Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 16

Thread: Advice

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8

    Advice

    My wife and I have been married for three years. We have two children (6 y/o and 2 y/o). During these three years we've dealt with a lot but the biggest issues we've encountered are: 1) Constant need to interact with Exs and 2) infidelity. We've dealt with her: 1) sexting her friends and exs, 2) establishing inappropriate emotional relationships with exs and friends (meaning regretting breaking up and what would life be if they stayed together), 3) dating other people. This past April she lied about meeting up with an ex (one of whom she cheated on me with) and we fought. From there she took it upon herself to establish a relationship with a family friend and it went south from there; pretty much everything happened except for having sex with each other (however she did meet him with the intentions of having sex but refused his advances). She also began to date an ex through the phone a lied about it and began to make plans to move in with him (they're had off and on communication for three years) ; she broke it off with him. Shortly after that she created a PoF profile with the intention of seeing if she could date someone else. Everything came to a head when she dropped me and our daughters of at a mall so she could meet up with someone. I threatened a divorce and told her I spoke with a lawyer about our assets and such. She realized how serious I was and started to change; she apologized for her behavior and has taken step to repair the damage. HOWEVER, she told the family friend that things were over between them and she wanted to work things out with me. He got angry and asked if she was pregnant because that's the only reason why couple work things out, she told him and said she didn't want to marriage to fail and wanted to keep the family together. After she go off the phone with him she admitted that she lied to him saying she told him were getting a divorce and he was a revenge relationship but didn't want to tell him that. A few days later he texted her and the conversation turned into her saying things wouldn't have worked out between them, he wanted a change to prove that, and he told her once he's allowed minors in two years he wanted a chance. How do I solve this without causing a fight between me and her? The guy didn't know she was a revenge date, he didn't show she was talking to other guys, didn't know she made plans to run off with someone else, what's the best way if he keep up this behavior?

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    283
    like how have you not filed for divorce yet???

    it is hard due to kids but at some point you need to be healthy to take care of the kids................... forget trying to stop that other guy, i'd go see a lawyer like yesterday and initiated paperwork today!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    8,756
    Originally Posted by alw0992
    How do I solve this without causing a fight between me and her? The guy didn't know she was a revenge date, he didn't show she was talking to other guys, didn't know she made plans to run off with someone else, what's the best way if he keep up this behavior?
    You go and find the backbone you flushed down the crapper years ago, and follow though on that divorce threat, OP.

    This guy isn't the issue. It's the fact that you are married to a woman who is not into you, doesn't love you, and doesn't respect you in the least. Even if this particular guy disappears, she will do this again with some other dude. And then again. As soon as she finds some other guy to more permanently latch on to, she will leave you. This isn't a matter of if, but when.

    You have a farce of a marriage and it's a terribly unhealthy example to set for your children. I can't imagine this is the model of family life you want them to participate in. I also can't imagine what the heck happened to your self-esteem and why you tolerate this awful treatment from her.

    One specific comment you made really unnerved me, though: "he told her once he's allowed minors in two years he wanted a chance." What exactly does this mean? Is this guy a sex offender who is not permitted to be around children, or?

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    31
    If the two of you are serious about repairing your relationship with one another and salvaging your marriage, then this "family friend" needs to be shut out completely. No more texts, no more phone calls, this person is out. If your wife continues to maintain contact with the family friend, she isn't serious about changing her ways and saving your marriage.

    Lose the family friend, get into counseling.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    I didn't get the whole story. From what I was told he had sex with a girl who was 16, claimed he didn't know the age and she didn't disclose it (I call BS) at a party and did 5 years in jail. He is on probation for two years and isn't allowed to have contact with minors for that period. I've dug my heels in the ground with her and started calling her out and said said either she changes or she has to leave. I told $300 isn't much and I'll fill out the papers and she just has to sign; told her three years of her crap is enough.I told her she had to figure her crap out and if it's something can't handle, then when the school year is over she and the kids need to move back with her mom. I said I'm tired of working hard so she can be a stay-at-home mom just her to lay around and cheat. Also told her that her abusive behavior needs to stop because the kids need both parents, not one who's too busy texting and another who's neurotic becasue of the situation. She's taking steps to repair everything becasue I told her if I don't see effort then I'm following through with everything and I'll leave her where I found her.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    If the two of you are serious about repairing your relationship with one another and salvaging your marriage, then this "family friend" needs to be shut out completely. No more texts, no more phone calls, this person is out. If your wife continues to maintain contact with the family friend, she isn't serious about changing her ways and saving your marriage.

    Lose the family friend, get into counseling.
    Tried therapy and she won't go for it. As far the family friend goes, if he attempt to pursue her again, I'm going tell her either she tells him the truth or I do. Which is that he was one of many people she was talking to and she was only talking to him to get revenge on me, as messed up as it sounds.

  8. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    31
    Originally Posted by alw0992
    I didn't get the whole story. From what I was told he had sex with a girl who was 16, claimed he didn't know the age and she didn't disclose it (I call BS) at a party and did 5 years in jail. He is on probation for two years and isn't allowed to have contact with minors for that period. I've dug my heels in the ground with her and started calling her out and said said either she changes or she has to leave. I told $300 isn't much and I'll fill out the papers and she just has to sign; told her three years of her crap is enough.I told her she had to figure her crap out and if it's something can't handle, then when the school year is over she and the kids need to move back with her mom. I said I'm tired of working hard so she can be a stay-at-home mom just her to lay around and cheat. Also told her that her abusive behavior needs to stop because the kids need both parents, not one who's too busy texting and another who's neurotic becasue of the situation. She's taking steps to repair everything becasue I told her if I don't see effort then I'm following through with everything and I'll leave her where I found her.

    In your position, if your wife does not immediately cut off all contact with this pedophile, I would not only file for divorce, I would file for full custody of the children. They are in danger so long as your wife is including this predator in her life.

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    31
    Originally Posted by alw0992
    Tried therapy and she won't go for it. As far the family friend goes, if he attempt to pursue her again, I'm going tell her either she tells him the truth or I do. Which is that he was one of many people she was talking to and she was only talking to him to get revenge on me, as messed up as it sounds.
    No, do not allow ANY interaction with this family friend whatsoever! Besides the fact he is a cheating outlet for your wife, he is a known child predator. You should have the sense to not endanger your children by allowing such a person to interact with your family.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    8
    Originally Posted by JenCrowley
    No, do not allow ANY interaction with this family friend whatsoever! Besides the fact he is a cheating outlet for your wife, he is a known child predator. You should have the sense to not endanger your children by allowing such a person to interact with your family.
    I agree. That's what I told her. He hasn't had interactions with our children, my wife isn't that stupid, but I've also told her that she doesn't get how messed up it is; maintaining communication with someone who can't be around children. After I said that she's slowly broke off communication.

  11. 05-10-2019, 06:18 PM

  12. #10
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Posts
    157
    Originally Posted by alw0992
    I told her she had to figure her crap out and if it's something can't handle, then when the school year is over she and the kids need to move back with her mom.
    Why would you kick out, punish, and endanger your daughters over your wifeís infidelity? You should be a good dad, file for full custody, and hire childcare. Donít punish your children for what your wife has done.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •