Relationship Complications

Hello,

This is my first time posting here, so forgive me if it is in the wrong place!

I met my boyfriend on an online dating site, and we have been seeing each other for just over six months. We have both said we love each other and met each other's family.

As I have gotten to know him, I have discovered he has depression and is an alcoholic. I've been as supportive as I can, and these are not issues I do not feel I can cope with, it's just to give some background.

Up until two weeks ago, we lived very locally to each other. He was then offered a job 150 miles away and after much soul searching, he decided to take it. His mother encouraged him (he was living at home and I think she just wanted him gone as it was her who orchestrated the new job).

He has never taken down his dating profile. I've now discovered that he has changed the location on his dating profile (it doesn't automatically change when you log in in a new area). I challenged him asking if he is still using the site, he said he was trying to delete his profile but he isn't the best when it comes to technology, even though he changed his location!

I am supposed to be travelling up to see him at the weekend, which I am happy to do, but not if I am being made a mug of. We hardly speak on the phone now. He is rubbish at texting. I did ask him last night if still wanted me to come to see him, he said of course he does, and asked me if I still wanted to go, which I said yes.

My head is all over the place. I don't know what to think. Seeing the change of location on the dating site has put me into a tailspin and I feel sick!

Thank you for reading, and thank you in advance for any comments.

xx

To be honest with you, it's pretty clear, he's active on the online dating site. Since he move far from you, he's probably keeping his options open.

Honestly, if I was you, I wouldn't even go to see him. I would actually send him a message on the online dating site. I would say, "hi, nice seeing you active on here, I see you have moved". Then I would have left it at that, he could explain if he wants to but this is a pretty clear picture. I probably would have been out of the relationship as well. I can not stand lairs! You gave him a chance to tell you the truth but he lied about it. Not good, red flag!

Thanks Juju. Yes, I have lots of red flags popping up.

I no longer have a profile on the site, I deleted it months ago, but I know you can search for members and see if they are online or not. Not easy to deal with when you are not face to face.

An alcoholic, and depression issues. He also can't make up his own mind and has his Mother controlling him. He is a liar and possibly cheating. But most definitely sounds like he is still going to be on the prowl. He also is now long distance which will be more money more travel.

One of these things alone is enough for someone to throw in the towel. This guy has many issues going on and he is going to end up hurting you badly from one of them.

Save yourself some pain and get out now while you can.

So he managed to put up a profile and use it sufficiently well to meet you and others, managed to change his location.....but gosh he is just not good with technology when it comes to cancelling his account - aren't you even a tiny bit insulted by that kind of bs????

Add to it alcoholic, depressed, mommy arranging his life and even she finally found a way to boot him out at long last.

Time for you to raise your standards by at least one inch and actually stop wasting your time on such a loser. When you date a loser like that, don't kid yourself even for a minute that you will rescue him and he will be all grateful and loyal to you. Quite the opposite. If you need to rescue, go to the pound - you will receive genuine gratitude from your new pet. Humans just don't work like that.

My BS alarm bells are ringing loudly about the location on dating site. He is straight up lying to you and moving on. Time for you to follow suit.

Sorry that it's that cut and dry but it sounds like it is. You also did say that you would struggle at coping with his alcohol and depression as well, so it's just as well you find someone else locally.

Let his helicopter mom be his carer.

He has the technological know how to change his location but not smart enough to delete it - bs

You had me at me being a depressed alcoholic.

It takes a strong foundation to be successful at a LDR.

He's not worth the drive.

Believe you deserve better

LDR's are difficult enough when both people are committed, healthy individuals. Quite apart from that, I would never, ever, recommend anyone perseveres with a relationship with an alcoholic. It's a progressive condition and will only get worse unless HE seeks help. That alone would be enough to end the relationship, but him still being active on the dating site really is the icing on the cake.

Alcoholics are not good at being on their own, especially during holiday periods, so it's not surprising that his dating profile is still active. If it was demonstrably an old one which doesn't apply any more then he wouldn't need to have changed the location - but he has. This tells you everything you need to know.

In your place, I'd give him a call saying that the relationship isn't working out for a number of reasons, and wish him luck - whoever he meets!

(Don't waste time or fuel driving up to see him. I'm sure you have much better things to do!)

He could have asked you how to cancel or delete his account. Ugh, you don't deserve such non-sense.

Sorry to hear this but there a lot of red flags here at only 6 mos in. Don't be a doormat, run.

He's an alcoholic you won't save him or fix him.

He has untreated depression you can love him back to health.

He is now long distance.

He is clearly still on dating sites and lying about it.

Unfortunately it sounds like he simply skipped town hoping this would die off.

he has depression and is an alcoholic.

He has never taken down his dating profile. I've now discovered that he has changed the location on his dating profile

I am supposed to be travelling up to see him at the weekend. We hardly speak on the phone now. He is rubbish at texting

Thank you to all for replying. I will go to see him tomorrow, not least to sort things out one way or another.

I know I cannot save him from depression or being an alcoholic (he has accepted he has a problem). But the lies about the dating profile are what hurts, so I need to confront him face to face, even it if it just for closure.