Reconciliation after rebound marriage

Are there any stories out there about successful reconciliation after the dumper married a rebound?

I just found out this weekend that my ex married the girl he dumped me for, after they knew each other on LDR for 8 months!!! We were together LDR for five years. After the breakup there have been signs he loved me, we've been texting, hooked up a few times... but he never really wanted to talk openly. In June out of the blue he told me that he was getting married on Aug 12th, but I found out now that instead it was Aug 19th. As if he wanted me to do something.... but I stayed nc since aug 1st as I didn't have the idea he would listen to me if I would be saying that I wanted to marry him.... on Aug 12th he texted me he was making a big step in his life and was moving to Europe, saying he would maybe closer to me... so confusing?!?!

Why would he do that?

Even after his marriage, on Sept 20th he tried to contact me by sending some smileys straight after I changed my skype profile pic...

Ooooooohhhh but still he married that girl.... Are there any success stories of people whose ex married the rebound and came back?

he texted me he was making a big step in his life and was moving to Europe, saying he would maybe closer to me... so confusing?!?!

Why would he do that?

Because he's a lying, cheating scumbag who can sow the seeds for an affair a week before he gets married, and not see anything wrong with that.

This is not someone you should be contemplating getting back together with - far from being a success story, it's a recipe for total heartbreak.

There have been signs he loved me, we've been texting, hooked up a few times... but he never really wanted to talk openly.

These are not signs he loves you. They are signs he's using you for sex behind his fiancée's back. Guys who have genuine feelings for you and see a future with you are not afraid to talk openly; nor do they hook up with you whilst arranging a marriage with someone else.

A couple of things to think about... given this behaviour, do you genuinely believe this guy was faithful to you when you were in a relationship for five years? Do you think you're the only one he's cheated with whilst with the other girl? Do you think she really was a rebound, or that they'd been carrying on together for quite a while before you two split up?

Whatever, keep this guy blocked, run, and don't look back!

"...after they knew each other on LDR for 8 months!!! We were together LDR for five years."

Don't waste five more.

Use your knowledge to sift though all future 'users' in the first hours/days.

OMG that sounds so severe.... I've been in NC since aug 1st and promised myself I would only reply to him if he comes with a sincere attempt to talk.

TBH I did not post here to hear what a jerk he is. I understand you see it that way but I really want to reconcile. Even though he looks really bad here, he's a wonderful inspiring soul, I don't want to lose him and I just can't accept that I did.

I'm now thinking of me, and I just wanna know if there's still a chance, that's at the moment the only thing that keeps me going. So please help me by giving your opinion or experiences whether men do come back even if the marry someone else..

TBH I did not post here to hear what a jerk he is. I understand you see it that way but I really want to reconcile. Even though he looks really bad here, he's a wonderful inspiring soul, I don't want to lose him and I just can't accept that I did.

The trouble is hannah is no one here can advise or encourage or even hope for a recon for you , he married someone else ....we can't pull hope out of thin air in situations like this because there would be seriously something wrong with our perception if we saw any happiness for you here I am sorry to say . You need time to pass to be able to see him for what he is.

I feel really sorry for you Hannah , you are caught in such a horrible desperate place and honestly we all know how that feels . I just wanted to add this bit , so you know we do care and we do know how much it hurts x It has been 6 years for me so I sometimes forget just how bad it feels . Blessings

So please help me by giving your opinion or experiences whether men do come back even if the marry someone else..

Plenty of men have affairs while they're married to someone else, yes. If you're happy to be used in this way, reach out to him. But if you're waiting for him to have a sincere talk with you about about rekindling your relationship, with you alone in the picture... sadly, you're going to have a very long wait....

Also sadly, there are plenty of guys around who are inspirational and uplifting - and available. While you're waiting and hoping for this situation to resolve itself, you are denying yourself the opportunity to heal, move on and find someone who's genuinely emotionally available to you.

Thank you Pippy and Nut.. thanks also for being kind and understanding. I am drained and trying to pull a little hope out of each small sign he gives. Am i not right to say its at least weird that he still reached out to me in that way? He's not particularly behaving like a normal just happily married man would do. But you're both right that a healthy relationship is now very far out of reach. If ever.

I agree with previous comments. There's no such thing as a "rebound marriage" - it's a self-contradictory phrase. If this was a rebound, he wouldn't have married her. He didn't marry her as a cry for your attention. Of all the ways he could choose to let you know that he wants to get back together, he didn't try about a hundred of more obvious ways, right? He married her because that's what he wanted to do, and he sees you because he's using you.

She's his number 1, you're his number 2 (or 3 or 4 - you never know). He's playing both of you. He's unable to settle for just one person, but you're not his top choice - you're a consolation prize when he gets bored with his main thing. And it's so unfair that you spent 5 years in a long distance relationship being exclusive while he clearly wasn't. It's high time you block him and start to notice men in your area. Whether his marriage survives his infidelity or not, this should not concern you anymore, but I guarantee he will find himself another number 2 in no time once you resign from the position.

He's not particularly behaving like a normal just happily married man would do. But you're both right that a healthy relationship is now very far out of reach. If ever.

No, he's not behaving like any decent guy would be. So sorry you haven't been able to move on from him.

Don't forget, though, that a healthy relationship is within your reach. Just not with him.

Are there any success stories of people whose ex married the rebound and came back?

I am going to be very harsh so brace yourself.

You have already lost half a DECADE on this guy. You really need to step back and reflect on why you refuse to see his blatant indifference of your feelings. Why are you so willing to keep wasting your time on someone who would do that to you? Why is this not a deal breaker for you???? Choosing to marry another woman shows a blatant lack of appreciation of you. Yet you are willing to overlook that the moment he texts you sweet nothings. When it comes to his real intentions with regards to you, it doesn't get any clearer than marrying ANOTHER woman. Regardless of what happens to his marriage, his actions SCREAM that he does NOT value you. Yet you ignore that and keep grasping on straws. You need to stop wasting your precious time like this. You only get to live ONCE. You will never get back all that precious time you keep wasting on him. I realise how very painful it must be to accept that your lengthy emotional investment on this guy was for nothing but denial will cost you much much more in the long run. Please, please delete and block this assclown. Stop accommodating his whims. He is taking advantage of you because you allow him. He has clearly shown you who he is. You are making informed choices.

The definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

He's married now, cupcake.

Time to let it go.

Do you think, if there is a one in a million chance he would leave her for you, that he'd be faithful? He cheated on her if he was sleeping with you just before he is emotionally cheating now. He is married. That's the end of it. block him.

I am going to be very harsh so brace yourself.

 

You have already lost half a DECADE on this guy. You really need to step back and reflect on why you refuse to see his blatant indifference of your feelings. Why are you so willing to keep wasting your time on someone who would do that to you? Why is this not a deal breaker for you???? Choosing to marry another woman shows a blatant lack of appreciation of you. Yet you are willing to overlook that the moment he texts you sweet nothings. When it comes to his real intentions with regards to you, it doesn't get any clearer than marrying ANOTHER woman. Regardless of what happens to his marriage, his actions SCREAM that he does NOT value you. Yet you ignore that and keep grasping on straws. You need to stop wasting your precious time like this. You only get to live ONCE. You will never get back all that precious time you keep wasting on him. I realise how very painful it must be to accept that your lengthy emotional investment on this guy was for nothing but denial will cost you much much more in the long run. Please, please delete and block this assclown. Stop accommodating his whims. He is taking advantage of you because you allow him. He has clearly shown you who he is. You are making informed choices.

 

The definition of insanity is keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

If they are long distance, I am going to bet you a dollar that he has had a longer relationship with her - she wasn't quite as long distance and she has no idea about you. He didn't jump from you to her -- he was with her for quite awhile and simply broke the news to you about her.

Personally in my sphere of friends i have not heard of reconciliation after someone marries someone else. Getting into a marriage is very complicated. It will be hard for him to get out of it.

Thank you for all the responses, guys. I appreciate your honesty and I hope it helps me to get over him.