Breaking up with someone with mental illness

  1. #1

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    Breaking up with someone with mental illness

    i've been in a relationship for a little over 3 years and at first we went to the same school so we would spend all our time together, and we were happy most of the time but we also had lots of problems because she had some serious trust issues. A little after we started she told me she had depression. As time went by, i held on to her even with all the arguments and fights because i really loved her. Then we went to college and we started seeing each other only once a week or some times even once every two weeks so it was hard never seeing eachuder and even harder because of her trust issues. Two months ago she broke up with me because she felt she didnt love me anymore and was all distracted with college partys and making new friends, and i decided that this time we would break up for good. But then when the partys and the distrations stoped she regreted it and came back saying she made a mistake and she thought she didnt love me but she did and i told her that now i didnt want to go back to the relationship, so she started saying she couldnt live without me and without me her life was pointless, and her depression got worst, she went to the doctor and is taking medicine but she still says that if i dont go back to her she doesnt care about her life anymore and everything and im really scared that she does something to herself (because she already had suicidle thougths many times during our 3 years together) but at the same time i dont feel like i love her anymore and want to go back to the relationship. What should i do?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's emotionally manipulating you. What do you think you should do? She has a health care practitioner she is seeing. She has to deal with her problems before she makes anyone else her problem. Please extricate yourself and learn a new normal. This type of behaviour is not ok in a relationship.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You're NOT responsible for her life. She is a big girl and should take care of herself. Tell her it's time for both of you to go your separate ways permanently. If she's relentless, then ghost and block her. You've already given her fair warning.

    You need to move on in your life and surround yourself with normal, mentally sound, stable people. Everyone else is OUT for your own well being and sanity!

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    Thank you very much for your answer, im just really afraid of leaving her in this situation because even tho i dont feel like i love her, i still care and i dont want her to do something to herself because of me.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Then if she threatens that you call her an ambulance and you call her parents. You canít be held emotional hostage because somebody has depression .

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    She is totally manipulating you. As someone above said,you are not responsible for her problems. And if you think about it,it is not normal for a person to depend so much on other person so as not to be able to live without him/her. She has some problems and if you come back with her you are just worsening her condition by allowing her to manipulate you. She needs to be treated by a professional.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jonh555
    Thank you very much for your answer, im just really afraid of leaving her in this situation because even tho i dont feel like i love her, i still care and i dont want her to do something to herself because of me.
    IF, big if, she actually ever does anything to herself, it won't be because of you, but because of her mental illness. It's important that you understand that. You aren't responsible for her issues. She was born that way and it's on her to deal with it, see doctors, take meds, etc. Nobody is responsible for her, but her. It's no different than a person born diabetic - nobody is responsible for maintaining their health but the person themselves.

    That said, she is totally emotionally manipulating you and the correct answer is for you to block, delete, and have no further contact with her ever again. If you continue with contact, trying to be quasi-friends, etc, you will fuel her instability and continue to enable her to stay focused on you and to try to manipulate you. Don't even be surprised that she might create fake accounts in order to get to you, but do not misinterpret that as caring. It's still manipulation and an attempt at keeping you tied to a leash she can yank as she pleases. It's important that you wrap your head around this and stop enabling her.

    Finally, if you do believe that at any time she is seriously suicidal, then the correct action is to immediately call the emergency services, tell them where you believe she is and let professionals take over and deal with her. She needs professional help.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It's not working. You've grown apart and you would do better going your own ways. Don't be manipulated. You can find more compatible girls locally at college. Just tell her it's not working. She has family, friends, doctors, etc who can see after her.
    Originally Posted by Jonh555
    Two months ago she broke up with me because she felt she didnt love me anymore and was all distracted with college partys and making new friends

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jonh555
    Thank you very much for your answer, im just really afraid of leaving her in this situation because even tho i dont feel like i love her, i still care and i dont want her to do something to herself because of me.
    Then contact her parents ans/or her school Guidance Department and tell them what she told you. Then break all contact with her knowing that you did what you could to make sure she was taken care of by her loved ones and professional resources.

    You are not responsible for her so please don't stagnate yourself or feel guilt you shouldn't have to feel over her. She has a mental illness and you can't fix any of that nor are you responsible for what she does with her self or her life.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    This isnít mental illness, itís manipulation, and youíre falling for the drama.

    Never ever ever Ďgive iní to suicidal threats, if someone tells you theyíre going to take their lives, it is already too far gone, you have an obligation to report it to get them help, then you step back u til they are on solid ground, unless youíre the parent or guardian or close family member your role is done, step away after that. Itís really quite simple, what is it in you keeping you enveloped in this drama?

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