Why do I keep freaking out thinking my boyfriend is talking to this girl?

[katrina1980]

 

If you continue to get so upset over nothing, he will have to lie to you in order to live a life of peace. Otherwise, he'll be walking on eggshells for the rest of his time with you.

 

Oh man I sure don't agree with that one!

 

No he doesn't have to lie, nothing justifies lying.

 

If her lack of trust in him is so bad (which it sounds like it is), that they can't achieve a peaceful and harmonious experience together, then they need to end it!

 

Sometimes, even when the love is there, some couples bring out the worst in each other. The trust, communication, overall interaction is so poor and so unhealthy, it just becomes toxic and needs to be DONE.

 

Unless they're willing to seek some sort of relationship counseling or something, but I would never condone lying, that's just so wrong on so many levels.

[jenjohn88]

'' I can almost swear I saw her name''.

 

But you AREN'T sure. Anxiety can play nasty tricks on brains when you try to convince you of something.

 

 

''If they're friends, that's cool. but if they're talking, why did he tell me they weren't messaging if they are? isn't that kind of a red flag?''

 

IF he was even having a chat with her and IF he lied, it's probably because of the way you're reacting. You're not even sure if you saw a message and you're blowing it up, accusing him of cheating.

 

Hun, believe me, I am queen of anxiety when it comes to this but you need to check your thoughts before you end up sabotaging your relationship. Has he given you reason to suspect that he's cheating other than this supposed message you think you saw?

[Jadesmith4]

Maybe Ive just been flipping out for no reason but I definitely saw her last name somewhere in his inbox. I also looked farther down and saw a message from someone else with an emoji in it, so I know I was definitely looking at his inbox. Not recent, but I still saw it. I didn't know it was a girl until I looked the person up, because like I said I thought it was an interesting last name. He told me he wasn't talking to her, but yet wouldn't show me his phone. He also told me that they weren't really friends but we're cool with eachother. That seems weird to say but ok.. then I told him I had looked her up and told him I thought she was pretty and so I got jealous and he admitted she was but told me she used to be overweight but was now into fitness.. he told me he hadn't seen her in six years and that he tried to look in his messages and didn't find anything from her. It all seems very convincing but at the same time, I wonder if they really are talking. If they are, why would he tell me he hasn't talked to her in years and that they aren't really friends?

[Doc Blaze]

Maybe Ive just been flipping out for no reason but I definitely saw her last name somewhere in his inbox. I also looked farther down and saw a message from someone else with an emoji in it, so I know I was definitely looking at his inbox. Not recent, but I still saw it. I didn't know it was a girl until I looked the person up, because like I said I thought it was an interesting last name. He told me he wasn't talking to her, but yet wouldn't show me his phone. He also told me that they weren't really friends but we're cool with eachother. That seems weird to say but ok.. then I told him I had looked her up and told him I thought she was pretty and so I got jealous and he admitted she was but told me she used to be overweight but was now into fitness.. he told me he hadn't seen her in six years and that he tried to look in his messages and didn't find anything from her. It all seems very convincing but at the same time, I wonder if they really are talking. If they are, why would he tell me he hasn't talked to her in years and that they aren't really friends?

You spend way too much time monitoring his inbox.

[boltnrun]

How come you won't answer my question?

[MissCanuck]

OP, this relationship is going to end. You don't trust him at all, rightly or wrongly. He will get tired of being policed by you.

 

You are well on your way to creating what you fear most.

 

It would be better to break up now rather than drag this out. This is no way to live, for you or for him.

[MissCanuck]

Oh man I sure don't agree with that one!

 

No he doesn't have to lie, nothing justifies lying.

 

If her lack of trust in him is so bad (which it sounds like it is), that they can't achieve a peaceful and harmonious experience together, then they need to end it!

 

Sometimes, even when the love is there, some couples bring out the worst in each other. The trust, communication, overall interaction is so poor and so unhealthy, it just becomes toxic and needs to be DONE.

 

Unless they're willing to seek some sort of relationship counseling or something, but I would never condone lying, that's just so wrong on so many levels.

 

It might not be justified, but a lot of people do this to avoid the hell-storm that rains down on them from an overly jealous or insecure partner.

 

Is it right? No. Does it happen? You bet. I don't see anyone condoning it, necessarily, but trying to explain to OP why her boyfriend probably lies by omission or otherwise is dishonest with her.

 

I agree when it reaches that point, though, the relationship is as good as over.

[j.man]

It might not be justified, but a lot of people do this to avoid the hell-storm that rains down on them from an overly jealous or insecure partner.

 

Is it right? No. Does it happen? You bet. I don't see anyone condoning it, necessarily, but trying to explain to OP why her boyfriend probably lies by omission or otherwise is dishonest with her.

 

I agree when it reaches that point, though, the relationship is as good as over.

To piggyback off this and take it one step further, while I won't go as far as to call it justified, I'd say it's understandable, even acceptable, for someone to lie if they know a harmless truth will get him or herself attacked.

 

Life PROTIP: If you want people to tell you the truth, foster conditions wherein they're comfortable doing so. While I can't outright excuse somebody for lying to avoid a tirade stemming from insecurity, I'm certainly willing to weigh the two sins equally. Very, very few people lie for the sake of lying. It's almost uniformly employed as a self-preservation tactic. If you find yourself being lied to about relatively mundane things in a relationship, yes, there's a 1% chance that person is just kind of a ****ed up person, but you should still take some time to really reflect on whether your communication and demeanor are conducive to an honest conversation.