Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 24

Thread: Flaky Girlfriend - Financial Abuse?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    74
    Gender
    Male

    Flaky Girlfriend - Financial Abuse?

    Not that it really matters anymore, but I was just looking for some input from others here about what you think of my (ex) girlfriends behaviour in these circumstances.

    She likes to spend most of her time at home not doing a lot in the house. But, there have been several times that I have suggested going for a walk, visit my family, shopping etc which at the time she seems all for doing.

    So I would arrange with my brother and his girlfriend to meet up in town for a meal a couple of weeks beforehand, BUT, on the day of the meal my girlfriend always claims to be 'tired' and refuses to go! Obviously this frustrates me and especially given the very short notice (usually an hour before we're meant to go out) which leaves me with no option but to go myself.

    She has backed out of other things last minute and I felt like I could never really plan anything because at the back of my mind I would know she wouldn't always go through with what she at the time agreed to.

    She has said in response to me showing my frustration that I just need to 'deal with it and that's it' - never apologising or acknowledging my feelings in this equation.

    We were booked to go to a hotel for a few nights recently and on the day of us meant to be going, she at the last minute again said she was 'too tired' to go. I suggested I drive there and she sleeps in the car but she wasn't having any of it. We lost several hundred pounds because of her no show.

    She doesn't seem to grasp that money is important and she doesn't realise the value of it as when I said are we going or not, she said no and I don't care if it cost a few grand to go!

    I suggested she drive since she suggested booking the hotel trip but she claimed she didn't know where to go even though I have a Sat Nav! I have done all of the driving 99% of the time on longer journeys but she seemed to throw up a poor excuse.

    Maybe she is better being my ex girlfriend now. This is odd behaviour from a grown woman in my opinion.

    Thoughts?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    9,895
    She was a flake. And, at least by your accounts, was a particular jerk about it. You weren't abused simply because you failed multiple times to take it into account and dump her sooner than later, though.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    74
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by j.man
    She was a flake. And, at least by your accounts, was a particular jerk about it. You weren't abused simply because you failed multiple times to take it into account and dump her sooner than later, though.
    I don't understand why she had to find a crappy excuse for her reason not to go to the hotel etc.

    Ah well, she isn't my problem anymore.

  4. #4
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    779
    Gender
    Female
    The reason she didnít want to go out With you and your brother or go to the hotel has nothing to do with financial abuseó it sounds like she just didnít want to spend time with you. Sorry to be blunt!

    But she should be more polite and not tell you last minute. Thatís just rude and bad manners.

    Do just to clarify- you are broken up now? It sounded that way at the end of your post.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    74
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by DaisyMayPorter
    The reason she didnít want to go out With you and your brother or go to the hotel has nothing to do with financial abuseó it sounds like she just didnít want to spend time with you. Sorry to be blunt!

    But she should be more polite and not tell you last minute. Thatís just rude and bad manners.

    Do just to clarify- you are broken up now? It sounded that way at the end of your post.
    I hear what you are saying. She just couldn't be bothered to spend time with me and instead of being upfront and honest with me, spins me a web of lies with pathetic excuses!

    Yes we are broken up now (I ended it after I caught her sexting someone behind my back.)

  7. #6
    Silver Member thisisrichey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    416
    1. Yes it's good she's your ex-. Now stop wasting time thinking about her, picking her apart, etc. MOVE ON!
    2. No this is not "odd behavior." Why is it? Just because its' different from how YOU are?

    Realize we are all individuals and we all have our own preferences and what we like and prefer. And while laziness and lack of energy to leave the house (aka being a 'recluse') may be signals of some other unhealthy things going on in her life that she needs to deal with - it doesn't matter. She has every right to be how she wants without needing to defend it to you. And just because her way is different from your way doesn't mean she's crazy and you're 100% perfect. What it means is - you were incompatible and shouldn't have been together. Period!

    Now let's talk about what YOU could hav done better and pick you apart (since all you do is pick her apart). What you did wrong and what YOU NEVER GOT is you never paid attention to her and what she's about and who she is. All you did was keep trying to make her do what YOU want and change her into what YOU'RE like - and she was clearly none of that. Yet you kept pressing on and kept pushing and makign plans and EVEN SPENDING MONEY that was clearly not money well spent because it just wans't her - AND THEN BLAME HER for you "wasting money." Sorry pal, but it's not her fault you wasted money. It's YOURS. If you were 1/2 paying attention to her and learning about her - you would've known a long time ago that that just isn't her thing and to just not keep trying or spending that money. Period!

    "it was her idea?" yeah right. You probably pressured her into it so much that she just threw out an idea to appease you but was never into it. That much is clear by the way you wrote your post. You're pushy. You're about yourself. Everything was about her having to do what you wanted her to do - without ever consideration of figuring out what you could do to make HER happy now and then (and mayb come up with a fun date AT HOME she could enjoy and get into - which is MUCH CHEAPER and can save you money --- since you hate to waste money..)

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Annia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    2,167
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Depressed
    I hear what you are saying. She just couldn't be bothered to spend time with me and instead of being upfront and honest with me, spins me a web of lies with pathetic excuses!

    Yes we are broken up now (I ended it after I caught her sexting someone behind my back.)
    Thanks god you broke up with her. This woman is not girlfriend material at all and seems disrespectful and entitled. Good you dumped her!

  9. #8
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    74
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Annia
    Thanks god you broke up with her. This woman is not girlfriend material at all and seems disrespectful and entitled. Good you dumped her!
    Now that I look back on the relationship, a few things are clearer to me now:

    She never really put me first and was quite selfish in many ways (not at the start of the relationship however) but as time went on she began to be that way. It was all about her, her terms/her times/her mood - it all boiled down to 'if it suited her' and to hell with my feelings.

    I am still upset and angry at her but I had to dump her because as you say, she just isn't girlfriend material.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Posts
    18,015
    I think you need to address why you stayed in this mess for so long.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2017
    Age
    28
    Posts
    1,469
    Gender
    Female
    If someone cancels on me an hour beforehand, they get one chance only. She basically used u. Aim higher next time.

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •