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Thread: Boyfriend doesn't want to help me with my abuse.

  1. #11
    Just to be precise: Sam was not expected to take any independent action, like calling the police, facing your ex or simply involving himsel in your and your ex problem. He was only supposed to strongly support you emotionally, just like anyone would do for even a person they have no feeling for, to offer his help when in need(like picking you up in case you called and asked) and to give you counsels about your problem. But your issue must be solved by you only, and not ask him to take any direct action.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Gottabeyou
    Just to be precise: Sam was not expected to take any independent action, like calling the police, facing your ex or simply involving himsel in your and your ex problem. He was only supposed to strongly support you emotionally, just like anyone would do for even a person they have no feeling for, to offer his help when in need(like picking you up in case you called and asked) and to give you counsels about your problem. But your issue must be solved by you only, and not ask him to take any direct action.
    Per the OP:
    He continuously denies he could have taken action

  3. #13
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    If I were your current BF I would be reticent to be involved while you are still living with a dangerous "ex".

    I'm surprised that he is not worried about violence towards himself from him. I'm surprised that you want a BF while still involved with the "ex" that you live with.

    What I suggest to you is that you bail immediately from the violent guy and hold off dating anyone while you get your self out of danger and reestablished elsewhere.

    It is not possible for you to have true feelings for another person while you are more concerned with your rescue from danger.

    So get yourself out of danger, retrieve normality in your life, have nothing to do with the violent man.

    As to the new guy? Put that on hold.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry for what you're going through OP. However I must agree with the others. Besides, we constantly advise people to don't date people who still live with their exes and have messy unresolved situations and we would've probably have advised him to stay far away from you at least until you get out of this situation.

    You're not ready to date until you stop living with your ex and have recovered from the abuse. Until then I'd hold off from dating and would rather rely on the support of friends and family if possible.

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  6. #15

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    I do agree with the other comments that you should have helped yourself but I see where your coming from. Your current boyfriend showed no emotion and that hurt you. Whilst he is not EXPECTED to pick up the phone call. A good loving human being WOULD have done it in the interest of your safety instead of just giving up and just assuming you wouldn't have appreciated the help.

  7. #16
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    You are looking for someone to rescue you --- and that's not fair.
    you expect him to be the knight in shining armor - to call the police/whisk you away.
    you are codependent with your abuser if you will not leave
    And the new dude is no better for dating someone who is still in a relationship
    I am sorry, you are in a relationship with your ex even if you are not sleepig together - you are cohabitating

    So what about the nudes. Your parents have seen you naked (albeit many years ago) and if you know this could happen, why not tell your parents what is up and ask them not to open texts from your boyfriend -- and then use it as evidence. Your parents would be devastated if something else happened to you- you ended up dead just because you didn't want them to see a nude photo which might be an idle threat anyhow.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by bubby987
    I do agree with the other comments that you should have helped yourself but I see where your coming from. Your current boyfriend showed no emotion and that hurt you. Whilst he is not EXPECTED to pick up the phone call. A good loving human being WOULD have done it in the interest of your safety instead of just giving up and just assuming you wouldn't have appreciated the help.
    Any man that gets involved with someone who is still in a relationship isn't very high caliber -- but no -- i would not expect him to do anything at all. the OP is responsible for their safety and has clearly chosen to remain with the abuser -- and the new guy has accepted the dynamic coming into it.

  9. #18
    As a independent nurse doing rotations in hospital I often see cases where the patient is either being sexually or physically exploited. One of a nurses responsibility is to ensure we safeguard these people, even if this means ringing the police despite them telling us not to. I think yours mature enough and old enough to have helped yourself but Sam should have definitely informed the police. Anyways it seems like this is redundant because you said your moving out soon. I think Sam needs to grow up and help you out in such a difficult time and not leave you if he really loved you.

  10. #19
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Multiple accounts are not allowed...Closed.

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