Why do I keep freaking out thinking my boyfriend is talking to this girl?

Hi everyone. So I have reason to believe I think my

Boyfriend is lying to me. Basically what happened was I saw him on FB messenger, which he's hardly ever on. I asked him what he was doing and he said trying to reach his friend Sam. ok nbd. Then I swear I saw like a girls name in his inbox. Asked him about it. He said there was no such name in his messages, and told me he even looked. He said I must've been talking about the active list because he hadn't talked to that girl I thought I saw in years.

he said they were cool but not really friends. It didn't help that she was super pretty and when I told dillon that he said that she used to be fat but was pretty now.. Whatever that means. Anyway so basically I was tripping thinking he was talking to another girl, and lying about it because I swore I saw this girls name and my BF wouldn't let me see.. he's so pissed at me he said I'm gonna end up by myself when I keep accusing him of doing things. It's hard though because my head s with me.. am I being crazy straight up?

You've written post after post after post thinking your boyfriend is cheating.

You obviously do not trust this man. Why don't you save the both of you a ton of headaches and break up already???

Yes you're being crazy if you think your boyfriend having a conversation with a female on Facebook is a big enough deal to make an issue out of. Who cares? He's allowed to have friends. Does he make you feel loved? Does he make you feel secure? Is he a good boyfriend most of the time? If yes, then cut the man a break. If no, then you have bigger issues than a stupid Facebook message.

I want to rebuild our trust.. I don't want to end this. I love him. Can you please help me with this?

You've written post after post after post thinking your boyfriend is cheating.

 

You obviously do not trust this man. Why don't you save the both of you a ton of headaches and break up already???

Whoa. . I went back and read previous posts.

No words. . .That's all I have.

Get some therapy. Deal with your issues.

It takes both of you to want that.

Is he willing to say "babe, don't worry about her, she's just some girl in a bar. You are my best friend."

Are you able to believe him if he said That?

You have to understand that whether you spend his entire shift worried to the core, or you spend his entire shift having fun with a girlfriend, the end result is going to be the same. He's going to work his shift, socialize with whoever is spending money, and then come home to you. So if the end result is the same, why would you spend your time worrying?? Worrying will make you feel worse, makes him feel worse, and weakens your relationship. You've got to choose to be happy and live life. Otherwise, years will go by, he will be long gone, and you'll be left with years worth of anxiety and trust issues.

Choose to live. Choose to be happy. Choose to trust.

For the most part, yes he does make me feel loved. I also don't mind if he has female friends even though I can get jealous. My issue here though is, if he is talking to this female friend then he lied to me. Whats the point in lying if you aren't doing anything?

I get it if you wanna judge me based on that. I have a lot of issues. But I'd like some help instead of going insane. Which is why I seek solace in sites like these. My anxiety doesn't reason. If you could please give me advice besides that you don't have words that'd be great. If not what was the point in even replying

I want to be all of those things. The thing is the girl isn't even from this state, she's from the state he's from & went to school with him. I think it's weird I saw her name in his inbox if they weren't messaging.

I get it if you wanna judge me based on that. I have a lot of issues. But I'd like some help instead of going insane. Which is why I seek solace in sites like these. My anxiety doesn't reason. If you could please give me advice besides that you don't have words that'd be great. If not what was the point in even replying

OK. . fair enough.

My advise is - you are not in any position to be in a relationship until you get your anxiety and insecurities in check.

In your current condition you have very little chance of having a successful one and will continue to needlessly hurt yourself and those around you.

Why don't you deal with the issue with therapy. We cannot help you with the underlying problem.

I want to be all of those things. The thing is the girl isn't even from this state, she's from the state he's from & went to school with him. I think it's weird I saw her name in his inbox if they weren't messaging.

But so what if they were?? Imagine yourself having a fb conversation with a guy you went to school with.

Him: "hey Jade, long time! How are you!?"

You: "hey, I'm good. Enjoying life with my boyfriend, working hard at work. How are you?"

I mean really, it'd be harmless, right? Because you love your boyfriend and no Facebook message is going to change that.

Your boyfriend loves you, and a Facebook conversation will not change that!! If your boyfriend were so easily swayed, he wouldn't be in a relationship with you.

Look at the difference here if you put yourself in your boyfriends shoes, and this was your reaction:

"I saw a girls name in your inbox. Who is she? How do you know her? Were you guys talking? What were you talking about? I don't like you talking to her."

vs

"Hey babe, who's that girl? Oh you know her from highschool? That's cool, what's she up to? Were you guys good friends, maybe we could all hangout next time we go visit there?"

He's a person, he had a life before you. You should try to ADD to that, not take it away. He wouldn't be the person you love without all of the life he'd been through before you. Be grateful for everyone who's come in and out of his life, because they helped make him who he is. Maybe they even helped lead his path to yours. New people are an opportunity, not a threat.

All of those things are well said, and it's true he probably wouldn't be with me if he was so easily swayed. The thing is though, he's saying that there were no messages from her even though I can almost swear I saw her name. If they're friends, that's cool. but if they're talking, why did he tell me they weren't messaging if they are? isn't that kind of a red flag? I told him my worries with how I looked up the name I thought I saw and how she was very pretty. He agreed with me about her being attractive, and I got kind of upset. He told me that she used to be overweight, but is into fitness now. He also said the last time he saw her was years ago at a grocery store. I know I sound crazy, but can you see where I'm coming from with being upset about him telling me they weren't messaging if they in fact were, even if they were andnit was innocent?

He probably thought you'd flip your ****.

I know I sound crazy, but can you see where I'm coming from with being upset about him telling me they weren't messaging if they in fact were, even if they were andnit was innocent?

Sure, if it's true, I'll give you that. However, you have made enough posts about different conspiracy theories to not be believable or have trust in your point of view. They are all about any girl he may interact with or how a mundane activity led to automatically think he's cheating.

I do have an important question for you: do you know if he got rid of all his friends he used to have sex with and/or date yet? If he didn't, I can see why you are overreacting so much. Those "friendships" are not appropriate while in a comitted relationship. Going back to your initial thread, he slept with an ex while you were on break and then you two got back together. They were "friends" and the ex apparently was still emotional over your bf, before your break. In the relationship before your break, you stated you didn't doubt him like you do now. Now he has broken that trust by keeping a person during the relationship as a friend he has and would still sleep with, given the right opportunity.

Let me tell you, if you cannot accept his ex-sleeping buddies while in a relationship and he will not sever ties, then you really need to reconsider being with him. Those are understandably inappropriate boundaries on his part. On the other hand, your accusations are also inappropriate if you have decided you want to continue this relationship, despite this fact. At that point you need to accept these friends aren't going anywhere and trust him, or walk away for good if you cannot do this.

Your accusations are a symptom, stemming from his friendship with an ex (or any other inappropriate female friends he's sexed with in the past) he has the potential to sleep with on speed dial, while fearing the day may come where he wants to break up with you again and repeats the cycle. It is clear you cannot properly cope with his actions. I urge you to try to approach him in severing those inappropriate ties (aka girls he's slept with or dated), or move on. You have already tried coping with these friends in his life, but have failed to do so. It is time to talk to him about this.

I know I sound crazy, but can you see where I'm coming from with being upset about him telling me they weren't messaging if they in fact were, even if they were andnit was innocent?

He more than likely hides these things because he knows you are irrationally jealous and will lose your mind.

Unless you actually do something to work on your underlying problems, nobody here can help you.

He has gotten rid of that ex, they are not friends nor speak anymore. Anyone he's been sexual with when we broke up he severed ties with. I agree that's probably where my insecurities stem from, that situation when we were on a break... about the messaging thing though. I'm like thinking, OK say worst case scenario he is talking to this friend even though he told me he isn't. The way i asked about her was the way you described, very accusing. Is there a chance that he could be lying to me but only because I have reacted sourly or jealous when he's brought up girl friends in the past? I don't know if this girl and him ever had sex, as he told me he'd known her from middle school. he gave me a lot of details about her surprisingly, would he have done that if he was inappropriate with her? He even admitted to me he thought she was pretty when I asked

 

I saw him on FB messenger, which he's hardly ever on.

 

I asked him what he was doing and he said trying to reach his friend Sam. ok nbd.

 

Then I swear I saw like a girls name in his inbox. Asked him about it. He said there was no such name in his messages, and told me he even looked. He said I must've been talking about the active list because he hadn't talked to that girl I thought I saw in years.

 

Anyway so basically I was tripping thinking he was talking to another girl, and lying about it because I swore I saw this girls name and my BF wouldn't let me see..

he's so pissed at me he said I'm gonna end up by myself when I keep accusing him of doing things. It's hard though because my head s with me.. am I being crazy straight up?

I have somewhat of a different take from the others, based on what you've written above.

1. You saw him on FB messenger, which he's rarely on. (Green flag)

2. He said he was trying to reach "Sam" (on a social medium platform he's rarely on) but YOU are sure you saw a girl's name (Red flag)

3. You asked him about it and he concocted a story that literally makes no sense. (Red flag)

4. When you continued to ask about it because the story he just told you makes NO sense and you are sure you saw a girl's name, he proceeds to flip the script and gaslights you threatening to end the relationship if YOU don't back off (TRIPLE RED FLAG).

Jadesmith, your gut has screaming at you for a very long time to NOT trust this man, and I think it's time you start paying attention!

People may think you're anxious and crazy, but there may very well be good reason for you to be. Men like him can and will drive you crazy (literally) if you allow them to.

DON'T allow him to. He's up to something and I think you know that, you can sense it, you saw it.

You didn't imagine seeing a girl's name, you flat out saw it! Don't ever allow him or any man to cause you to question your own reality! You saw it, own it!

Again pay attention and never dismiss what your intuition is telling you, big mistake!

You deserve better!

I know this sounds nuts, but when I said I saw the girls name I really saw this last name that was unique and popped out to me. When I had looked it up, I forgot what it was other than that it started with an 'S' that was when I saw. He claims I saw the active part of Facebook which I very well could have seen. He's also given me lots of details about her including the last time he saw her, which was SIX years ago. He said she used to be overweight and was now into fitness. I commented about how I saw her page and thought she was pretty so I felt jealous , he admitted he thought she was but said that they aren't even friends , like they're "cool" but not friends. If he was doing something shady, wouldn't he have been less detailed? Also Ive always been very weird about him having female friends. Is there a chance he lied to me about talking to her because he knew I'd have flipped out?

Can I PM you?

Is there a chance he lied to me about talking to her because he knew I'd have flipped out?

Possibly, but nevertheless, IF he's lying to you in an attempt to avoid you flipping out, you're in a very unhealthy toxic relationship.

I would suggest you seek help for your trust issues, and he needs to learn alternative ways of communicating other than lying and threatening you with a break up whenever you question him about something.

It's not only possible but it's probable that's why he said he hadn't been talking to her. I don't even see where it's been confirmed that he had been talking to her?? If you continue to get so upset over nothing, he will have to lie to you in order to live a life of peace. Otherwise, he'll be walking on eggshells for the rest of his time with you.

So you think it's possible he told me he hadn't been talking to her because of my reactions to him talking to female friends in the past? Like I'm almost certain I saw a message from her. If he's lying, that really sucks. He spent a good deal of time telling me I need to trust him & that he and her weren't really even friends anymore, but that they "were cool." he even keeps saying he hasn't spoken to her in years. they follow eachother on multiple social media sites.. I don't want him to feel like he's on eggshells but I feel like he must be doing something if he won't tell by by now they'd been talking. I'm not sure what to do.. should I accept that even though he probably lied, that it was for a good reason and not because he had a thing with her? What would you do if you were me in this situation if he's telling you they're not talking, and you strongly feel they are.. just assume it's nothing and move on? Is it coincidental that he's liked her recent posts? Things have been weird with us while Ive been figuring this out

You've written post after post after post thinking your boyfriend is cheating.

 

You obviously do not trust this man. Why don't you save the both of you a ton of headaches and break up already???

Quoting myself.

Why are you staying with him? And a better reason than "but I LOVE him!!!" please.