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Thoughts, Rants, and Musings


Jibralta
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I like reading through forums like this because I think about relationships a lot. Sometimes other people's posts make me think about and understand my own experiences. I am constantly examining and re-examining myself. Writing helps me to do this. But I don't want to write my own thoughts all over someone else's thread. So, I am creating this thread for my internal dialog. Please feel free to contribute to the conversation if you are inclined! The interaction is helpful. And I like it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

When I was about 28, I started to date a man that I worked with. I knew he was kind of a scoundrel, but we got along very well and there was chemistry. Things between us started out very slowly. I was not comfortable with the situation, and pulled back a number of times, but he always managed to pull me back in. Finally, after about eight months, the thing we had going actually started to morph into a bona fide relationship.

 

Then he disappeared. He didn't answer my calls. He didn't show up for work for two weeks. I didn't know what to think. I was worried. I spoke to my boss about it and realized that she knew something. So, I told her everything. And then SHE told ME everything! Turns out his WIFE, who lived eight hours away, had a BABY!!!

 

So, I was pissed (but no longer worried). When he finally returned to work, I acted surprised just like everyone else. I never betrayed my boss. He and I had a couple of heated discussions after that, mainly about what an assh*le he was. Then one day he said to me, "I'm thinking of moving down there to my wife. If you tell me to go, I will." I said, "Go." And he did.

 

When his last day came, I said, "Let's talk after work." I wanted to say good bye to him. He was somebody that I liked as a person, even though for some reason he couldn't conduct himself like a decent human being. I wanted to say good bye to the person I liked.

 

Here is where I have to break the narrative and explain that, on this particular day, I was driving the sh*ttiest little Dodge Neon you've ever seen. My car was in the shop (another story), and this was the loaner that they gave me. The poor thing looked SAD. It was small, grey, dented, and sad. When the Guy-I-Previously-Dated saw that car he said, "Oh man, I saw that car before and I felt bad for whoever was driving it!!"

 

Ok, back to the story:

 

He and I drove to a nearby park and found a nice, quiet gazebo. I don't remember what we said to each other. What I do remember is that the sky clouded over and it poured rain. There was a terrible thunder and lightening storm, and he and I sat there, my back on his chest and his arms around me. Then the storm ended and the rain ended and we went our separate ways. Him in his fancy hot rod and me in my P.O.S Dodge Neon. And right as I pulled away, this song came on.

 

I didn't want to post this long story on the Music Lyrics that Wreck You thread. But this song kinda does it for me. Not because I miss the guy or anything, but because the timing was so perfect. It was just what I needed to hear at that moment. Like a gift.

 

The Rose

Bette Midler

 

Some say love, it is a river

that drowns the tender reed.

Some say love, it is a razor

that leaves your soul to bleed.

 

Some say love, it is a hunger

an endless aching need.

I say love, it is a flower

and you its only seed.

 

It's the heart afraid of breaking

that never learns to dance,

It's the dream afraid of waking,

that never takes the chance.

 

It's the one who won't be taken,

who cannot seem to give

and the soul afraid of dying,

that never learns to live.

 

When the night has been too lonely

and the road has been too long,

and you think that love is only

for the lucky and the strong.

 

Just remember in the winter,

far beneath the bitter snows

lies the seed

that with the sun's love

in the spring

becomes the rose

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I really like that you believe you learn from reading about/hearing about others' relationship experiences. Me too. Thinking about my relationships now is so different than when I was looking for the forever relationship but the thinking/absorbing doesn't stop for me, just changes in focus.

 

My son started asking about divorce the other night because I am friendly with the mom and the dad- divorced -of a new friend of his and he really doesn't know much about divorce (he is 8). I told him about his friend Z's situation including his dad's new wife, who we recently met and he said "Are you and Daddy ever going to get divided?" Wow. I loved that word "divided" that he came up with. He asked me to assure him that we never would and I did my very best to do that.

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I really like that you believe you learn from reading about/hearing about others' relationship experiences. Me too. Thinking about my relationships now is so different than when I was looking for the forever relationship but the thinking/absorbing doesn't stop for me, just changes in focus.

 

Yes, I feel the same way! I'm looking at the same issues, but from a slightly different perspective.

 

My son started asking about divorce the other night because I am friendly with the mom and the dad- divorced -of a new friend of his and he really doesn't know much about divorce (he is 8). I told him about his friend Z's situation including his dad's new wife, who we recently met and he said "Are you and Daddy ever going to get divided?" Wow. I loved that word "divided" that he came up with. He asked me to assure him that we never would and I did my very best to do that.

 

Yes, "divided" is really what it is!

 

I had a similar experience to your son when I was 5 or 6. I was standing on the front lawn of my friends' house when a car pulled up. A woman got out of the car, totally enraged, and stormed up to the father screaming at him. It was such a scene. Everybody stopped playing and even the neighbors across the street stopped what they were doing and stared. The little girl next to me whispered, "They're getting a divorce." Once I clarified that "divorce" meant a dividing of the parents, I immediately thought of my parents and how I didn't want that to happen to us.

 

I'm sure I asked my parents a bunch of questions about it when I got home. I used to hear them screaming at each other at night, and I knew that sometimes my father didn't come home at all. I had a reason to be worried. A memory that's still clear in my mind: Not long after the incident with my friends' parents, my mom and dad were both home and we were spending time on the back deck. I asked them, "Are you ever going to get divorced?" I'm sure they both reassured me that they wouldn't, but the looks on their faces said it all!

 

Their divorce started a couple years later. There was nothing I could do. The worst was happening and I had to accept it. Such is life.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I saw The Last Unicorn in the theater when I was a little kid. It was a little over my head, and the unicorn wasn't really drawn to my liking, but I loved it.

 

When I was 13, I finally found a copy of the book in a used book store. I read it and enjoyed it, but like the movie it was a little over my head.

 

Since then, I've reread the book a million times. It's become a great favorite of mine, and I think this modest, unusual cartoon movie really captured its beauty and meaning (despite some really terrible and unnecessary singing).

 

There were a couple of serious actors in the movie, including Jeff Bridges, Angela Lansbury, Mia Farrow, and Derek Jacobi.

 

This here is one of my favorite scenes, where the late great Christopher Lee speaks life into Peter Beagle's lovely prose. I loved him in this role. He was perfect.

 

[video=youtube;wrnd086ObDo] ]

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  • 1 month later...

Last week, some guy yelled to me, "I almost got hit by that car because he was checking you out in that skirt!!" He pointed towards an old man in a minivan. I laughed out loud at the craziness of the situation. I had completely zoned out as I waited to cross the street, but I had vaguely heard some commotion. I felt like I should tell off the guy who yelled to me, but he wasn't actually leering at me or hitting on me. He was just relaying information!

 

Today, I walked out of the bathroom at work and headed back towards my desk. But as soon as I took the first step in that direction, I remembered that I wanted to get my printout, which was in the other direction. So, thinking I was alone in the hallway, I spun around with some sort of flourish. I heard someone say, "Cute." I looked up and there was a guy standing about 20 feet in front of me, about to walk into the men's room. I couldn't believe that the word "cute" came out of someone's mouth, at work--in the land of law suits! So I was like, "What did you say?" He was like, "I said that was cute." I was like, "Oh. Yeah. Because I spun. Yeah. I made a mistake. Had to turn around." If I wore glasses, I would have pushed them up and punctuated my sentences with snorts and guffaws.

 

So, in closing, I felt sort of complimented by these happenings. And I didn't feel insulted, threatened, or objectified by them--although there was a place there in my mind for that. When I was younger, I had no patience for uncouth male attention and brandished my middle fingers and curse words freely. I think that as I get older, I don't get as much attention, and it's more respectful(?) when I do get it.

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A compliment could be perceived as something very enjoyable or something very irritating. It depends on the way you say it, the time and of course who says it.

 

 

 

By the way, skirts do create problems haha

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A compliment could be perceived as something very enjoyable or something very irritating. It depends on the way you say it, the time and of course who says it.

 

Very true.

 

As my friend would say `you must have your lamp light on'

 

Is that the same as headlights?

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Very true.

 

 

 

Is that the same as headlights?

lol. . not exactly. There was a great article once about how you carry yourself and the energy you put out.

After I read it I can tell when my lamp light was on. I can wear the same dress . . same everything, but when

my attitude is in check and in a good place. . then my lamp light is on and I attract more attention.

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Bridal showers and baby showers are, to me, a form of torture. God, I hate them.

 

I hate them too. Even when I truly love the person being celebrated. I didn't want either one and was offered. And they've become more elaborate, more trendy, more social media/pinterest related. I went to one where my mother and I traveled almost 2 hours to get there and it was a very fancy "tea" except that all they served were a few tiny sandwiches and desert. Many people traveled as far as we did. When we left and went back to the train station we devoured a pizza.

 

And now I read that people also have "gender reveal" parties. How many different ways can a person ask for a present?

 

I do like wedding receptions when I am close to the bride and/or groom.

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I hate them too. Even when I truly love the person being celebrated. I didn't want either one and was offered. And they've become more elaborate, more trendy, more social media/pinterest related. I went to one where my mother and I traveled almost 2 hours to get there and it was a very fancy "tea" except that all they served were a few tiny sandwiches and desert. Many people traveled as far as we did. When we left and went back to the train station we devoured a pizza.

 

And now I read that people also have "gender reveal" parties. How many different ways can a person ask for a present?

 

I do like wedding receptions when I am close to the bride and/or groom.

 

Oh, I miss the carefree days where weddings were potluck gatherings in a meadow, and showers were for rain or an alternate to baths.

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Oh, I miss the carefree days where weddings were potluck gatherings in a meadow, and showers were for rain or an alternate to baths.

 

LOL! I had a very small wedding reception (10 guests) at my inlaws home. It was magical and such a natural, relatively peaceful day.

 

I don't know the context but why not just not go?

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Oh, I miss the carefree days where weddings were potluck gatherings in a meadow, and showers were for rain or an alternate to baths.

 

Oh, how I wish it could be like this.

 

I do like wedding receptions when I am close to the bride and/or groom.

 

I don't mind wedding receptions. I get a decent meal, and I don't have to play insipid little games or watch someone open gifts for an hour.

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  • 2 weeks later...
  • 3 weeks later...

I was in a meeting today with this girl in my department. We don't work together a whole lot. I've made some effort to be friendly towards her because 1) we are in a very male-dominated field, and 2) I like to get along with the people that I work with. I've been pretty successful in this effort. We chit-chat here and there, carpool when the group is going out to lunch, etc.

 

But I was in this meeting with her today, and DAMN she is a pain in the ass! I don't know what it is with her. If you ask her if she's read something, she acts like you're accusing her of being lazy or avoiding responsibility. If you ask her to clarify something, she just repeats herself over and over, verbatim. It's really stressful. No wonder she works alone most of the time!!!

 

Actually, that reminds me of another meeting I had today. The consulting engineer acted like a huge diva and bogarted the entire meeting! Every single thing was a sticking point. Stupid things. The guy was soooo freaking cumbersome. I felt like I was being suffocated by the heaviness of his stupidity. And of course he acted like every word he spoke was a big revalation!! I couldn't understand how my boss was able to patiently go through everything with this guy again and again and again and again.

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In my old age (lol) I've learned to avoid expectations based on gender or parenting status as in -just because we're both moms, even of children the same age, doesn't mean we'll have a thing in common. Same for the gender thing . I get what you mean about male-dominated of course but I'd say take her off your potential buddy list ;-)

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I get what you mean about male-dominated of course but I'd say take her off your potential buddy list ;-)

 

Oh, no. She was never on it--or off of it, for that matter! We don't really have much in common. I just like to pave the way, so to speak.

 

She's just a harassed sort of person. I'd just forgotten because I rarely work with her. But she's always been kind of jumpy. I remember one time, when I first started working there, I'd sent her an email about something. When I ran into her an hour later, I said, "Did you see the email that I sent you?" And she started to launch into this "What do you mean? Do you think I don't check my emails?" thing. I was like, "No no no no! I just wanted to know if you'd seen it!!!" Some time later, she apologized to me for that. I don't know what her deal is. But if I have to work with it, then I have to work with it!

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  • 2 weeks later...

My mom is moving to Florida today. She's had a helluva time this summer. She put her house on the market at a high price, indifferent to whether it sold or not because she was in no rush to move. Well, it flew off the market at an even higher price than what she listed, and suddenly it was a mad dash for everyone to get their sht together. I still had a lot of stuff at her house, so I spent weekends throughout the spring and summer slowly picking through old crap and purging. I went at a leisurely pace at first, but then the closing date was suddenly upon us and towards the end I was just piling stuff into storage. I'm so glad that my boyfriend and I had forethought and upgraded to a larger storage space in March, when we first learned of my mom's plan. I'm also glad that I started the purging process immediately, and didn't wait until the very last minute because it would have been a MESS.

 

Anyway, my mom had to rush to find a new house, which meant she had to fly down to Florida and do a house-hunting marathon. After a few trials and tribulations, she did find a house that she liked. Closing on her former home was September 7. The plan was to then have a leisurely drive down to Florida, stay with my sister, close on the new house on September 11, and take her time moving in. Well, unfortunately for her, Hurricane Irma was also scheduled to arrive in northern Florida on the same day! So, she of course postponed the closing. But she's been in a state of limbo for the last week. Closing on the new house is still indeterminate, but she does have a place to stay in the meantime. Depending how everything goes, she may have to reschedule the delivery of her belongings.

 

Anyway, today I spent a couple of hours at the storage locker, going through just TONS of old files that I had. I felt really good, like I had all the time in the world. In fact, when I arrived at the storage place and realized that I'd forgotten my keyfob, I didn't have any panic/anxiety over wasted time. I actually felt very light and free and happily drove myself back home to get it. At first, I thought this pleasant, stress-free reaction was because I finally completed the A.R.E.s and no longer have that weight on my shoulders. But that was months ago, and this feeling felt almost new. I think it may actually be a release of sorts from the burden of my mother. I love her and I will miss her very much, but she can be a lot of work. She is in good hands with my sister, though. They are like two peas in a pod. And she's in a warm place with friendly people. My stepfather will be joining her soon, as well.

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