I ran into my EX GF with her new BF

6 months ago, I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. I was deeply in love with this woman and she showed me affection that nobody in my life has ever shown me. The last couple of weeks, she started to get a little distant and then admitted to me that she was thinking about breaking up. She proceeded to have a "change of heart" the next couple of days and said she's ready to take the next step with me in the relationship and introduce me to her family. The day that I was supposed to meet her family, she texted me breaking up with me and saying that she just feels uneasy about us having a life-long relationship together. I was devastated. I begged and made myself look weak in so many different ways. At first, I called her cold-hearted and said she's so insensitive for how she ended it and then I retracted those words to say I was sorry and I just wanted us to work out. I looked pathetic.

Getting over her has been one of the hardest things i've ever done. We never fought and had great respect/trust in the relationship up until the point I was blindsided. I spent months clinging to false hope that she'd one day return and I knew how toxic those thoughts were, but they kept me sane. I experienced deep depression and felt like getting out of bed and leaving the house on a daily basis was a huge challenge. Obsessive thoughts after obsessive thoughts wore me down so much that I went from being a 26 year old that looked like he was 21 to a 26 year old that looked like he was 35. It was torture.

But finally, the last couple of weeks I felt healed. I saw the old me returning and since it had been soooo long since any contact, I could barely remember how she looked. For months, I stalked her instagram like a fool and I went cold turkey on that and made sure to avoid anything related to her at all and it was working. I was 99.9% sure she had a new BF, but I learned to accept that and told myself that she and her BF are strangers that shouldn't bother me.

Saturday night, my friends pick me up for a night out. We go to my favorite bar that I go to about 2-3 times a week because it has a ping pong table and I love playing ping pong as Ive played tennis all my life. I'm having a complete blast. I get done playing a couple of ping pong games and my friends ask me to join them in games of cornhole. I play a couple of games and can't stop smiling because all worries about anything in my life were in the back of my mind. I was just having a genuine great time with great people. As I leave the cornhole table with a big smile on my face, I turn a corner in the bar and look straight into the eyes of my ex. I was pretty drunk at this point as I mistakenly didn't eat much all day so a couple of drinks caught me up to my fast. It didn't feel real. She was staring at me and said "hey" and after looking at her for 2-3 seconds, I kept walking and didn't say anything. I have no idea she had been standing there but she was staring at me with an awkward look on her face as she knew us seeing each other was unavoidable. I probably came off as very rude, but I was shocked and pretty drunk at this point. I walked back in the room she was in after grabbing another drink to calm my nerves and I gave her a wimpy wave, but didn't acknowledge her or approach her for conversation. Moments later, her BF walked in the bar. He was very loud and overly excited to see her and gave her a big hug and kiss and I pretended to be unphased by all of this and just keep being my smiley, happy self. I started playing ping pong again and she and her BF grabbed a table about 20 feet away from me. Unreal. I noticed him turn his head a couple of times to look at me, but she refused to look back at me after our initial interaction. I can only imagine what she was saying about me. After about 10-15 minutes, she and him left the bar as I'm sure it was killing her on the inside that I was there.

I feel so disgusted. I was making such good process and now I feel like the wound has been reopened and opened big time. Just seeing her and hearing her voice brought back so many emotions that I didn't want to resurface. "What's so great about that guy?" "What's he have that I don't have?" "I bet she won't give up on him like she gave up on me."

So many toxic thoughts. What are the odds that she'd happen to be there? I was making such good progress and now I feel it's ruined. I never wanted to see her again, especially with my replacement who looks like a freaking model.

I feel terrible. The only bright stop is that I didn't give her the time of day and my friends said I came off as the happiest guy in the bar.

It’s just a setback not the end of the world. It takes time to reach total indifference to an ex. All your feelings are normal. Just get back on the NC horse and moving forward..the thoughts will dissipate over time and you’ll be back to feeling good again. But in the meantime I would avoid bars or nightclubs she frequents. I know that sounds sucky but it’s necessary to avoid these setbacks.

Sorry this is happening. How long were you dating? Did she start seeing this guy toward the end when she was "confused"? Hopefully you still have her blocked and deleted on all social media and messaging apps. Just feel your feelings, take a deep breath and say "it's fine" to yourself.

Also work on a self improvement plan. Less drinking, less going to bars. Get in shape, get new clothes, haircut, etc. Also you need to get a good profile and pics up on some dating apps and start browsing and messaging and meeting women.

6 months ago, I experienced the worst heartbreak of my life. her BF walked in the bar.

Every time I pass by this post I misread the title as "I ran over my EX GF with her new BF"... maybe a little bit of projecting on my part haha

I've been there a few times, it's never easy and sometimes it's the hardest part of letting go... reality sinking in that they are moving on. It's a necessary part of the grieving process with relationships... and better that it happened sooner so you didn't have to deal with this a year or two down the road and can just deal with all of the feelings around this at the same time.

You moved forward before, you will do it again... you are stronger than you think.

Yes it did re-open the wound...But really, you handled it like a pro....

Just be warned that you MIGHT hear from her over the next week or so as it probably triggered some stuff in her too...Maybe. Maybe not....Hopefully not!

I don't think your progress is ALL out the window. I surmise you'll bounce back quicker this time because of all the work you have done....

Have you seen the movie 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall'...? Probably my favourite breakup movie, mainly because the ending is more realistic than many of the other Hollywood fantasies...

Keep doing what you've been doing and let us know how your going over the next week or so...

Regards

Carus*

You handled it very well! I cannot believe that she sat so close to you. She sounds awful.,

If you ever go through something like this again. please seek some counseling.

I think you will be good, from here on out!

I hope you're feeling better. It's not a set back

just part and parcel of a breakup. Look forward to the day when you think about her or even speak to her and nothing surfaces, maybe a nostalgic smile or roll of the eyes. It doesn't last forever just seems that way. Hard part is when they try to come back and you allow interaction, whole new can of worms. NC and get your heal on, you got this.

The best luck I've had lately is with personal growth and self improvement. It may seem daunting but it's actually very easy because there is so much information about nowadays. That's the way I got over my Exs completely. Becoming a man isn't an age thing as you probably know, And its not hard because it makes life easier once you are one. I hope this helps and good luck with everything.

you did alright friend. don't be nasty to her, don't be vengeful - rid all those toxic tendencies for sure.

but it's okay to not acknowledge her and do your own thing - after all, she jumped off the train, not you. you don't owe her anything (she doens't owe you anything either).

they left b/c you pretty much showed them up (her new bf was doing the comparing with you and you weren't affected by that - so you WON that battle with him). AND you were having a good time. Another WIN for you.

Keep up exactly what you're doing. Enjoying YOUR life. Doing YOUR thing. don't worry about what she's doing, or her bf, or what either is thinking. Taht's for them to deal with not you.

The best revenge against an ex- that wronged you? HAVE A FANTASTIC, HAPPY, WONDERFUL TIME in life! So keep doing what you're doing.

I think in the medium/long terms this encounter will actually do you good. You definitely got some self-esteem and 'power' points back due to now being affected by her presence and being overall happy when she saw you.

There's this guy (forgot his name), like a dating coach, I think it's the 'Ape'. One time I saw one of his videos and he said that the NC thing is actually powerful because of the impact it has on you, not on the person who broke up. By sticking to your guns and not reaching out at all, not begging, not trying to sleaze into a reconciliation, we show ourselves how much value we have. And if we bump into then, acting unaffected is the best thing you can do.

The last image she had of you was probably of the guy who begged and tried to change her mind, was all desperate with the break up. Now, the image she has is of the guy who is out, drinking, having fun and not affected by her presence. This will impact how she sees you (like Carus said, she might be in touch soon). But most importantly it affects how you see yourself.

You might think or feel you're back to square one but I can guarantee that you're not. This will have you move on. You showed her that you can have a great life without her. She's not that important after all. Ok, you felt bad after this encounter, she probably did too. But in a few days I'm sure you'll enjoy the extra confidence this little event might have given you.

Had you tried to talk to her, get her attention in some way, you might have gotten some instant validation, but then on the long term you will feel crap for giving all the power back to her again. Those power dynamics are very strong determinants of how we feel after a break up.

Thank you all for your replies.

I really doubt I'll ever hear from her again because she always mentioned how she likes to leave the past in the past when we dated. That's good though

As the other night proved, any contact can hurt and it reminds me to keep her out of sight and out of mind. A setback, but I know I have to keep moving forward and at least I showed her that I can be happy without her.

It was my first serious relationship and the B/U came out of the blue. She said I did nothing wrong which left me speculating about why it went wrong for so long. It's been one of the hardest things in my life to recover from but I believe a lot of people go through something similar when they lose their first love. Hopefully I won't ever run into her again, but if I do, I know I can handle myself.

That's very mature of you and you're responding with a lot of strength! Hang in there, you're doing great. Eventually all this will just be a faded memory.

I am sorry to hear of your pain and difficult relationship. I want to encourage you to reach out to others for support and help. It is easy to compare yourself with others especially her new BF but not a healthy thing to do. My thoughts and prayers are with you and hopeful you will find another relationship that will be the “one” and if your EX is that “one” that in time you will be able to come back together.