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Thread: Getting mixed messages what do I do

  1. #1
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    Getting mixed messages what do I do

    So I started talking to this girl on a dating app back at the end of March, she is 24 I am 25. She was near me taking a month off from work and then she went back home to out of state in Minnesota, I am in Florida. She gave me her number and then we started texting. For a bunch of weeks a lot of her texts would be "come cuddle" or "I want kisses". (she was living on her own at this time after moving out of her exes place right after we started talking). Quickly the texting turned into a lot of sexting on her part, as well as good morning texts, how was your day, etc. We talked on the phone a few times. At the end of April we had a Facetime date for four hours. She even asked me if I am open to long distance and I told her yes. Now before this I was just viewing it as a hook up type situation, until I found out on our Facetime date that she wants a relationship. She was very revealing sending me nude pictures too and getting nude on Facetime. Anyways I changed my mindset to a relationship oriented one after how well our Facetime date went and upon finding out she wants a relationship too, and I told her a week later that I am also looking for a relationship, a real connection and she agreed too. So I started getting more attached, asking her more about her day, continuing to send her intimate texts. A lot of what she would send me is "I want to make you mine" or "I fall for you/I love seeing your face on Facetime". We'd continue to talk on the phone or Facetime for small intervals every other day for a few weeks. I felt like a long distance couple basically, our communication was oriented like that.

    This is the issue, something changed with the communication about 11 days ago. Basically I had a day off from work and she didn't reply to my texts all day, yet was posting on social media. But I kept it cool, well that day she called and apologized stating she was tired and wasn't feeling good (she works overnight shifts as a dispatcher so a lot of sleeping during the day). I played it off fine telling her all is good. That was the last time I talked to her on the phone. The following day I asked her to Facetime on Monday like usual, no response until the next day she apologized for not replying yet she was posting on social media. Well every day following this she hasn't been replying to my texts as fast, I know shes working a lot and sleeping more so I kinda get that. But something is fishy, as of now every day we'll text in the morning then she will stop replying to my most recent text, and I'm assuming she sleeping BUT she never replies to my last text, until I text her first again hours later (she always instantly replies). This is different from before because 1.) she'd normally text first to follow up after sleeping during the day or ask about my day, or 2.) sext me. Keep in mind sexting is probably 50% of our conversations or other intimate conversations. That has probably occurred on her part sexting first one day out of the past eleven.

    Another thing too is, no more phone calls or Facetimes from her like before. In the middle of these 11 days I texted her that I noticed our communication had changed and I wasn't sure if I said something to offend her. She stated that I did nothing wrong and she has just been quiet and trying to get through some tough spots and she doesn't know what to do. And that it is scary having feelings for me, when she doesn't know if she'll get hurt by long distance. She said she misses me and isn't trying to get into her head too much. I told her okay I'll give you some space to figure things out. I didn't text her for a day, and I went out with friends and posted a picture with some female friends on social media. She initiated a work based text in the middle of the night (this was last Friday night), and we texted Saturday morning, she asked me "if you don't like me anymore please let me know", I told her I still like her. Then she said "you sure? I just feel lonely like you are done with me". I told her no I'm not done, and then she said okay good because I want kisses and cuddles from you (stuff we'd say prior to the 11 day mark) and we kinda started sexting again. Later that night I opened myself up told her I haven't felt a connection with someone like I have in awhile. I asked her if she thinks were still clicking she said yes, then I also asked "do you see us in a relationship in the future" she said "I'd hope so".

    Fast forward to the past week and a half or so, well shes still doing things like not replying to my most recent text if I send a meme or something, until I text her something else hours later, then she replies instantly. I'm not sure if she just finds things not worth replying to or what, but I'm getting worried because our texting has gone down a lot. Today I texted her good morning, asked her a question on snapchat, and even sent her a funny meme on instagram, at different parts throughout the day no replies to any of it (which would not be occurring weeks ago at all). So I haven't sent her anything else.

    We've been talking for 9 weeks, and as of a few weeks ago, she was planning to come down here and visit me for 4 days (3 weeks from now), and she still hasn't bought the tickets due to her waiting for the price to go down, she says she's looking for the prices to drop each day. I am confused at her communication going down, and I'm not sure what shes going through. She doesn't really call me intimate names anymore. My only speculation is that her ex is back in the picture, she was still living with him when we started talking in March and she moved out, they broke up in February I believe. Last Friday she did post a picture on Snapchat with a song titled "ex" and captioned it feels. And I know a lot of the time we'd talk on the phone she'd bring something up about her ex. And I know her ex just got off enlistment from the military. Maybe I was a rebound at first given her sexting and calling me babe instantly and saying coupely things like "I fall for your face" or "you're so hot" etc etc; and now she's realizing she's not over him or maybe shes drifting towards him again.

    Any advice on this? Shes everything I'm looking for, gorgeous, works out, goofy, genuine, smart. She even told me in the past that she likes my smile, body, that I'm goofy, genuine, a hard worker. I hate double texting and not getting a reply so I'm not gonna contact her for a few days and see if she reaches out. She said she approves of a relationship a few days ago, but her texting communication has become more inconsistent so I am not sure what is going on, and if I should move on or not. What do you think? I am not really talking to anyone else and I feel like I'm putting a lot of energy into this, and it is not getting reciprocated anymore.

  2. #2
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    I am also confused that she sent me the "if you don't like me anymore please tell me" texts and the "you sure I just feel lonely like you are done with me" texts, maybe because she saw the pictures with me and other women and because I didn't text her for a whole day after I said I'd give her space.

    And after my 3 non replied communication attempts I don't even want to text her tonight or tomorrow, because I feel like she'll just ignore it again and I'll look dumb. But I don't want to come off like I'm not interested either. I just keep getting in these bouts where I feel stuck when she doesn't reply and I don't want to come off as clingy or not interested. All my social supports are telling me to move on and that she is playing games. I am sure if she is interested she will reach out first again.

  3. #3
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You've never met this woman - it's not much of a relationship. Plus, most long distance relationships don't work out. Quit spinning your wheels and date a local girl.

  4. #4
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    She is going through a break up !!!

    She loves your attention to make her feel better about herself.
    She is not interested in you at all. Sorry! Only the attention you give her.

    You being in female company , she doesnít really care about , unless it prevents you contacting her and telling her nice things WHEN she needs or wants it. Ie when her ex isnít providing that.

    Just stop it already!
    If I was next to you I would whack you over the head with a hard book!
    Wake up man!!

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  6. #5
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    Yeah I figured that she liked me for the attention. I honestly liked the attention from her too though lol. Itís not worth it.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by jrw
    Yeah I figured that she liked me for the attention. I honestly liked the attention from her too though lol. Itís not worth it.
    She wasnít actually giving you attention, just seeking yours when it suited her.
    And when it doesnít suit you , you get nothing!

  8. #7
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    I see. But what about her asking me about doing long distance? Telling me that she likes me and that technically sheíd hope were in a relationship in the future? I feel like not all of this was attention seeking, some of it felt legitimate. And Iíd say she was giving me attention, telling me attractive, hot, wants to screw all that. Unless she was saying that cause she knew Iíd reciprocate the attention back.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    That explains a lot.
    Originally Posted by jrw
    her ex is back in the picture, she was still living with him when we started talking in March

  10. #9
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    jrw, it's simple really. She got bored with it, that's all.

    She's moved on.

    That's on line for ya. It can be fun, exciting for a bit, but then gets old, boring.

    So they're on to the next (or back to the old -- an ex).

    Signs to look for in the future?

    Her quickly rushing in with wanting "cuddles" and "kisses." All the sexting. Talking future.

    It was all just too over the top, and you, like many guys fell for it and believed it "meant something."

    It didn't. She may have thought it did too but it was all a big fantasy, for both of you.

    Then it got boring for her, simple as that.

    Move on and lesson learned.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-24-2019 at 10:58 AM.

  11. #10
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    Also, some women (very insecure) get off on pushing and pulling.

    On line is the perfect venue for that.

    They can upload nude sexy photos, sext, talk about future, that's the pull.

    Then when they've got you and you're wanting more, like actualy meeting in person, they begin pushing you out.

    Anyway, again just take this as a big lesson learned.

    Interacting on line is fine, can be fun, even exciting for a bit.

    Just don't have expectations, don't become attached or invested, or too attached to the outcome.

    If you're looking for something serious with a girl, stick to local.
    Last edited by katrina1980; 05-24-2019 at 10:59 AM.

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