Lovelife2018 Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 I just feel it would be unfair for the children as I know the woman has previously made racist remarks about the kids as they are mixed race ( he told me she made remarks). With regards to his mum , he says he doesn’t want to involve her in this as she is old and has dimentia. My children , including me Have not met anyone from his family or even his friends. Link to comment
Lovelife2018 Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 He only come to my house because he live with his wife/ ex wife and their children so he can not have my children there. I have introduced him to all my friends and He said he has no friends. But all of a sudden , he has people he is talking to about me/our relationship and they are advising that I am not a good woman Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 Misread. Ok do have court ordered child support? It can not be on a whim. Also you are free to date whoever you want and he still has to pay that for the kids.She only get two hundred pounds a month for the kids. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 These are his children. Why haven't they met his other kids? If he is not living with the ex, have you considered that he is living with another woman? Honestly, I cannot believe that you believe any of this garbage. You have allowed this man to disrespect you and your children for a very long time. You don't seem to look at his actions, but believe all of this garbage coming out of his mouth. You are his mistress. Nothing more. He does not respect or love you. He treats you like a prostitute, but YOU allow it. I hope that you seek some therapy and someone will help you recognize what is going on here. I am assuming that you do not have friends, or the would have advised you to get out of this situation. I am going to check out, as you seem to be in such a state of denial that you cannot recognize what is obvious to everyone else. Good luck! Link to comment
Lovelife2018 Posted September 30, 2018 Author Share Posted September 30, 2018 I’m not denying that I have been stupid, been used in this situation. I wrote this post because I have realised that and need strength to get out of this mess. He is constantly making me feel like I am the bad person because I have cheated. He doesn’t recognise what he has done Link to comment
boltnrun Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 1. File a court order for child support (is he listed as the father on your children's birth certificates? ) 2. Tell him the twice weekly sexual services will stop unless and until he wants to be a real family with you and the children. 3. Lean on family and friends for emotional support. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 You're not stupid. You got caught up in a bad thing. You have your kids. Do you have close friends or family nearby? No matter what, he is required to pay child support for the children. So you can restart your life with a decent man. Distance yourself and set up court ordered visitation. Stop doing things on his terms. I wrote this post because I have realised that and need strength to get out of this mess. Link to comment
SherrySher Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I just feel it would be unfair for the children as I know the woman has previously made racist remarks about the kids as they are mixed race ( he told me she made remarks). He told you this?!? What purpose would he do that for, other than to humiliate you and keep you in your place? He is trying to shame you and shame your children. He has no reason to tell you bad things someone might have said, based on race. Why on earth would you stay with a man like this? He is bad to you, bad to your children, has used you for sex, treats you like a prostitute, shames you, gives you nothing but excuses. It can't get any worse than this. Don't you ever look at your children and feel sad that they have a father who is embarrassed of them? Who treats them as second rate citizens? A first rate father would be living with their mother, taking care of all of you, would be a father 100% of the time and would be proud of them. You made your own choices regarding how badly you've allowed this man to treat you. They had no choice. Honestly, I feel so badly for your children. If you don't feel you deserve better, make the choice for your children. Get away from this old pervert, get a court order to get proper child support and stay away from him for good. He is a user and treats you and your children very badly. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I’m not denying that I have been stupid, been used in this situation. I wrote this post because I have realised that and need strength to get out of this mess. He is constantly making me feel like I am the bad person because I have cheated. He doesn’t recognise what he has done Are you really going to play the victim when you chose to have two children with a man who lives with his wife and kids? Your children have no active father for all intents and purposes. And their mom has her head up her arse, so who do they actually have? Maybe worry less about what you want, more about them. You seem more concerned about what men are in your life than what's good for them. If you think that's harsh, imagine being a kid whose daddy only sees them a few hours a week when he can find time from his real family , comes and has sex with mom, then leaves again. That's squarely on you. Link to comment
Annia Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 He comes to my house twice a week to look after the children.....this is the time I see him because it’s convinient for him. I do believe that he is divorced because I once saw papers from solicitor re the divorce....but why live with his ex wife. He tells me he has other commitments and can not change that. He has elderly mum and will not answer the phone when he is with her. Why do you accept this? He's not in an actual relationship with you. At 6 years relationship and with 2 kids if you're in a relationship you should be living together. What he's saying is bullsh*t. I bet he's still with his wife and you're his mistress... if not he certainly treats you like one. Does she even know you exist? Why have you put up with this for so long? Link to comment
Annia Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 1. File a court order for child support (is he listed as the father on your children's birth certificates? ) 2. Tell him the twice weekly sexual services will stop unless and until he wants to be a real family with you and the children. 3. Lean on family and friends for emotional support. Please OP, do this. It's time to get some self respect. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted September 30, 2018 Share Posted September 30, 2018 I’m not denying that I have been stupid, been used in this situation. I wrote this post because I have realised that and need strength to get out of this mess. He is constantly making me feel like I am the bad person because I have cheated. He doesn’t recognise what he has done Yes, he does. He just doesn't care. He is awful. You need to speak to a good lawyer and get child support from him. He is very obviously lying to you about a lot of things, and while it may be okay for you to stick your head in the sand and pretend you don't see it, it's not okay for the children you have with him. Link to comment
Lovelife2018 Posted October 1, 2018 Author Share Posted October 1, 2018 Yes, he does. He just doesn't care. He is awful. You need to speak to a good lawyer and get child support from him. He is very obviously lying to you about a lot of things, and while it may be okay for you to stick your head in the sand and pretend you don't see it, it's not okay for the children you have with him. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your advice. Link to comment
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