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Thread: Want to leave husband but don't want to break his heart and hurt our son

  1. #91
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    I apologize for my tone, which is often lost in translation through text. I don't apologize for any spot on advice that I gave or for responding to Figure's misquote.

    Actually, the reason to mention "cheating" was to address the OP's attraction toward's other men. You'll see that many agreed on that point.

    If that is the gist of your response, I suggest directing our attention back to the OP.

  2. #92
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    Originally Posted by Nickel Speed
    I apologize for my tone, which is often lost in translation through text. I don't apologize for any spot on advice that I gave or for responding to Figure's misquote.

    Actually, the reason to mention "cheating" was to address the OP's attraction toward's other men. You'll see that many agreed on that point.

    If that is the gist of your response, I suggest directing our attention back to the OP.
    All I said was I have looked at other men. My husband looks at women. I notice men and they notice me. Doesn't mean I would do anything.

  3. #93
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    OP, why did you come her? You were going, on and on, about how unhappy you were, then as soon as he returned home, all changed. Very strange! Either you are happy, or you are not?

  4. #94
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    OP, why did you come her? You were going, on and on, about how unhappy you were, then as soon as he returned home, all changed. Very strange! Either you are happy, or you are not?
    I came here because I had all these feelings that I have no one to talk to about. Every 6 months or so it all boils up again and I feel nothing towards him and want out. Then I realise it's just possibly the lust I am missing (which is understandable when you've been together 15 years, but not sure I ever had it?) And actually I have a wonderful companion and someone I care deeply about. I'm happy for ages...and then I'm not.

    Sorry I don't fit into a box for you!

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  6. #95
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    To be honest I wish I'd never started this thread. I've had some fab advice but a lot of personal attacks which I didnt come here for. If there was a delete button!

  7. #96
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    I came here because I had all these feelings that I have no one to talk to about. Every 6 months or so it all boils up again and I feel nothing towards him and want out. Then I realise it's just possibly the lust I am missing (which is understandable when you've been together 15 years, but not sure I ever had it?) And actually I have a wonderful companion and someone I care deeply about. I'm happy for ages...and then I'm not.

    Sorry I don't fit into a box for you!
    No reason to get defensive. For someone to do a 180 like this, is bizarre.

    Don't throw this on me, as I have supported you though this thread. Deal with your issues. Get some counseling.
    Last edited by Hollyj; 04-12-2019 at 05:51 PM.

  8. #97
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JValentine
    To be honest I wish I'd never started this thread. I've had some fab advice but a lot of personal attacks which I didnt come here for. If there was a delete button!
    To be completely fair thatís a big reason why there was so much back-and-forth between posters because others noticed the personalization of your post by some as well and again to be fair one of the posters in question did apologize. It happens.

    I donít know that that necessarily takes away from what Holly is saying. I admit I was also a bit confused by your apparent 180 but at the same time if youíre willing to give your marriage a chance I say go for it. I would seek personal therapy to figure out whatís going on and if after personal therapy you realize the issue is indeed your marriage then marriage counseling canít hurt especially if you view your marriage as savable.

    I can only speak for myself of course but I am getting the impression that many are trying to say you donít have to feel guilty for wanting to be happy in life. If all your needs are not being fulfilled and thatís not fixable you have every right to make a decision that is best for you, Without feeling bad about it, youíre not responsible for your husbandís happiness you are his spouse you are not a sacrificial lamb

  9. #98
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    Speaking generally and not trying to use the OP, doing what one considers a "180" should not be considered odd or uncommon in major life decisions. It's a big life changing decision she is grappling with. If my advice still carries any weight in this thread, OP, be open with your husband about your feelings. Talk to him. He may be hurt no matter what you say, but communication is always the right way to go.

  10. #99
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    Originally Posted by relevart
    Speaking generally and not trying to use the OP, doing what one considers a "180" should not be considered odd or uncommon in major life decisions. It's a big life changing decision she is grappling with. If my advice still carries any weight in this thread, OP, be open with your husband about your feelings. Talk to him. He may be hurt no matter what you say, but communication is always the right way to go.
    In this particular case the "180" wasn't about changing her mind which I get from your post but about trying to backpedal away from all she shared about her feelings about her husband and marriage. I played along some but no I did not find it authentic. I went through back and forth as she did and it's always tempting to claim "oh I didn't mean it -he's great!!! I love him!!!" but far more productive and genuine to express -even if just to yourself "ok I have these serious doubts and no I am not ready to throw in the towel because I'm afraid of being alone/it's too hard/I like the benefits of being in a relationship" or whatever. She didn't come across as grappling but rather as inauthentic- especially with herself. Of course she should give her marriage a chance -it doesn't sound like there is abuse/drug abuse whatever.

  11. #100
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    You can ask the moderators to close it by emailing them or just stop posting in it/logging in.
    Originally Posted by JValentine
    To be honest I wish I'd never started this thread. I've had some fab advice but a lot of personal attacks which I didnt come here for. If there was a delete button!

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