luminousone Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 Sending you and your family prayers and lots of hugs. I’ve been thinking of you today. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 30, 2020 Author Share Posted August 30, 2020 Daddy made it for me to see him. ❤️ We are staying overnight with my brother and his gf. We got hammered doing shots toasting dad and singing karaoke. Hope you loved it dad❤️ Link to comment
luminousone Posted August 30, 2020 Share Posted August 30, 2020 So glad. And I’m glad you and your brother are leaning on each other for support. How touching that he was holding your son’s letter! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 30, 2020 Author Share Posted August 30, 2020 So glad. And I’m glad you and your brother are leaning on each other for support. How touching that he was holding your son’s letter! I felt better last night than I have in a week. My brother is a wreck I can see it. My last time seeing dad is this morning. I won’t be able to come back till next weekend and he won’t make that. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted August 31, 2020 Author Share Posted August 31, 2020 Yesterday daddy was released from his torment of life. And now me and my brother and my mom have been released from ours. Dad died at 9:30 AM yesterday. He died before anybody could go back I think he wanted to be alone when it happened. I talk to his nephrologist yesterday and he said dad didn’t suffer. And that he went out on his own terms. That they made sure he was comfortable and didn’t suffer at all. When I got there he was still warm. I stayed about an hour and just held his hand. My husband and I recited the Rosary. When I left he was starting to go cold. As I left the room I realized I couldn’t go and I ran back to clutch him close one more time and tell him I love him. S.E.S Sept 4,1945-30 Aug 2020. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 I will be unstoppable daddy . All smiles, I know what it takes to fool this town I'll do it 'til the sun goes down and all through the night time Oh yeah, oh yeah, I'll tell you what you wanna hear Leave my sunglasses on while I shed a tear It's never the right time, yeah, yeah I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am I'm unstoppable I'm a Porsche with no brakes I'm invincible Yeah, I win every single game I'm so powerful I don't need batteries to play I'm so confident, yeah, I'm unstoppable today Unstoppable today, unstoppable today Unstoppable today, I'm unstoppable today Break down, only alone I will cry out now You'll never see what's hiding out Hiding out deep down, yeah, yeah I know, I've heard that to let your feelings show Is the only way to make friendships grow But I'm too afraid now, yeah, yeah I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am I'm unstoppable I'm a Porsche with no brakes I'm invincible Yeah, I win every single game I'm so powerful I don't need batteries to play I'm so confident, yeah, I'm unstoppable today Unstoppable today, unstoppable today Unstoppable today, I'm unstoppable today Unstoppable today, unstoppable today Unstoppable today, I'm unstoppable today I put my armor on, show you how strong how I am I put my armor on, I'll show you that I am I'm unstoppable I'm a Porsche with no brakes I'm invincible Yeah, I win every single game I'm so powerful I don't need batteries to play I'm so confident, yeah, I'm unstoppable today Unstoppable today, unstoppable today Unstoppable today, I'm unstoppable today Unstoppable today, unstoppable today Unstoppable today Now you are unstoppable too daddy and I will be too. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 My brother’s girlfriend said that my father’s last act was wise and kind and brave. That he didn’t want to torture himself or us any longer. That he made the choice to die out of kindness. That may be true. As he really had no quality-of-life whatsoever and the year of 2020 just threw him for a loop. Plus ,no one could enjoy him all they ever did was worry about him and he knew that. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 1, 2020 Author Share Posted September 1, 2020 Dad’s funeral is 8th of September. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 Eulogy for dad. As his eldest child I will fulfill that role. We would like to commend our Dad for his courage to know that he had reached his end, that his suffering had become too great and his quality of life was severely lacking. At the end he had the clarity of mind and wisdom to choose to be kind to himself and choose palliative care as a gentle way to transition from life. Even during that transition he clung tenaciously to life . He was physically pretty tough. Our relationship with our father was often strained by circumstance and the choices he made through the lens of mental and physical illness. Even so my brother, D and I loved him dearly from near as children and more from afar as adults . He was always in our hearts and minds since we could remember. No matter how strained the relationship there was love, no matter what. We are who we are because he was who he was and because of him there are 6 other loving people on this Earth, his children and grandchildren. So we come here today to express that depth of love and to commend his bravery. We love you Dad, love L and D and R and M and H and Z. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 My brother wants me to add something about our Dad’s sense of humour. Dad had a particular brand of humour, one leave you laughing uproariously or not sure what just happened. He had a particular way in which he saw much of the world, through jokes. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 We would like to commend our Dad for his courage to know that he had reached his end, that his suffering had become too great and his quality of life was severely lacking. At the end he had the clarity of mind and wisdom to choose to be kind to himself and choose palliative care as a gentle way to transition from life. Even during that transition he clung tenaciously to life . He was physically pretty tough. Dad had a particular brand of humour, one leave you laughing uproariously or not sure what just happened. He had a particular way in which he saw much of the world, through jokes. Our relationship with our father was often strained by circumstance and the choices he made through the lens of mental and physical illness. Even so my brother, D and I loved him dearly from near as children and more from afar as adults . He was always in our hearts and minds since we could remember. No matter how strained the relationship there was love, no matter what. We are who we are because he was who he was and because of him there are 6 other loving people on this Earth, his children and grandchildren. So we come here today to express that depth of love and to commend his bravery. We love you Dad, love L and D and R and M and H and Z. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 2, 2020 Author Share Posted September 2, 2020 Now if I can deliver it without crying. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 Now if I can deliver it without crying. Oh gosh. My brother had that task at my dad’s memorial service last year. He did choke up, so my other brother got up there with him so he could get through it. A very nicely written tribute, by the way. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 3, 2020 Author Share Posted September 3, 2020 Oh gosh. My brother had that task at my dad’s memorial service last year. He did choke up, so my other brother got up there with him so he could get through it. A very nicely written tribute, by the way. Thank you. I took the task on because I know my brother could never do it. He just really doesn’t handle grief well. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 Yes. We have strengths in different areas. My oldest brother was able to do the talk. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 4, 2020 Author Share Posted September 4, 2020 Today would have been Dad’s 75th Birthday. ❤️ Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 5, 2020 Author Share Posted September 5, 2020 I still feel quiet like I need to help myself before I can help anyone else yet. It is getting close to the time when hubby leaves for his course. So I will lose dad and hubby goes away within a month of each other. It is a rough blow for me. Even when you know something is coming it’s still hard. I kind of knew my dad had it in the works since last Christmas he talked a lot about death and he gave each of his grandchildren $200 for Christmas and my dad was virtually poverty stricken so I wonder where he had that money. I knew right then he didn’t plan to reach the next Christmas. Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 I would imagine he got tired of fighting and wanted peace. I can relate to that. I'm not at all suicidal but I do sometimes think wistfully of death and how wonderful it would be to be free of the things I'm dealing with. He is at peace; I'm sure you believe he is. Those of us left behind have feelings of sorrow, of regret, of lost opportunities. But he is likely not feeling those things and we have to be grateful for the ending of the suffering of loved ones who go on. I know this is tough with your husband leaving for training. You and your son will likely become even closer during this time. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 6, 2020 Author Share Posted September 6, 2020 I would imagine he got tired of fighting and wanted peace. I can relate to that. I'm not at all suicidal but I do sometimes think wistfully of death and how wonderful it would be to be free of the things I'm dealing with. He is at peace; I'm sure you believe he is. Those of us left behind have feelings of sorrow, of regret, of lost opportunities. But he is likely not feeling those things and we have to be grateful for the ending of the suffering of loved ones who go on. I know this is tough with your husband leaving for training. You and your son will likely become even closer during this time. I am thankful my son is an adult this time and can help out now for sure. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 7, 2020 Author Share Posted September 7, 2020 I can’t believe daddy has been gone more than a week a week yesterday. Today we are travelling back home for his funeral tomorrow. We just packed up everybody’s clothes hubby has one more thing to do and then we are hitting the road. Tomorrow he’s going to be wearing his dress uniform. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 8, 2020 Share Posted September 8, 2020 I still feel quiet like I need to help myself before I can help anyone else yet. It is getting close to the time when hubby leaves for his course. So I will lose dad and hubby goes away within a month of each other. It is a rough blow for me. Even when you know something is coming it’s still hard. I kind of knew my dad had it in the works since last Christmas he talked a lot about death and he gave each of his grandchildren $200 for Christmas and my dad was virtually poverty stricken so I wonder where he had that money. I knew right then he didn’t plan to reach the next Christmas. You are in my prayers, Sera. I was really thinking of you today. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 8, 2020 Author Share Posted September 8, 2020 Thank you LUM. ❤️ Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 9, 2020 Author Share Posted September 9, 2020 So today was very difficult more people showed up then what I thought would. Including my 100-year-old great aunt. My dad was her favourite nephew. Even some of my dad‘s high school friends showed up. I read my eulogy sobbing the entire time. There wasn’t a dry eye to be had. Then I kind of lost control of myself and was hugging his urn and crying out for my dad telling him I loved him. My husband and brother and son gathered me up and held me up. My mom was there for me too. They were going to bury daddy after we left. And my brother has the other urn with his ashes to take to BC to bury there in his favourite province. I got to see where my great grandparents and my great uncles are buried. And of course my grandparents because they are right beside my dad. I hadn’t been to my grandparents grave since they passed away well since my grandfather passed away seven years ago. And the great grandparents buried in the same cemetery are my grandmother’s parents and her two brothers. Link to comment
luminousone Posted September 9, 2020 Share Posted September 9, 2020 Sounds like a great service. You did it with love and with courage! How are you feeling, now that it’s over? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 9, 2020 Author Share Posted September 9, 2020 Sounds like a great service. You did it with love and with courage! How are you feeling, now that it’s over? I am relieved in away and sad in a way because that means he’s gone. The good part came out of it my aunt who my dad left almost 100% portion of his money to after the funeral costs is leaving the remainder to my dad’s grandkids. Link to comment
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