Lack of physical ANYTHING

I started exclusively seeing a girl around 2 months ago. There is something that is really starting to bother me though to the point where I can feel myself disengaging, and that is the lack of physical ANYTHING really. We haven't had sex. That's a whole different story and I support her thinking in that line but there's just nothing else. She's not even prepared to spend the night at mine.

She did tell me that she's made some serious mistakes in the past sexually and that she doesn't want to go down that path again, so I get that she's cautious, but aside from a peck kiss hello and goodbye there is really absolutely nothing.

I am afraid of discussing it with her in fear of her feeling I'm trying to force her into something which I really isn't, but I'm pretty sure there are high-school kids with more exciting love lives than me at the moment. I mean, I'm 37, she's 30, yet this feels like a kindergarten relationship...suggestions on how to approach this?

Although you can't pressure her for sex or insist she sleep over, is there any form of romance or affection? What kind of dates do you go on? What does she mean by "made some serious mistakes in the past sexually"? Is she waiting for more of a commitment? Maybe it's time to have a talk about not wanting to be just friends.

I started exclusively seeing a girl around 2 months ago.She's not even prepared to spend the night at mine. aside from a peck kiss hello and goodbye there is really absolutely nothing. she's 30

I guess to step in a woman's shoe, 2 months in towards doing sexually stimulating activities, including making out or touching, is a bit early if she wants to take it slow. Especially if you two are not in a committed relationship yet. Women do get aroused while making out, although we are aware men may get erections while doing so. With many guys, I would love to make out with them, while not end up touching or having sex with them.

However, I heard from guys in person and on here complain how doing this isn't fair to the guy if you don't have intentions of getting sexual. She may just want to not lead you on, so a peck would be all ya get. Perhaps if you talk about what you would like versus her boundaries, then I believe this would be a productive conversation.

 

I started exclusively seeing a girl around 2 months ago. There is something that is really starting to bother me though to the point where I can feel myself disengaging, and that is the lack of physical ANYTHING really.

 

I've read that, even if not full blown sex, men need some sort of physical affection with a woman they are attracted to in order to feel and move closer.

So your feelings (or lack thereof) make sense.

As to what you should do?

Not sure; I would think if she were physically attracted, even if she wanted to wait for sex, *something* would be happening!

Yup, they complain we give them blue balls if we arouse them and don't follow thru

Good hard working women do not let unfinished jobs! It's about work ethics.

If you can't communicate for fear of losing a person, the relationship is on shaky ground to begin with. If I were in your shoes, I'd say, "We've been together two months now, and I'd like to progress to some French kissing. Are you ready for that?"

If she can't even get to that point by this time, I'd end it because you shouldn't have to be dealing with her past issues. As far as I'm concerned, if a person can't date at a normal pace, they shouldn't be dating since they haven't resolved whatever's holding them back.

I'm not judging women who wait a certain time period to have sex, but there's usually some sort of progression in the relationship leading up to that.

She's not the only pretty, single woman around. Find one who desires kissing your handsome face without restraint.

I agree with Adrina. There's SO MUCH more to a healthy relationship than just sex.

I'm concerned that in your post, you only talk about physical connection. Do you have an emotional bond yet? Are you spending one-on-one time with her?

You two definitely need to have some serious face-to-face communication. Lay it all out on the table and re-assess.

If you can't communicate for fear of losing a person, the relationship is on shaky ground to begin with. If I were in your shoes, I'd say, "We've been together two months now, and I'd like to progress to some French kissing. Are you ready for that?"

 

If she can't even get to that point by this time, I'd end it because you shouldn't have to be dealing with her past issues. As far as I'm concerned, if a person can't date at a normal pace, they shouldn't be dating since they haven't resolved whatever's holding them back.

 

I'm not judging women who wait a certain time period to have sex, but there's usually some sort of progression in the relationship leading up to that.

 

She's not the only pretty, single woman around. Find one who desires kissing your handsome face without restraint.

I agree with this. I respect any woman's choice to wait but there comes a point where it just becomes an incompatibility issue. And I'm not just saying that about women if I dated a man who didn't want anything physical with me after exclusivity for 2 months, I'd be looking for an exit too.

Thank you everyone for the responses.

We do spend a lot of one on one time together, however, in my dating "career" so to speak, this is a definite first.

We are exclusive so there's definitely commitment there and so forth. We're also emotionally in tune and all that, but, even something as simple as French kissing at the moment, to me, feels like I could be overstepping boundaries. Again, it's not about sex for the sake of having sex or anything on that line, it's more like I'm not too sure what to make of the relationship of it lacks passion in a physical sense.

JMO but it sounds more like a friendship versus a romantic involvement.

Why? She is just not physically/sexually attracted to you. I think that's fairly obvious at this point, don't you?

Emotionally, yes, physically no.

Perhaps her past experiences are causing some sort of block, but it's just not there otherwise as I said *something* would be happening -- kissing, light petting, something!

Ugh! OP I feel your pain! I dated a guy for six months and all he did was give me twice a peck on the lips. When confronting him it was because he wasn't physically turned on by me!!!

He called it being in a 'relationship' I saw it as if I was just a friend. He and I had many fights over it!

So I say don't make my mistake of being with someone for six months to see if you will get anywhere!

At two months, something physical should be happening!!!

Also you need to ask her to be honest with you and ask if she's physically into you.

It's better to find out sooner then later!

After two months if we weren't romantically kissing and being physically affectionate -cuddling, holding hands, draped all over each other on the sofa -I'd be out of there. Sure, it might sound black and white but I remember my mother's sage advice that a guy should at least try to kiss me within 4-5 dates (if I was inviting it that is).

Something wrong if she's made you wait 2 months and still nothing, why haven't you at least tried? Beware though, when you do eventually have sex it could be terrible - at least it was with the girl that made me wait a month or so a few years back. Inexperience from playing games like that tends to have that effect, and I wasn't alone, its a wide spread issue when I looked into it. The sex was so bad it was largely why I ended things with her.

I think you’re confusing celibate with exclusive. What your doing isn’t exclusive or monogamous, not mathematically possible.