Dumped for over 6 weeks now/ No contact for 5 weeks... I think its safe to assume its over for good?

Hey everyone.

So my ex GF dumped me for the second time about 6 weeks ago. I have been in NC for 5 weeks now.

Long story short, she dumped me before for 2 months, then we got back together for 3 months and she dumped me again...

This stems back to 9 months ago, when I asked her and her kids to move out of my home because our family blending was not working out for anyone... I was effected, my kids were effected, her kids were effected (her kids never wanted it to begin with, and that sabotaged the blending at all cost), I think she was effected, or maybe living in denial about it... Not sure anymore... Of course she blamed me for everything, for throwing her out...etc.. She never took responsibility for anything that happened...

She stuck around for a couple of months after she moved out and in with her parents and would come see me once a week, we had sex, she cried...etc... Then finally she came to get all her big stuff from my house as she was forced to buy herself a new home.... After she came with her movers, she dumped me and claimed to be hurt, wanting a better than a OK life, she was done, wanted nothing to do with me.... So for 2 months we were separated... She tried a dating site, but she was not getting the quality of men she envisions to have....

I reached out to her via e-mail and we reconnected for another 3 months... I guess she was lonely and missed the sex (we did have a great sex life), but she kept on telling me that she no longer trusted me as much and that she still loved me a lot, but she felt that part of her no longer felt the same as before.... A lot had to do with her children hating me and I guess in order for us to have a future together meant that her kids had to become a bit older and move on, which would be a couple of years... At first she seemed to be coming around and putting in the effort, but hen her kids found out that we were seeing each other and all hell broke lose... her 2 oldest really did a lot to make the situation worse... So we continued for 3 more months, dates, great sex, but it wasn't the same as when we lived together...

Finally on one date she told me that she was dissatisfied and not happy, as if something was missing... and that she was her own enemy.... She did not want to break up, but I sensed something was not right...

Finally the second dumping came a week later...

This time she claimed to be unhappy, dissatisfied, did not feel as she did before, she wanted space, distance, to step out, no pressures of a relationship, focus on her kids....etc...

I asked her if she loved me? No answer.....

Within 1 week of dumping me, she was on MATCH with a new profile...

And Now I hear that she is in a new relationship.... I assume it's someone that she met on MATCH...

I haven't heard from her in 5 weeks and she has been dating this new guy for a couple of weeks I assume...

After I calmed down and started doing some research on what went wrong, I realized that she has a case of Relationship Dissatisfaction... I looked it up and it was spot on... Also she can't be alone and needs constant attention (maybe she is a Narcasist also?)... I know she is in this search of this better than "OK" life, which she had with me, but lost it... I was the longest relationship she ever had since her divorce... I did things other men would not want to do...

I guess I am to assume that she moved on? She no longer gives a **** about me...?

Stop diagnosing and giving her conditions. This is the way that some avoid the truth.

The only thing that was working for you was the sex. You two were not compatible, as you found out. You should not have been hiding the relationship, as you are adults..

I read a previous thread. it does not sound like you take responsibility for anything. She forced herself on you, and pushed you into the living arrangement. C'mon. It might be time to acknowledge your part in all of this. Six kids in one house is ridiculous.

Move on from this.

Stop diagnosing and giving her conditions. This is the way that some avoid the truth.

 

The only thing that was working for you was the sex. You two were not compatible, as you found out. You should not have been hiding the relationship, as you are adults..

 

I read a previous thread. it does not sound like you take responsibility for anything. She forced herself on you, and pushed you into the living arrangement. C'mon. It might be time to acknowledge your part in all of this. Six kids in one house is ridiculous.

 

Move on from this.

Hollyj

I will be more clear...

You say that I haven't taken any responsibility...

Yes, I have. I felt like **** when she moved out, I seriously thought it was my fault. I apologized to her and her kids. I wanted to go to counseling, I wanted to fix things... Not once did she acknowledge that her kids did anything wrong, when they did **** things right in front of her face to me and my kids... In my home...

FYI: Her kids were there all the time, and my kids only 2 weeks out of the month... and FYI: I spent $50K in renovating my home so each kid had a room and space, which her kids did not have before... I wanted everyone to be happy and I went out of my way to do that. None of it was appreciated...

And yes, after dating for a year, she was bringing up the living together a lot... Actually she got upset once because I was reluctant... But I did not want to lose her, so I agreed and dumped money into my home to have more bedrooms in it, to accommodate everyone and give them a better life....

And no, sex was not the only thing Holly... We were compatible in many ways, actually in everything except one thing which ruined us.... That one thing was that I am more structured when it comes to kids, and she allows kids to disrespect and walk all over her... I have the tools in my tool box to control chaos, and she hates confrontation... And no, I am not talking about arguments... I am talking simple discussions as two adults in a relationship (with kids) should have in order to be on the same sheet of music...

I am not avoiding any truth Holly... Because at this point I have no clue anymore how it all fell apart...

We had to hide our relationship after the first break up because we needed to work on us first in order to fix things... Her kids hated me, told her that she needs to see other guys...That she can do better than me... She wanted to see me and fix the problem. She insisted that we keep it away from her kids. Especially the 2 older control freaks.... My kids knew always, I never hid that from them... My kids were cool with it... Her kids had a huge problem with this... Threatened her...

Anyways... The truth is, it fell apart when I asked her to leave my home... I was rational and logical... The environment was bad.... She and her kids took it as a kick out... There... That is the truth... So in a nut shell, we fell apart not because we were incompatible, but because we allowed 2 teenage girls destroy everything we worked so hard for... And yes... I do take responsibility for it Holly.... I allowed 2 teenagers get involved... But those 2 are not my kids... They are her kids... She saw it also, but did nothing to fix it...

Let me ask you this Holly....

How would you like if your significant others kids (say you are in a situation like I was in) disrespected you everyday in your home? Say, your relationship with your significant other was great and both of you made this decision to blend... Say you went out of your way to show love and accommodate... They move into your home and they trash it, won't clean up after themselves, leave their dirty socks laying around on your couches etc... Say you don't have OCD (which I don't) but you tell them to clean up over and over... And over and over they do things purposely, because they know eventually you will blow up... And say, you hold your cool and talk to your partner over and over (and your partner sees and knows that their kids are being stinkers to work your nerves up), but your partner hopes that you will become passive to this issue, does nothing to correct the issue, wont stand up for you, won't compromise with you... I assume eventually you will not like the situation?????

Hollyj

 

I will be more clear...

 

You say that I haven't taken any responsibility...

 

Yes, I have. I felt like **** when she moved out, I seriously thought it was my fault. I apologized to her and her kids. I wanted to go to counseling, I wanted to fix things... Not once did she acknowledge that her kids did anything wrong, when they did **** things right in front of her face to me and my kids... In my home...

 

FYI: Her kids were there all the time, and my kids only 2 weeks out of the month... and FYI: I spent $50K in renovating my home so each kid had a room and space, which her kids did not have before... I wanted everyone to be happy and I went out of my way to do that. None of it was appreciated...

 

And yes, after dating for a year, she was bringing up the living together a lot... Actually she got upset once because I was reluctant... But I did not want to lose her, so I agreed and dumped money into my home to have more bedrooms in it, to accommodate everyone and give them a better life....

 

And no, sex was not the only thing Holly... We were compatible in many ways, actually in everything except one thing which ruined us.... That one thing was that I am more structured when it comes to kids, and she allows kids to disrespect and walk all over her... I have the tools in my tool box to control chaos, and she hates confrontation... And no, I am not talking about arguments... I am talking simple discussions as two adults in a relationship (with kids) should have in order to be on the same sheet of music...

 

I am not avoiding any truth Holly... Because at this point I have no clue anymore how it all fell apart...

 

We had to hide our relationship after the first break up because we needed to work on us first in order to fix things... Her kids hated me, told her that she needs to see other guys...That she can do better than me... She wanted to see me and fix the problem. She insisted that we keep it away from her kids. Especially the 2 older control freaks.... My kids knew always, I never hid that from them... My kids were cool with it... Her kids had a huge problem with this... Threatened her...

 

Anyways... The truth is, it fell apart when I asked her to leave my home... I was rational and logical... The environment was bad.... She and her kids took it as a kick out... There... That is the truth... So in a nut shell, we fell apart not because we were incompatible, but because we allowed 2 teenage girls destroy everything we worked so hard for... And yes... I do take responsibility for it Holly.... I allowed 2 teenagers get involved... But those 2 are not my kids... They are her kids... She saw it also, but did nothing to fix it...

 

Let me ask you this Holly....

 

How would you like if your significant others kids (say you are in a situation like I was in) disrespected you everyday in your home? Say, your relationship with your significant other was great and both of you made this decision to blend... Say you went out of your way to show love and accommodate... They move into your home and they trash it, won't clean up after themselves, leave their dirty socks laying around on your couches etc... Say you don't have OCD (which I don't) but you tell them to clean up over and over... And over and over they do things purposely, because they know eventually you will blow up... And say, you hold your cool and talk to your partner over and over (and your partner sees and knows that their kids are being stinkers to work your nerves up), but your partner hopes that you will become passive to this issue, does nothing to correct the issue, wont stand up for you, won't compromise with you... I assume eventually you will not like the situation?????

after all that you should be glad that they are all out of your hair.

Totally. Be done with this woman, the drama and the hell that brought you to the breaking point.

You will find someone else. Take the time to rebuild yourself properly emotionally and mentally so that when you do come across that person, they will want you in their lives too.

Do not stalk your ex. It will continue to drive you nuts until you go no contact.

No, she will likely not be back.

For many reasons, you two didn't work together at all. Re-read what you wrote: cohabitation and family-blending was a disaster. Why do you want to return to something that was so dysfunctional?

No, she will likely not be back.

 

For many reasons, you two didn't work together at all. Re-read what you wrote: cohabitation and family-blending was a disaster. Why do you want to return to something that was so dysfunctional?

and it doesn't make her an attention seeking narcissist. That's just what you want to tell yourself to feel better about the whole thing.

Because she moved on quickly doesn't mean she has a character disorder.

I think you just listed enough reasons that paint you 2 incompatible. She chose her kids as most moms will do.

The odds are stacked against you anyway, previously married and blending 6 kids. I think the likelihood of success is slim given the challenges.

Totally. Be done with this woman, the drama and the hell that brought you to the breaking point.

 

You will find someone else. Take the time to rebuild yourself properly emotionally and mentally so that when you do come across that person, they will want you in their lives too.

 

Do not stalk your ex. It will continue to drive you nuts until you go no contact.

I am not stalking her.

She blocked me everywhere....I mean everywhere....

The only way I know, is because we have a mutual friend....

But I don't talk to him about her....

About a week ago....He sent me a text...He was sly about feeding me a picture of her and her new guy, also he was snooping to find out if I am seeing anyone....and wanted to find out if I was depressed and sulking.... However I caught on to this BS....I rejected the picture, told him that I was fine and moving on...No other details....

He has known her his entire life....and me only 2.5 years....

So I am aware that she is more of an ally to him....

I am not sure if she was using him to snoop on me...???? Sort of feels like it... Not sure why he wanted to slip this picture my way? I guess to provoke a reaction?....If thats the case...why do that to me, if she has a new guy? But no I have been strictly NC....5 weeks now....

No, she will likely not be back.

 

For many reasons, you two didn't work together at all. Re-read what you wrote: cohabitation and family-blending was a disaster. Why do you want to return to something that was so dysfunctional?

When we got back together the first time...and I still don't know why she wanted to come back? I can only guess cuz it wasn't so great being alone...Or perhaps to use me until something better came along?...

But we created a plan...

Work on us first...Fix us first...Then work together on her kids...

Things were OK....We were making progress...She was showing me that she was making an effort....But we had to keep it quiet.... One day she told her mom, who ended up telling the kids by mistake....And once they found out...My EX was under a lot of pressure...And it went downhill from that point.... As a caviot to this: Ever since her divorce, no man has been able to stick around...Those kids and especially the 2 older ones have chased them all out... They have so much control over her...

I really don't care about this new guy....I am not bitter about it....It hurts a little that she jumped so quick on to the next guy....I get it.... However I know, and I told her that before....And she knows also....No matter who she is with, and how much they try to give her this better life....The way those kids run the show, no one will be good enough....never...It hurts that I wanted to work this mess out....We had a plan....She basically walked away.....

I remember you from a couple of weeks ago, and it saddens me to see you are still hung up on this.

Is it over? Yes. Until she is alone and needs something from you . And after that, it will be over....again.

How many times are you willing to take the same woman back? And why do you want to?

It may take a while, you may need to date another handful of women, but you will find someone

else who is able to provide a non toxic relationship.

She moved on. You need to also. Consider her as your past, and leave her there.

She already left you twice.

and it doesn't make her an attention seeking narcissist. That's just what you want to tell yourself to feel better about the whole thing.

Because she moved on quickly doesn't mean she has a character disorder.

I think you just listed enough reasons that paint you 2 incompatible. She chose her kids as most moms will do.

 

The odds are stacked against you anyway, previously married and blending 6 kids. I think the likelihood of success is slim given the challenges.

Well, I see your point....and you are right....

However, she has told me a lot in 2.5 years....So did her Mom and her Dad....They once pulled me aside and revealed a lot to me....

Her parents told me....You are the best thing that ever happened to her...For once someone that has his **** together....

Her parents told me that her kids had a lot of issues (true)....

A lot stemming from my EX chasing men to fulfill her dream of having this unrealistic perfect partner (something she did not have in her marriage)....But because she was so wrapped in chasing that dream, she neglected her kids...Did not address the core problems....She has 4 kids from the same Daddy.... However all 4 have issues.... The 20 year old girl is now at a Uni, but she acts as if she is the mother in the family and that is because she raised the other 3 while my EX was chasing men... Although she is at school now, she still controls Mom. The 19 year old girl has a Social Anxiety Depression disorder. Controls Mom, always needs Mom to rescue her...And constatly has episodes...Won't work, won't go to school, uses her disorder to get what she wants... The 16 year old boy has Autism.... Than there is a 6 year old girl....And she is super selfish of Mom as young kids are.... However the issue is that my EX has been in denial about all of this for years.... And those children are not capable of liking any man, as they view men as evil...and thats because instead of focusing on the kids, she has been chasing that man.... I came into her life and I pointed out those issues... At first she completely dismissed it all...But then she started opening her eyes....I wanted to be a good male influence on them as their Daddy is not really an active person in their lives ...Their Dad has issues as well and he has severe depression also....

But yes, her own parents told me ... She needs to be with someone all the time.. She pushes the kids aside for a mans attention...She moves on quickly from one to another seeking that attention, she wants to surpress her problems by constantly feeling the euphoria of being in love....So at this point I don't think she even loved me....it feels as if it was a lie....I was just another bump in the road... I hope you see what I am saying...Not to make myself feel better....I actually feel bad for those kids..

I remember you from a couple of weeks ago, and it saddens me to see you are still hung up on this.

 

Is it over? Yes. Until she is alone and needs something from you . And after that, it will be over....again.

 

How many times are you willing to take the same woman back? And why do you want to?

It may take a while, you may need to date another handful of women, but you will find someone

else who is able to provide a non toxic relationship.

 

She moved on. You need to also. Consider her as your past, and leave her there.

She already left you twice.

Thank you...

I guess I had hopes....and I am venting...

I did so much...

But it is what it is....I have to move on....

So at this point I don't think she even loved me....it feels as if it was a lie....I was just another bump in the road... I hope you see what I am saying...Not to make myself feel better....I actually feel bad for those kids..

You might not feel this way now but my guess is after some time and distance you will thank her for letting you go.

Thank you...

I guess I had hopes....and I am venting...

I did so much...

But it is what it is....I have to move on....

Relationships don't work on an ROI principle. If you get involved with damaged goods, you'll only end up with damaged goods regardless of how much you do, how much you try or what all else you invest in it. Find a healthy woman when you are ready and never again get involved with someone who is so incompatible to you. Porn like sex does not a relationship make and if you are honest, there was nothing else between you and her. Your long posts just show all the deep incompatibilities.

Anyway, above aside, do vent away. We hear ya even if we'll tell you what you don't want to hear.

Thank you...

I guess I had hopes....and I am venting...

I did so much...

But it is what it is....I have to move on....

If you are truly just venting, then go ahead!

It helps, much like writing in a journal.

I'm sorry your hopes were shattered, but as an outsider it's clear you need to completely

let go of the thought of repairing this. And I know you know this

Don't make excuses for her behavior, don't blame yourself, the kids, or anything else.

You gave it your best shot, she didn't want it. You cannot make anyone want you.

Stay NC, forever! I guarantee if you heal this, you will be far better off in life than she will ever be.

If you are truly just venting, then go ahead!

It helps, much like writing in a journal.

 

I'm sorry your hopes were shattered, but as an outsider it's clear you need to completely

let go of the thought of repairing this. And I know you know this

 

Don't make excuses for her behavior, don't blame yourself, the kids, or anything else.

You gave it your best shot, she didn't want it. You cannot make anyone want you.

Stay NC, forever! I guarantee if you heal this, you will be far better off in life than she will ever be.

Thanks you....

Yes, its good to vent....

And yes, I have been in radio silence....

This really does suck cuz I gave her 2.5 years of my life...I wanted this to work....

I just don't get it, that it is so easy for some people to walk away from investing so much....

At this point, I don't even feel like dating anyone.... I have no desire for it....

I used to be married for 14 years....when I got divorced, I jumped right in to the dating pool....lol... Mostly on line dating....I met someone and dated her for 11 months.... She was similar...lol...wanted to move in with me...ughhhh....I could not do it....I saw the red flags...We broke up and it took me a month to recover.... Finally I met my current EX...and I finally thought that I hit jackpot... I really wanted to take things slow....She chased me all over... Billion texts a day....She wanted attention non stop.....Seemed that she was into me...When my kids would go to their Moms, she wanted me at her house non stop...For a while it seemed that we were married or something...And when I had my kids, she would find ways to come see me...Its like as if she was obsessed with me... I had my walls up....she noticed that.... It bothered her, so she worked super hard to work her way into my heart...I took my daughter to dance on Thursday....She even found her way to meet us there and have dinner with us after dance....During the week she went to night school to get her associate degree...She wanted me to meet her after school just so she could see me...So I did that...lol....It was like being a teenager again....We did some crazy stuff....lol... We went on vacation together with our kids, I also got to meet her family from across the state.... Her parents loved me... And after a year she wanted us to be a family.... I was hesitant, wanted to wait...She kept insisting....Gave me all the reasons why it would work....But it did not...There was no compromise...I was frustrated... I felt like I was the enemy in my home...Her 19 year old one time said to her in front of me that she wanted to live in my home, but wanted me to move out....That was a huge red flag to me....My EX didnt even react...She just froze...I felt disrespected...I worked so hard for my home and this kid just said that!!!! I had a huge talk with my EX about that.... She told me that she had no ability to correct the issues with her kids....And it just kept going downhill.... Maybe there was no love anymore on her end by then...She got her dream, her better life... People in love, trying to preserve something good, will put an effort into something good....But this felt as a one way street only.... There was no effort from her anymore...Not the way she was putting that effort in before she moved in with me..And now, I have been discarded like a used piece of garbage....And replaced already...

Hollyj

 

I will be more clear...

 

You say that I haven't taken any responsibility...

 

Yes, I have. I felt like **** when she moved out, I seriously thought it was my fault. I apologized to her and her kids. I wanted to go to counseling, I wanted to fix things... Not once did she acknowledge that her kids did anything wrong, when they did **** things right in front of her face to me and my kids... In my home...

 

FYI: Her kids were there all the time, and my kids only 2 weeks out of the month... and FYI: I spent $50K in renovating my home so each kid had a room and space, which her kids did not have before... I wanted everyone to be happy and I went out of my way to do that. None of it was appreciated...

 

And yes, after dating for a year, she was bringing up the living together a lot... Actually she got upset once because I was reluctant... But I did not want to lose her, so I agreed and dumped money into my home to have more bedrooms in it, to accommodate everyone and give them a better life....

 

And no, sex was not the only thing Holly... We were compatible in many ways, actually in everything except one thing which ruined us.... That one thing was that I am more structured when it comes to kids, and she allows kids to disrespect and walk all over her... I have the tools in my tool box to control chaos, and she hates confrontation... And no, I am not talking about arguments... I am talking simple discussions as two adults in a relationship (with kids) should have in order to be on the same sheet of music...

 

I am not avoiding any truth Holly... Because at this point I have no clue anymore how it all fell apart...

 

We had to hide our relationship after the first break up because we needed to work on us first in order to fix things... Her kids hated me, told her that she needs to see other guys...That she can do better than me... She wanted to see me and fix the problem. She insisted that we keep it away from her kids. Especially the 2 older control freaks.... My kids knew always, I never hid that from them... My kids were cool with it... Her kids had a huge problem with this... Threatened her...

 

Anyways... The truth is, it fell apart when I asked her to leave my home... I was rational and logical... The environment was bad.... She and her kids took it as a kick out... There... That is the truth... So in a nut shell, we fell apart not because we were incompatible, but because we allowed 2 teenage girls destroy everything we worked so hard for... And yes... I do take responsibility for it Holly.... I allowed 2 teenagers get involved... But those 2 are not my kids... They are her kids... She saw it also, but did nothing to fix it...

 

Let me ask you this Holly....

 

How would you like if your significant others kids (say you are in a situation like I was in) disrespected you everyday in your home? Say, your relationship with your significant other was great and both of you made this decision to blend... Say you went out of your way to show love and accommodate... They move into your home and they trash it, won't clean up after themselves, leave their dirty socks laying around on your couches etc... Say you don't have OCD (which I don't) but you tell them to clean up over and over... And over and over they do things purposely, because they know eventually you will blow up... And say, you hold your cool and talk to your partner over and over (and your partner sees and knows that their kids are being stinkers to work your nerves up), but your partner hopes that you will become passive to this issue, does nothing to correct the issue, wont stand up for you, won't compromise with you... I assume eventually you will not like the situation?????

I'm glad that you shared this. I think that it is important.

I too, would have been done with it. It sounds miserable.

I'm sorry, but this was your wake up call that you are not compatible. Time to reclaim your life, and move on.

I'm glad that you shared this. I think that it is important.

 

I too, would have been done with it. It sounds miserable.

 

I'm sorry, but this was your wake up call that you are not compatible. Time to reclaim your life, and move on.

You are correct. I have no choice but to move on and let go.

I am just venting here, and perhaps helping others to wake up if they ever find themselves in this type of situation....

So I will present some facts that I picked up on, and what to avoid....And Holly I am by no means accusatory here....

I met her on Match and her salary was showing at $70K plus....

And no, I am not petty for $, but I do make well over 6 figures and I want someone equal to me, not needy...so I do look for that because I want someone that is ambitious and won't struggle with finances....

Well, that was a lie.... I learned quickly that she was broke as a joke...Soon I found out that the home she lived in belonged to her parents as she was bankrupt from her previous marriage and no one would even allow her to rent.... So her folks bought this home she was in and she paid them rent....Her salary was way under $50K if that and she was struggling with bills.... Dumb me, already had my love goggles on, so I dismissed the signs... I also dismissed the messy chaos she had in her home always....No one simply gave a **** about the place... I also dismissed that she put a huge importance on sex....I guess she learned over the 9 years of divorce that sex is the way to a mans heart... Also, I noticed that she wants this perpetual life of falling in love over and over....As if that feeling overcompansates for her problems in reality....I outlined those issues in the thread...She is super needy, clingy, needs male attention to suppress the problems...However due to that unrealistic need her children suffer and hate any man that comes into her life...They fear of losing Mom, as Mom does not give them the time that they need.....example: She told me in the dump text that she needed to breathe and focus on her kids....OK, I get it...So posting a profile on a dating site, and jumping into a new relationship is the solution to breathe and focus on the kids? No... Its not.... And I don't give a **** about her new BF, but I don't care if he is Donald Trump, he is destined to either run, or be dumped fast... And then what? I bet you $100 that she will try to crawl to me again...Why?...Cuz I allowed it once already....Cuz I am a good source of supply.... And she will try...Trust me she will.... I feel it....And she won't even think twice about it....She won't care that she hurt me....She only cares about what she needs...But this time I am a lot smarter.... You see she left once, and I was dumb enough to let her back in...Just as I started healing from it already once, boom there she is....Tears, emotions, victim and the classic phrase of " I am still so in love with you" ....She got her supply and I am sure the 2 oldest ones played a lot in pressing on her, she walked out again by dumping me over a text.... Blocked me, unblocked me, then blocked me again....and boom... Now she has a fresh supply....And I don't really know anything about the new guy, but if he is smart, he will wake up and her unrealistic expectations will fade away quick again...But this time I won't allow it to happen again.... So, yes I believe that she is a Narc to some level....She is a nymphomaniac to a level and someone that has a relationship dissatisfaction disorder of some sort.. And its destructive... Ultimately she is in this search to find this better life... Well no one will give it that quick....I got suckered in, but no one else will... They will see pass the sex spell... You know what gives away that she will try again to come into my life? She is already using a mutual friend to snoop on me...So the new guy might not be cutting it already...

Can I ask why you did not run when you found out about the first lie? Also, if she is "She is super needy, clingy, needs male attention to suppress the problems.," why did you stick around?

Stop focusing on her, and stop diagnosing. You are not a professional and it does not matter. Who cares.

".So the new guy might not be cutting it already..." I thought you were done with this???

I think that YOU need to focus on why YOU did not leave after the first lie, and the continuing problems. Work on your own issues of co dependance and attraction to problematic woman. That bit is on you. You are no victim.

I hear what you are saying, but you really need to let the past go.

The blame game is not useful here.

She moved on. Twice. Nothing will change that fact.

No amount of revisiting the past to see what was wrong will fix issues that she isn't

willing to work on. She checked out on you emotionally and physically.

You are preventing your own healing and moving on.

Can I ask why you did not run when you found out about the first lie? Also, if she is "She is super needy, clingy, needs male attention to suppress the problems.," why did you stick around?

 

Stop focusing on her, and stop diagnosing. You are not a professional and it does not matter. Who cares.

 

".So the new guy might not be cutting it already..." I thought you were done with this???

 

I think that YOU need to focus on why YOU did not leave after the first lie, and the continuing problems. Work on your own issues of co dependance and attraction to problematic woman. That bit is on you. You are no victim.

I guess... I was blinded... Fell for her...

Although I did see the problems and the red flags, for some reason I hoped that things meant something to her, that as we progressed she would correct her issues....

But you are correct... I need to let it go and move forward with life... There is no reason to dwell on this...

I hear what you are saying, but you really need to let the past go.

The blame game is not useful here.

 

She moved on. Twice. Nothing will change that fact.

No amount of revisiting the past to see what was wrong will fix issues that she isn't

willing to work on. She checked out on you emotionally and physically.

 

 

 

You are preventing your own healing and moving on.

You are correct.

This morning on the way to work, I decided that there is no reason for me to hang on and have wishful hopes. I need to "get out" and start enjoying myself...

Time to meet new people and have a life again.

Heal up, and not look back.

Absolutely, she has no inner "will" to correct her issues....

Her texts prove that: "Not willing to put the effort into this"... She did admit that she is aware of the issues "I am my own worse enemy"....

But that should no longer be my problem. The next guy can deal with that.

I guess... I was blinded... Fell for her...

Although I did see the problems and the red flags, for some reason I hoped that things meant something to her, that as we progressed she would correct her issues....

But you are correct... I need to let it go and move forward with life... There is no reason to dwell on this...

Don't ever get into a relationship expecting people to change. That's on you.

You are correct.

This morning on the way to work, I decided that there is no reason for me to hang on and have wishful hopes. I need to "get out" and start enjoying myself...

Time to meet new people and have a life again.

Heal up, and not look back.

 

 

 

Absolutely, she has no inner "will" to correct her issues....

Her texts prove that: "Not willing to put the effort into this"... She did admit that she is aware of the issues "I am my own worse enemy"....

 

But that should no longer be my problem. The next guy can deal with that.

Good! I wish you luck! Stay strong.

That way if she returns, you can say "I'm sorry, but I've moved on from this, and you.

I hope you find happiness " that will be you taking control back and empowering yourself,

and living your life!

Don't allow others to rent space in your head.

That which angers or upsets you, controls you.

If I see another post from you about her I'm gonna scream!!!! You can get through this.

Own your part in this, and it will help you move on faster, and make better choices in partners.