Im half his age and the relationship is mentally draining me

I will try and cut my long story short!

I’m 39 and my so called partner is 68. We have never lived together as he live with his ex-wife. He has been divorced twice. I believe we have been together for 6 years. he never told me he loved me . In 2013, i tried asking him what we were doing and his response was “why do we have to put a name in it”. He will came to visit me on specific days in a week : tuesdays and Fridays. We have 2 children together.

Over the years , I tried talking to him that I was feeling lonely and neglected. He always dismissed it. I spoke to him again towards the end of last year, but no change. We had another chat about this relationship in April / may and I am the one who always start these conversations. Since I have known him, he has never said to me we need to sit down and talk.

I then started doing online dating and met this guy in March/ April . We had few dates but nothing much as I didn’t really focus on him. He seemed interested in me but my heart is always in my boyfriend. I later started to get to like him and spent more time with him. Around the same time, my boyfriend took me in holiday and really enjoyed. First weekend away since we have been together.

I continued seeing the other guy and we spent a night together for first time in may. Unfortunately, my boyfriend found the pictures of us on my phone. I apologised to him that he was hurt. But I told him I was not guilty about it as I had told him many times that he was not prioritising our relationship. He was fine and we carried on with relationship. We recently had a fall out, where he said something that hurt me and when I explained to him that I was hurt, he was dismissive. I tried talking to him twice, but he showed no interest. The third time, I just explained how I felt about what he said and that it would have been nice to just say sorry. He then said “sorrry”.

Since then, he keep bringing the subject that I cheated on him. I love him a lot but as horrible as this might sound, I do not feel guilty for sleeping with another man” I have said I am sorry if that hurt him that was never my intention... I was focus’ on my needs rather than bothering him.

He then told me that he has been speaking to some women for advice and they advised him that I am not a good woman. When asked if he has told them the full story, he said yes ....which I doubt.

Since I have known him, I have never met any of his friends/ family. I was surprised that he was talking to other people as he never sit down and discuss any issues with me.

I’m just so confused. I don’t know where I stand...

I love my man and wish he can be considerate of my feelings as a woman...

Was I wrong for going somewhere after expressing my needs to him for nearly 6 years?

Is this relationship worth my time and mental state

Is he your sugar daddy? Are you getting money out of him? I can't see why else you'd continue a "relationship" like this.

...He's obviously married and you're the mistress?

Urgh come on?

I am not getting any money from him. I work hard and provide accommodation for my children. Everything I earn is spent on me , kids and bills, childcare. He gives me £200 a month for the children. He has a good business and often use money to bully me in the past. For example, if he order something online for me and we have a misunderstanding...he will cancel the order.

I just love him

Does he support you?

Love does not a relationship make. Period.

You've never once mentioned his lack of involvement with your children, or how your affair with another man is affecting them.You need to be single and work on yourself and why you've chosen this highly dysfunctional man as a partner. Concentrate on your children without the interference of another sex partner. They didn't ask to be brought into such a chaotic life, and they are the ones who need your time and attention right now. Invest in a therapist, since you think so lowly of yourself that you've had children with a man who has never left his ex's home, hasn't told you he loves you in 6 years, and treats you like his twice weekly prostitute.

This is really dysfunctional. I don't even know where to start. I know that you don't believe that he has split with his wife.

I really feel for the kids, as you have both put them in a very unstable and unhealthy situation. Don't they think it is strange that they only see there father for a few hours a week?

What the heck happened in your life, where you would choose to be with a married man, who stops by twice a week to be sexually serviced (like a prostitute). On top of it, he is an old man. Yuck!

You should be collecting more than 200 pounds per week. Get out of this disaster and seek immediate therapy, and child support which is court-ordered.. He does not love or respect you!

Lastly, he is not talking to other people, as he does not care for you enough. He is being manipulative. He does not want to lose his sex on the side. He has the wife as his partner and foundation, and you as his fun. That's it. You don't stand anywhere in his life. You are a secret and weekly sex.

We have never lived together as he live with his ex-wife. He has been divorced twice. I believe we have been together for 6 years. he never told me he loved me . In 2013, i tried asking him what we were doing and his response was “why do we have to put a name in it”. He will came to visit me on specific days in a week : tuesdays and Fridays. We have 2 children together

Ummmmm....you are not in a relationship! Him responding to not putting a name to this spells out you two are not in a relationship. Living with his lover (yes, you are only a mistress), having kids with him (he is only a sperm donor who pays a pitiful amount of child support), and seeing each other on only a mere two set days a week, does not make you in a relatioship with this guy. Don't believe me? Ask him if you are both in a committed relationship together. He will likely deflect it though with your recent "cheating" incident (you can't cheat if you aren't in a relationship) or squirm over something else, rather than give you a simple "yes" or "no" answer. It needs a label/name to this. It does not. You are a side piece. Regardless, this entire dynamic is unhealthy. Leave, as in 6 years ago. So not worth it.

Seems to me that you're more a babymomma to two of his children than a girlfriend to him. He doesn't treat you like a girlfriend or like he cares about you, so I wondr why you're still with him.

And yes, you cheated on him... you could've broken up with him and then start online dating. So I wonder what are you getting out of this that makes you stay in this relationship? Money? Is he supporting you and your two children? Do the children live with you or with him and his ex wife?

You've never once mentioned his lack of involvement with your children, or how your affair with another man is affecting them.You need to be single and work on yourself and why you've chosen this highly dysfunctional man as a partner. Concentrate on your children without the interference of another sex partner. They didn't ask to be brought into such a chaotic life, and they are the ones who need your time and attention right now. Invest in a therapist, since you think so lowly of yourself that you've had children with a man who has never left his ex's home, hasn't told you he loves you in 6 years, and treats you like his twice weekly prostitute.

A 100% this.

Seems to me that you're more a babymomma to two of his children than a girlfriend to him. He doesn't treat you like a girlfriend or like he cares about you, so I wondr why you're still with him.

 

And yes, you cheated on him... you could've broken up with him and then start online dating. So I wonder what are you getting out of this that makes you stay in this relationship? Money? Is he supporting you and your two children? Do the children live with you or with him and his ex wife?

She only gets 200 pounds a month from him, to support two kids.

I feel so down and I agree I have to get some therapeutic support . With regard to my boyfriend’s age; that has never bothered me. The issue is that he does not show me that he cares about me

I feel so down and I agree I have to get some therapeutic support . With regard to my boyfriend’s age; that has never bothered me. The issue is that he does not show me that he cares about me

He doesn't care about you. You simply provide him sex twice a week.

You need to get more support for your kids. Pronto! You need to do better by your children, if you won't do it for yourself. You are his mistress, and a secret. This is all you will ever be. That does not sound like any type of relationship. You need to wake up.

Did you have a father growing up?

She only gets 200 pounds a month from him, to support two kids.

What the hell? 200 pounds a month to have sex 2 times a week and for her to not bother him and his wife with the kids. This man got an amazing deal.

He doesn't care about you. You simply provide him sex twice a week.

 

You need to get more support for your kids. Pronto! You need to do better by your children, if you won't do it for yourself. You are his mistress, and a secret. This is all you will ever be. That does not sound like any type of relationship. You need to wake up.

 

Did you have a father growing up?

OP, why don't you go to the court to negociate proper child support? You are not together and if you have custody of the kids he should pay much more than he does.

What the hell? 200 pounds a month to have sex 2 times a week and for her to not bother him and his wife with the kids. This man got an amazing deal.

You bet! On a serious note, it is really sad that innocent children have been brought into this mess. Unfair.

Love, Why don't you take the kids to his house? Don't you think his children and wife should meet his extended family?

How are you going to explain this situation to your kids when they are older?

I had a father growing up.

I do not understand why he still living with his ex if they are divorced. He says to me it because if court and agreement for divorce. He says he doesn’t live with her but they live in the same house.

I had a father growing up.

 

I do not understand why he still living with his ex if they are divorced. He says to me it because if court and agreement for divorce. He says he doesn’t live with her but they live in the same house.

That is absolutely ridiculous. he is married. They are not divorced. Also, why haven't you met his family or friends. You cannot be this naive.

Do you get child support from their father? Don't stall out your life for money. He can't "use money to bully you", you put up with him for the money. Find a decent guy who doesn't try to buy your affection.

He gives me £200 a month

Do you get child support from their father? Don't stall out your life for money. He can't "use money to bully you", you put up with him for the money. Find a decent guy who doesn't try to buy your affection.

He does not support her. She only get two hundred pounds a month for the kids. She supports herself and the children.

"I am not getting any money from him. I work hard and provide accommodation for my children. Everything I earn is spent on me , kids and bills, childcare. He gives me £200 a month for the children. He has a good business and often use money to bully me in the past. For example, if he order something online for me and we have a misunderstanding...he will cancel the order.

Love, He is the father of your children. Why don't you go to his house today, to meet his 'ex wife' and family?

He comes to my house twice a week to look after the children.....this is the time I see him because it’s convinient for him. I do believe that he is divorced because I once saw papers from solicitor re the divorce....but why live with his ex wife.

He tells me he has other commitments and can not change that. He has elderly mum and will not answer the phone when he is with her.

He comes to my house twice a week to look after the children.....this is the time I see him because it’s convinient for him. I do believe that he is divorced because I once saw papers from solicitor re the divorce....but why live with his ex wife.

 

He tells me he has other commitments and can not change that. He has elderly mum and will not answer the phone when he is with her.

You are not answering my question. Why don't you take his children to his house today?

He is still with her. I cannot understand how you can possibly believe any of this. Why haven't your kids met his mom? How about his other children? His friends? Why do you only see him at your house twice a week? You are his mistress and you are a secret.