Thoughts, Rants, and Musings

Yes, it is a cigarette!

 

I didn't smoke much at that time, maybe once per week. It helped that I had to sneak it from my landlady

 

I smoked way more when I was a teenager and in my early 20s.

 

It's hard cutting down to the level that I did, but I had it under control at that time (and had for years).

 

Sometimes I'd go for weeks without a cigarette.

 

When my boyfriend and I first started dating, he learned that I liked to smoke cigarettes.

 

He used to keep cigarettes and tequila in his freezer for me.

 

I appreciated the gesture, but it wreaked havoc with my controlled cigarette routine.

 

Eventually, I asked him to stop and he did.

 

I rarely smoke at all anymore.

 

Now he actually gives me sh*t about it when/if I smoke when we're on vacation lol!

I have this analogy about oceans and currents and careers (and life) that I ponder sometimes. Actually, it's several analogies relating to different aspects of the ocean.

 

I just scrolled back through this journal mid-musing to see if I've written about it before. It doesn't look like I have. But I noticed that it's been almost exactly two years since I contemplated the offer for my last job. That's fitting, somehow.

 

The offer I got for my last job was (at least salary-wise) a lot better than I was doing at my then-current job. But I wasn't able to make a snap decision for a number of reasons.

 

It finally came down to the pull that I felt. The dark, swirling, water-pull. I felt it rushing back past me, coiling and building up behind me. I knew it was time to leap the way I leapt when I wanted to catch a wave in the ocean. Where that wave took me didn't matter. It was my moment. It felt right.

 

Now, two years later, I am floating in a tranquil sea and I can see for miles around.

 

Where do I want to go?

I came home from my walk this afternoon to find a voicemail from a new prospective employer.

 

It was the owner of a firm that I'd applied to back in mid-March, through ZipRecruiter.

 

I had mixed feelings about receiving the message. Obviously I want to work again, but this time off has been so nice....

 

It's an interesting company, primarily engineering but the co-owner is an interior designer. They employ about 20 people.

 

My kind of place, really. They do surveying, all facets of civil, and structural, but when it comes to the actual architecture of the building they usually hand it off to another firm.

 

To remedy this situation, they recently purchased an architecture firm. They now have a principal architect, and are looking for a project manager/ assistant project manager.

 

I had a good conversation with the owner. Telephone call. Lasted about 30 minutes.

 

I was dead honest with him about being laid off. I don't want that to crop up in the future somehow.

 

I also let him know that I was looking for an employer who would be able to provide adequate mentorship, and an environment where I could ask questions and receive guidance as needed.

 

He said that based on our conversation, if they do decide to hire me, they would probably start me as an assistant project manager and let me grow into the position of project manager. "We want to make sure to set you up for success," he said.

 

That's FIIIIIINE with me!!!!!

 

I asked when he planned to start the new position, and he said, "This month." But as he spoke, it started to sound like the end of this month, rather than the beginning.

 

I reassured him that I was not in a rush to get a job. I told him what I made at my last job, to make me an offer and I'll consider it.

 

There's a real possibility that they could hire me. It's a company I would like to work for, so that is good.

 

But I'm REEEEALLLY enjoying this time off.....

 

I kinda hope they won't start until some time in June...... or JULY!

 

Fingers crossed for July....

Apparently right as I hit "Post" on that last post, Bill the Other Prospective Employer emailed me with some tasks he needs help with!

 

Sheesh, when it rains it pours sometimes.

 

Funny thing is, I proclaimed this to be my Vacation Week, meaning I would focus on fun stuff, on anything other than work-related crap.

 

I knew I shouldn't have proclaimed that out loud....

Second interview tomorrow with New Prospective Employer. This will be with the business owner, his partner, and their principal architect. Ugh. I know this is good but the timing with Bill is again terrible. I feel so bad. I mean, I know I'm jumping the gun a little here, but emotionally it doesn't matter.

Great job. Good luck Jib :)

I think the interview went well.

 

Turned out to be a video call, which I was not prepared for.

 

It did cross my mind that it could be video, but his text specifically said phone call so I took the gamble and didn't bother to shower/ get dressed/ futz with make up, etc.

 

Five minutes after the call was supposed to begin, I was still waiting. So, I texted, "Should I call you?

 

A couple minutes later, he texted and let me know it was going to be a video chat.

 

I warned him I was in my quarantine garb and he was ok with that.

 

Three minutes later I was dialing into the meeting while scrambling to download chrome on my new computer and get the camera and mic to work after brushing my hair and attempting to tie it back.

 

My boyfriend and I scrambled at the controls for a minute or two and then the camera was suddenly working and they were watching us.

 

My boyfriend ducked out of the picture and I realized I couldn't hear them.

 

Then I changed something and I could hear them but they couldn't hear them.

 

Then I changed something else and we could hear each other but there was an echo.

 

Then I figured out the source of the echo (hang up the phone).

 

And then it was a good meeting.

 

At least, I thought so.

 

We shall see.

There is a recent COVID phenomena where people post on social media that there will be a birthday and then groups of people drive by the house with signs and honk their horns.

 

I think it's a nice gesture. But it just happened on my street and I really had to laugh.

 

I live modestly but in a very affluent town.

 

Lots of Tesla, Maserati, and Porsche family vehicles here. Occasional Bentley or Rolls.

 

For the birthday parades, they break out the Ferraris, McLarens, Lamborghinis, and impeccably restored antique and muscle cars.

 

It's awesome and I TOTALLY appreciate the gesture, but I had crack up because there's something undeniably douchey about parading around in your $100K vehicle during the middle of an economic collapse.

I've been using Word 365 and it's a little annoying.

 

Some of its proofreading capabilities have obviously been expanded and now I'm getting little corrections on my sentence structure and use of conjunctions along with a little lesson on how things should be.

 

It's interesting, but most of the time I'm like, "Yes, I'm aware. I've been writing in the English language for over 35 years now, can you cut me a break? I'm working on my rhythm and flow. Is there no room for artistic expression?"

 

I don't want to turn it off--at least not yet -- because I find the feature interesting. But so far, the criticisms have not been useful.

 

(Word would be proud of me for using "have not" instead of "haven't" in that last sentence).

Yesterday, I spent most of the day measuring a building for Bill. I met the other guys in the firm. All were nice, easy to get along with.

 

I mainly worked with Ian, who I met when I worked for Bill part-time in 2018. I like that guy.

 

Soon after I arrived, the guy from Job Prospect #2 called and left a message. I didn't call him back until hours later, when I was back in my car getting ready to drive home.

 

He basically offered me the job, although he didn't start out the conversation like that. It will be slightly less money than I made before, but with room to grow into my old salary and beyond.

 

The weird part, the part he started out with, is that he wants me to be part of a surveying team out of state for days/weeks on end for about four months.

 

This is my own fault. During my first conversation with him, I exclaimed, "I've always wanted to learn how to survey!" And when he tried to dissuade me by telling me the guys on his team were really rough, I blurted out, "Oh, that's no problem. I worked with a bunch of dock builders for 18 months and did fine."

 

And that's true.... I just didn't expect him to jump on the opportunity, and for that opportunity be in a faraway place for an extended period of time. And for there to be boats and culverts involved... that can be dangerous.

 

But I have to say, I am intrigued...

 

I got another assignment from Bill today. I did give him fair warning that I am entertaining a job with another company. He didn't really acknowledge that, but he did continue to give me work so I guess he's not too bent out of shape about it.

I spent all week thinking about the new job offer, asking questions about benefits & such.

 

The benefits are not quite as good as they were at my last job.

 

I emailed them this morning and asked them to come closer to my last salary.

 

If they don’t, fine. But I figured I should at least make an attempt.

I have this neighbor who is a bit of a misanthrope. He owns the house across the street and rents the upper level to some tenants.

 

The tenants are pretty quiet, but I can't say the same for the landlord. He is really annoying.

 

It's a gorgeous, windows-open day here, but I have mine shut because this yo-yo is out there in the street grinding the fender off of his Harley.

 

A couple years ago, he spent the summer grinding the paint job off of his Crown Victoria and repainting it poorly.

 

I'm sure the Harley is going to end up looking like sh*t, too.

 

He really seems to derive a sense of satisfaction from these activities.

 

I wish his grinder would blow up.

I have this neighbor who is a bit of a misanthrope. He owns the house across the street and rents the upper level to some tenants.

 

The tenants are pretty quiet, but I can't say the same for the landlord. He is really annoying.

 

It's a gorgeous, windows-open day here, but I have mine shut because this yo-yo is out there in the street grinding the fender off of his Harley.

 

A couple years ago, he spent the summer grinding the paint job off of his Crown Victoria and repainting it poorly.

 

I'm sure the Harley is going to end up looking like sh*t, too.

 

He really seems to derive a sense of satisfaction from these activities.

 

I wish his grinder would blow up.

 

So annoying! At least it is a Harley, so maybe it won’t go on too long...

That idiot is grinding the siding on his house now. Something is wrong with that man.

On Monday, I spoke with the owner at Job Prospect #2. He agreed to meet me halfway with the salary after the survey assignment was complete, which is 3 - 4 months.

 

He explained that the original amount they offered me was already double what they pay a survey tech, so they didn't want to go up until that task was over.

 

I'm fine with that.

 

I let Bill know later that afternoon that I would probably be accepting the job with the other company:

I mentioned a week or two ago that I interviewed with an architecture/engineering company. They've offered me the job and I think I'm going to take it. Starts Monday [i lied so he didn't give me anymore work] and for the first 4 months I will be travelling on and off to upstate NY to do land surveying (never did this before). After that, I will work for them as an architect. It's been great working for you and your team. I like all of you guys, and I'm sorry that the timing is off (once again). But maybe I will be able to help you out here and there in the near future.

 

Once again, he didn't really acknowledge it:

Ok. Just send me your hours. I'll see if there is anything else for this week.

 

It made me feel weird and anxious.

 

But yesterday he reached out to arrange payment, and the end of the conversation went like this:

 

Thank you again for your help. I'm not happy that I am losing you a second time!!

I know 😞

I am sure our paths will cross again.

I will keep you in mind for consulting work though.

yes, I'm sure too

please do

 

I felt a lot better after that.

 

The written offer from Job Prospect #2 finally came through today and, after I got them to confirm the duration of the survey assignment in writing, I officially accepted it. I start work June 1.

Nine years ago, I took a job with a sole proprietor. I was his only employee and we worked out of his basement (which was actually quite nice with large windows and lots of light).

 

One day, almost two years to the day that I started working for him, he rolled up a chair next to me and said, "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to lay you off in two weeks."

 

I took it in stride. It wasn't altogether unexpected. It had been slow for months and I spent many days coming up with tasks to keep myself occupied.

 

On my last day, my boss unexpectedly took me to lunch at a very nice restaurant in town.

 

I appreciated the gesture, but I really wished he'd given me some warning because I was wearing the rattiest, ripped-up pajamas and no bra. It was a warm spring day, but I went out with a ratty sweater on in an attempt to mask my bralessness!

 

We actually ran into one of his clients in town on the way to the restaurant and I stood there and sweated my ass off in the sun as they chit-chatted.

 

The restaurant was filled with professionals in suits and ties. I spent the whole meal trying to pull my ratty sweater jacket around my sweaty ratty pajamas and braless form and disappear into my seat.

 

My boss was totally oblivious.

 

Makes me laugh when I remember it

Anyway, at that point I was just starting out in my career.

 

My biggest priority was getting my license. I needed three years of full time work experience before I became eligible to begin taking my licensing exams.

 

I was laid off at the completion of my second year of full time work, and to make matters worse I hadn't logged all of my time. I'd been lax in my reporting habits and as a result had 'lost' a lot of time that I could have logged. This caused me a lot of anxiety.

 

To make matters even more stressful, there were seven exams. I had five years to pass all seven exams, starting from the day I took my first exam. If I didn't pass all seven exams in the five-year window, I would have to start over again.

 

The exams were pricey, too. Each exam cost $210, so at a minimum I'd be spending $1,470. The study materials were basically limited to books and internet forums and I don't learn well that way. I didn't feel like my job had provided the right kind of background, either.

 

The situation felt overwhelming.

 

I lived in the heart of a beautiful town with lots of culture and history, ample parks, bike paths. I was laid off from mid May to the beginning of August, the perfect time of year to spend long, lazy days there. I wish I could have enjoyed my time off more, but there was too much ahead of me to accomplish.

 

I had to make finding a job into my full-time job, and I did. Day after day, I sat chained to my computer in my sweaty little room*, scouring the internet for jobs, honing my resume, working on a portfolio. I was fixated. I even quit facebook to maximize my concentration (never went back either, thankfully).

 

When I got my next job, I moved 40 miles north so that I'd have a reasonable commute. I found an apartment and completed my move in the two weeks immediately preceding my first day. It was a miracle. I was also very lucky that my previous landlord had forgotten to send the new lease in a timely manner. Had he been properly efficient, I may have signed it and lost my deposit.

 

So, now seven years have passed. I completed my full time work requirement, I passed all of my exams, I got my license. Most importantly, I've gained experience.

 

When I was laid off at the end of this past March, I was in such a different state of mind than I was seven years ago. Yes, I felt generally harassed and annoyed by the circumstances at my last employer, but that was just superficial.

 

Not far below those feelings was a profound sense of relief and calm. That's because I accomplished what I set out to do.

 

I've been able to finally relax.... I didn't realize how much the stress had built up over the years. I guess I'd just gotten used to it.

 

____________________________________

*By this time I'd moved from the place I described in one of my previous posts. I now lived in a rickety old duplex with a roommate. We didn't have AC and my room had a western exposure.

Hey Jib, how do you find your new job?

Hey Jib, how do you find your new job?

 

So far, so good.

 

The people seem really nice...but of course, who knows at this point.

 

I spent the last few days in upstate New York, scampering up and down the slopes of the Adirondack mountains, wading up to my waist (so far) in the streams.

 

I forgot what great exercise it is, and how strong I am.

 

I find that surveying comes very naturally to me. It feels right.

 

The guy who is training me is great. Knowledgeable, patient, consistent.

 

So far, so good....

 

Thanks for asking

So far, so good.

 

The people seem really nice...but of course, who knows at this point.

 

I spent the last few days in upstate New York, scampering up and down the slopes of the Adirondack mountains, wading up to my waist (so far) in the streams.

 

I forgot what great exercise it is, and how strong I am.

 

I find that surveying comes very naturally to me. It feels right.

 

The guy who is training me is great. Knowledgeable, patient, consistent.

 

So far, so good....

 

Thanks for asking

Sounds good!

It sounds like an amazing job.

Sounds good!

It sounds like an amazing job.

It's pretty cool, but there are a couple of potential hazards that I have to be very careful about. Early this morning, I started ruminating about them while still technically asleep. I hate when I do that.

 

First, there is the work truck. It's a beat-up p.o.s. rust-bucket Dodge Durango tank. It's loaded to the gills with heavy tools and equipment and no safety cage. The thing has pretty good pick up and lousy brakes. It stops, but it takes a lot.

 

The company recently bought a newer truck, but with the current COVID state of affairs, they are unable to get it registered. So, we are stuck with this limping old truck.

 

There are three of us on the current crew. The boss drove his own car up to the survey area and my coworker and I drove the truck. It's a three-hour drive from our office to the survey area. I split the journey up there with my coworker. But after I saw the idiotic way that he drove this truck, I haven't let him drive it again.

 

I am the sole driver of the truck now, which I prefer. But there is still a lot of room for error. It's an unfamiliar vehicle in an unfamiliar area with unfamiliar terrain. It's got a touchy gas pedal, woozy suspension, and is heavy and hard to stop. One false move and I can just picture it rolling down an embankment or pitching forward off an unguarded ledge, tools and equipment flying all over the place.

 

Sometimes, I hate my imagination.

 

Anyway, I am used to my own car, which responds a certain way. I cannot permit myself to be that way with this truck. I just worry that I will unconsciously lapse back into familiar habits and get myself hurt or killed.

 

The second potential hazard is the conditions surrounding the streams that we are surveying. It takes a lot of muscle to make it up and down some of those slopes. There's never a rock or a tree when you need one. The stream beds tend to be slippery with loose rocks. I actually fell over in one of the streams. I thought it was kind of fun, but my coworker looked panicked.

 

Our crew chief told us that some people believed that you can drown in waders if you fall over in them. He assured them that this was not true, but maybe my coworker thought it was? Well, I didn't drown. But later, when my boss came back, I told him that I fell over, that my waders filled with water and I was sucked down the stream and drowned. I thought it was a funny joke. At the time. Now it seems a little scary, even though I made it through my little fall absolutely unscathed.

 

ANYWAY, back to the fear: the slopes are often populated with loose rocks and boulders that can twist an ankle, sometimes sharp rip rap if there is a man made element. The vegetation is often impenetrable and must occasionally be hacked through with a machete. The worst part about the vegetation is the vines. These often run along the ground, hidden by overlying plants. They are very easy to trip over. I picture catching my foot under one of these while descending to a stream and tripping down the slope to smash face-first into a sharp rock.

 

Thanks a lot, imagination.

 

When I'm in the actual situation, handling the actual conditions, I don't feel so anxious. But when I'm idle, I ruminate.

 

I have a quota to make, so there is a tendency to rush. And when there's rushing, there are errors.

 

I just have to remember to SLOW DOWN and be careful.

Another thing that I fear is surveying the centerline of the roads. When the speed limit is 40 mph or higher, cars come at you fast. Add the twists and turns of a typical mountain road and the unfamiliarity of tourists...ugh.

 

Anyway, I texted the owner this morning and told him my concern about the work truck's brakes and the lack of safety cage. He said, "Yes, of course. We will have it checked today for sure.

 

Does he mean the brakes? The tool cage? Both? I don't know. But I'm glad he acknowledged.

 

Back to work tomorrow for a 10-day stretch.

Reading your updates, Jibralta.

 

Stay safe! Sounds amazing to be outdoors. I hope they update the truck a little.

oh wow. . . I just caught up.

things happen fast around here if you aren't paying attention

Good luck and stay safe

Not at all surprise you stayed unemployed for such a short time. They are lucky to have you.