Life in the Driver’s Seat (extended)

I am ready to throw every form of social media into the trash.

Seriously though, you may be happier without them! Personally I love not having to see everyone else's opinions of politics and conspiracy theories anymore It's so freeing!

Seriously though, you may be happier without them! Personally I love not having to see everyone else's opinions of politics and conspiracy theories anymore It's so freeing!

I am sure I would. Covid has brought out the “ nutty” in people I never would have suspected.

You, yes YOU, the person writing this, stop being a friggin hypochondriac before I smack your head. Get your tests done and get over it.

Got my mammogram rebooked for Nov 14 it was cancelled in May due to COVID19. Then do my poopy test I have been avoiding for 4 years.

Tomorrow I am sending the most important cheque in the world to me. When my grandmother died 40 years ago my mom‘s brother was her executor but he was so distraught that he forgot to have her headstone engraved. And other than the day of her funeral he has never visited the gravesite ever ever ever and has no plan to. So it has been breaking my heart for 40 years and I’m tired of yapping at my mother to Yap at her brother about getting it done. So I called the cemetery office in September and they sent me the paperwork and the price to have it done. Tomorrow I am sending that cheque so that my grandmother can be properly honoured. ❤️ I love you Nana.

That's nice!

Did she have no gravestone or a blank one?

We have a small, pretty cemeteries near here that I walked through a lot during the early COVID days. I enjoy looking at the gravestones. Some of them are just names, others are heart wrenching.

That's nice!

 

Did she have no gravestone or a blank one?

 

We have a small, pretty cemeteries near here that I walked through a lot during the early COVID days. I enjoy looking at the gravestones. Some of them are just names, others are heart wrenching.

She is buried with my grandfather and her date of birth was pre filled in when the stone was carved when my grandfather passed 45 years ago but my uncle doesn’t do death well and he still won’t talk about the passing of either of his parents you mention one thing about it and he starts to cry.

Dad was gone 2 months , yesterday the 30th. I still can’t comprehend it. I still can’t help much. Just busy busy with work and home with hubby gone. Just not “ me” for a while I guess. I just can’t deal right now. My heart is heavy.

We lost another CF member to training accident. The CF is just taking a crap kicking this year. 😓😓

It was a super busy Halloween on base. Everyone put their Halloween candy out at the end of their driveways.

Coronavirus fatigue is real. I am so there and over it. Between coronavirus and losing my dad and hubby being away.....my mood is flagging . I have had a TN flare and now shoulder injury for a week. I haven’t had my clonazepam prescription for three days I guess my doctor is taking his sweet old time to get it to the pharmacy. Yesterday my son lost his mind and went into meltdown and said he wanted to kill himself if this shyte didn’t stop.

I. AM. DROWNING.

I hope today has turned into a better day for you.

Happy 19th Birthday to my brother’s eldest child. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Coronavirus fatigue is real. I am so there and over it. Between coronavirus and losing my dad and hubby being away.....my mood is flagging . I have had a TN flare and now shoulder injury for a week. I haven’t had my clonazepam prescription for three days I guess my doctor is taking his sweet old time to get it to the pharmacy. Yesterday my son lost his mind and went into meltdown and said he wanted to kill himself if this shyte didn’t stop.

 

I. AM. DROWNING.

Oh wow Seraphim, I just now saw this. I'm so so sorry, this puts your other thread into even more perspective of how hard things are without medicine etc.!

I do think though... just watching how my parents have to deal with my brother when he goes into scary episodes... I think you have to have tough love and really lay it down for them that you will not tolerate something inappropriate.

It is inappropriate to threaten to kill yourself. He could be picked up by the police and put in a psyche hold for three days (that's what happens to my brother if he tries that sh*t on my parents). It's ok if he needs help, but to threaten it and make you crazy yourself, it's not appropriate and tell him you WILL take him SERIOUSLY and call the police and have him picked up.

BUT ... maybe you don't feel safe with the police ? They should be trained to deal with autistics, but there have been several horrible accidents where they end up shooting them. So I totally get it if you feel like this isn't an option.

Oh wow Seraphim, I just now saw this. I'm so so sorry, this puts your other thread into even more perspective of how hard things are without medicine etc.!

 

I do think though... just watching how my parents have to deal with my brother when he goes into scary episodes... I think you have to have tough love and really lay it down for them that you will not tolerate something inappropriate.

 

It is inappropriate to threaten to kill yourself. He could be picked up by the police and put in a psyche hold for three days (that's what happens to my brother if he tries that sh*t on my parents). It's ok if he needs help, but to threaten it and make you crazy yourself, it's not appropriate and tell him you WILL take him SERIOUSLY and call the police and have him picked up.

 

 

 

BUT ... maybe you don't feel safe with the police ? They should be trained to deal with autistics, but there have been several horrible accidents where they end up shooting them. So I totally get it if you feel like this isn't an option.

Thankfully, I got my meds last night and feel much better. However, my doctor’s secretary needs a smack to the head because she always pulls this crap on me and only that medication.

My son has never said this before so it was shocking. I don’t think he will say it again though. He is never violent and never has been but he does get frustrated. Is your brother Autistic?

So to increase my enjoyment factor I have decided to make 200 hats for men ,women ,children and infants for donation for next Christmas.I’m also working on blankets for cats for the SPCA. In the past two days I have made seven hats in the evening and over the course of the last month I have made 15 blankets for cats.

A friend also asked me if I would get groceries for her parents ,her mom is having cancer surgery next week and her dad is having heart surgery and she was posted out to Manitoba.

I just saw a post on Facebook offering "Emotional Support Canadians". You know, to help us Americans through the election stress.

I just saw a post on Facebook offering "Emotional Support Canadians". You know, to help us Americans through the election stress.

Tis done.

.....

I found my first step dad!!!! I found my first step dad!!!!

How do you get rid of guilt, forever? I have guilt over the dumbest crap that just pops up at the dumbest moments for no reason whatsoever. I am sick to death of it.

A quote from one of my favorite guilty pleasure films, The Devil's Advocate. Unfortunately, the quote is attributed to the character of Satan, but he says "Guilt is like carrying a suitcase full of bricks. Who are you carrying it for?"

Guilt does nothing to change whatever it was that happened that you feel guilty about. All it does is make you unhappy.

Try to think of it as a suitcase. When a suitcase is heavy you put it down.

A quote from one of my favorite guilty pleasure films, The Devil's Advocate. Unfortunately, the quote is attributed to the character of Satan, but he says "Guilt is like carrying a suitcase full of bricks. Who are you carrying it for?"

 

Guilt does nothing to change whatever it was that happened that you feel guilty about. All it does is make you unhappy.

 

Try to think of it as a suitcase. When a suitcase is heavy you put it down.

True.

Let me give an example . My brother has started his own financial investment firm. He took all his clients from his old place of employment. Now , I was his client at his old employer. They passed me onto someone else when he left. Of course I am going with my brother. But I feel guilty for this poor person who my account is being taken from. When does this pop up right when I’m watching TV. Seriously?? And I can get attacks of guilt for no reason whatsoever. I haven’t done a thing to anyone and not to this person but I feel guilty why???? Because I don’t want to cause suffering to anyone. And I am just riddled with guilt constantly for the suffering of the world. It is the great empath in me and my cross.

I cry for the suffering of humanity and nature and the world.

My cross my cross my cross my cross.

I was given great mental and physical suffering to bring empathy to the world.

My cross is a test of my faith and a creator of my faith. A great dichotomy. My intense physical pain from many ailments and my intense emotional pain from trauma have created a great empathy I can gift to the world. There is a reason I was given what I was, because I have a great inner strength and faith so it bears great trial and attack.

This week my husband finds out if we are moving in March or staying here.